Chapter Thirty-One
Hailey sighed silently at herself as she checked her watch, which had been meticulously synchronized with the digital clocks mounted at the front of every classroom. Ten more minutes until her class was over.
The course was an honors-level algebra class, a subject which normally held her interest reasonably well. Today, though, the material her teacher was presenting on the overhead projector was reasonably simple, and her full attention wasn’t necessary. This was a good thing, as the pressure from her bladder was mounting, which kept her reasonably distracted.
The weather was still warm, and although the school had air conditioning, it wasn’t very powerful; the staff had been encouraging the children to bring water bottles, and she’d done so. Of course, drinking fluids over the course of the day led to an increased need to urinate, but Hailey’s previous class was next door to this one and across the hall from a restroom, so she normally used the toilet just before the class she was currently sitting in. Today, however, she’d intentionally foregone relieving herself. Somehow, the diapers waiting in her bedroom had crept into her mind when she’d first felt the urge to pee, and she’d decided she wanted to wait until she got home.
So she was happy she didn’t need to listen too much to what the teacher was presenting; her need to pee was worse than she’d anticipated, and kept demanding her attention. She wasn’t worried; although she was uncomfortable, she was in no danger of wetting herself before she’d be able to get to a toilet after class. Getting home might be a little more risky, but it wasn’t a very long walk. She’d probably be okay, but to be safe, she’d wait to see how urgent her need was before deciding whether to walk home without visiting the toilet first.
Trying to push her own bladder out of her mind, she allowed her mind to wander to Erin, who would be in gym right now. The administration had placed the two of them in many of the same classes, but for some reason, even though they both had the same level of gym and the same level of algebra, they’d been placed in opposite sections; each girl had algebra when the other had gym.
It didn’t really matter as much in algebra; although simply being in Erin’s presence made her happier, there was little room for interaction in a typical class, especially when both of them were more concerned with their academic performance than most of their peers. With Erin’s aversion to bothering people, whispering or passing notes in class was simply unacceptable, and Hailey herself didn’t particularly like the thought of being called out by her teacher for engaging in those activities. Gym class, however, was another story. There was little restriction on classmates talking with each other as they did their activities. Mrs. Smitters was strict about students chatting while she was giving out instructions, but she allowed them to converse as they desired at any other time.
Gym was one of the few classes Hailey would have really liked to have someone good to talk to. She didn’t mind the exercise, but she would much rather do it on her own terms than in structured activities. She would have preferred to go on a nice long bike ride to nowhere in particular than to participate in whatever exercises the state had decided someone her age should be able to perform.
The age thing was a bit silly, anyway. People had differing abilities at the same age, and besides, not all the students in the same year were the same age anyway. Hailey was twelve, and because of her July birthday, she was one of the youngest students in seventh grade. Many of her peers with birthdays in the summer had waited an extra year to start school, so as a result, she knew there were some students in her grade that were more than a year older for her. She was glad her parents decided to start her at school when they did, rather than waiting.
On the other hand, there were people like her cousin. Erin’s birthday wasn’t until October, so she was still eleven at the beginning of her seventh grade year. Having a student this young wasn’t unheard of, but it was certainly rare. Had Erin skipped a grade? Or had she simply started Kindergarten slightly before her fifth birthday? Erin was a smart girl, so either choice was a possibility, but she was fairly certain that Erin would have mentioned skipping a grade by now if she’d done so. Still, her curiosity was piqued; she’d have to ask at some point.
She heard shuffling noises and glanced around the room to see a few of her peers beginning to close their books and binders. A glance at her watch confirmed her suspicion that less than a minute remained before the final bell of the day.
As the bell rang, she stood up, and felt her need to urinate lessen slightly. Apparently sitting down made her feel like she had to go more, which made sense to her. When she was sitting, she was already in the position she’d normally be peeing in, and besides, the position of her legs probably put a little pressure on her bladder anyway. It still wouldn’t be comfortable to walk home without visiting the toilet first, but she’d be able to make it. The eventual reward of being able to put on and use one of her diapers was well worth some discomfort.
She stopped by her locker to pick up her backpack and fill it with the books she needed to bring home with her, and walked downstairs. Most of the students were heading to the southeastern doors of the building towards the bus loop; she felt like she was swimming upstream as she headed towards the north doors to meet Erin. She arrived to find Erin already waiting for her, as the locker rooms Erin was coming from were much closer to their meeting point than Hailey’s second-floor algebra classroom.
