I shut my bedroom door behind me,
removed my robe and looked down at myself.
It felt really nice sleeping in satin.
I drifted off to sleep gently stroking the fabric
when I woke, I felt like I’d not slept so well for weeks.
Part of me feels guilty for liking the nightie.
Being someone who’d never even considered cross-dressing before my sister coerced me,
I felt like I was betraying myself.
Especially when I opened my drawer and removed the white lace boy-shorts and matching crop top.
Even if it is just underwear worn beneath boy’s clothes…
I’ll still be dressed like a girl all day.
I remove my little nightdress and the matching night-knickers and lay them neatly on my bed before donning the underwear.
The elasticated lace hugs me snugly.
It looks and feels nothing at all like my usual underwear.
In fact, I never give my usual underwear a second thought whereas this I’m going to be thinking about all day long.
I fold my nightwear and place it under my pillow before selecting a pair of jeans and a T shirt,
then I spend a while just pottering in my room,
tidying,
straightening and sorting things
but really I’m just enjoying getting accustomed to how this underwear feels.
Eventually, I return downstairs and bashfully smile as my mother casts me a knowing glance.
“You OK?” she asked.
“Yeah.” I shyly reply.
Neither my mother nor sister mention my underwear but I know they know I’m wearing it.
I can tell by the way they look at me, glancing at my hips and chest with a knowing smile.
Much later, when Laura’s gone out clubbing,
Mum asks if I’ve had a nice day
casually I reply
“Yeah, it was all right.”
“Is your crop top a good fit?” she asked.
“Yeah I guess,” I said, feeling my cheeks redden.
I knew she’d have to mention my underwear sooner or later.
“Good.” Mum smiled.
“They actually came in a pack of three but I only snuck one set into your drawer so you didn’t feel overwhelmed,” she told me as my jaw dropped a little.
“There are some clean ones for tomorrow if you want to dip your toes in again.”
“Oh… er… thanks.” I gulped.
“You’re welcome.” she smiled.
“You’ve got pale blue and lilac,” she told me.
“I thought you’d prefer those to white, pink, and peach.”
“Erm… yeah.” I gulped.
“Have I gone too far?” she asked.
“I don’t know.” I frowned. “No.” I timidly said.
“Good.” she smiled.
“One set wouldn’t be enough,” she said.
A little flutter of butterflies erupted in my tummy.
“Have you got any plans for tomorrow?” she asked.
“Not really,” I said.
“I’ve got a bit of homework to do for Monday,” I told her.
“Well I was thinking…” she said.
Here we go, I thought.
“Laura could maybe have a rummage and find you something nice to wear…
she’s got so many hand-me-downs I’m sure there’d be something you might like.”
“You mean a dress?” I grimaced, biting my lip.
“Or a skirt and top, shorts maybe, or some pants or skinny jeans,” she suggested.
“You could do your hair again, and wear some make-up and I’ll make a special supper.”
“Oh I don’t know Mum…
I don’t want to rush into anything…
I was only dabbling when I dressed myself up last time.”
“Yet you put the photo on FaceBank so everyone could see the result.”
“As a joke though.” I gulped.
“Well, there’s many a true word said in jest,” Mum replied.
“And that picture really does speak a thousand words.”
I sighed and gulped.
There’s no point trying to dig myself out of this hole.
I’m in too deep already and it’s only getting deeper.
Today I’m wearing my own lacy underwear and tomorrow I’ll probably end up wearing a dress or something.
I took myself to bed earlier than usual and slept in my birthday suit.
At around 8.30 am,
Mum tapped on my bedroom door and popped her head in.
“I’m making bacon and eggs if you want some,” she told me,
before frowning and saying
“Oh… I thought you’d be wearing your nightie.”
“I’m not a girl Mum.” I moaned.
“I know you’re not but…” she paused and frowned smiled.
“Breakfast in ten minutes.”
I pulled on my bathrobe and got myself to the kitchen just as Mum was plating up bacon and scrambled eggs on toast.
After a late-night out clubbing, Laura looked like she’d been dragged through a hedge.
Mum made small talk, asking each of us what plans we had for the day.
“Nowt.” I shrugged.
Laura’s day was equally empty.
Mum said she was going to visit her mother,
our grandmother,
for an hour and asked if we wanted to come.
“Nah.” I replied.
