Now, if my memories serve me correctly, and believe me, it does as and when i need it to, I can think back to a certain dinner lady who ruled The Peters ham Russell Infants School with a wooden spoon of cast iron, (well perhaps not ,but solid wood at least). Though she never actually hit the school kids with the spoon, she would send us to the headmistress for a good talking too, however, i did hear her once brag about how she use to break wooden spoon on her own kids (and a nice lady she was).. The Question is, why were dinner ladies always dragons when i was at school? Out of all the dinner ladies in my whole dyslexic career at school,l only one was ever actually nice-looking and actually had a personality, and that was a lady called Miss Human and by god didn’t we give her some lip, she loved it .But that was in my junior school and once again imp going off the
story because Junior School is a different ball game altogether. So here we go back to Miss Buck.
Miss buck was a massive lady who must have put the fear of god into staff and children alike. From what I remember of her she looked the spitting image of Biffa Bacon’s Mother in the comic Viz . Although she was a horror we must bear in mind that looks aunteverything, and when you’re lying over someone’s knee and looking at the carpet it doesn’t really come into the equation. Miss Buck seemed to have a soft spot for me (That sounds Dodgy, if nothing else) it probably had something to do with the fact my long-suffering mother worked at the school. One day my mother and I were taking my new dog Susie to the vets to be spayed (as you do) and somehow or other Miss Buck was in the car with us (God Knows why but there you go). So here we all are driving along merrily in the car (except for Susie of course, shewas just about to have her organs removed) and it was decidedthat as my mother had things to do that afternoon I should spend theafternoon with Miss Buck and her 3 kids, little martin who was ayear older than me, Nigel who was about 14 and the older one who Icant remember his name probably because he wasn’t very interesting.On my arrival at the house, I must have scanned the place for slippers
So, we are all in the living room watching some boring black-and-white afternoon films on TV. Martin is playing with his actionman, Nigel is reading something or other, and the oldest one has gone of to the
pictures. I am sitting on the sofa right nest to Miss buck. Somehow on reflection I don’t know how I ever managed to do the thingsI did, but I must have sussed very early. From my memory, it could have gone anyway, but I think the suggestion was made that I would be her son for the afternoon, and if I were naughty, I would be spanked with her floral slippers. SO SPANKING NUMBER ONE AFTER THE SUGGESTION HAD BEEN MADE straight over her more than ample lap to have the seats of my trousers tanned.
WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! The rubber sole starts to make contact, and I think I remember she was being quite jolly whilst she spanked me.
Martin and Nigel seemed to not be taking much notice because as Ihave said before I think they were use to it.
It seemed that I spent most of the afternoon over this ladies lap. At one point, I remember the conversation turning to would I like to come here every day for a week and have my bottom tanned to which I recall replying yes. I vividly remember her putting me over her lap continuously and slapping me, in a joking fashion. Later on that day I was smacked again for not picking up the Lego .I think Miss Buck did tire later on, and she told me that if I mentioned spanking again she would do it for real. I thought for a split second and declined her offer as I imagine she could whack hard, she was like a rolling pin mother.So the day finished and the memories lived on.
