It just so happened that the day I went back to school also happened to be the day of the school Snowball dance which was to take place that evening.
Part of my parents agreement that I could go to school that day was only if they drove me there themselves. I had surrendered to their conditions relatively easily. Just the idea of walking all the way to school made me feel tired. However, at the breakfast table Grandfather announced that he would be driving me to school and he would be picking me up after school.
“Mom,” I said stuffing half a piece of bacon in my mouth.
She gave me one of her Mom looks, as did Grandmother for talking with my mouth full. I quickly chewed and swallowed the bacon before continuing.
“The school dance is today and if you don’t think I should go then I won’t.” I said, hoping that I’d be able to get out of going and dancing with smelly Bertha.
I’m sure Larry would be happier too; I mean when he found out I didn’t go to the dance with his girl… I mean if he really does like Bertha as I suspect he does.
Grandmother quickly jumped into the conversation with, “Oh my goodness, I almost forgot that it’s time for the annual Boyd Junior-High Snowball dance.”
She then looked at Grandfather. He was busy reading the newspaper. I’m not even sure he heard her at first.
“It is Fifty-seven years ago today that your Grandfather and I first met.” She said dreamily.
“Really? I thought you met at a fish market?” Mom asked.
“Oh well, yes. That was the second time we met. However, that was years later after we had both graduated.” Grandmother said and I noticed she was almost glowing as she reminisced.
Grandfather, without looking up from his paper, said, “And you were also still seeing that Jebins fellow; if I remember right. And then there were the Gallaher twins.”
Grandmother recoiled as if she’d just been accosted by a wet fish across the face. “I suppose I’m to blame that all the boys liked me?”
I had to quickly hide a smile when Grandfather lowered his paper, eyed Grandmother with a peculiar, but short gaze and then looked at me and winked before returning to his paper.
“Anyway, as I was going to say,” Grandmother returned her attention to me, “as long as you feel strong enough then you are obligated to attend the dance if someone has already asked you to go.”
“Somebody asked you to the dance?” John asked.
“Yeah, just some girl from school.” I answered.
Mom piped in with, “Alvin thinks the boy that beat him up…”
“He didn’t beat me up! I’m not the one lying in a hospital bed right now, am I?” I defended myself, “And his name is Larry.” I don’t know why I felt the need to clarify his name.
“Anyway, Alvin thinks that Larry likes the girl too.” Mom said, insinuating that I might have the hots for Bertha too.
“Hey, she asked me!” I said, feeling as though I had to defend myself once more, “I didn’t even know what the dance was until after she told me I was going with her.”
Grandfather made a sound like a cow belching and I couldn’t help feeling as though he was objecting to something I’d just said. Although I didn’t have a clue what part of it he was disapproving of.
I still am surprised I did what I did next. Call it bravery, call it sheer stupidity, but either way it was still kind of funny. I reached out and smacked the back of his paper without him seeing me do it.
He dropped the paper, eyed me up and down and exhaled loudly through his nose.
I then slammed him with a quick, “Love ya Grandfather!” as I cocked my head, batted my eye lashes and grinned like an innocent little cherub.
His eyebrows rose and he smiled, then forced the smile into a scowl as he rumbled, “Indeed!” and then shook his paper loudly as he refolded it.
Mom ended the conversation with, “We’ll see how you feel after school today. How’s that?”
Arriving at school riding in a nearly new black Beamer probably did a lot for my reputation. As to whether that was good or bad, remains to be seen.
“Yo Alvin!” a voice called from across the school yard as I was climbing out of Grandfather’s car.
“I will be right here after school.” Grandfather said to me.
I looked toward the voice and saw Fish and BB dredging through the snow toward me. I don’t know why they weren’t on the sidewalk, but they looked to be having fun.
I waved at them, closed the car door and stuck my head back inside the open window.
“Okay Grandfather,” I said to him, “I’ll come right out after school.”
Grandfather stuck his finger out the way Mom does when she’s upset with me, “Have a good day and no more fighting.”
I gave him a salute, “Yes sir! Catch ya later.”
I didn’t bother to join BB and Fish in the snow; I chose to wait on the sidewalk for them.
“Whoa! What happened to you?” Fish was the first to say with exasperation.
I had been expecting that question the moment someone who knew me, saw my fat lip and the stitches over my eye. I had a prepared, sarcastic response. “I walked into a door.”
BB softly stroked the back of my left shoulder, “Man, from the look of you, I’d hate to see the door!”
I suppose Bertha was trying to sneak up behind me, but I had smelled her coming from the moment I had got out of Grandfather’s car. She was right behind me when I said, “Hello Bertha!”
