It has been a week now since Sandra’s arrival and the amazing thing is there has not been one adult conversation between Sandra and Jason. Several times Jason has tried but Sandra always with great skill immediately gets it back on an adult child level. I think Jason has now given up and accepted that Aunty Sandra only sees him as a little boy. Within time he will come to accept her natural authority over him because in the world of the nursery, and our home is his nursery now, women rule.
August the 5th
By common agreement, Sandra has not been involved in Jason’s nappy changes at all.
Jason is still very ashamed and resistant about anyone but me doing this. I can only assume that he has attached to this act some sort of male pride which while not logical, (but as Sandra says when was male pride ever logical)is never the less very real. We both talk to him and treat him like a little boy. He is dressed like one and he plays like one, but fundamentally he still views himself as an adult who is pretending that he is a little boy, rather than as we do, a little boy who is allowed to pretend that he is an adult when at work or when others are around. His sense of adult sexuality, compromised as it is, still hangs on with some resilience. I predict however when he finally allows Aunty Sandra to change him, another inner wall of his defenses will be breached and the image of himself as an adult who is just pretending that he is a baby will have become more indefensible in his own mind.
August the 6th
Have invited Sandra to stay on for another couple of weeks to help with Jason’s training. She readily accepted and said she hasn’t had so much fun in years. She says she is thinking seriously about getting her own man to turn into a baby when she returns home and has a number of candidates in mind. For my part, I am really enjoying her company and will be sorry when she goes.
July The 25th
I once read that what we wear tells us where we are going even before we consciously know the destination. Well, Jason’s destination is to be my little boy, it’s back to the nursery for him and it is important that his clothes support that journey. The nappy, which I make sure he is wearing whenever he’s in my presence, is a powerful reminder to him of his status in my eyes, and a wet nappy of his state of dependence on me. Every morning when he leaves me to go to work dressed in his grown-up clothes, they conceal his inner secret. Every time he moves he is made conscious of that secret hidden beneath his clothes.
Today after work I took Jason down to the mall to get him some much-needed little clothes and I wanted him to be part of choosing them. We first went to a specialist sewing shop where they had a large section of cloth figures that you could glue or sew onto clothes. They had a particularly delightful nursery motif section. Jason chose three pictures. One of a toddler sitting on the floor dressed just in a nappy playing with some ABC blocks, the next was a fun one of a teddy on a swing, and the third was of a head shot of a little one snuggling up to Mummy. We then bought three white tee shirts to sew the pictures on. Next, we went to a men’s shop and I bought him two-track pants large enough to go over his cloth nappies and plastics. I also bought six white underpants to replace his mostly colored ones. These are for him to change into at work mid-morning when he changes out of his wet nappy. Jason wanted color ones but I insisted on white, that way I can more easily monitor if my little one has had any little accidents when I change him back into his nappy when he gets home in the evening. Lastly, we went to a department store and bought him a plastic bowl with Bambi on it, a plate with Peter Pan, and a feeder cup with Tinker Bell on it. He loved them! My final purchase was the most gorgeous nappy bag I have ever seen. It had a white background with pictures all over it of cutest looking toddlers playing with trains, trucks, airplanes, blocks, teddies, etc. It was a nice big size with separate pockets for wet and dry nappies, babies bottle, num num, baby wipes etc. just perfect for our trip tomorrow to pick up Sandra from the airport.