Erin had effectively forgiven her for her transgressions of two weeks prior. Hailey couldn’t pinpoint an exact time when her cousin had decided she wasn’t angry any more, but the girl’s attitude towards her had gradually progressed from cold to friendly over the course of a few days. Hailey had still performed her morning ritual of wetting the diaper she woke up in before taking her shower, but she’d been reluctant to ask Erin for permission to have any other kind of accident, even though she’d very much wanted to at a few times.
Erin had finally given a brief apology for how she’d acted just a few days prior, and Hailey asked for forgiveness as well. Their official reconciliation complete, they both agreed that it was probably better for both of them if they didn’t speak of that incident again.
That had been on Friday, and it was now Tuesday, so Hailey was finally comfortable enough with what Erin thought of her to once again indulge herself with an accident. She’d schemed it all out as she’d been sitting in class with a full bladder. When she got home, she’d go to her bedroom with Erin, as usual. She’d tell Erin then what she wanted to do, and if she got Erin’s permission as expected, she’d change herself into a diaper and use it right then. Excitement welled up inside of her as her mind ran over her plan.
“Hey!” said Erin, her face lighting up as her cousin met her. “Are you ready to go?”
In more ways than one, thought Hailey. “Yeah, I’m ready. Let’s head home.”
They left the school property and began the walk that would take them home. The walk was mostly through suburban side streets, with sidewalks on both sides of the road. Very little traffic passed through these streets, so it was a quiet journey for the most part, allowing them to talk easily if they so chose, although today they both seemed content to walk in silence.
There was one part of their trip that was not as quiet, however; their route took them across a major road, which would have been too busy to cross were it not for the traffic light and crosswalk that they diverted slightly out of their way to reach. It was at this part of the trip that Hailey was reevaluating her decision not to go to the bathroom earlier.
The slight lessening of pressure that had occurred when she stood from her classroom seat had now vanished; in fact, her need to go felt even stronger than before. This traffic light was just before the halfway point of their trip. From the other side of the crossing, it would take twelve minutes to walk home, and the light certainly seemed to be taking its time to change in their favor today. For the first time, Hailey was beginning to have doubts that she’d be able to hold on long enough.
She was filled with mixed emotions. She certainly didn’t mind wetting herself — after all, her plan to do so was the reason she had to pee so badly right now — but she wanted it to be under her control. Now was not a good time to have an accident; she didn’t want to walk home with a large wet spot on her pants, where anybody who walked by could see. She absolutely did not want her mother to see her in wet pants; she was too old to wet herself, and her mother might think that she wasn’t quite ready to be an adult yet. After all the progress she’d made in getting her parents to give her more responsibility, an accident would certainly lead to a setback she didn’t want to incur. She had to make it home!
Her bladder was telling her otherwise, though, and she struggled to keep the urine back as she walked across the intersection with her cousin. She hadn’t said anything yet, but apparently she was acting in a manner that gave away her dire straits, as she heard Erin speak up once they left the din of the major road.
“Hailey, is something the matter?”
There was no reason to lie to Erin. “I have to pee really badly,” she admitted.
“Are you going to make it home?”
“That… that I’m not sure about.”
She frowned as she saw Erin looking around; her cousin was apparently doing the same thing she’d done moments before. “I don’t think we’re going to find a private place for me to go,” said Hailey. “I already looked, but this whole neighborhood is wide open. I’m not going to have any privacy anywhere between now and home.”
Erin nodded in agreement. “I guess we’ll try to make it home, then.”
Hailey was sort of glad that Erin hadn’t asked the obvious question of why she hadn’t gone at school. Erin certainly wouldn’t mind her reason, but it was rather embarrassing that the situation she was in now was entirely her own fault. She’d wanted to use a diaper when she got home so badly that she’d taken a risk she shouldn’t have, and now it looked like her gamble would end poorly for her.
The pressure was immense; it was all she could do to hold it in and walk at the same time. It may have been easier to hold if she could stand still, but then there’d be no chance of getting home on time, so she had to try to restrain herself while walking. She instinctively wanted to move her hand down to her groin in a desperate attempt to keep herself from wetting, but it would be very inappropriate to walk around with her hand down there at her age, she decided. Little kids could hold down there because they didn’t know better, but it wouldn’t be very adult of her to do that.
Not that I’m going to look very adult when I wet my pants, either, she mused. But she seriously doubted that holding onto her crotch would really help her avoid an accident any longer. She might as well try to hold onto her dignity as long as she could.
Erin kept periodically stealing glances at her, but didn’t say anything. Hailey decided Erin was trying to avoid breaking her concentration, which she was glad for. It was all she could do to walk and focus on staying dry; she didn’t need to be distracted by conversation.
