The last week or so Heather had been even more pushy than usual about it. She had been getting Ella up at the crack of dawn and making her sit on the toilet before her brain had enough time to wake up and process what was happening. Ella insisted on leaving the door open a quarter of the way, and made either Heather or Danielle promise to stand guard by the door and protect her from whatever demon seemed to be lurking in the bathroom’s shadows ready to pounce.
The mornings and early afternoons were the easiest, but as the day progressed the monster that lived in the small tiled room seemed to grow more and more powerful. In the evenings, it was all but impossible. The monster, as Ella referred to it as, physically restrained her outside the door and refused to let her in. On most nights, when Heather wanted her to try, her pants were soaked before she even took a step in. After being bitten one too many times, Heather just let her use the bucket after 6pm. Until then, it was locked away in Heather’s room.
Ella called it The Monster, but Heather knew it was just her anxiety. Danielle had taken to calling it her Spicy Dejavu. No matter the name Heather, Danielle, and Rose all agreed on one thing. Something, most likely at night, had happened to Ella in a bathroom on the night of her mother’s death, and that memory was trying to resurface in the form of nightmares. Even the psychologist had failed in getting any information out of Ella as to the contents of her dreams, not through talking, writing, or pictures. Finally, she had suggested that Ella truly didn’t remember, and maybe this was one suppressed memory that needed to stay that way.
“Honey, did you hear what I asked?” Jasmine said. Ella shook her head. “I asked if you wanted to try going potty before class started. You’re awfully ancy. Your file says you sometimes need help, and that’s what I’m here for.”
Ella shook her head out of habit, only to realize she had been dancing in place. Damn it! She did have to go.
“How about you try for me anyway?” Jasmine asked, offering her hand. Ella let out a frustrated moan, but took her hand and let her guide her into the bathroom. “It’s okay, we’re almost there. Just a couple more steps. You can do it.’
Ella gave Jasmine’s hand a death grip as they walked toward the toilet.
“I’ll be right over here when you’re done.” Jasmine said, as she walked toward the other room.
“No!” Ella yelled, for her anyway.
“Okay, don’t worry, I won’t go anywhere.” Jasmine said, sounding surprised. When Ella made no move to undress, Jasmine offered her a hand. “Here, let me help you with your clothes.”
She swiftly pulled everything down to her thighs and Ella sat. And then…nothing happened. She could feel her chest tightening. She tried the breathing and relaxation techniques the psychologist taught her. Still nothing. She was too stressed and it was only getting worse.
“Are you all done?” Jasmine asked after a minute.
“Can’t. Go.”
Jasmine gave a sad frown. “Is your tummy upset?”
Ella shook her head again. “Can’t. Pee.”
“Did you have an accident?” She looked down at the pull up. “Nope, still dry.” Ella tried getting up, but Jasmine put a hand up to stop her. “Give it another minute, if you still can’t go we can always try later. Maybe it was just a false alarm.” Ella was starting to panic. She had reached her limit of being able to be in here.
“Up!” Ella begged.
“Okay, you tried. You did good, Ella. I know you’re sca-”
Ella bolted, barely getting her skirt back up before she burst through the door. She sucked in a lungful of air as she stopped to breathe by her desk. Relief flooded her body as the invisible hands of The Monster stopped squeezing her chest.
“Um…Jasmine.” Kaylee said, staring at Ella.
“Yeah, what’s up?” Jasmine peeked her head around the corner of the bathroom, clipboard in hand as she finished writing a note.
“Got a problem over here.”
“What kind of problem?” Jasmine asked heading over.
“A leaky problem.”
“Oh, Ella!’ Jasmine whispered laying a hand on her shoulder. “You tried.”
Ella choked out a sob. Tears were spilling from her eyes, and urine was streaming down her legs. She couldn’t stop peeing! She hadn’t gotten the pull up on right in her haste to get out. The moment she had stopped running The Monster had pulled the cork. She could feel all eyes on her, including a set belonging to the infamous Mrs. Garcia. Her lips were pulled back in a disgusted snarl as she glared at her.
“That’s so gross!” Brian said.
Ella began to sob for real
“Shh. Shh. It’s okay. It’s okay.” Jasmine whispered. “C’mon, let’s go back to the changing room and we can get you all cleaned up.”
Ella hadn’t remembered walking over, but the next thing she knew she was laying out half naked on the table, vaguely recalling Jasmine rinsing her lower half off with the shower head. She was now patting her legs dry with a towel as she tried to console her.
There was a knock and suddenly the door inched open. “How is she?” Mrs. Hernandez asked.
“Still pretty upset.”
“What happened? I thought her mom said she was in pull-ups.”
“She is, she just didn’t get them up all the way. She sat on the toilet for a bit, but she started panicking and bolted.”
“Her mom says she has some kind of PTSD related issues with bathrooms.”
“Huh, so what do you want to do? Should I give her another pull up?”
