As we entered the mall entrance, I quickly forgot about our dinner and began to worry about running into some of my friends. As we walked mom was all excited about finding me the perfect dress. I wanted to die right there but before I could Mom pulled me into the first of many girl’s clothing stores. I was in constant fear that I would run into one of the girls from school as mom and I went from rack to rack. I wasn’t too worried about running into any of the guys since they would never be caught alive in a girl’s store. After selecting four or five dresses, mom informed me it was time to try them on. I almost fainted as she led me towards the ladies dressing room. The room was one large area with some benches and a few private stalls at the one end. Those private rooms were all taken so Mom put the dresses and her purse on the bench and told me to take off my skirt and top. Much to my relief there were no teenage girls in the room, at least I didn’t see any in the open area. There were only some women and a few younger girls, maybe eight or nine years old. I breathed a sigh of relief until I realized that I would now be standing in this room in my underwear trying on dresses. Somehow I managed to get through that trial but as soon as we left the dressing room, I told mom I had to go to the bathroom. My nerves were shot and I guess that made me need to pee really bad. Mom informed me that the ladies room was right around the corner, so we could go there now. Even though I was wearing girl’s clothing, I never thought about the fact that she would take me into the ladies room.

“As this is your first time going in a ladies room you must sit down when you pee or you draw unwanted attention to yourself. Remember, girls don’t stand and we use toilet tissue to wipe ourselves when we are finished. And when you’re done, wash your hands.” I still remember how embarrassed I was sitting down to pee like a silly girl. As I sat there I could see my panties and pantyhose around my knees. So within the first half-hour of our shopping trip, I had tried on five dresses, two of which mom bought and had my first visit to a ladies room.

We continued shopping for another hour or so and I had acquired some girl’s shorts, a few tops, a pair of girl’s sneakers, a pair of open-toed heels, two pairs of sandals, one pair of sheer white pantyhose and the two new dresses. I thought the worse part of the entire trip was when mom took me into the sleepwear section to pick out a pale yellow baby doll nightie to wear to bed. Up to now I was still allowed to sleep in my old boys pajamas. However, the worst part was when we stopped and got my ears pierced. Mom said it was an early birthday present.

When we got back to the car I really began to believe that she planned to do what she said and that I would be wearing one of those dresses and those stupid white pantyhose at dinner on Saturday! Even worse I knew mom would have me dressing all summer now based on all the stuff she just bought. Mom said she was aware of my fear, but she had decided this is what’s best for me and I had little choice but to agree. I remember she told me she didn’t want me to end up like my father, a mean-spirited, tough guy, who was always in trouble.

That is not the life she had planned for her child.