More landmarks passed behind them. The house painted a very sickly shade of green indicated that it would take eight more minutes to walk home. The mailbox that looked like a barn marked the five-minutes-remaining point. As they passed the slightly-bent yield sign that signified the three-minute mark, Hailey paused her stride and focused all of her effort on holding it back, but she nonetheless felt a small bit of urine spurt out into her panties.
Time slowed to a crawl for her, and her neck tingled as a sudden guilty feeling washed over her entire body. The feeling drowned out all of her other senses — even the sensation of fluid rushing out of her bladder was dulled for that moment in time. A single, powerful thought consumed her mind: I shouldn’t have done this! Why was I such an idiot?
The feeling passed in a moment, and the flow of time returned to normal for her; she snapped back into reality to feel herself still urinating at full force, liquid beginning to run down her leg, with the realization that she was unable to do anything about it.
Erin had stopped when she saw Hailey stop; she didn’t say anything as she saw her cousin’s jeans begin to grow darker, but she approached Hailey from the side and put an arm around her shoulder, giving a half-hug, half-squeeze, as the jeans continued to get wetter. The gesture helped immensely; here she was, twelve years old, and peeing her pants out in public, but at least her cousin cared for her enough that her accident didn’t make a difference.
They stood there for a moment as the last bit of urine trickled out of her. “I… I’m done,” Hailey whispered.
Erin continued to hug Hailey for a little bit longer, and then with a final squeeze, she stepped back, although she was still standing very close to her cousin. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out for a while. It seemed to Hailey that she wasn’t quite sure what to say in this situation. Hailey couldn’t blame Erin for not knowing — after all, every other accident she’d witnessed had been deliberate — but right now, she really did not want to be the one to start the conversation. She waited on Erin, staring down at herself and lightly brushing the obviously wet denim with the tips of her fingers.
“Are you going to be okay?” Erin finally asked.
Hailey was still silent for a moment. She’d hoped Erin speaking would help her collect her own thoughts, but her mind was still a battleground between her usual joy at the feeling of wetness and the embarrassment of having an accident in public.
This was entirely her fault, and it frustrated her. Only a couple of weeks ago, she’d made Erin mad at her by giving into her need to wet herself at an inappropriate time. And now, she’d let herself become fixated on wetting her diaper when she got home, which resulted in her stupid refusal to use the toilet before leaving school. Why was she letting her enjoyment of wetting herself control her like this? She couldn’t come up with a satisfactory answer.
She owed Erin a response, though. “I think I’ll be fine,” she whispered, not moving her eyes from her jeans. “I can’t believe I did this…”
“It was an accident, Hailey. Don’t blame yourself,” consoled Erin. “Is there anything I can do for you?”
“Not really,” admitted Hailey after a long pause. “I really wish I had some way to hide this accident, but I don’t think we can.” What she’d done would be extremely obvious to any passersby, and it was still warm enough that neither of them had a jacket she could wrap around her waist to hide the most visible wet area.
“Well, the sooner you get home, the less chance there is that anybody will see you,” remarked Erin. “And when we get home, I’ll make sure to keep your mother’s attention so that you can go get changed without her seeing.”
Erin had correctly guessed her biggest worry. The accident itself was still something she’d rather not have had happen, but given that it did, Erin’s willingness to help was the best thing she could have hoped for. It was nice to know that someone was willing to help her out like this when she was feeling so low. Was this how Erin felt when she took care of Erin’s accidents?
Hailey turned to Erin and hugged her, being very careful to avoid pressing any wet areas against her cousin. “Thank you,” she whispered.
“Are you ready to finish walking home?”
“Yes,” said Hailey, beginning to walk. “This is really awkward.”
“I know how you feel, unfortunately,” returned Erin. “Just… try not to worry too much about it. It sucks, but worrying’s not going to help.”
“I know that. It’s just… well, this was kind of my fault.”
“This didn’t look like one of your usual accidents, Hailey. It sure didn’t seem like this one was on purpose, how is it your fault?”
“Well… because I didn’t go to the toilet before leaving school,” Hailey admitted. “I knew I had to go badly, but I waited.”
“Mmmm…” muttered Erin, apparently thinking. “Why’d you do that?”
“I… I wanted to use a diaper when I got home.”
Erin nodded. “So you thought you’d be able to make it home, and now you’re mad at yourself because you weren’t able to?”
“I think that’s about right,” said Hailey. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong, Hailey. You wanted to have an accident in a diaper, and you guessed wrong about how long you’d be able to last, so you ended up having an accident in your pants. I know it isn’t exactly the same, but at least you still got to have an accident, right?”
Hailey smiled at Erin’s attempt to cheer her up. “Yes, but as we talked about earlier… it’s not really as much fun when it’s not in my control.”
