The tailor pulled the tape measure a little tighter around my hips to squish the bulk of my nappy in, then she proceeded to measure my rise, my thighs, my calves, and my inside leg… and she wasn’t shy about getting the full length either. Once all my measurements had been taken, she confirmed with my aunt the general style and finer details, before revealing the total cost. I couldn’t help but gasp, but my Aunt assured me it was a good price for a tailored suit. I reluctantly paid a £36 deposit and was told it would be ready in two days.
As Aunt Katinka drives me back to her house, I stay silent and stare out of the window. Just like when I was a kid, she’s made me sit on the back seat of her car… and just like when I was a kid, she’s bullied me back into a nappy and belittled me in front of all and sundry. My aunt makes a loud sniffing noise. And another. I glance over and she says “Have you weed?”