Question

I’ve started doing positive things recently to look more feminine.

Grown my hair,

getting face lasered… all fairly subtle.

But I think I’ve opened Pandora’s box.

I’m getting obsessed now with how I could pretend to still be a ‘normal’ guy if I do more feminizing things.

I’ve lots of experience pretending to be a ‘normal’ guy.

But I’m thinking how easy would it be to pretend I’m not trans when required if Pandora box spews out in the future.

I’m actually caring less and less about what anyone thinks.

Except my wife, who is lovely and supportive…

but married a boy.

A) is this a reaction to being scared shitless of where I think this may be going?

B) I think all my questions are A). All my other questions are pretty irrelevant,

e.g. how could I go swimming as a boy with small breasts?

But in reality, if I had to give up swimming in pools in exchange for small breasts I’d do it in an instant.

 

Reply

I understand that you relate to being androgynous.

That’s a good default setting for anyone still exploring themselves and their life direction.

Androgyny works in its own right as an image and identity, not just as a halfway house toward something more full-femme.

So that comes with a lot of built-in leeways, regarding your main query.

As regards to others’ perceptions, well that’s somewhat uncontrollable

. Whatever anyone makes of anyone else, it is in the mind of the beholder.

Personally,

to bore you about myself,

I gave up trying to act “manly” in any way whatsoever,

as it didn’t wash with hard-case macho types, anyway.

Such types would never warm to me, anyway, as I’m way too femme for any pretense of being a geezer-bloke.

So being androgynous can at times be a bit polarising.

Those that support us, warm to us and make that instantly known.

Similarly, others who do not warm to anyone on a trans spectrum, are possibly instantly cold, or worse even.

Fortunately, unfriendly attitude, coldness, and the odd insolent mirth to my face is the worst I have ever suffered, so far.

However, it is in effect impossible to modulate their attitude and mindset.

There’s no point even trying, so we might as well just act ourselves and not try to be something or someone else, just to fit in their (prison) pigeon-hole box that they want us in.

So I don’t bother to put on any act, not just including, but especially, trying to appear a macho bloke.

Actually, in order to attract admirers and supporters, inevitably, one has to run the gauntlet of the detractors, yet not be phased by that.

Turning that on its head, the more my image and personality can potentially irritate any detractors, the more likely I will be on-target toward anyone who admires and supports them.

Finally, in all genuine experience, with no hyperbole, the admirers and supporters far and away outnumber any potential detractors.

I would guess about ten to one, even.

 

Reply

 

Much of it is about striking a balance between being what you want and being concerned about how others see you.

When we start our journey most of us are more worried about the reactions of others, hence the focus on ‘passing’ in one way or another.

Then gradually we find our way to a persona that we’re comfortable in, and become much less concerned about what anyone else thinks.

Reply

Reading between the lines, your run-through, how taking hormones will affect your life if you are not living full-time.

Well, there are people who do.

It may change your relationship with your wife even if she’s supportive, seeing changes will raise more questions for her.

Taking hormones doesn’t guarantee changes like breasts, you could remain undeveloped there.

But you are very likely to get a combination of typical feminisation.

As for swimming, you will have to play it by ear.

People do notice hormone changes and you may draw more attention going in “boy mode”…..

Especially when you have lovely curly hair.

 

Reply

I’m not bothered about breasts really.

Now I’ve stopped trying to be a boy I feel amazing in myself and so much stronger.

I guess the hair is the most ‘in your face” thing.

Now it’s getting longer I’m getting so much love from the people I admire myself, whereas in the past I fitted in great with the blokes in appearance but have little in common with them so was perpetually lonely.

I guess I’m already making a statement of my position by growing out my hair without disguising it with facial hair.

And it’s going really well – I love it.

I feel totally strong against the people who obviously aren’t on board and people who are have gone out of their way to tell me.

I don’t care about how femme I present to the world.

But I don’t really want to mess up my marriage.

I know my kids will love me one hundred percent though which is amazing.

They are my best friends and really don’t care.

I’m going to get some counseling to help me affirm where I want to go.

I need to do what works for my mental health and happiness.

But that’s scary when it could drive away from my soul mate

 

Reply

I’ve not been around for a bit due to personal stuff.

But your post very must strike a cord.

It’s very much what I’ve been going through for years now,

having a loving and supportive wife,

it’s been a long road with very big bumps along the way,

taking  h r t was a big thing,

but it is a gamble I’m not willing to take,

with the chance of losing my wife.

So I’m very much stuck in male mode.

But I have made changes to myself,

like having my face and bikini line lasered,nails done,

wearing feminine jewellery and for 20 years or so I’ve only ever worn female clothes,

jeans jumpers underwear and so on

 

Reply

I love being androgynous, but becoming more feminine every day!

I often get called miss or madam (which I love) and my partner laughed when the other day mail for “Martha” arrived.

I’ve been wearing mostly “womens” clothes for years…exclusively now for 5 years….I threw all my man clothes out a few years ago.

Live if too short. Live it as you want too.