“Hey! How’d you kno…”, but she stopped in mid-sentence when she saw my fat lip, which wasn’t all that fat anymore. Even before she said anything I could tell that she was mad.
“Who did that to you?” she asked and it didn’t take a super detective to realize that she was about to boil over.
I decided to play if off and act dumb, “Did what?”
When I looked to Fish and BB for an answer, the two of them had expressions on their faces that said they weren’t about to play my game.
Bertha took hold of my arm kind of rough and turned me back so that I was facing her again.
“I’m serious. I want to know who did that to you!” she said through clenched teeth.
A part of me wanted to tell her exactly what had happened and who had tried to beat me up, but if I did I’d probably have to tell her my suspicions about Larry liking her. And well, I just didn’t feel like going there.
“Listen, it’s no big deal. And besides, it’s already been dealt with.” I pulled my arm out of her grasp. “Besides, I hear chicks dig a man with scars.”
I struck a pose and tried to look cool.
Fish slapped me on the back, not hard, but enough that I felt it in my lip. Jokingly he said, “Well Alvin, if you see a man let us know.”
“I don’t know about you guys,” BB started to say while tugging on the belt loops of his pants because he’d forgot to wear a belt, “But it’s cold out here and I really need a pee!”
As I started to follow Fish and BB into the school, Bertha grabbed my arm again, leaned down so that she was only a few inches from my face and hissed, “This isn’t over!”
I didn’t even think what to say, it just came to me. “Are you going to kiss me?”
She straightened up and blushed, so help me, I made Bertha blush! I’m talking about her entire head turning the shade of a fire truck.
She gave me a small, playful shove, “Get inside smarty-pants!” she said with an exceedingly embarrassed smirk.
“Hey,” I jovially complained, “Take it easy! I’m delicate!”
BB and Fish were several strides ahead of us now as BB turned and shouted back, “Hey Alvin, you should have Bertha kiss your booboos to make them better!”
Bertha nearly plowed me over as she took off after BB while shouting, “Wait till I get my hands on you and then we’ll see who has the booboos!”
I was laughing so hard that I forgot that I was supposed to be nervous about the school dance.
I got a lot of looks from the other students as I passed them in the halls all day long. By noon the absence of Larry and the condition of my face and wrist had given birth to a multitude of rumors. My favorite one was that I’d killed Larry and buried him in the snow where no one would find him until sometime in the spring when the snow all melted. There were actually several equally good variations of that rumor, but I’ll spare you from having to read about them here.
I got to the lunch-line well ahead of the gang and was already eating when they came out with their trays.
“Hey guys!” I called out to get their attention.
As Bertha, BB and Fish sat down Bertha asked me with all sincerity, “I’m going to ask you straight out. Did you whack Larry?”
Chocolate milk nearly shot out of my nose when she asked me that. “Did I whack Larry? Have you been watching The Godfather or Goodfellows?” I coughed as I tried to talk and swallow at the same time.
“Don’t change the subject. Nobody has seen or heard form Larry for days now and you turn up looking like Wladimir Klitschko!” Bertha said, still standing there holding her lunch tray.
Almost in unison Fish, BB, and I asked, “Who is Wladimir Klitschko?”
Bertha snapped at us, “Shut up!”
I sniggered as I replied, “Do you really want the truth?”
I could see the veins in her neck engorging with blood as her anger slowly built.
Finally to break the tension and also to get my neck off the chopping block I placed my left hand over my chest and raised my bandaged right hand as if I were a boy scout. “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good… errrr,”
Fish chuckled so I knew at least he had picked up on the Harry Potter reference.
I continued, “I mean I solemnly swear that I did not whack Larry. Furthermore I can guarantee you that he is not buried in the snow, hidden in my locker, or chopped up and put into today’s lunch.”
That last part was funny because it was mystery meat Friday at Boyd Junior-High School. The menu at the start of the lunch line had said it was supposed to be meatloaf, but I’ve never seen meatloaf that looked like what they were serving us.
I’m really not sure if the gang believed me or not about Larry, but I guess it didn’t matter. The four of us ate our lunch together and then went our separate ways. The remainder of the school day was completely uneventful and totally boring. It was so boring that I forgot to stop to use the bathroom on the way to my last class. Despite the fact that I was wearing a diaper under my clothes I still made sure to stop and pee between every stinking class that day. There was one time before lunch when I didn’t need to pee and had to force myself. I grunted, and bore down on my bladder with my stomach muscles to make myself go. Luckily I had been sitting on the toilet at the time because as I was trying to squeeze out a few drops I also made myself poop.
