I wondered how long I could take talking to her before I was reduced to talking gibberish. Six months maybe? A month? I closed my eyes again and said, “The book, Gina! Tell me the name of the book!”
“Oh, It’s Doctor Spock’s book. You know, the one called ‘Baby and Child Care’,” she answered.
I looked incredulous and said, “Do you mean to tell me that the hospital instructions said to get a BABY book to give you instructions on how to take care of me?”
“Yes,” she answered simply.
“I want to see those instructions, right now!”, I demanded.
“Okay,” Gina agreed cheerfully.
She left the kitchen for a few minutes and came back with several sheets in hand. She handed them to me and waited patiently until I read them. The top sheet was about me and said that I was incontinent and would need to be toilet trained again. There were other references to my lack of teeth and the need to give me soft, puréed foods. Another dietary recommendation was to be sure to give me plenty of liquids and make sure I either drank milk or had a calcium supplement to prevent bone loss. There was even a reference to my loss of locomotor skills and how I would need to have rails on the bed and be assisted when I walked. I didn’t like what I read, but at least it was accurate. I wondered were she was getting the other advice.
When I turned to the next page I got my answer. The head nurse had fixed me, but good! They had included the standard page of advice for baby care from the Pediatric Unit! No wonder she had bought all the baby furniture! I looked at the bottom of the page and I saw a line saying, “If you have any additional questions, the following books are strongly recommended for further reading.” Beneath that line the first book that was listed was Dr. Spock’s book. I scroaned in pain.
