Chapter Twenty-Four
“Hailey, can I ask you to be honest with me for a moment?” asked Erin.
Hailey looked across the bedroom to the bed on which her cousin was sitting. “Of course.”
“Well, for our trip to the zoo today, do you think I should be wearing a diaper?” Erin asked. “Answer honestly. I’ll still wear one if you want to wear one even if you don’t think I need to, but I just really want to know what you think.”
It was a beautiful mid-August Monday, perhaps slightly on the warm side of comfortable, but a perfect day, as Hailey’s mother had decided, for a trip to the zoo. “I have a family pass anyway,” she’d admitted, “and though Erin wasn’t in the family when I bought the pass, I think she’s still covered. If not, I’ll pay anyway.”
After the usual rounds of complaining from Erin that her new family was spending too much time and money on her, followed by everyone else’s insistence that they didn’t mind, they’d all agreed that a trip to see some animals was fine.
It would be an interesting experience, anyhow. Erin couldn’t remember ever visiting a zoo, but she’d seen pictures of herself as a toddler with her birth parents on such a trip, and she’d looked happy enough in those photographs. She did find it somewhat amusing that she had been young enough to be diapered on her last trip to the zoo, and now, nearly a decade later, she was asking her cousin if she should wear a diaper this time as well.
“Well,” Hailey answered, “I guess it depends on how confident you are in being able to avoid an accident. You’ve had accidents in public before, at the theater and on the way home from the amusement park. The zoo won’t quite be like the theater, though, since you won’t be stuck in one place for a long time without access to a toilet.”
“So you think I’d be okay without the diaper, then?”
“Well, the lines from the bathroom can get kind of long if the zoo is crowded, but I can honestly say I’ve never actually felt in danger of having an accident while I was there.”
Erin could feel that Hailey wasn’t done with her explanation, and attempted to lead her on. “But?”
“But the drive to the zoo is actually a little bit longer than the drive to the amusement park, and you remember what happened when we drove home from the amusement park.”
Erin remembered more clearly than she would have liked. She’d hated the messy diaper that fate had thrust upon her, but at least she’d been wearing a diaper at the time. True, the accident had been due to unforeseen traffic, but she couldn’t guarantee that such traffic wouldn’t strand her again, nor could she trust her body to outlast the traffic.
“Well, I guess I really ought to wear a diaper then, at least for the drive there and back. From what you’re telling me, I don’t really need it at the zoo, but it would be a hassle to change out of and back into it, and besides, I bet you want to wear a diaper at the zoo as well.”
Hailey nodded. “Well, I do, but only if you want to. Don’t let me force you into one.”
“No, it’ll be okay,” Erin admitted. “Let’s pack the changing supplies in your backpack now, and we can change into the diapers just before we leave.”
“So, did you just want to leave the backpack in the car?” whispered Hailey. “You’re not very likely to have an accident inside the zoo.”
“Yeah, that’s fine with me,” replied Erin, also in a whisper.
She wondered why Hailey was keeping her voice so low. Erin’s aunt had basically given her the responsibility of deciding for herself when she felt she might need diapers, so she hadn’t explicitly told her Aunt Sue that she was wearing protection today, but she refused to believe that Sue didn’t notice the backpack.
Maybe Hailey was just hoping that her mother would think the backpack was for holding some things to do on the trip, but if that was the intention, Hailey certainly hadn’t planned it well. She should have packed some notebooks and pencils or something in the bag for them to use on the trip, so the need for a backpack would be obvious. As it was, bringing along a backpack but never opening it had to give a reasonably strong indication to Aunt Sue what the contents were.
But then again, why should it matter if Aunt Sue knew? Erin’s accidents and diaper use were no secret to her aunt, and Hailey was implicitly allowed to wear a diaper as long as Erin was doing so as well. Erin still didn’t really need Hailey to wear a diaper along with her, but even she had to admit that it was nice to not be the only girl wearing one, even if Hailey’s would never become wet or full without Hailey’s consent.
Still, if Hailey felt it important enough to whisper, she could follow suit as well. Hailey likely had a reason, and she didn’t have to know what the reason was to realize it was less risky to just do exactly as her cousin did.
