Chapter 25 – [February 26, 2002]
Sitting amongst a sea of classmates and friends, she could feel the thick warm padding between her legs. On the hard plastic of the gymnasium bleachers, the squishy saturated cottony pulp compressed under her butt and squeezed toward exposure from the confines of her school-issue uniform skirt. No matter how many times she shifted and tried to pull it down, it felt like it rode up all the more.
Her face flushed. She sweat under the stress.
The diaper was very wet and getting increasingly plump by the second.
Someone’s gonna see! Her eyes darted around the gym and all her peers sitting nearby during the school assembly.
Many of those around her turned unpredictably at every second in her direction; smiling, clapping, and saying her name with celebratory gestures. It was almost as if they expected her, for some reason, to get up and walk down front.
Their voices were muffled – as if they were under water. She couldn’t make them out at all. The same was true for whoever spoke up front; a shadowy individual muddled in fog.
All of a sudden she felt hands pulling her forward and pushing her to stand, forcing her to walk. She could see the thick and wet diaper bulging under her skirt as she looked down. She resisted the hands pushing her as an overwhelming need to pee overcame her. Her feet drug and skittered along the aluminum steps as she felt the sensation of falling…
Fear and shame and dread overtook her as she felt her diaper overflow in mid-air. Streams of urine leaked down her legs and through the cotton skirt – in front of everyone. She could hear her name called out, “Jordan…Jordan!..Jordan!!..JORDAN!!”
The thirteen-year-old’s eyes opened to see Daniel Radcliffe smiling at her. The familiar voice and touch of her mom was in her ear.
Covered with sweat, urine, and twisted in her sheets, Jordan thought, It was just another nightmare! Oh my gosh, I can’t believe what’s happening to me. I’m falling apart!
Her diaper had leaked badly and even as her mom was helping her out of bed, she could feel additional urine leaking from both her bladder and swollen diaper.
“Jordan! You’re ok sweetie, you were just having another nightmare. Momma’s here. You’re just fine honey. It’s just fine.” Sally rubbed her big girl’s back and sat down on the bed taking stock of the leaking diaper, wet bed, and clearly agitated teenager. The tall brunette was bright red, sweaty with matted hair, and wrapped in sheets and her night T-shirt. The diaper she was wearing looked as though it was about to pop off at any second.
Goodness girl, you’ve really outdone yourself in the pee department this time. She thought to herself, not daring to say such a thing out loud.
Sally helped Jordan the rest of the way out of bed and tenderly disrobed and bathed her in the bathroom before the upcoming day. It had been the fourth time Jordan had awoken in such a state after the big assembly announcement the previous week. Sally wondered if the nightmares had more to do with the stress she had been carrying around due to the first divorce hearing than the social stress.
Ever since, their conversation with the arbitrator at the courthouse the week before, Sally had stayed up late and been up early, fretting over documents spread across the kitchen counter and table. She had made dozens of phone calls to her new lawyer, many of which Jordan had heard and absorbed emotionally. In addition, Sally worried she had been a little less empathetic, a little shorter, and a little more stressed than her usual motherly self.
Sally was terrified that Ted’s political abilities would enable him to finagle a way into wrenching custody of the girls away from her. And she knew it would be only in spite – just to prove his power. Because without a doubt, he surely wasn’t interested in caring for them or being a Dad; she hardly could handle the feelings of her powerlessness in the situation.
At the first real divorce hearing before a judge (a week after the failed arbitration meeting), both he and Sally had arrived with lawyers. Ted had brought Melissa along as well for added pageantry. His lawyer was good. Very good.
He was a man from church that they both had known for years. Brian Harris. No doubt he’s representing Ted ‘pro bono’ as a personal favor, she had thought as they walked back into the same arbitration room.
She had been blown away by his coldness and professionalism. His lawyer’s demands for ‘discovery’ into evidence of everything from their financial records, joint purchase history, and any informal agreements made regarding parenting habits and household duties made her feel exposed and afraid. After Sally’s honest request for child-support, Ted intended to play hardball and his lawyer intended to help him with his cause.
The next hearing was scheduled for early April with the intent of allowing plenty of time for each party to gather all proper documentation and evidence. The stress of having such a valiant foe against which to toil was almost too much for her to bear – and her kids were obviously unknowingly taking it on in their own ways as well.
During P.E. that morning at BCS, Amber Jones and Nicole Rodgers were dressed down in gray cotton sweats and matching gray t-shirts, walking side by side around the school ball field in the Seattle mist. The two walked alone and were intense in conversation – all too aware of any potentially listening ears nearby.
“We need proof Nicole. We can’t just go off of a reaction I happened to see at a party and some random gossip story from a 6th grader.” Amber said with hand motions and great emotion.