I guess going pee so much made it so that my bladder shrunk a little, because ten minutes after the bell rang, indicating the start of my last class, I started to feel a twinge of pressure. By the middle of class I was squirming in my seat, trying to find a position that helped to relieve some of the pressure. Oh sure I was wearing the diaper Mom had forced me to wear that day, but I was resolved that I was going to show Mom that I didn’t need them during the day. I wanted to arrive home from school and show her that I’d kept it dry all day long. One of my motives for this was that I didn’t want to go to the school dance wearing a diaper, which I was sure Mom would make me do unless I could show her that I didn’t need it.
“Alvin! Stop wiggling around and pay attention.” My teacher said. She might as well have told everyone to stop paying attention to her and stare at me for the remainder of the class.
There was about fifteen minutes left in the day and though I was really trying to hold it, I finally felt as though I couldn’t wait any longer. I raised my hand and waited for our teacher to call on me.
“Yes Alvin?” She sounded irritated for being interrupted.
“Can I use the bathroom please?” I asked.
“No, class is nearly over.” She said.
Despite having been told to sit still, I couldn’t help fidgeting. I did my best not to think about needing to pee. Each tick of the minute hand on the wall clock seemed to add to the pressure growing inside of me.
Finally the last bell rang and I jumped out of my seat.
“You have not been dismissed yet!” our teacher shouted, but I didn’t stop. While racing for the door I swung my backpack over my shoulder.
“Alvin, sit back down!” she shouted louder.
I could hear everyone else in the class laughing and out of the corner of my eye I could see our teacher coming toward me. However, before she could grab me I threw open the door and jumped into the hallway. Students were already spilling out of the other classrooms and I had to fight my way to the boys’ room. When I got there it was packed with a line that stretched all the way out the door.
“Oh geez man!” I moaned.
And then a hand snatched my shoulder from behind.
“What are you thinking young man?”
I spun around to see my teacher staring down at me with nostrils flaring and fangs bared.
I pulled away to try to free myself from her talon like grip, but when I did she reached out with her other hand and grabbed my sore wrist. Until that moment it hadn’t really been bothering me, but when she grabbed it, it felt like I’d just stuck my finger into a light socket. Don’t ask me how I know what that feels like either because I won’t tell you!
My knees gave out and buckled under me which only hurt my wrist more as she tried to pull me back up. I’d already forgotten about my need to pee, mostly because I’d already wet myself.
I didn’t actually see what happened to my teacher. I only remember that my teacher released my arm and fell backward, landing on her boney butt. When I looked up another teacher was standing there, one I hadn’t seen before and beside her was Stacks. The other teacher was holding Stacks back and Stacks was looking at my teacher on the floor with deadly eyes.
Apparently Stacks had been right there and saw that the teacher was hurting me so she came to my rescue and put that teacher on her can.
I guess a lot of the students don’t like my teacher because they all cheered Stacks for pushing her off me. I also learned that the other teacher, the one holding Stacks back had seen the whole ordeal too and was about to intervene on my behalf, but Stacks beat her to it.
Stacks and I were hauled to the Principal’s office and on the way we passed Bertha. I quickly called to her, “Bertha! My grandfather is outside. Go tell him to come to the office quick!”
Bertha didn’t even hesitate. She rushed down the hall toward the doors without her coat or gloves, knocking other students out of her way much the way a football player would.
I guess Grandfather isn’t as slow and old as most old people because he showed up less than two minutes after Stacks and I entered the office.
Completely ignoring my ranting teacher, I told Grandfather exactly what had happened and I didn’t have to tell him that I wet myself because I could read in his eyes that he had already guessed that much for himself when I had told him why I left the class so fast.
When the Principal came out of his office to see what was going on he paused, smiled and then greeted my grandfather as though he were greeting a long lost brother.
“Al, how the heck have you been?” the Principal said while aggressively shaking Grandfathers hand and giving him a fast other armed hug.
“Carl, you sorry old dog! How long has it been?” Grandfather asked him and I had to look at my Grandfather twice. He had the biggest, toothiest grin. Actually, with that smile he didn’t even look like my Grandfather.
“Oh, entirely too long!” the Principal said.
Grandfather then asked him, “How’s the wife and kids?”
“Marietta is down in Florida taking care of her father who just celebrated his ninety-eighth birthday.” The Principal leaned in slightly, “and get this, Dusty is getting married in June.” The Principal said, still shaking Grandfathers hand.
Grandfather belly laughed like I’ve never seen or would have thought him capable, “Married? Again? How many times does this make it for him?”
