Howard walked softly into the family room and stood in front of his wife while she watched TV. From the expression on her face he could tell she was really irritated. He hung his head abjectly and said in as humble a voice as he could manage, “Honey, I’m sorry. You were right. I shouldn’t have said what I did. I need your help. I’ve always needed your help and I need you now more than ever. Won’t you forgive me?”

“Did the big man forget how to dress himself? Are you asking help from a mere woman? Aren’t you afraid that it will tarnish your macho image?”, she asked viciously.

“I’m sorry, Honey. I didn’t mean what I said. Of course I’ll wear these pants. It’s the only rational thing to do under the circumstances. You were right to buy them for me,” he said contritely.

“Howard, we need to come to an understanding right now. I’m tired of listening to you rant about being the man of the house. You don’t look like much of a man right now! If you want me to help you, you’re going to have to start listening to me! Do you understand?”, she said firmly.

“Yes, Dear,” Howard said with his head bowed.

“I don’t think you do,” Anita snapped, “Look at you! You’re no bigger than a four-year-old!”

Anita took the folded pair of his suit pants laying beside her and held it out in front of him, saying., “Do these fit you, Howard? These are a man’s pants. If you tried to wear them you’d look ludicrous. Even your training pants droop on you! Don’t they?”

Howard felt behind him with his hand and palpated the fold of material that came down from his bottom. She was right, they were too loose for him. Anita nodded at his self-discovery to affirm what he had felt and said, “I’ll bet if I looked in your mouth, all I would see would be baby teeth. Am I right?”

“Yes, Dear,” Howard agreed quietly.

“You can’t do the slightest thing for yourself. You can’t feed yourself, dress yourself and now you’re starting to lose your potty training! Tell me, what’s so all-fired great about being a man like you? Did you think ahead to plan for this? I did! I made sure that when the time came, I was prepared. You weren’t! All you could do was throw a temper tantrum when things didn’t turn out the way you wanted them to. You don’t think, you only react. You’ve been acting just like a little boy. You had the temerity to stand there and criticize me for my decision without having thought the problem through yourself, didn’t you?”, she said pointing at his protuberant belly.

“I’m sorry, Dear,” he apologized.

“Being sorry won’t cut it this time, Buster! I’m tired of being treated like a second class citizen. Who do you think I am anyway, your servant? I have a doctorate and I’m a professional. I’m a manager for a pharmaceutical company! Just who the Hell are you to question my judgement? God? Just because you’re a man doesn’t make you any better than I am. I have no intention of putting up with your childish tantrums any longer. I’m the breadwinner in this house, Howard, and what I say goes! From now on, I run this house! If you want my help, Howard, you’re going to have to do what I say! Everything I say! Is that clear? If you don’t like it, there’s the door. Your clothes stay here. I was going to give them to Goodwill anyway.”

She held up his pants again and folded them carefully as she continued, “This is the last of them. The rest of your old clothes are already in the trunk of the car ready to take to Goodwill. All except your suits, they’re too expensive to give to Goodwill. I’m going to take them down to the second hand suit store and sell them. Even though they’re used, they’re still worth something. YOU sure can’t wear them anymore. If you want to leave you can keep your training pants and thatís it. I’ll give the clothes I bought you at Goodwill back to them. You can toddle out of my life in your training pants and do whatever your little heart desires!”, Anita said.