It was the sound of Daniel’s laughter that had awoken Ella from her nightmare. Her eyes were damp with moisture and her nightshirt clung to her body from sweat. She pulled the thin blanket over her head and cried softly into her pillow in frustration. Why? Why was she still having nightmares? Had she really expected everything to just magically fix itself overnight just because she learned the truth?

Heather had sat her down late last night and shared the good news. It was all a big misunderstanding. He hadn’t been kissing her, or groping her. He had been trying to save her. It had all been an accident. She had passed out in the bath from exhaustion and had almost drowned. Her mom had been so sure of Ella’s demise she had taken her own life.

“You see, honey, your mother never left you. She never would have abandoned you while you were going through all that. She thought you were already gone.” Heather said. “Now that you know the truth you can finally get some closure. Nothing scary happened in the bathroom after all, well I shouldn’t say nothing scary. You almost drowned, and I bet that was terrifying for you, but nothing in there is going to hurt you. I bet now it will start getting easier for you.”

Was that really what happened? She thought of the feeling in her chest everytime she went in there. Doctors had kept telling her it was an anxiety attack, but was it her mind remembering? Is that the sensation she feels? Drowning? Yes, now that she thought about it, it did feel like she was drowning. Her lungs always ached and her chest burned as she struggled for air.

She felt kind of dumb now that she thought of it. It made sense. All this time she had been afraid of pooled water because she had almost drowned. The bathtub was full of water. The pool was full of water. The toilet bowl was full of water. It didn’t seem so scary now that she could pinpoint the problem.

So did that mean it would go away? Did it mean she could do it now? Could she just waltz into a bathroom now? Could she just keep reminding herself the bathtub was empty? And what about the toilet? Who drowns in a toilet? What were even the chances of that happening?

She let out a nervous gulp. She could go test her theory now. Her diaper was only a little wet, most likely from sweat. She had to pee, but she fought back the instinct to just go in the diaper.

Two weeks ago, Heather had made Ella a deal after discussing it with the therapist. Ella wasn’t ready to face her fears. Even Heather had to admit exposing her had only seemed to aggravate her symptoms. They would take a step back for now and put Ella in diapers, and in a month’s time, they would try again and see how she did. If they had to retrain her bladder, then so be it.

There were only two conditions. First was Heather’s number one rule. No poopy diapers under ANY circumstances. She either had to hold it until she got home and use the bucket, or face the restroom. The other condition was she cleaned and changed herself.

There had been one day, and one day only when Ella had tested rule number one. Looking back, even Ella had to admit she had been a brat that day. She was grumpy about being dragged from store to store so Danielle could get new clothes for school. There was nowhere for her to sit and It had felt like they had been in the mall for hours! They went to the Gap, then Target, then H&M, then back to the Gap. By the third trip to the Gap, because Danielle couldn’t make up her mind between a pair of shorts from them or a pair of capri’s from Urban Outfitter, Ella was pissed.

No matter how much she complained she was tired and wanted to go home Heather wouldn’t budge. Heather still insisted they’d be done in a minute (A fact she kept repeating every twenty minutes for the last two hours) Ella decided to take matters into her own hands. A half baked plan had formed in her head, and in a defiant and desperate attempt to go home, she had purposefully pooped herself. Heather knew it was no accident, Ella had made sure of that by straining.

Ella had gotten her wish. They had gone home. She had felt smug at first with her victory, despite her inner monologue screaming in disgust as she now had to sit in it for the duration of the car ride home. After being hosed off in the backyard and led back to her room, it was there that Ella realized she had made a terrible mistake. She had not expected an introduction to a certain white, hard plastic cooking spoon. Heather, it seemed, didn’t care if Cps found red welts on her behind that day.

“Why did you do it?” Heather had asked, once she had finished spanking any residual defiant feelings out of Ella. “You had one rule!’

In between sobs, she did her best to explain. It had taken a while, but Heather finally understood.

“If you needed to stop and rest that badly you should have told me!” Ella wanted to throw her hands up in frustration, but she had lost the will to fight. She HAD asked. And begged. And pleaded. She had done everything but held a large banner and danced in front of her.

Heather sighed when Ella turned away from her signaling the end of the conversation. “I’m sorry. Sometimes I forget you’re not normal.” Heather immediately cringed and tried to take it back, but the damage had been done. No amount of, “I didn’t mean it like that’s” could take it back and their relationship had taken another hit. Heather had only been referring to Ella’s stamina level, but it had come out the wrong way. With her back turned to her, Ella didn’t see the tears rolling down Heather’s face.

Ella wiped her face and stretched. That had been weeks ago, and in kid years, it was practically eons. They had never talked about it again, but Ella noticed Heather checking in on her more often when they were out of the house. She had even rented Ella a stroller when they had returned to the mall to finish shopping. It was kind of embarrassing at first, and it was a tight fit, but it was leagues better than walking until she felt like she would pass out.

