I still don’t know why I agreed to go to the movies with my two best friends. I hadn’t been feeling well for a couple of days and that morning, I woke up with a bad case of diarrhea. I don’t mean the kind of diarrhea where you feel a little discomfort and feel as though you really need to go. I mean I had the explosive kind that comes out whenever and wherever it wants. Every time my backside exploded, I smiled to myself and chuckled. You, Mark and I know why I was so tickled by this, but mom and dad had no idea. I believe that my parents both thought that I was delusional with fever.
Mom had given me some Imodium after breakfast. God I hate that stuff too. It makes my insides feel as though someone is carving my guts out with a spoon! It was sometime after lunch, and after another dose of Imodium that I was finally able to escape the bathroom, but the bout with the chocolate squirts had left me tired, weak and dehydrated.
When Mark called to ask me to go to the movies, I told him I didn’t feel well and that I was sure my parents wouldn’t let me go. That didn’t stop him from begging me to go until I finally surrendered. He and Sean were absolutely dying to see the newest Harry Potter movie and neither wanted to see it without me. Yeah, I was dying to see it too but I knew I wouldn’t enjoy it with my guts tied in knots but Mark convinced me that it beat lying around feeling like soggy cookies. I’m not sure what soggy cookies feel like, but I got his point.
Sean, Mark and I joined up with another friend of Sean’s. His name was Geo, and the four of us were dropped off by Geo’s older sister. I can’t remember her name, but she was a total bow-wow and treated Geo like he was a mangy stray mutt. Despite having a hell-hound for a sister, for the most part Geo was an okay guy, except he tried too hard to be likeable and thus came across as mildly annoying. Mark couldn’t stand Geo and told me so when he and I went into the bathroom in the middle of the movie.
Mark hadn’t needed to use the bathroom but came with me because he knew I wasn’t feeling too well. Actually, he came because, when I stood up, I was dizzy and nearly toppled forward onto three little kids that were sitting in the row in front of us.
“You okay?” Mark asked when we were out in the hallway.
“Yeah, just need a pee. That Coke went right through me!”
“Well if you had taken my advice…” Mark started.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” I mocked, and as we stepped into the bathroom, I added, “I think that one of us in diapers is enough.”
Mark elbowed me in the gut, not too hard, but given my tenderness, it was enough to cause me a little discomfort. “Serves you right. Next time, maybe you can say it a little louder.” he said.
I quickly saw that all of the stall doors were ajar and no one was standing at the urinals so I played it up to try and make him feel bad. It worked.
“Oh, that wasn’t even funny!” I moaned loudly and wrapped my arms around my abdomen.
Mark practically flipped out. “Oh Max, are you okay? I didn’t mean… I forgot about your stomach!”
I stood upright and smiled, “Fooled ya!”
“Man,” Mark lightly punched my arm, “You BLEEPING BLEEP! Don’t do that to me!”
I really get a kick out of the way Mark censors his own words. I laughed as I entered one of the stalls and started to pull down my pants. I figured while I was in there, I should sit down just in case I needed to go more. I doubted that I would, I mean that Imodium is good stuff but I really don’t want any more of the screaming doodies. On the other hand, I didn’t want to miss anymore of the movie then we already were so I tried to bare-down a little.
Mark was over by the sinks. I knew this because I could hear him playing with the automatic faucets, and for some reason, he felt the need to carry on a conversation with me despite the echoing and the fact that anyone walking past the bathroom door could hear us.
“That Geo guy is weird.” Mark said bluntly.
“I don’t think so,” I said in return as I started to pee.
“You pooping yet?” Mark asked.
I groaned, “Don’t be crude!”
“He gets on my nerves.” Mark added.
“Who does?” I asked.
“Sean’s friend Geo!” Mark huffed, “Are you even paying attention?”
“Uh, I don’t know if you noticed or not but I happen to be a little busy over here.” I answered, and to drive home my point, I put my hands to my mouth and faked a really loud farting sound. I was disappointed that Mark didn’t comment on it. He must have thought I was really breaking wind.
“Yeah well, I still think he’s weird.” Mark said after several seconds of silence.
“You have a lot of room to talk.” I shot back.
Mark went on the defense when he asked, “What do you mean?”
“Never mind!” I said and then added, “Uh, I think I am going to be a few minute, you might want to go back to the movie without me.”
When he didn’t answer I started to wonder if he actually left me alone or if he was sulking after that last verbal slap.
I called out, “You there?”
To my horror a total stranger answered, “Yeah, who is that in there?”
The voice sounded like it came from someone fairly young and sounded somewhat panicked, but with the echo effect caused by the tiled walls and floor, it was difficult to be sure.
I felt my face glowing red hot with embarrassment and thought to myself that I would just sit quietly in my stall until I was sure whoever it was had left again. But then I heard someone coming closer.
“Who’s in there?” the voice asked.
“Occupied,” I called out.
An eyeball peered through the crack between the door and the wall of the stall. “Are you almost done?” the boy asked.
“You know there is more than one toilet in this building!” I said fretfully.
I thought I heard him leave. Maybe it was just wishful thinking, but then the door to the stall beside me closed and latched. I sat perfectly still and didn’t make so much as a peep or allow the smallest of farts to escape. Whoever was in the next stall was being very quiet too. His feet were not shuffling about and I never heard the sound of his pants being unzipped.