The Principal scratched his temple, “Uh, five or six I believe. Ah, I stopped counting after the third. Still no kids though. I guess that’s one positive out of it all. No kid needs to be put through that sort of mess.”
“And what about Stephanie?” Grandfather asked.
“Still married to that same Navy boy. She’s still with Boxco and works too much. But try to tell her that and she’ll give you an ear full. Would you believe that she found time to have two more girls?” The Principal said.
Grandfather looked amused at this information, “But didn’t she already have three girls?” he asked.
“Yes sir! It’s no wonder that husband of hers is always shipping off to some war halfway around the world.” The Principal said.
They finally released each other’s hands as the Principal asked, “So what brings you to my little slice of heaven?”
Grandfather put a hand on my back behind my shoulder blades and began rubbing in small circular motions. “My young grandson here.” He said, giving me a prideful pat on the back.
“Grandson? I didn’t know Melody had kids!” The Principal said with honest astonishment.
“Sure did! Just the one. Oh about ten years ago!” Grandfather said and I quickly corrected him, not even attempting to hide my disgust that Grandfather got my age wrong.
“I’m almost twelve!” I inserted.
Grandfather stopped rubbing my back and instead clutched my shoulder rather securely.
“Quiet!” he said in odd agreement while giving me a disapproving glance for interrupting him. I took that look to mean, that I was supposed to close my mouth and keep it shut. I suppose I had forgotten, that according to him, children shouldn’t be seen or heard. How could I have forgotten?
Grandfather then noticed that I was still clutching my wrist to my chest. “You okay boy?” he asked.
I nodded and answered him with, “Yes sir, I think so…” and I didn’t even attempt to hide my disdain as I pointed at my teacher and added, “no thanks to her.”
Grandfather loosened his grip on my shoulder and then directed me to a wooden bench under the window beside the door to the office. That’s when I saw that Bertha, Fish, and BB were all standing in the hallways, outside of the office, looking in.
“Go sit down over there for a moment, boy.” Grandfather strongly suggested.
The Principal asked Stacks to join me and then he, the two teachers, and my Grandfather all disappeared in the office that the Principal had just come out of.
Before I sat down I gave Bertha a wave of thanks for getting my Grandfather for me so quickly. I’ve no idea if she understood why I was waving, but she smiled and waved back.
As Stacks sat down she smiled. “I can’t believe she did that to you!”
“Yeah,” I said and then Stacks told me how she had shoved my teacher.
“She’s the one I was telling you about. The one, that has it out for me.” Stacks informed me.
“Really? Bet that felt good.” I commented with a small chuckle.
“Yeah, felt great!” she chuckled too.
“So, what happened to you anyway?” She asked, referring to my stitches and my wrist.
“Got in a fight the other day.” I said, before I realized I’d even said it.
“Oh so that was you?” she asked.
I could hear loud voices coming from the office, but I couldn’t make out what was being said or who was saying it.
I asked Stacks, “What do you mean?”
“Oh well, nothing,” she said and I was too mad at the teacher to bother pushing Stacks on the subject.
“I hope they fire that…” Stacks shocked me when she used a very colorful word to describe our teacher.
“Even if you didn’t have that sore arm, no teacher should ever grab someone like that, especially someone as little as you.” She sounded like she was getting angrier the more she talked and amazingly enough, I let the wise crack about my size pass without comment. I guess to someone like Stacks, someone like me would seem like the runt of the littler.
It suddenly occurred to me that this made the second time that Stacks had come to my rescue. The first time had been after my initial run in with Larry, BB, and Fish on my first day of school here. Come to think of it, I never did get them back for that. I guess I’ll consider Larry’s broken leg as debt paid in full.
There was a really loud voice that shook the door of the Principal’s office. I still couldn’t tell who was shouting, but I guess Stacks could.
She let out a nervous sounding comment, “Sounds like your Grandpa is ripping her a new one.”
“A new what?” I asked ignorantly.
She looked at me as though she couldn’t believe that I didn’t know what she was talking about.
We both heard knocking on the glass behind us and we turned in unison to look. There was Bertha looking at me and shrugging her arms and hands as if to ask what was going on. I shrugged back, but Stacks just waved at the three of them as if she was annoyed that they were even there.
“Sorry, my sister’s so nosey. She’s got to be in the middle of everything!” Stacks said.
Talk about something coming from out of nowhere. She might as well have hit me over the head with her hockey stick. There was no way I could have ever, not even in a million years, made that connection.
“YOUR SISTER?” I shouted, momentarily forgetting where we were and why.
Stacks recoiled, probably because I’d just screamed right into her face. “Well… uh… my step-sister, but yeah. Didn’t you know that?”