One hour in and she had even fallen asleep, despite being partially buried in clothes.

Danielle laughed again and Ella poked her head out. Danielle was watching TikTok videos on her phone. Ella was only mildly jealous Danielle got the internet on her phone and she didn’t. She could text and make phone calls, but other than using it for typing words she couldn’t say, it was more of a paperweight. Heather usually held on to it for her when they went out since Ella’s pant size was too small for it to fit in her pocket without risking it falling out.

When Danielle noticed Ella was awake, she motioned for her to join her.

“Look look, I swear this is how mom wakes up in the mornings.”

Ella waddled over and watched the short clip. It was of a redheaded woman sitting up in bed. She yawned, and stretched before saying, “I’m gonna be a bitch today!” Ella chuckled along with Danielle. She sat on her bed and the two of them watched videos together. Ella usually enjoyed anything to do with cats and art, while Danielle liked silly dances. She had even managed to get Ella to dance with her on a few occasions for a video. Danielle wasn’t allowed to upload them, but she enjoyed making them. Even Ella had to admit she had had fun when they played with the face filters together.

“Mom has a surprise for you in the living room.” Danielle said. Ella raised an eyebrow, but Danielle would say no more. When Ella got up and headed for the door Danielle stopped her. “You can’t go out for another half-hour though, I’m supposed to keep you distracted until ten.”

Then why tell me?

“Because I can.” Danielle said with a grin.

Ella scowled. So much for her test of courage. Oh well, she thought as she re-joined Danielle. If she was going to wet her diaper afterall, her sister’s bed was as good a place as any. She laid down as close to Danielle as possible and rested her head on Danielle’s shoulder before smiling up at her.

“I don’t trust that look for a second.” Danielle eyed her suspiciously. Ella only smiled wider and let out a content sigh. It took her a second to realize what Ella was doing. “No! No! No! Get off my bed! Do that on your side of the room!” Ella decided to take it a step farther and pin Danielle down by sitting on her stomach. “Get off me! Get off me! EWW! It’s all warm!” Ella cackled while Danielle pushed her off.

Ella went back to her side of the room as Danielle shivered and hugged herself, clearly now traumatized. Ella laughed as she retrieved her changing supplies. She threw a towel on her bed and sat down before emptying her bladder for real this time. She hadn’t really peed on Danielle, but she was in no hurry to console her. Once she was finished, she untapped it and slid it out from under her.

“Why do you wear those now?” Danielle asked. Ella looked up to find Danielle watching her. “Doesn’t it feel gross?” Ella shook her head and cleaned herself up before taping on a new one.

The pull-ups were way worse, at least these don’t leak. She texted Danielle once she had finished everything. It was weird at first, but you get used to them pretty fast.

“I’ll take your word for it.”

She had actually been quite horrified when the school had told her to wear diapers, but she had been surprised to find the pros out weighed the cons. While less discreet than pull ups, she found them to be much more comfortable. She didn’t have to worry about them leaking either. She could sit at her desk all day and her butt would never get sore. She also found she had far less anxiety attacks during the day. Even Heather had commented she had seemed less uptight. Is this what normal people felt like when they didn’t have to worry about every time they had to pee?

She pulled her night shirt off and changed into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt as Danielle changed as well. She wondered what surprise Heather had for her. Her hopes weren’t really high. Her last few birthdays had been very uneventful. Despite her low expectations, she found herself checking the time every couple of seconds. By the time Heather called down the hall for them, Ella was pacing the floor.

Ella made her way down the hall, and peeked her head around the corner. She could hear voices talking in the kitchen. There were people here, but who? She slowly stepped out and took a step in their direction when a hand shot out and grabbed her shoulder.

“RAH!” yelled the male voice. Ella spun around and in the process, managed to trip over her own feet and fell on her butt with an audible, “poof”. When her heart finally stopped racing she looked up at the source of the noise. It took her a second to recognize him without his usual tan jumpsuit. Her eyes widened in shock. It was Pedro from the hospital! What in the world was he doing here?

“Did I scare you?” He laughed as he offered her a hand up. She nodded too stunned for words. “Still as quiet as ever, aren’t you?”

“Oh, you leave her alone!” Another voice said. No…way… She didn’t want to believe it in case she was wrong. She turned around, shock still evident on her face. “Happy birthday, honey.” Ella ran and threw her arms around Rose’s waist nearly knocking the coffee out of her hand. She laughed and thanked Heather who took the mug from her, before Rose bent down and hoisted Ella up in her arms. “Ohh! I missed you so much!”

“Me too!” Ella said, throwing her arms around Rose’s neck.

“There’s that sweet voice I’ve been hearing so much about!” Ella didn’t think her voice sounded very sweet. It still went in and out switching from high to low. Her classmates often referred to her as, “prepubescent.” She found it rather embarrassing and she still wrote her replies when she could get away with it. Right now though nothing mattered. She giggled as Rose spun her around.