The family pass did indeed work for Erin. “They’re probably just looking for one or two adults and a few kids,” surmised Sue, and her girls agreed with the assessment. Erin was glad that she wasn’t going to cost extra.
Erin stole a glance at Hailey once more, looking for a telltale diaper outline under her cousin’s shorts. Hailey was wearing shorts consisting of what looked like a Hawaiian shirt pattern; “Hawaiian shorts” would be a good description, she supposed. She’d told Hailey that it probably wasn’t a good idea to wear such loudly-colored clothing over her diaper, as it would only draw unwanted attention to that area, making it more likely that someone would notice what it was covering.
Hailey had insisted that it wouldn’t be a problem, and that the pattern would actually do a better job hiding her undergarment than a solid color. As she looked at Hailey’s shorts now, she realized that Hailey was right. The subtle shadows that would give away a bulge from the diaper were entirely camouflaged by the high-contrast pattern. Hailey was also wearing a Hawaiian shirt, although it didn’t quite match the colors of the shorts; however, with a much larger surface area, it also tended to catch the eye quicker than the shorts did. The combination of the two made it basically impossible to tell that Hailey was wearing anything special underneath her shorts, even when Erin knew she was. Passersby would have no idea.
Erin’s own clothes consisted of loose-enough shorts and a very baggy T-shirt; simple, but as long as her shirt stayed down, nobody would be able to get a close enough look at her shorts to guess what was under them. Her outfit simply didn’t look as fun as Hailey’s did. Then again, Hailey was much more outgoing than Erin, so it was at least somewhat fitting that Hailey’s clothes were more outgoing as well.
Interestingly enough, the more outgoing girl was also, for the first time in a while, wishing that she wasn’t in a diaper.
Hailey had not used her diaper — she didn’t dare with her mother present and no foolproof way to change privately — but nonetheless, the warm weather was joining forces with the constant walking necessitated by the zoo visit to break her body into a mild sweat. Unfortunately, the areas around her diaper were no exception; in fact, the extra clothing weight in that area made it feel more sweaty, whether it actually was or not. She could feel her undergarment chafing her as she walked. As she would not be able to make use of a diaper here, she actually wanted to be wearing panties, at least until she could cool down a bit.
That wasn’t really an option, though. The girls had packed a change, yes; but the change would simply be another diaper to replace the one she was currently wearing. Certainly, the diapers they had were donned and removed in the same way as traditional panties, but the manner in which they differed was directly contributing to her discomfort.
I wonder if it’s possible to sweat so much that it looks like I wet my diaper, wondered Hailey. She knew that it wasn’t realistic, but it was still an amusing thought.
Lunchtime brought reprieve for Hailey; the weather was still warm, but at least she was sitting rather than walking.
As they finished clearing their trash from lunch, Sue asked, “Do either of you need the bathroom?”
“No, I’m fine for now,” answered Hailey.
“Erin, how about you?” asked Sue, nodding towards the restrooms.
Erin followed her aunt’s nod and noticed a small line coming out of the bathroom. It had been long enough since the last trip to the bathroom that Erin was sure she could produce some pee if she tried, but she didn’t actually feel a need to go yet, so there was no need to make her family wait the few minutes it would take her to go through the line.
I’m sure Hailey or Aunt Sue will need to go sometime soon, and I’ll go then, Erin thought. But I’m not going to make them wait for me unless I actually have to go.
“I don’t need to go either,” Erin answered.
“Are you sure?” asked Hailey.
“I’m sure. I’ll let you know if I need to go,” replied Erin.
They continued their trip through the zoo. Erin realized that her previous line of thinking was dangerous; realistically, given her past performance, she knew she should be taking every possible to visit the toilet. It would be rude of her to do that, though; every time she spent a couple minutes waiting for a toilet would be a couple minutes that Hailey and Aunt Sue would be waiting on her.