Laura said she was too hungover.
Mum prompted me to go since I haven’t been for three weeks.
“She’ll just give me the third degree about my FaceBank picture though.” I sighed.
“And you’ll probably want me to wear one of Laura’s dresses,” I grumbled.
“Wearing a nice Sunday dress had crossed my mind Martin… but not for a trip to Gran’s.” Mum replied.
“But if you’re not going anywhere and you’ve nothing to do, why not?” she asked.
I shrugged and sighed.
“You seemed happy enough dipping your toes in yesterday.”
“But that doesn’t mean I’m ready to take the plunge today.” I replied.
“You took the plunge when you changed your FaceBank photo…
that was a fortnight ago.” Mum replied.
I’m beginning to wonder if coming clean about burning down the cricket pavilion would be more tolerable than this.
“OK…” I sighed.
“I’ll wear whatever you want.” I grumbled.
“Just don’t start asking me to visit Gran with you.”
“Calm down grumpy pants.” Mum retorted.
“No one’s forcing you… we’re just trying to be supportive.”
“I could do your make-up if you want?” Laura suggested.
“He’s perfectly capable of doing his own make-up,” Mum replied.
“Errr.” I croaked. “I might not want to wear any make-up.”
“I was just reminding your sister that you can do your own make-up…
you look lovely in your profile picture.” Mum replied.
“If anything you could teach her a thing or two.”
I glanced at Laura and gulped.
“He probably could.” my sister said.
“I loved what you did with your hair.”
“It wasn’t that good.” I replied.
“How did you do it?” Mum asked.
“I just put loads of gel in
then plaited it and left it to set.”
I said, pretending that I’d done what my really sister did.
“Then took out the plaits and it was curly.”
“And you learned that from a YouTube video?” Mum said. I nodded.
“Hmm,” Mum responded.
Having finished her bacon and eggs, Mum went for a shower and left us to clear the table and wash the dishes.
“So which dress do you want to wear?” my sister wryly asked.
“I don’t.” I grimaced.
“Well you’re going to have to sooner or later…
or come clean about why you really changed your profile picture,” she said.
“It’s no big deal really… it’s just a dress.”
“That’s easy for you to say.”
“But you enjoyed having a make-over and you did say that you fancied yourself.”
“I know but… you know what Mum’s like…
if I wear a dress today,
one thing will lead to another.”
“One thing already has led to another Marty,” Laura stated.
“Mum thinks you’re a closet cross-dresser and for all intents and purposes,
you are now,” she told me.
“Plus you’ve already said you will.” she reminded me.
“Yeah.” I sighed consigning myself to the fact that I didn’t really have a choice.
“If only I’d said that I’d changed my picture for a dare instead of a laugh,” I grumbled.
“I bet you’re really kicking yourself.” my sister grinned.
“It should be you I’m kicking.” I frowned, wishing I could somehow turn the clock back.
My sister smiled a triumphant smile.
We tidied the kitchen and washed & dried the breakfast dishes.
Laura asked if I was going to have a shower.
“Yeah, I guess,” I said.
“Mind if I go first?” she asked.
“Nah,” I replied. She asked if I wanted to choose something to wear myself or if I wanted her to choose.
“I don’t know… I’m trying not to think about it at all.”
“Well I’ve got something in mind… you can choose something else if you don’t like it.”
“I’m pretty sure I won’t like it.” I grumbled.
“Well you never know… you loved yourself last time.” she reminded me.
“Or is that what you’re afraid of?” she smiled.
“Will I have to shave my legs?”
“I was just thinking that.”
“Thinking what?” Mum asked as she entered the kitchen wearing a bathrobe, hair damp and dripping.
“Marty shaving his legs.” Laura quickly replied.
“And I was thinking that might be a step too far.” I added.
“I’ve got to consider doing PE.”
“True.” Mum said. “Maybe in the holidays ‘eh?”
“Yeah maybe.” I gulped.
“Are you going to let Laura find you something nice to wear?” Mum asked.
“Then you can show me how you apply your make-up.” she chirped
“Oh Mum… you’re being too pushy.” Laura stated.
“Gentle persuasion you said.” she glanced at me and smiled.
“Give us an hour and if Marty gets cold feet today, then that’s the way it is.” she said, l
ooking at me and asking
“OK?”
“OK.” I gulped.