“You’re getting so big! Heather, what have you been feeding this kid?”

“Oh you know, I mix a couple scoops of Miracle Grow in her food when she’s not looking.”

“You must be! I don’t remember her being so heavy! And look at all that hair!” Rose exclaimed. She waved a hand through Ella’s full head of curly black hair.

“Gee, I see how it is, Ella. You scream when you see me, but when you see her, you run into her arms.” Pedro said. “She’s the big bad scary nurse with all the needles. I’m the one who snuck you all that candy. I thought we had something special!”

“That’s what you get for being a gilipollas and scaring her.”

Pedro feigned hurt. “Can you believe her? Do you know what she just called me?”

Rose ignored him. “You remember my husband, Pedro?” Ella’s eyes widened. She looked from Rose, then to Pedro, then back to Rose.

“Since when?”

“Oh, since about 30 years ago.” Rose chuckled. Ella’s mouth fell open. She had no idea they were married.

When Rose set Ella down, she eagerly pulled her all around the house on a small tour. She

showed Rose her half of the bedroom, some pictures she had drawn, and introduced her to

Ribbit. When she showed her the front of the fridge in the kitchen, Rose let out a chuckle. It had been a running joke in the house when they saw how well Ella could draw. They had hung up a couple of sketches with magnets. One was from Ella, another from Danielle and one by Charlie, each with their name and age. Ella had made a realistic rendition of Ribbit’s face while Charlie and Danielle had made stick figures that kind of looked like cats…if you squinted hard enough.

“So when’s Leslie and …every one coming.” Danielle asked.

“They’re meeting us there.” Heather said.

“Cool! Ella’s going to love it.” Danielle said.

Ella looked from Danielle to Heather. “Love what?”

“It’s a surprise.” they both said in unison. She stared at them in confusion. She thought Rose was her surprise. What could top her?

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Ella stared wide eyed and open mouthed in amazement. She couldn’t believe such a place even existed, let alone she now possessed an all day pass for everything. There were video games, tunnels, trampolines, ball pits, slides, laser tag, go-carts, mini golf, a bowling alley, a blow up obstacle course. Her brain couldn’t even begin to comprehend everything there was she could do. Just when she thought it couldn’t get any better her eyes locked onto a familiar face. Kaylee.

“I think she’s in shock.” Danielle said.

“How?” Ella asked as Kaylee and what appeared to be her mom and older sister approached.

“I was right, she is Leslie’s sister.” Danielle said. “Since mom already knows her and her mom, it was easy to convince her your friend wasn’t some diabolical juvenile delinquent there to steal your innocence. She talked with her mom on the phone and they worked out the details.”

“Happy birthday!” Kaylee said grinning. “It was so hard to keep this from you yesterday! GOAT CHEESE!”

Ella’s face was already hurting from how much she was smiling today. Not only did she get a day to play in a place that looked like child heaven, but her best friend was here too! She ran and gave Heather a hug.

“Thank you!”

“You’re so welcome, now go have fun! I have your things here if you need them.”

The four of them took off without another look back.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

“Thanks again for inviting us!” Olivia said. “I can’t begin to tell you how much it means to me to see Kaylee getting invited to these types of things. I was so excited when I heard she had made a friend at school.”

Heather felt a pang of guilt. Her reaction had not been so pure.

Heather, Rose, Olivia, and Pedro sat on the bench reserved for their party.

“Hi, I’m Olivia, I’m Kaylee and Leslie’s mom.” She shook hands with Rose and Pedro.

“It’s nice to meet you. I’m Rose and this is my adult child husband Pedro who is currently drooling over the arcade.” Pedro snapped back into the conversation.

“I like shiny things.” Pedro admitted with a shrug. The others laughed.

“Fine, go.” Rose said with a roll of her eyes and a playful shove. He quickly bolted leaving the three women to talk. She turned her attention back to Olivia. “I am really happy as well Ella has made a friend.”

“Are you her grandparents?” Olivia asked and Rose laughed.

“No, my husband and I just retired from the hospital Ella had been staying in. I was her nurse for a couple years, and Pedro was an Environmental Specialist. We’re thinking of moving in the area.”

This was news to Heather. She bit her lip. Ella would be ecstatic. She had never seen her so happy or talkative as she had been when she saw Rose. Heather felt a pang in her chest as she thought about what Rose had said last night. They had been planning on taking her in. Rose had the training to care for Ella in ways Heather could not. Would she have been better off with Rose and Pedro? Rose and Ella seemed to have a bond which Heather feared she would never have. She loved Ella, but it seemed she was making the wrong move at every turn.