“Ella, do you think you’ll try and use the bathroom again today?” Mrs. Hernandez asked. Ella didn’t answer. “I think she’s had enough. Tape her. Give her the headphones and keep her lying down for fifteen minutes and see if she calms down. If she asks for the restroom later, take her, but give her the compression vest.”
“Okay,” Jasmine said before the door closed. Ella could hear cupboards being opened and closed. “I know you’re having a rough morning, but I’m going to try and help you feel better.”
More tears fell from her eyes when she felt her legs get lifted, but she didn’t fight it. This was her punishment. Jasmine was quick and gentle. Her hands moved as if she had done this 100 times before.
“We’re gonna take it nice as easy today, alright?” She had just taped up the sides when the door creaked open again and in walked Kaylee.
“Please give Ella some privacy and go back to your desk.”
“I came to see how my new friend was doing.” Kaylee said, ignoring Jasmine and pulling up the shower chair next to the bed.
“Friend?” Ella asked with a sniffle, not bothering to hide her current state of dress. She had hit her embarrassment limit already. There was no shame left to feel.
“Yeah! Brian got detention for his reaction earlier, and Garcia’s on her hands and knees scrubbing your pee out of the carpet. You’re my hero!”
“Kaylee! Out! Get out! You’re not supposed to be here!” Jasmine snapped. “Ella doesn’t need to hea-” she stopped, before shaking her head. Ella was curled in a ball, not crying, but laughing.
“Fine, you can stay until I get back, but then you’re going back to your desk and starting the Math packet.”
Kaylee watched her leave until she was out of ear shot.
“Remember that thing I yelled about Garcia being slimy potato salad, or whatever that was?” Ella nodded as Kaylee stuck her hand in her pocket and pulled out a few dollars. “Snacks from the vending machine on me!” Ella let out a snort of laughter.
“Anyway, don’t feel bad about what happened. If you couldn’t tell, we’re all a little messed up here.” She whispered, before letting out a loud. “FUCK!” Ella smiled. “Not me though, I’m totally normal. You guys are the weird ones. ASK ME ABOUT BREASTFEEDING PUPPIES FOR FUN AND PROFIT!”
“Okay, You and your unhealthy relationship with puppies need to head back to your desk.” Jasmine said, standing in the doorway holding a pair of headphones. Kaylee snickered and stood up, but not before pulling her pants an inch down from the waist and flashing Ella the band of a pull up.
“Tics,” she said with a shrug as if that explained everything. “Hey, remember that kid last year who got mad Garcia took away his Switch so he pooped on the rug?”
“OUT!”
“Legend!” Kaylee said before closing the door behind her.
“I swear that girl!” Jasmine said, shaking her head. “What she means is that we have all sorts of kids with all sorts of problems come through here. You are not the first and certainly won’t be the last to leave your mark on the rug out there. ”
Ella grimaced and made a mental note not to lay on the floor here.
“How are you doing? You look like you’re doing better.” Ella shrugged. “Here, just close your eyes for a bit and listen to this. I’ll be back in a bit to see how you’re doing.” Jasmine slipped the headphones over her ears and pressed play on her phone. Ella closed her eyes as Jasmine flipped off the lights and listened to the nature sounds coming through.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Ella sat at the dinner table later that night, absentmindedly chasing a meatball around her plate with a fork. As per usual, she had taken three bites and claimed she was full. This time she was though. She had filled up on candy and applesauce during lunch. Kaylee had gotten her a packet of Peanut Butter M&ms. She wasn’t used to eating that much candy at once and had been on a sugar high all afternoon. They didn’t get much classwork done either, especially when Kaylee had unexpectedly grabbed Ella’s head in her hands and given her a large lick up the side of her face.
The three of them had sat in stunned silence looking from one person to the other before Jasmine finally asked, “Kaylee…was…was that a tic?”
“Yeah.” she said quietly sinking low in her seat before all three of them had burst into laughter. Ella had jokingly pleaded with Jasmine to switch seats with her, but she had vehemently refused.
“No way, girlie, I ain’t sittin in the splash zone.”
“So, Ella, how was your first day of school? Do you like it? ” Heather asked.
It was awful at first, but it got better, she thought.
“Yes.” she said.
“You looked like you were having fun when I picked you up. Who was that you were playing with?”
“Kay. Lee.” She croaked. She took a sip of water and massaged her sore throat.
“You’re a little raspy tonight. Were you using your voice a lot today?”
“Yes.”
“Oh good! I’m glad to hear! It’s good practise! The more you use your vocal cords the sooner your voice will come back. So Is Kaylee your friend?”
“Yes.”
“I’m happy to hear that! You could use some friends!”
“Is yes all you can say?” Charlie asked with a grin.
“Yes.” Ella said back.
“Don’t encourage him, Ella.” Danielle said.
“So what did you learn? Math, Vocabulary?” he asked, poking a meatball with a fork.
“Words.” Ella said.
“Oh yeah? What kinds of new words?” Heather asked.
“oh.”