“I’m just saying Amber, this year is going by quick and that tall freak is becoming the most popular girl in school every second! You really want a book worm to become a bigger deal than the starting softball pitcher during your 8th grade year?” Nicole argued. “You’ve worked hard to have the best year ever and now that bi-otch is stealing it from you!”
“That’s not what I want Nicole!” Amber said defensively, “But we can’t just waste this information. I’ve done this a lot ok? It’s easy for everyone to just dismiss without some kind of picture or ‘evidence’ of some kind. It’s just empty gossip. It won’t last. We’ll end up in the same place we’re at now and our opportunity will be lost.” She glared at her looking down her nose.
“Fine,” said Nicole, “I just hate seeing her get the attention you and I deserve when we have such juicy meat on her. I mean – you believe it’s true don’t you?”
“It’s honestly a little hard to believe but I can’t imagine who else it could’ve possible been unless Ed misheard them. She seems so God-Damned composed all the time – even when we razz her, she usually takes it so well. I would expect a panty pisser to be all nervous all the time.” Amber thought out loud.
“I’m sure it’s true. I can just see it in her somehow. It’s gotta be. It’s perfect.” Said Nicole.
“Well either way – we will wait until the right moment; even if it takes all year. We will wait. And then we’ll crush her and laugh.” Amber smiled deviously, prompting the same in her friend.
All things considered, Sally was still happy she had procured the new job at the accounting firm (Anderson & Johnson it was called) even though it had caused a little extra stress in she and the kids’ lives. It was unavoidable given the circumstances. With the separation and Ted’s hardline battling, she was going to need the money and a way to support her family after all the dust settled (especially if he found a way out of having to pay any child support!)
The pain of not being home for her children was a hard shift to adjust to however – Sally had quit work six years before for a reason. She wanted to be a Mom. She wanted to give her life to the task (at least for that season). And she was good at it! Being pried away from it and forced to offer the important tasks to strangers was agonizing.
Particularly as Sally thought about Jordan’s afternoons home alone, she felt concern and guilt. Jordie is so incredibly sensitive and fragile right now – I can’t imagine all those hours all alone at home are good for her. But what else am I supposed to do?
Sally had at one point considered the idea of putting the younger two girls under the childcare of thirteen year old Jordan but then reconsidered – and had instead allowed them to be in after school childcare (Mindi) and all day daycare (Jen) until she was able to get out of work and pick them up on her way home. This inevitably left Jordan (who chose to do no extracurricular sports activities that would keep her at school) home alone for 2-3 hours 5 days a week.
However, on the Tuesday afternoon of her second divorce hearing with Ted, Sally found herself home alone. Jordan had asked to spend time over at Alex’s house and the two younger girls were scheduled to be in childcare until Sally’s typical work sign-off time. She decided to use the time to clean up around the house in peace and mull over the details of her divorce case.
As a matter of typical housekeeping, she found herself in Jordan and Mindi’s room cleaning up each of her daughters’ dirty laundry strewn about the floor. Everything from school uniforms to grass stained kindergarten jeans to skid-marked panties to mismatched socks ended up tossed in the plastic basket waiting in the hall. The odor of stale urine was faint but clearly present; certainly less than a couple months before when the smell was being regularly produced by both girls. As Sally stripped the sheets from each bed, it was obvious that Mindi’s bedding was far fresher than her older daughter’s.
The mother of three had been observing what she had assumed was a significant downward trend with regard to Mindi’s wetting and pull-up usage. Her observation that Tuesday afternoon only served to help confirm it. Mindi hadn’t peed in the bed in probably a month or maybe even more, just like the littlest one Jen!
The only bed wetter in this house will very soon be (if not already is) Jordie. I wonder if Mindi ought to move back in with Jen? I wonder how either of them will take that suggestion? She mused to herself as she rifled through Jordan’s closet for more dirty clothes and garbage.
As she organized the remaining packages of her oldest daughter’s previous shipment of Molicare diapers, it struck Sally that this particular batch wasn’t lasting nearly as long as the previous ones. Since the first one from the hospital pharmacy back in November, she had been ordering them on a monthly basis from a mail order company. Because Jordan generally had been wearing only one diaper per night for the first couple months, a single case each month had been plenty. But since the UTI and increased diaper rash issues, Sally had been checking her part way through the night and sometimes changing her as per the doctor’s suggestion. Suspecting nothing like what had actually been taking place those quiet afternoons in Jordan’s bedroom, Sally assumed she had the extra consumption well accounted for in her mind.
I’ve been so stressed out lately, there’s no way I can keep track of how many bags we have at any one time or how much we’ve used. I probably just lost track. That afternoon, she placed an order for a new case and slightly increased the frequency of future supply shipments.
That should take care of that. She thought, thinking the low-diaper supply issue had been put to rest for good.