The diaper she was wearing helped marginally improve her confidence, though. She didn’t plan on using it, but the fact that it was there meant that it wouldn’t be the end of the world if she ultimately failed in getting to a bathroom on time. With the consequences of an accident lessened, Erin decided it wasn’t necessary to try to go when she didn’t have to. As long as she started looking for a bathroom when she actually felt the need to pee, she wouldn’t be too much of a burden on her party, and she would probably be safe.
Unfortunately, one of the consequences of thinking about accidents was an awareness of the fact that she did, in fact, need to pee. It was still an extremely weak urge, but it was there. Well, I guess I’ll just have to ask to use the next bathroom I see. Although, they might be a little annoyed that I need to go so soon after I said I didn’t. I hope one of them has to…
“So, what do you think of the zoo so far?” asked Hailey, interrupting Erin’s train of thought.
“Well, other than the fact that it smells funny everywhere we go, I’m enjoying it. It’s the first time I’ve been to the zoo that I can remember.”
“You’ve really never been to a zoo before?” asked Sue, incredulous.
“Not since I was really little, and I don’t actually remember any of it.”
“Well, now that you’ve seen what a zoo is like,” said Sue, “is it anything like you thought it would be?”
“Pretty much. I imagined a lot of animals, and there are a lot of animals. The landscaping is fancier than I expected, though; I really just expected to see animals in simple cages.”
“Well, they are still caged,” Sue admitted, “but at least they put some effort into making the cages look nice.”
They continued on, Erin forgetting about her previous line of thought until the sound of water flowing in the manatee house brought her bladder back to the forefront of her mind. As was usual for the girl, her desire to urinate upon rediscovering the fullness of her bladder was much stronger than the initial feeling.
How could I forget? We must have passed a few bathrooms! This really isn’t good.
She guessed she probably had about ten minutes to find a toilet before her body gave out on her. There was still a chance that she’d be able to avoid a wet diaper, as long as she started heading for a bathroom immediately and the line wasn’t too terribly long.
Swallowing her desire to avoid pestering her family, Erin spoke just loud enough for the two of them to hear. “I, um, I’m sorry, but I really need to find a bathroom.” She could feel her face flushing.
Sue apparently detected the panic in her niece’s voice. “Of course, Erin. I’m sure there’s one not too far from here,” she calmly said.
Hailey gave a knowing glance in Erin’s direction, but Erin was lost in furious concentration, desperately trying to avoid releasing her bladder as she followed her aunt through the crowds between them and the exit door.
I can do this, thought Erin. I just have to hold on a few more minutes.
Unfortunately, one side effect of deep concentration is the body’s tendency to jump when startled out of it, and the electronic exit door of the manatee house lurched with a rather loud scraping noise and began to shut just as Hailey and Erin were walking past it. Both girls nearly leaped out of their skin, and Erin released a small amount of urine into her waiting diaper before managing to catch herself.
She was proud of herself for avoiding a complete accident; the little bit that had managed to escape wasn’t even enough to make the diaper feel damp. However, stopping her urine flow had the side effect of making her need to go even stronger than she’d thought possible. It was at that moment she realized that her efforts to make it to the toilet would be in vain. Still, she had to try.
She made it farther than she expected, but the pressure she was holding back seemed to increase with every step. Soon enough, the inevitable happened, and she stopped walking as she felt her diaper grow warmer and heavier.
Hailey noticed Erin’s pause, looked at Erin’s disappointed facial expression, and immediately deduced what was going on. “Try not to worry too much about it, okay?”
Erin nodded but said nothing.
“Hey, Mom, wait,” shouted Hailey. Her mother, walking in front of the two girls, hadn’t immediately noticed they weren’t still following her. Hearing her daughter’s voice, she turned, noticed the distance between herself and the girls, and returned to where they were standing.
“I thought you had to go to the bathroom?” queried Sue, looking over her niece.
Erin lowered her eyes, and Hailey spoke for her. “She doesn’t need to go anymore.”
“Oh,” said Sue. Her eyes wandered down to the bottom of Erin’s shorts, barely sticking out from under her shirt. “You don’t look wet, though, so that must mean you’re wearing, uh, your protection?”