“UH NO!” I said, turning to look at Bertha through the glass again and saw that she was covering her mouth and laughing; at least I think she was laughing. Anyway, I guess she had heard me through the glass too.
I was sitting there with my mouth hanging open. I was physically and mentally stunned by that bit of news. “But, but, but you… I mean, she… I mean… Oh hell!” I finally cussed and shook my head as though I was trying to shake my brain awake. “Let me guess, they are your brothers?” I said meaning Fish and BB.
Stacks was so taken aback by my comment that she got choked for a second. She coughed as she said, “Oh my gawd! No way! Gross! It’s bad enough being related through marriage to her.” she motioned toward Bertha without looking, “If I was related to those horrible retches, I’d have to kill myself.”
The door of the Principal office opened and first out was the teacher that had intended to come to my rescue earlier. She was followed by my Grandfather and then the Principal. However my teacher never came out.
Grandfather looked at me and winked, then turned to the other teacher and shook her hand. I didn’t hear what he said to her or what she said back, but I did see her blush slightly.
Next Grandfather shook the Principal’s hand and I heard him this time as he said, “When the weather’s right we’ll have to play some golf.”
“Absolutely,” the Principal said, “But you’ll have to spot me the first two holes.”
“Is that all?” Grandfather laughed.
Grandfather looked at me, “Up and at’em delinquent!”
He looked back to the Principal, “And we’ll expect you and the misses at the end of the month?”
Grandfather looked at me again, “Ho-Ho-Ho! Let’s go Kido! What-What!” and he was smiling again… I think… it could have been gas though.
“I’ll have the wife call to set a date.” He said over his shoulder to the Principal.
“And Al, thanks again for your understanding.” The Principal said as I stood up.
“See you tonight.” Stacks said to me.
“Ok and thanks again.” I said to her.
Grandfather paused to give Stacks an approving smile and nod.
Oddly enough, when Grandfather and I stepped out of the school office and back into the hallway, Bertha and the guys were nowhere to be seen. Perhaps when they saw the Principal come back out they made themselves scarce.
“You have everything?” he asked me, “Where’s your coat?”
I shook my head as I said, “No, need to go to my locker.”
“Lead the way my boy! What-What!” Grandfather said, nudging me ahead of him.
On the way home Grandfather explained that he and the Principal, whom he kept calling Carl, have been friends since their early High School days. He also told me that I wouldn’t have any more problems with that teacher. He didn’t say why that was or what happened in the office, but I didn’t care. I was just so amazed how cool Grandfather was being about the whole thing and how he’d stood up for me like he had.
“Do you think Stacks is going to get in trouble for pushing my teacher?” I asked him.
“Well,” he started to say, but paused as if in thought, “I can’t speak to that. I just don’t know.”
And then as if he’d been waiting to ask me he said, “Say! Who was that revolting boy that came to the car?”
“Huh? Oh that wasn’t a boy that was Bertha.” I said with amusement.
“That was a girl?” Grandfather asked with incredulity.
“Yeah, she’s…” I started to say, but Grandfather finished for me, “a walking cesspool!”
“Yeah, but she’s mostly okay.” I said, surprised that I was defending the likes of Bertha.
“So, that girl in the office, what did you say her name was?” he asked.
“Stacks,” I answered.
“Odd name for a girl.” Grandfather commented.
I felt that need to explain to him the reason why she is called that, “It’s just a nickname on account that she really stacks up the hockey points.”
“Is Stacks the one you’re going to the dance with?” Grandfather asked as he pulled into the driveway.
I was surprised that we were already home as I answered, “No, that is her sister. I mean step-sister.” And I don’t care how many times I say it that is never going to right.
Grandfather replied with “Ah.”
The garage door closed, but Grandfather didn’t turn off the car right away. Instead he tightly gripped the wheel and almost speaking as though he was thinking aloud he breathily said, “Your parents are stressed enough. And Lord knows we don’t need your Grandmother getting involved. So,” he thumped the steering wheel with both thumbs, “I think we should keep this between the two of us?”
“Uh, yeah!” I agreed quickly.
With that he turned off the car and started to get out.
“Grandfather?” I called from the passenger seat.
He stopped with both feet out of the car, but his backside still on the seat. Without him looking at me or acknowledging me I went on to say, “Thanks.”
He turned back around, pulled one leg into the car again and grabbed my thigh, “My boy, I might be old and bad-tempered most of the time, but I’ll be dead and buried before I let someone I love be mistreated like that. What-What!”
That was all that was said, but dang, it was enough. That one statement absolutely blew me away. Grandfather loves me!