Rose had warned her of the difficulties of taking in a special needs child, but she had brushed her concerns off. She kept comparing her to a typical 11-year-old and Ella was the one paying for it. Now after hearing what had happened to Ella in her past, she knew she could never give her the kind of care Ella truly needed. She knew inside that if she truly loved Ella, she would have to let her go.

So last night, after they had learned the truth, they had sat down and talked it over. After the party and the excitement had died down they would ask her and let Ella choose. She could stay here and continue to be a part of their family, or she could go with Rose. She had been let down by so many people in her life, she didn’t want Ella to feel she had abandoned her too.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

When the group had made it back to the table for lunch, followed by cake and ice cream, Ella was exhausted. She had never in her life had so much fun. They had played tag in the tunnels, chased each other with laser guns, jousted, jumped on the trampolines, swung on a rope and landed in a pile of foam blocks.

Her only disappointment had been when they told her she was too short to drive a go cart. Kaylee had stayed behind with Ella while their sisters went on ahead and joked about what catastrophic thing might happen if Kaylee had gotten behind the wheel. Kaylee and Ella both mimicked large explosions with their hands and tallied a possible body count. They had both laughed hysterically when Danielle crashed through the plastic barricade and the whole race had to be stopped so they could fix the track.

After that they had gone on the bumper boats. Ella was thrilled when she got to drive one. It had taken a few moments to figure out how to steer it, and Kaylee laughed as they spun in circles in the water. They were both soaked by the time they got off after having fallen victim to Leslie and Danielle tag teaming them from both sides.

Now she laid out on the bench holding her stomach. She had eaten too much pizza and ice cream. Reality had come and given her a wake up call. Her tummy wasn’t used to so much junk food and now she desperately had to go. She was mad at herself. The fear was still there, she was still stuck in the same place. Learning the truth had done nothing. Tears slid from her eyes in frustration. She couldn’t think of a single way this could end well for her. She wasn’t ready to leave! She wouldn’t even make it home. She doubted she could even make it to the car. It had come on fast and strong like it had the day they had brought her home. She didn’t want her perfect day cut short and end with her getting spanked by a plastic spoon.

“What’s the matter, Ella?” Heather asked, bending over her. Rose was standing next to her too. Ella cringed and answered truthfully. She begged Heather not to punish her or take her home yet. Heather didn’t look pleased, but she didn’t seem angry.

“What’s wrong, Ella?” Rose asked.

“She has to go number two.” Heather said. “Usually that means I have to take her home since she won’t use the restroom.”

“Why?” Rose asked curiously. “Did you not bring any spares?” She bent down the waist of Ella’s shorts to see what she was wearing.

“There in the bag but…” Heather said. “We have a rule about no poopy diapers, if she wants to stay and play she has to be a big girl and use the restroom.” Without a word Rose picked up the bag before flinging it over her shoulder.

“C’mon, Ella, let’s go to the truck.” She pulled her up by the hand.

“I can’t make it home.” Ella whimpered.

“I’m not taking you home.” She lifted Ella up in her arms and whispered. “We can handle a little messy diaper, can’t we.” Rose said. Ella blushed and let herself be carried to the parking lot. She set Ella back down and Rose unlocked the bed of the truck. “Come lay down on the blanket when you’re done.”

Ella didn’t need to be told twice. She felt a rush of both relief and revulsion. When she felt her stomach had finally calmed down, she gingerly climbed in and laid down horizontally on the blanket near the edge. She felt grateful for the camper shell giving her a bit of privacy as Rose began gently stripping her down. It wasn’t very comfortable, but she didn’t care.

“Did she really still think this is a choice you make, despite everything you’ve been through?” Rose asked, more to herself than to Ella. “On your birthday even, just because she doesn’t want to clean you up.” Ella could tell Rose was mad, but her hands were as gentle as ever, and she never made disgusted noises like Heather did. “Your clothes are all wet, what have you been doing?” Rose asked, turning her attention to Ella.

Ella told her about the bumper boats and Rose laughed. “I’m glad you’re having so much fun.” Once she was clean, Rose taped a new diaper on and helped her into a dry change of pants. Ella sat on the bed of the truck and let her legs dangle and Rose joined her. “Do you feel better now?”

Ella nodded, but worried it would happen again. Rose seemed to read her mind. “Come get me if you need another change.” I remember a certain little girl’s stomach being relentless at times. Come here,” She lifted Ella into her arms and cradled her there. “I’ve missed you so much.” Rose whispered before she began to hum softly.

“I missed you too.” Ella closed her eyes and rested her head against Rose’s chest. She had missed this most of all. Rose had a way of making all of Ella’s anxiety melt away. “I don’t want you to go.”

“Come back with me.” Rose said. Ella shook her head. She didn’t want to go back to the hospital! Rose sighed.

