It had been three days since Dante had leapt into Hell. Three days since Lysa had failed to stop him from going. Failed. Again. Failed. Failed. Failed. Lysa was a failure at everything. Lysa sat in her playpen feeling sorry for herself and mourning Dante. She had expected to be taken immediately to the Newborn Room and share a cot with Caroline for all eternity, but that’s not what happened.
Instead, her ear was reattached with a kiss, she was redressed as a baby, and carried back to Limbo. All of Limbo had been in such disarray after Dante made his stand that she suspected that she had just slipped through the cracks and she would be punished for her part later when it was convenient.
New Judy’s, one’s she hadn’t recognized, had been popping up all over the place, either transferred from other nurseries or created out of thin air. Lysa didn’t know why. Her current caretaker had short black hair and brown eyes. Instead of nursery scrubs, she wore a modest white blouse and black skirt; just this side of school marm.
Other than that though, everything was still the same. Calling themselves “Mama Judy”, cooing, tickling, feeding; the whole nine yards. Lysa had gained back control of her emotions, speaking, and all that other semi-adult stuff. It was almost as if Dante had never existed. She didn’t have words for how awful she felt for thinking that.
The new Judy came over and checked her diaper. She was wet, she knew, but Lysa didn’t bother telling her that.
“Ugggh” the angel groaned as she placed Lysa on her hip. “You’re getting’ heavy, Lysa. Pretty soon, Miss Judy isn’t going to be able to carry you anymore.” Miss Judy? Hadn’t heard that one before. Where had that come from? Lysa shoved the thought from her mind before.
“A moment, if you please, Judy,” a raspy voice called out. It was Saint Jude- the old man who had flown after Dante and only came back with a bloody nose and a broken arm. He looked fine now…if you could still look like an old prick and be fine, that is. No broken bones or anything.
“Please leave us,” he instructed and the Judy complied. He pulled Lysa up so that she was sitting on the changing table. “I wish to talk.” he said. Lysa just stared at him. She let her silence be her opening volley. The old man sighed. “We’ll be putting up a guard rail along the narrow path so that something like this never happens again.” There was a long silence.
“That’s what you came to tell me?!” Lysa spat. The old man opened his mouth. Then closed it again. He shook his head.
“Ye-…No.”, he replied. “What I really wanted to say was that I am sorry for your loss. The boy was very special to you. Given time he could have been something special to all of us.”
“His name is Dante,” she scolded, “and this is all your fault.”
“I am aware,” Saint Jude replied. “Now I am anyways. I did not realize that the Judy’s were capable of such cruelties, that they would resort to the sort of treatment that pushed the boy…Dante, to his act of rebellion. I am Regent of Limbo, but there are many more nurseries than this one, and I am not omniscient. I wasn’t alerted until it was too late.”
“How’s your boss taking the news?” Lysa asked, looking for something to rub in the Saint’s face.
“The Father was less than amused when an old man told him the story of his grandson rebelling against his treatment and then gave Him the finger. Do worry,” he added, “the Lord did not unleash his anger upon the messenger.”
“Who did He release it on?” Lysa pressed.
“There’s the less than satisfying part.” the Saint conceded. ” The two conspirators that set this into motion- one is already in Hell, and the other was allowed to be unmade. She chose non-existence over an eternity in the Inferno and so the Lord unmade her. Beyond that, it is up to me to decide where we go from here… A task that I do not enjoy, but…I am the Saint of Lost Causes. It is my duty.”
“So what now?” Lysa asked.
“First and foremost,” the old man spoke, “we’ll be changing the rules around here. Any resident of Limbo who can maintain their hold on themselves for more than a month without slipping back into innocence will be given the option of moving to a different section of the nursery. There they will be cared for as infants- physically at least- but they will be given the respect they deserve as dignified, intelligent, and experienced human beings. Those that wish to become as they once were in the beginning will of course be allowed to stay and embrace their innocence.” Lysa waited.
“That’s it?” she finally asked.
“For now,” the Saint said as he turned around and began to walk away.
“That’s not fair!” Lysa called out after him, still sitting on the changing table in a wet diaper. Saint Jude stopped in his tracks and spun around. He marched up to Lysa, lightning flashing in his eyes.
“Not fair?” he asked, “You know what’s not fair? Postponing your eternal reward for a lifetime of devotion and-”
THWACK! Lysa slapped the old man across the face. He just gawked, rubbing his cheek.