Erin barely nodded, and Hailey yet again took the opportunity to be her cousin’s voice, a simple act of kindness that her cousin was very thankful for. “She is. We’ve got a change, but it’s back in the car.”
“Well, let’s go get it, then,” said Sue. “It’s going to be okay, Erin. It was just a little accident.”
“Just a little accident,” thought Erin, following her aunt as they began the walk to the parking lot. Maybe, but this one was entirely my fault. How could I have forgotten for so long that I needed to go?
She chose not to voice her opinion at that moment — she knew both her aunt and cousin would deny she was responsible for what she’d just done. No, she could have avoided this one, no matter what they claimed. How could she have failed so badly?
She was thankful, at least, for the arm Hailey had thrown around her as they both walked. The comfort from the gesture wasn’t quite enough to overcome the wetness between her legs that served to remind her of her failure, but at least it was better than nothing.
As they arrived at the car, Erin finally worked up the nerve to say she was sorry, fully expecting a barrage of “it’s not your fault” replies. She didn’t want to hear that, but she’d made her family walk all the way back to the car for her; the least she could do was apologize.
“I’m sorry, guys. I’m ruining your trip to the zoo.”
“You’re doing no such thing,” replied Sue. “This is just a little diversion. We’ll get you changed and we can go right back to the zoo.”
“You’re sure?”
“Erin, you know that we could never be mad at you for this. In fact, I’m actually proud of you right now.”
“Proud?” Erin was confused, and she looked over at Hailey, who had an equally curious expression on her face.
“Yes. Proud that you were responsible enough to accept your limitations and do something positive about them.”
Erin thought for a moment, finally understanding what her aunt was getting at. “You mean you’re proud of me for choosing to wear this diaper just in case I couldn’t make it in time?”
“Exactly, Erin. I know that your accidents have to be frustrating, and I’m sure we both wish we knew how to stop them for your sake. But since we can’t, I’m glad you’re responsible enough to decide to protect yourself against them.”
Erin was surprised; somehow her aunt knew exactly what to say to help her feel a little bit better about herself. Still, she couldn’t just sit there and let her aunt praise her when she’d made such a mistake. “I’m glad you feel that way… but this one was kind of my fault.”
“Your fault? What do you mean?”
“I mean, I think I could have avoided this one… I forgot to ask to go to the toilet soon enough, so I ended up waiting so long that I couldn’t make it on time. It was my mistake, and you’re treating me like I’m so responsible.”
“Erin, did you intentionally wet your diaper?”
Hailey inadvertently shuddered at the question; luckily, her mother’s attention was on her cousin. She had the good sense to stay silent.
“No, Aunt Sue…”
“I know you didn’t. Maybe it could have been avoided, but it certainly wasn’t on purpose. It was just as you said, it was a mistake.”
“But…”
“But nothing. I’m not going to get mad at you for a simple mistake like misjudging how much you needed to pee. You made a little mistake, and a wet diaper resulted from it, but I’m sure you learned something from it. Next time, you’ll remember what just happened, and hopefully this experience will help you avoid having another accident.”
“What if it doesn’t help me avoid it, though? What if I keep having the accidents?”
“Erin, I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again: I love you, and some wet pants aren’t going to change that, ever. I know you’re trying your best, and I also know that you’re still human, and you’ll occasionally make mistakes. It won’t make me like you any less.”
“You mean that?” Erin looked close to crying, but everyone present knew that there wouldn’t be any tears.
“I do. You’re my Erin, and nothing you do is going to make me stop loving you.” She pulled Erin into a hug.
They stood next to the car, silent, embracing each other for nearly a minute as Hailey looked on. Finally, Erin broke away from each other, the slightest hint of a smile at the corner of her lips. Not wanting Hailey to feel left out, she turned and gave her cousin a quick hug before looking back up at her aunt. “Thank you. I love you guys too.”
Sue smiled back at her niece. “Now, how about we take that backpack and get you to a bathroom so you can get out of that wet diaper?”
“That would be great,” said Erin.
Sue locked the car, and the three began to walk back towards the zoo entrance. Somehow, the soaked diaper between Erin’s legs no longer bothered her so much.