“I meant back inside.” Rose lied. “Your friends must be missing you.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Ella thought she could die happy. This had been the best birthday ever. They had gotten back home a little after 8 p.m. and she was exhausted. When Rose had sat down on the couch, Ella had eagerly climbed into her lap and had nearly fallen asleep the moment her head hit Rose’s chest.

Now they were shaking her awake. She moaned in protest, she didn’t want Rose to go!

“Ella, we need to talk, this is important.” Heather said.

Ella clung on to Rose tighter. She wondered if she was in trouble for breaking the most important rule. Twice. Lunch really hadn’t agreed with her.

“You’re not in trouble.” Rose whispered and Ella relaxed her grip. “We just wanna talk.”

“Do you like living here?” Heather asked after a moment of silence.

Ella nodded, feeling confused. She suddenly remembered what Rose had asked her and began to cry. They were sending her back to the hospital! She buried her face in Rose’s chest and sobbed.

“Tell us what you’re thinking.” Rose said. She rubbed Ella’s back, but the girl refused to turn around.

“You. Want. To. Get. Rid. Of. Me.” Ella managed to choke out.

“No, Ella, I want you here, but most importantly, I want what’s best for you. Do you understand? I might not be what you need right now.” Heather admitted. “I don’t have the…experience to give you the kind of one on one care you deserve. This is entirely up to you. If you want to stay here you are welcome to. You’ll always have a place here. We love you, but it’s because we love you that we’re asking you. Do you want to stay here with us, or do you want to go back with Rose?”

How could they ask her if she wanted to go back? What about school? What about Kaylee? And Danielle? And Ribbit?

“No hos-hosp!” She couldn’t get the word out! Suddenly she felt Rose’s arms squeeze her tight.

“No, honey. When I asked you if you wanted to come back with me, I didn’t mean come back to the hospital.” Rose said. Ella looked up at her. Then what had she meant? “Pedro and I would like to know if you’d like to come be part of our family?” Ella’s eyes went wide. She studied each of their faces carefully. Were they serious?

“You don’t have to give us an answer tonight.” Heather said.

“We’ve talked it over. We don’t want to uproot you from the friends you’ve already made and make you start all over again. We found a house in the area we’re interested in, so if you wanted to stay close by and keep going to the same school, you can.”

“And you can come visit us anytime.” Heather threw in. “This isn’t good-bye.”

Ella looked back up at Rose. Were they really serious?

“I don’t want to lose you again.” Rose whispered so only she could hear. “I’ll never replace your biological mom, Ella, but I don’t want us to be nurse and patient anymore, I want us to be mother and daughter. I love you, diapered butt and all.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

							10 Years Later

“Look who’s finally old enough to drink!” Danielle cheered, lifting up her wine glass in the air. “The baby of the group is finally legal!”

“Like being underage ever stopped her before,”Kaylee said.

Ella snickered, taking a sip from her margarita. “Uh, you didn’t hear that, mom.” Ella said.

“La la la la la.” Rose said, covering her ears.

“Luckily, we had such nice older sisters who snuck us beer.” Kaylee said.

“La la la la la.”

“Shh, guys. You’re giving my mom the wrong impression.” Ella said. “She thinks I’m a good girl.” she whispered.

“Ha! I knew you were trouble the moment you took off streaking down the hospital corridor.” Rose said. Danielle choked on her wine.

“Eat Shit!” Kaylee yelled, before barking.

“No one’s going to take our orders if you keep telling everyone to eat shit who passes by us.” Leslie said.

“Oh, remember that time she threw a taco across that mexican restaurant, and it hit that dude in the face.” Danielle said. “He had guacamole and sour cream all over his cheek.” The group laughed.

“So have you guys set a date yet?” Ella asked. “You’ve been engaged since you finished high school.”

“We’re waiting until I graduate college.” Kaylee said, wrapping her arms around the man sitting next to her. “Right, Brian?” Ella groaned as they kissed. “Don’t be jealous, Ella.”

“I still can’t believe you two of all people ended up together. You guys hated each other when we were kids.”

“What? I don’t remember that?” Kaylee said.

“How could I ever hate you?” Brian asked. They kissed again. Ella made retching noises.

“Keep that up and you lose your spot as my Maid of Honor.” Kaylee threatened. Ella just laughed.

“What? I’m your sister! I should be your Maid of Honor.” Leslie said.

“And she’s my best friend.”

“Ella, is it true your thinking of applying to Dartmouth?” Danielle asked.

“Thinking about it, I’m not sure yet. I can’t decide if I want to just stick with my B.a. when I graduate or go for my masters. The thought of taking on any more student loan debt is like ehh.” She pulled an imaginary noose around her neck.

“Why Dartmouth though? In-state universities are so much cheaper.”

“I don’t know, it’s just a thought. Something about that school has always stuck with me. Must be something from when I was a kid.”

“Ella, come with me! I have to go to the bathroom!” Kaylee said, prying herself away from Brian.