“Well, I know you’re embarrassed, but are you enjoying the accident at all? Even a little?”
“It does actually feel good to be warm down there like that,” Hailey admitted. “So, yeah, I guess I like it a little… but I’d like it a lot better if I weren’t out in public and if I’d done it myself. But it feels weird.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, the last time I had an accident in my pants was when my parents were going out to pick you up. Since then, I’ve been using the diapers for the last few months, and I’m sure you know it feels much different to wet a diaper than your pants.”
Erin nodded, but didn’t say anything.
“So I feel much wetter than I’m used to,” continued Hailey, “which is interesting in its own way. And I’m also wet all down my legs, which doesn’t happen when I’m using a diaper… and… it’s kind of chafing when I walk. The wet jeans really don’t feel that good when they rub against my skin.”
“No, they wouldn’t,” admitted Erin.
They finally reached their house, several minutes too late for Hailey’s bladder. “Well, at least nobody saw us while we were walking,” said Erin.
Hailey nodded. It was true that no cars or pedestrians had passed them between the yield sign and her house, but that didn’t mean that nobody could have been looking out their front window. She had no way of knowing, though, so she wasn’t going to parry Erin’s attempt to make her feel better with such an observation. “Yeah, we’re lucky, I guess.”
“Were you going to change in our bedroom? I want to know so I know where to take your mom so she doesn’t see you come in.”
“Actually, I was going to change in the downstairs bathroom. That way, I can just put my wet clothes straight in the laundry, and hopefully there’ll be some pants of mine in the dryer to change into. It’s my chore to do the laundry anyway, so it shouldn’t be too suspicious that I started the washer.”
Erin nodded. “Okay. Wait half a minute after I go in, I’ll tell her I have some questions with homework and keep her distracted so you can come in.”
Hailey watched Erin enter the side door of the house and checked her watch. Thirty seconds later, she tentatively entered herself, quickly glancing around to assure herself that her mother was not in the kitchen that the door opened into. Shutting the door behind her, she listened carefully, and heard Erin and her mother talking from the general direction of the living room. She was safe. She laid her backpack down on the kitchen table and immediately headed for her house’s odd combination bathroom/laundry room, shutting the door behind her with a sigh of relief.
Memories came flooding back to her as the smell of the laundry room combined with the feeling of wet pants. The last time she’d wet herself without using a diaper, she’d cleaned up in this room as well. Of course, last time it had been a deliberate wetting.
She set an empty laundry basket below the dryer and began pulling dry clothes out of it. Luckily, she was able to find another pair of jeans and a pair of her panties, and she set them aside as she finished emptying the dryer. She moved the clothes in the washer into the dryer and started it, and then stripped everything from her waist down. Her jeans and panties were obviously wet and went straight into the washer. The socks were a little less obvious, but she could feel that they were damp where they’d been in contact with the legs of her jeans, so they went in the washer, too.
If the socks were wet, then did my shoes get pee in them? Hailey brought her shoe up to her nose and took a large whiff, coughing as she realized her mistake. The inside of her shoes did not smell very good at all, but they didn’t smell like pee, and that was the important thing.
She wet a washcloth in the sink and cleaned herself off, putting the washcloth in the washing machine as well, and then pulled her clean panties and jeans on. She doubted her mother would ask why she was in the bathroom, but if asked, she’d say she had to pee, and while she was in there decided to get her laundry chore over with. To add to the believability of her story, she reached over and flushed the toilet, watching dejectedly as the completely clear water swirled down. If she’d been able to hold it just a few minutes longer, she could have made it to this toilet, or even better, to her bedroom where the pack of diapers tantalizingly awaited.
The toilet flush was probably unnecessary, as her mother wouldn’t be able to hear it if she was talking to Erin in the living room. Still, it was better to take those kinds of precautions, just in case.
She finished filling the washing machine with clothes from the hamper, poured the appropriate fluids into the machine, and started it. She pulled on the clothes she’d set aside along with a pair of socks from the hamper and her shoes, and took the basket of clean clothes out to the laundry room, where her mother and Erin were still talking about homework.
“Feel better?” asked Aunt Sue. “You ran straight to the bathroom without even saying ‘hello.’”
“Yeah, I had to go really badly,” she said. It wasn’t a lie… but it wasn’t exactly the whole truth either. “I feel a lot better now,” she said, setting down the laundry basket on the sofa. She noticed Erin give her a quick smile and a wink.
It was great that she had a cousin who was willing to help her avoid being caught, even when she deserved to be caught for so stupidly letting her desire to use a diaper get in the way of her common sense. Erin really was an incredible girl for saving her.