“No!” Lysa stared him in the face. Unblinking. “You don’t get to play that card. You’re not the martyr right now. You don’t deserve that feeling of being right, cause you’re not!”
“This is my fault,” the old man repeated. “But I am not perfect. To err is human, to forgive di-”
THWACK!
“Quit that!” Lysa scolded. “You don’t get to do some prepared speech or wise old saying, shrug, wink, and then walk away. You talk to me like I’m a person damn it!” Saint Jude was taken aback. No one in Limbo spoke to him this way. No one.
“I’m sorry…” Saint Jude stuttered at the girl.
“You could have saved him.” she insisted.
“I don’t think I could,” Jude defended himself. “I honestly don’t think I could have. He wanted to go, and if I had pursued him any further, I would have gone to Hell myself. I have no power there. Everything of me is invested in this place. I’d be trapped, just like him.” All of the pomp deflated out of the man. Practiced humility gave way to the genuine article. “I’m sorry. There’s nothing I could have done. None of the other Saints could have either. They’re already in their appointed roles and tasks. We can’t defy our purpose, girl. We just can’t.”
“Just because he wanted to go destroy himself, doesn’t mean you let him,” Lysa countered, her righteous anger building. “You don’t let a baby touch a hot stove or bang their head against the wall, do you? And even if you couldn’t have saved him, you could have tried harder. Some things are worth fighting for, even if you know you’ll lose.”
Saint Jude looked up. “What did you say, girl?”
“You heard me,” she folded her arms across her chest. The old man smiled for the first time.
“My dear,” the Saint said looking her in the eye. “I can’t believe I’m actually getting to say this, but you don’t belong here anymore. You’ve grown up.”
“Huh?” Lysa was confused. “I died when I was 16. I don’t’ go to Hell. I won’t leave Caroline.”
“No, you’re not going there. Not yet, anyways. As for your daughter, we normally don’t allow babies to leave Limbo for any long period of time. But exception can be made…for Saints.” His eyes twinkled with happiness and mischief. Lysa didn’t know what to make of this. “I have a present for you.” he said as he reached under the changing table. “It’s not much, but it’s a start.”
He lifted her up off the changing table and set her down. She was standing on her two feet again, under her own power. She was so frightened she was shaking. With his free hand, Saint Jude untapped her diaper and let the sodden garment plop down to the floor. He took a baby wipe and cleaned her between her legs while she stood. Lysa dared not move.
Then he showed her what he had in his free hand. He presented her with a diaper. No quite, actually. It wasn’t white. It was pink with a picture of Cinderella on it. It was thinner too, and no tapes. Kind of like a cross between regular underwear and a diaper, Training panties, Pull-Ups. Lysa started to cry. The moment that she never thought was going to happen was happening.
Saint Jude popped the training pants open. Lysa stepped into the leg holes and he slid the Pull-Ups up her hips and around her waist.
“It won’t be easy,” he said to her. “And it will take a while. Possibly longer than you’ve even been here, but I think you’re ready.” He stood up and gave her a hug.
“Lysa Strata. Your training begins today.” Lysa was still trembling.
“Judy!” the Saint called out. The Judy came. “There seems to have been a change of plans. Lysa does not belong here anymore. She’s grown too big. I want her enrolled in the Purgatory Pre-School immediately!” He laughed.
“Oh, Lysa, I am so proud of you!” the Judy beamed, and took the girl by the hand. Walking her out of Limbo. “You’re such a big girl now! I have got just the cutest little outfit in mind for you.
A purple shirt with some matching pants, and the cutest little white sneakers. You’ll love them! Then there will be your big girl bed and your big girl clothes and your big girl-” Lysa tuned her out, lost in her. A whole universe was opening back up to her. But most importantly of all, she had a hope.
“Hold on Dante, everything’s going to be okay” she promised, not a lie this time. “I’ll come for you.”
THE END
The author would like to dedicate this story to his wonderful wife.
She found out my secret, loved me for it anyways and married me.
Without her encouragement, this story would never have been written and I would still be lurking on these sites, too afraid to even post a comment; dreaming
Special thanks to all who read this story and commented on it. It was good to know that there were people actually reading what I wrote. It made the vastness of cyber-space feel a little less empty.
It’s been a crazy ride. Thank you all for riding it with me.
-Personalias