“Huh, oh sure,” she said. She stood up a little too fast and stumbled over her feet.

“You’re such a lightweight,” Kaylee teased. “Do I need to carry you there?”

“Careful! She bites!” Rose called out. Heather and Rose both snickered.

Ella sat on the toilet and pulled her phone out flicking through all the “Happy Birthdays!” on facebook while Kaylee talked about work from the next stall over. There was a notification about a new episode from her favorite true crime podcast having been released. She’d listen to that tonight when she got home. She had been looking forward to it all week. The host had hinted it was one of those bizarre cases and those were Ella’s favorite. She loved the weird ones.

As she was washing her hands in the sink she stared at her reflection. She still looked young for her age. She could tell the waitress had a hard time believing her ID was real. She was short at a mere 5’1. Kaylee’s 5’7 reflection towered over her. Most everyone towered over her.

She took in the bathroom as Kaylee dried her hands. Wasn’t there a time she had been scared of them? Why was that? She couldn’t really remember. Wasn’t it something to do with water? She remembered the reason, but it didn’t really make sense to her. Looking back it seemed silly.

“Was I really scared of bathrooms?” Ella asked Kaylee as they were headed back to the table.

“Oh gosh, I forgot about that. Yeah, don’t you remember how we met? You peed on the rug in front of me your first day.”

“I did not!” Ella said. “Oh, god, I did. I remember!” She buried her face in her hands.

“Remember what?” Brian asked.

“Ella’s first day at school when she peed on the rug.”

Brian chuckled. “Oh yeah! I remember that.”

“Oh so that you remember.” Ella groaned, shaking her head.

“Oh! Are we roasting Ella for her birthday? I want in!” Danielle said. “There was that time when she lived with us and she pooped in the litterbox and tried to pass it off on the cat! Mom freaked out and took our cat to the emergency vet, along with the poop. $250 later and we learned there was no way that came from a cat.”

The group roared with laughter and Ella continuously banged her head against the table.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

“Did you have fun tonight?” Rose asked as Ella collapsed on the couch.

“Yeah, thanks for dinner, mom. It was nice to get to see everyone again. It’s been awhile since everyone’s been in town.” She gave her a hug before getting up. “I think i’m going to go to bed early tonight. I’m tired.”

“Okay, goodnight sweetie. I love you.”

“I love you too, mom.”

Ella kicked her shoes off, shimmied out of her jeans, and stretched out on her bed. She scrolled through facebook for a few minutes, before clicking on the new podcast episode and hit play. She set her phone down on the nightstand, closed her eyes and listened.

“Now this week’s episode is a little controversial. It contains crimes against children, so if that makes you uncomfortable you might want to skip it.” The female host warned. “Now if you’re still tuned in, do I have a story for you.’

“Thirteen years ago, police were called to an apartment building by a man claiming to be a concerned neighbor. He said he heard, what to him, sounded like a gunshot and would they please come and do a welfare check.

When Police get there, they are shocked at what they find. A woman is lying dead in the master bedroom from what appears to be a self inflicted gunshot wound. So they continue their search of the house, when suddenly one of the cops yells from the bathroom. There on the floor is what appears to be the body of a small child, but after a quick check they discover to their amazement, she has a pulse. They quickly call in an ambulance and rush her to the hospital, only for doctors and hospital staff to know exactly who she is.”

“So her name was never released to the public, so for the sake of the story, let’s just call her Kelly. Now Kelly was a very sick little girl. She was constantly in and out of the hospital, was severely underweight, and to top off everything, had terminal cancer. That’s why police were so shocked when they found a pulse. By all accounts she looked dead.

When Kelly finally wakes up, doctors are stumped. She can’t remember a thing, and more bizarrely, she can’t talk. From what I’ve gathered this was a really friendly, talkative little girl even despite her circumstances. So after discussing how she was found with police, doctors thought given her severely weakened state, it was perfectly plausible she had accidentally fallen and hit her head.

Police quickly shut the case and rule her mothers death a suicide. Police figure she had walked in the bathroom, found her daughter unconscious in the bathroom and thought her dead, just as police had. In her grief, she had taken her own life. The gun had been found lying next to her after all. Pretty open and shut case, right? Well that’s where you’d be wrong.

Now this is where this case takes a sudden twist. It’s not until two years later that police get a phone call from a school for kids with special needs. It’s a school a six hour drive away, and one of the teachers begins to talk about one of her students. The student in question is Kelly and she’s starting to remember bits and pieces of that night, and what she has to tell police will throw everything they thought they knew about her mother’s death right out the window.

So Kelly tells them she remembers a man being there that night, and even stranger, that it was the same man the school caught on surveillance that very morning leaving a very expensive gift, for none other than Kelly.

Kelly identifies the man as Stanley Vertamin, a previous sports coach she had before she had gotten ill. Police quickly track down Stanley in town and bring him in for questioning, and there he admits everything.

