Eventually, and very sheepishly, I returned downstairs. My dad and sister were watching The Simpsons and chuckled away. Dad cast me a pursed smile and asked if I was OK. In spite of the fact that I felt anything but OK, I nodded and focused my attention on the TV. Normally I’d be laughing along but here and now, the greatest cartoon of all time isn’t even making me chuckle. Eventually more gifts were handed out which sort of lightened the tense atmosphere. Everyone was acting normal, but it was forced. I tried my best to be normal but with this revelation hanging over me, I just can’t. I couldn’t comfortably look anyone in the eye, most notably my sister Hannah. I avoided her glances more than those from my parents. I sensed that she felt guilty. The smug grin she wore when I unwrapped my unwanted gift is long gone.
I only forgot about it when I unwrapped another, similar sized gift. “Awesome!” I gasped. A limited edition re-issue of Nirvana’s Nevermind on 225 gram vinyl with a collectors booklet and a making of DVD. This brings my fledgling vinyl LP collection to a total of five. After an hour or so, Hannah and I were briefly alone and my sister offered an apology. She told me that she was going to buy me something ‘nice’ and give it to me privately, but when she’d discovered that I’d once again borrowed without asking, she decided to embarrass me with it. “I know it was wrong and I really am sorry.” she said. “I was just so angry that you’d rather steal from me than ask.”
“Sorry.” I muttered before whining that ‘everyone’ knows.
“They knew anyway. I didn’t know they did. Did you?”
I shook my head and tried to fathom it all. Mum must have noticed some while back that various items were disappearing and reappearing, probably before my sister noticed. Mum told Dad but neither of them said anything, and nor did my sister. So all the time I’ve been worried about being found out, everyone knew anyway! I don’t know it that makes it more or less shameful. My sister’s voice dragged me from my thoughts. “Uh? What?” I asked.
“I said… would you have liked it if I had given you it privately?” she repeated.
I briefly visualised the items before replying. “Not really.”
“Are you saying that because you’re in a grump or because you mean it?” she asked. In hesitant, broken sentences, punctuated with nervous glances toward the sitting room door, I told her that it’s tights and strappy vests that I like wearing. I told her that I’ve never considered wearing stockings and have no need for a bra… but the colour’s OK. “It’s not really a bra.” Hannah claimed. “It’s a bralette.” she told me. “It’ll fit a flat chest quite nicely and those boys shorts seemed appropriate too.” she said. “I know the stockings and suspender belt is a bit daring but it was all part of the set… and stockings do feel nice.” she explained.