The next week flew by. Everything was just going right. Tori and I hung out almost every day and it wasn’t awkward at all. In fact, we just seemed natural together. I had never felt so happy in my life before. It was like the missing piece of me was filled with a warm, glowing light. We talked about many topics, growing closer with every conversation. I had even contemplated telling her about my condition, but I figured that it wouldn’t do any good to the situation. I was pretty sure that she’d be accepting, but the only good that would come of telling her would be that I wouldn’t have to be so careful to hide it in front of her. I feared that it would eventually tear us apart for some unknown reason. I decided that telling her was the last thing I needed to do.

In addition to my progress with Tori, my band was playing better than ever. The other guys had decided to name the band Bite the Bullet in my honor, and I didn’t object. I thought that it sounded more like an album than a band, but I was just glad we finally had a name. As every day’s practice ended, I felt more and more confident in the band. I had no doubt that we would win the competition, which really made me excited to perform on Saturday.

Finally, Saturday came and I found myself driving over to Timberland Park, where the battle took place every year. It was a really nice outdoor venue that was built for multiple musical performances by various organizations in the community. Nearly every concert was well attended, but the Battle of the Bands was always the most popular. People of all ages flocked to the park to witness the event. Bands of every genre could be found there: everything from country to hip-hop to metal. In the spring, bands had to submit a demo CD to a panel of judges that selected the fifteen best bands to perform. It was enough of an accomplishment to be picked to play, and winning the battle usually gave the band some amazing local publicity. All that being said, I was once again extremely nervous.

The worst part was waiting for my band’s time slot to come, though. It was fun listening to all the different bands, but I just wanted to go. The battle started at three in the afternoon, but my band was assigned the nine o’clock slot. Everyone got 10 minutes to set up and 20 minutes to play. Since there was a professional sound crew there, things went very smoothly.

Throughout the time waiting, Tori kept me company backstage. It was nice to have someone to talk to that wasn’t nervous like me. It really calmed me down. But when the band before us took the stage, it was time for her to go into the crowd and let me focus. For those thirty minutes, Alex, Joe, Zack, Corey, and I just sat next to the backstage stairs and stared at each other. We knew that we were able to win the competition, but we needed to execute. Missing one beat or messing up one riff would be enough to take us off the top.

After what seemed like ages, the band before us finished. They were good and the crowd was roaring. They were a tough act to follow, but they also fired up the audience for us. Energy was high at that moment, and that was just what we needed. Our music was based on energy.

We were quick to set up. I hooked up all my guitar effects to the amps with the help of the sound crew and grabbed my guitar just as Joe finished putting his set together on the platform at the back of the stage. I then turned to face the crowd for the first time. An icy chill crept up my back as I realized how many people were there. I couldn’t see the end of the mass of people due to the blinding lights in my eyes. That was probably a good thing. This was my time to shine.

With four clicks of Joe’s drumsticks, we were off. Our first song was an energetic one at about 180 beats-per-minute. Everything was together. Both guitars, bass, drums, and vocals were right where they needed to be. The audience was really getting into it as well. Through the lights, I could see a fairly large mosh pit in progress. It was a great four minutes and the crowd cheered as we finished the song. It was an amazing feeling. I forgot all about every bad thing that happened in the last year as I stood there. I was having the time of my life.

The next song started with a light guitar riff by me. It was a much happier piece that focused much more on the rhythm and vocals. That song was really received well. Many people were jumping in sync with the beat and girls could be heard screaming for Alex as he sang. Being a much easier song for me, I took the chance to really move around the stage. I even went and jumped on an amp next to the drums and started to interact with Joe as he drummed. It was pure rock ‘n’ roll. But then, everything went wrong.

As I turned around to jump off the three-foot-tall amp, my foot got tangled in my guitar chord and I started to trip. I tried to prevent the disaster by leaning, but I only spun and started to fall backwards, head first. As I descended, my pants got caught on the corner of the amp, causing them to rip and slide down to my ankles. I arched my back a little bit right before I landed, protecting my head from the impact. The amplifiers issued a giant boom followed by major feedback as my guitar crashed into the ground. It wasn’t until I rolled over and got to my feet that I noticed that my pants had fallen, exposing my diaper to the entire audience. The crowd was louder than ever, but this time they weren’t cheering. They were laughing at me. Unplugging my guitar, I ran off stage. I had never been so embarrassed in my life. At one moment, I was living my dream, and then the next, I was living my nightmare. I revealed my secret to the entire town.

Without stopping, I ran to my car and started to leave. Unfortunately, there were a lot of traffic in the parking lot. It took forever to get out. People were walking past my car and staring at me as they recognized who I was. I felt so vulnerable as people just pointed and laughed at me. I wanted to leave that place as fast as I could. I only wish I could have left my problems there as well. Finally, I got out of the park and took off. I usually didn’t speed much, but that night I was peeling rubber at every corner. As I pulled into my driveway, I noticed there was another car parked there as well. It was a red Toyota. It was Tori’s.

My heart stopped. I completely forgot about Tori. The night was just getting worse by the minute. After all this time being able to hide my secret from the one I cared most about, I reveal it to the entire town, as well as her.