According to Stanley, he first met Diane Marsh nearly 12 years previously in Las Vegas. They get to talking, and he invites her up to his room, and she agrees. He says they have consensual sex and she leaves. They have a one night stand and neither of them ever expects to run into each other again, but little did they know they would cross paths nine years later in a completely different state.

Stanley Vertamin is now working as a kids soccer coach and he notices one girl in particular looks stunningly like his daughter. They have the same build, the same eyes, the same black hair. When he sees who comes and picks her up the truth hits him like a ton of bricks. He recognizes her immediately as the woman he had had an affair with all those years ago and quickly does the math. The girl looks like his daughter, because she was his daughter as well.

Stanley approaches Diane and she admits that yes, she had gotten pregnant after their affair. She tells him though not to worry, she wasn’t coming after him for child support, and meeting him here had only been a fluke. She tells him basically just go on with your life, pretend this didn’t happen, and just treat her like any other kids on the team. Stanley quickly realizes he can’t do that. He finds himself giving Kelly extra pointers and keeping more of an eye on her than anyone else on the team.

It’s while he’s been watching her that he begins to notice a drastic change come over her. Instead of her usual energetic and bubbly personality, she seems to always be tired. She has this overall unhealthy look about her and she always seems to be covered in these big nasty bruises. In Stanley’s mind, he immediately thinks the worst. He suspects Diane has been abusing Kelly, and he needs to step in and stop it. He confronts Diane after practice one day and Diane is pissed. She immediately pulls Kelly off the team and tells her she has to stay away from him.

Things begin to take a turn for the worst and she begins to notice a change in Kelly too. At first she thought the bruises were from playing sports. You know, she’s a kid and kids fall and get hurt all the time, but even after Kelly stops playing soccer, all she wants to do is sleep. Diane knows something is up now and takes Kelly to the doctor. She starts to think Kelly has mono, or she’s anemic, or something minor along those lines. What she was not expecting was to be told Kelly has leukemia.

When rumors of Kelly’s condition reaches Stanley, he immediately gets in touch with Diane to apologize and he rounds up the whole team to come visit Kelly in the hospital. They all sign a big, giant get well card and bring her flowers and such. It’s then that Stanley notices Diane looks awful. She’s clearly stressed, she’s lost weight, she looks exhausted. He keeps asking her how she’s doing, but Diane just puts on a brave face and says they’re managing.

It didn’t take long at all before Diane had completely gone through her savings to pay for Kelly’s treatments, and the bills just kept piling up. She had had to quit her job in order to take care of Kelly, and It had gotten to the point where Diane was having to make choices about what bills she paid. Did she make the car payment or did she pay rent?

Then came the worst news imaginable that no parent wants to hear. Kelly’s treatments were not working. It was starting to look like there was nothing more they could do. This round of chemo was about to finish up in a couple weeks, and doctors were telling her that once it finished, she should probably just keep Kelly home and try to make her as comfortable as possible. At the rate her cancer is spreading, doctors give her an estimated six months left to live. Diane is understandably crushed. She’s a single mom desperately trying to hold it all together for her daughter.

A few more weeks go by and Stanley says this is where she runs into Diane and Kelly again. He notices their car run right through a red light and he follows them home to make sure everything’s okay. He gets out of the car and knocks on the drivers side window. That’s when he notices Diane is just sitting there spacing out of the window. She’s not responding to him at all, so he opens the door and is startled to find Diane just sitting in a pool of urine just staring at nothing. He debates calling 9-1-1 but Diane kind of snaps out of it a little. She’s still clearly not ok according to Stanley, but she is making eye contact and talking.

Relieved, he helps her inside only to find their apartment is an absolute disaster. It looks like no one’s cleaned in months. He puts both Diane and Kelly to bed, and does what he can to try and tidy up a bit. He picks up all the trash, does the dishes, vacuums. It’s not great, but it was certainly better than how he found it. While he was picking up, that’s when he noticed all the past due notices for just about everything, and worse an eviction notice for two weeks from then.

That’s when Diane comes back out. She looks a lot better than before and whatever had happened, she seems to have snapped out of it. She is surprised to find him in her living room. So he tells her what happened and how she was acting strange. She’s shocked. She didn’t remember any of that. Stanley insists Diane go to the hospital and get checked out, but she refuses. She keeps insisting she’s fine and admits she’s been under a ton of stress. She hasn’t been sleeping because she’s been up most nights with Kelly when she gets sick.

He makes a deal with her. He promises to spend the night on the couch and look after Kelly so Diane can get some sleep. In return if he doesn’t feel she’s at tip top shape she has to go to the doctor. Diane agrees and thinks maybe she just needs a good night sleep after all. She feels totally fine. He orders them all dinner, and by 7pm Kelly says she’s going to bed. By 9 p.m. Diane says she’s going to. She brings Stanley a blanket and pillow and thanks him for all the help. He lays down on the couch and falls asleep.