I slowly pulled into the driveway, dreading having to face Tori while I was engulfed in shame. I opened my car door and stepped out as Tori did the same. She started walking towards me, but I headed for the front door without even acknowledging her.

“Stephen,” she said, following me. Her voice was one of concern, but I just did not care. I opened the door as I felt her gently grasp my other arm. I just shook it off as I entered the house and ran up the stairs on my way to my room. Slamming my door, I jumped onto my bed. Emotions were flooding my mind. A deep pang was growing inside. I couldn’t identify what I was actually feeling. I could not stand it. Anger boiled up from the inside until it overflowed, taking control over my actions. I could no longer think or reason. The only thing I wanted to do was satisfy my anger. I punched my bed as hard as I could a few times before grabbing my pillow and screaming into it as hard as I could. I hated how I was feeling. I had never felt that way before. I had no idea what I was specifically mad at. After all, it was all my fault. But was I really this angry at myself? Instantaneously, I shifted the blame to Tori. After all, she was the reason I got shot in the first place. If she didn’t try running away in the gas station, I wouldn’t have been in those God-forsaken diapers in the first place. But then, I remembered how much I cared about her and that I would jump in front of a bullet for her any day. Confused, I broke down into tears. Trembling, I rolled into a ball and gripped my pillow like my life depended on it.

After a couple minutes, I heard my door opening and I opened my eyes in time to see Tori enter the room. I felt ashamed and helpless. Only one word came across my mind: weak. I was nothing but a weak, helpless creature, at the mercy of those around him. I knew that Tori was going to dump me. I didn’t blame her. Why wouldn’t she? How could she associate herself with me after what happened? Tori slowly walked over to my bed and sat down next to me.

“Stephen, we need to talk,” she said, as if she was confirming my fears. “Look. I already knew you wore diapers.”

“What?” I asked, shocked. “How?”

“That day I visited you after you left the hospital, I saw you kick the package of diapers into your closet.”

“Wait, why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“Because I didn’t want to embarrass you. I figured you didn’t want me to know. You would’ve told me otherwise. I was just waiting for you to tell me yourself.”

“It doesn’t bother you at all that I wear diapers?”

“Of course not! I was beyond happy when I found out!” She said, adding to my already confused state.

“Why would you be happy?”

“Well, because I finally found another diaper lover!”

“A WHAT?” I asked, having no clue what was happening anymore.

“You don’t have to play stupid, Stephen. I’m not playing with you. I’m a diaper lover too!”

“Wait. I am NOT a diaper lover. I’m not even quite sure what that is.”

“Okay. Then how do you explain the diapers?”

“Hmm… Well, it MIGHT have SOMETHING to do with the fact that I can’t STOP PISSING MY PANTS!” I started to yell as anger started to take over again. “But it’s completely fine if you want to make fun of me if you want!”

“Wait. You’re incontinent?” She asked sheepishly after a short pause. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I wouldn’t have-”

“OH, YEAH, YOU WOULDN’T HAVE ACCUSED ME OF LOVING DIAPERS?” I screamed, losing all control of my anger. “WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM? A FUCKING BABY? IT’S ONE THING TO DUMP ME FOR A MEDICAL CONDITION, BUT DON’T PULL THIS SHIT ABOUT HOW YOU’VE KNOWN ALL ALONG AND THAT EVERYTHING’S ALRIGHT. JUST COME RIGHT OUT AND FUCKING SAY IT!”

“Stephen, I know you’re upset, but I’m telling the truth.” Tori said, crying. “I honestly thought you were like me.”

“THAT I WAS LIKE YOU? SO NOW THINGS ARE DIFFERENT BECAUSE I’M NOT SOME CREEP WHO FINDS ENJOYMENT FROM WEARING DIAPERS?”

“I never said that Stephen-”

“YOU KNOW THAT THE REASON WHY I CAN’T STOP MYSELF FROM PISSING MY PANTS IS BECAUSE I SAVED YOUR LIFE!” I screamed, instantly regretting saying it. Tori just stared at me in horror, tears streaming down her face.

“I’m sorry, Stephen. I didn’t know.”

“Well, sorry doesn’t cut it. Now I’m the laughing stock of the entire town, and you can’t even give me any support. Instead you have to go on this absurd tangent of my being a ‘diaper lover.’”

“I am trying to support you! I love you!” Her words pierced me right down to the heart. I was taken back. Love was a powerful word. Sure, we really liked each other, but neither of us ever told the other that we loved them. I felt a burning pain inside, regretting my fury, but I couldn’t retreat then. My pride was weakened a tremendous amount that night and couldn’t afford backing down.

“I don’t believe it,” I said bitterly, turning away from her. “I don’t want to see you right now. Just go home.”

“Fine. If you don’t want me around, I won’t burden you with my presence!” Tori said in a shaky voice. “And just for future advice, the next time you’re the joke of town, don’t throw the only people you have under the bus!”

Tori left and drove away. As I heard her car start, I broke down in tears again. A wave of sorrow and abandonment washed over me. I hated it because I knew it was all because of my own doing. Tori was right.