When he awakens around 11pm, he hears strange noises coming from the bathroom. He figures that must be Kelly getting sick and rushes over to help. Instead, what he finds makes him absolutely freeze in his tracks.

The weird sound wasn’t Kelly getting sick. The sound was Diane holding Kelly underneath the water while she repeated over and over “Let mommy make it all better.”

Kelly is fighting and thrashing in the bath and the sound of splashing water seems to snap Stanley out of his shock. He rushes to Diane and tries to pull her away from Kelly, but she is completely fixated on drowning her daughter. It takes all his strength but he finally wrestles Diane away, only to find Diane once again in a complete trance like before. That’s when he notices what’s in Diane’s hand. A gun.

At this point Stanley realizes Diane has completely snapped. There is no waking her up from this. She just keeps repeating, “Let mommy make it all better.” She has gone into a completely dissociative state and Stanley realizes it’s her or them. He charges Diane and manages to push her back into the bedroom where she drops the gun. He picks it up and sure enough Diane keeps ignoring him and going after Kelly. If he wants to save Kelly he has to act now, and that’s when he pulls the trigger.

He drops the gun and runs to Kelly. He finds her floating facedown in the water motionless and he’s terrified he’s too late. He pulls her out of the bathtub and onto the floor where he begins chest compressions. Just when he’s about to give up hope, she begins coughing up water. He does his best to reassure her, but she goes unconscious. Satisfied she’s breathing at least, he goes to check on Diane and that’s when he realizes what he did. He finds her bleeding from a shot to the side of the head and begins to panic. She’s clearly dead and he knows it doesn’t look good for him. So he wipes the prints off the gun and sticks it by Diane. He checks on Kelly one more time before calling 9-1-1 pretending to be a concerned neighbor and takes off.

Stanley is at first charged with one count of first degree homicide, one count of felony tampering with a crime scene and one count of felony child endangerment. Later the charges of first degree homicide are reduced to manslaughter and Stanley pleads guilty in order to avoid dragging Kelly through the stress of testifying at trial. He was sentenced to 15-25 years in prison, but three years into his sentence he was killed by a fellow inmate during a fight.

Some people see Stanley as a father who did what needed to be done in order to save his daughter’s life. Others see Stanley as full of shit. Some people theorize that when Diane was desperate for money, she threatened to tell his wife about Kelly, and he snapped.

Unfortunately, we only have Stanley’s version of events and whether true or not, he is facing his just rewards in the afterlife.

So what do you think happened?”

Ella turned off her phone and sat there motionless for quite some time.

Let mommy make it all better.

“No! That couldn’t be what happened!” but she knew it was true. She had never told anyone those words before. She numbly stood up and went out to the living room.

Why?

“Hey, I thought you said you were going to bed.” Rose said. One look at Ella’s face and she knew something was very wrong. She stood up and went to her side. “Ella, what’s the matter? Talk to me.”

“You lied to me.” Ella said.

Rose sighed and led Ella to the couch. There was no point in playing dumb. Rose knew she’d learn the truth eventually.

“Yes, we lied.” Rose said as she held Ella’s hand in hers.

“Why?” the numbness and shock were beginning to wear off and the truth was starting to set in.

“Ella, you were ten years old. You were traumatized! You didn’t need to know! You couldn’t handle knowing the truth. You couldn’t set foot near a bathroom without having a panic attack until you were nearly 13!”

“Have you known this whole time?”

“We first heard his story the night before your eleventh birthday. Do you remember?”

Ella did. It was her favorite memory. She had felt wanted for the first time.

“Is it true?”

“Only you can tell us that.”

Let mommy make it all better.

“It’s true.”

Ella fell to the floor and began to sob harder than she had in years. She was vaguely aware of Rose kneeling down next to her and rocking her in her arms.

“Why did she?”

“Your mother loved you, Ella. I don’t know what happened towards the end, maybe watching you suffer was just too much. Maybe she thought ending your pain was a kinder fate.”

Let mommy make it all better.

“But the cancer didn’t kill me, she would have ended my life for nothing.”

“But she didn’t, because you are the strongest and bravest person I have ever known, and I have a wonderful daughter now as a result. Pedro would be so proud to see the woman you’ve grown up to be.” She looked longingly at the ceramic urn on the mantle.

Ella wiped her face on her arms. They were right. Knowing would have killed her then.

“How about you come sleep with me tonight? I’ll keep the nightmares away while you sleep.”

“I’m too old to sleep with you now.” Ella chuckled. “Wouldn’t that be weird?”

“You are never too old to need a mother’s love. Remember what I told you when you were younger? You don’t have to be in such a hurry to grow up. It’s okay to take a step back when you need to. The world will still be there when you’re ready to face it.”