“Mother, can I talk to you for a second?”

More than anything, it was the tone of Julia’s voice that caught her mother’s attention. Julia sounded more than a little nervous. This had the tone of a conversation of some importance. Shirley’s first thought was that Julia might have done something wrong and was in trouble. She sounded like a kid who knows they are in for it. ‘Well at least she is coming to me first’ Shirley thought to herself.

“Of course sweetie, what is it?”

“Well, you know how you and dad always told me that if I ever wanted to try something that I could come to you guys and you would let me try it under your supervision?”

Shirley felt a little twinge in her stomach. She knew exactly what Julia was talking about. She and her husband Ted had a long-standing policy with their only child regarding the things that will come along as one grew up, stuff like smoking and drinking. The deal was this: If you want to try something, come to us and we will let you try it under our terms. Ted and her both agreed that the best way for their child to be exposed to something like drinking or smoking was not through peer pressure, or at a party where who knows what could happen, but rather in the home where they could supervise that activity and teach their child responsibility.

Ted and Shirley had made this little policy clear: If you try it with us, we will let you do it and you won’t get in trouble, but if we find out you tried it without us, it was big trouble.

Shirley said to herself that she should have seen it coming. That tone of voice certainly explained what this was about. However it is one thing to have talked about the policy, and another thing to have your daughter come to you and ask to put it to the test.

‘OK, stay calm’ Shirley told herself. After all, wasn’t this a good sign that their little girl was trying to do things right? An encouraging sign even?

“Yes, I certainly do Julie.” Shirley answered back, “And, well, I guess I should say I am glad that you are coming to me about it. But, well, you are still awfully young to want to try any of the stuff we talked about. Are your friends doing stuff like smoking?”

“Oh, Mother! That is totally not what this is about! No, none of my friends smoke.”

Julie’s first tone of voice had caught Shirley’s attention and this one did so even more. Julia’s voice made it sound like she had never ever thought of that stuff yet, and that it still ‘grossed her out’. Apparently, that particular discussion was still a ways off. Shirley let out a silent sigh of relief. But if this wasn’t about drinking and smoking, what was it about?

“Oh, I guess I just assumed that since you mentioned the trying policy, that was what you were talking about. So is this not about our trying things policy?”

“No, it is, it’s just that I am not interested in drinking or smoking.”

For a brief second Shirley thought about drugs. She got really nervous, and asked,

“Sweetie, if this is about drugs…”

“Mother, no it is not about drugs. Look, forget it. I shouldn’t have even brought it up. Just forget about it.” Julia said in a sad, defeated and almost pleading way.

With that, Julia left the kitchen and went to her room. Shirley was left sitting alone in the kitchen really perplexed. ‘Ok, this is really odd’ thought Shirley. ‘Well, what should I do? My child came to me with what sounded like something she is nervous about. I don’t think I should let it go. If I read her right, that last bit there was a desperate call for me to follow. I better go see what this is all about.’

Julia was sitting on her bed when she heard her Mother knock on her door. She hadn’t left the kitchen more than 2 minutes ago.

“Come in.” said a depressed-sounding Julie.

Shirley opened the door and slowly entered the room. Her daughter was sitting up on her bed hugging her big pillow and looking at her with eyes that said ‘I am glad you came after me’. Shirley sat down next to her only child and put her arm around her shoulder.

“Julia sweetie, listen. I am sorry if I thought you were talking about something else, but I can’t read your mind. I don’t know what it is that you wanted to talk about, but I feel like it is something important to you. And if it is important to you, then it is important to me. Are you sure you don’t want to tell me about it?”

“Well Mother, I do, but I am really scared that you will think I am a freak or something.”

“Sweetie, I would never think that. Ok listen, why don’t you try telling me a little bit about what this is all about? I mean, why did you mention our policy about trying things if you don’t want to try something?”

“Well, the thing is Mother, I do want to try something, but it has nothing to do with drinking or drugs or anything like that.”

From the way that last sentence sounded Shirley started to get really curious. What was her daughter talking about?

“OK, maybe I can guess?” Shirley asked, “Is this about some kind of new hairstyle, or some new clothes that people are wearing?”

“Well, no it is not about hair Mother, but well, in a way it does have to do with wearing something different.”

From the sound of that last sentence, Shirley knew she was getting much closer to the mark.

“Hmmm, ok, so you are interested in some new kind of clothes? Oh wait, I know, you want to try wearing a thong?”

On hearing this Julia actually giggled, much to Shirley’s relief. The tension in the room dropped noticeably.

“Well, no that’s not it either, but you are getting a lot closer,” Julia said with a bashful smile.

“OK Julie, I am running out of ideas here, maybe you can give me a little hint?” Shirley asked expectantly.

“OK, listen, promise not to laugh Mother, OK?”

Shirley finally felt she was getting somewhere. For a brief second she was reminded of being young herself and sharing secrets late at night with other girls at slumber parties. She could feel like her daughter was about to open up to her.

“I promise.” Shirley said and even held up her hand palm out to show she was serious.

“OK,” Julia started, and then she took a deep breath and seemed to prepare herself.

“Well, it’s like this. For as long as I can remember, I mean like my entire life here, I have had these weird dreams at night.”

“What kind of dreams?” Shirley asked encouragingly.

“Well, kind of strange dreams. Not bad dreams like nightmares. Nothing at all like that. These were good dreams.”

“What happens in these dreams?”

“Well that is kind of the funny part. In all these dreams, you or dad always ends up putting me back in diapers.”

“OK.” Shirley said reassuringly.

“Like, I mean I have had these dreams as long as I can remember Mother. And lately, I have been having them a lot. Like almost every night. And the weird thing is that when I wake up, it is like there is this part of me that really wants it to happen. You have to understand that I have been thinking about this for a long time. And for the longest time I just figured that the dreams would stop you know? But they didn’t, and now I am having them all the time. And I have been thinking about it a lot during the day, you know? I keep wondering what it would be like to wear diapers again. I started getting really curious and I even thought about going to the store to get some to try. Just so I could finally know what it would be like. But I was really worried that you and dad would find out and I would get in trouble or something, so I never bought any. But then one day, like a while ago I remembered how you and dad always talked about your trying policy. Ever since then I’ve wanted to talk to you about it, but every time I get the chance I chicken out and don’t bring it up. I just get too scared that you will think I am weird or something.”

Throughout this whole time, Shirley did her best to just look her daughter in the eye and nod approvingly. Julie’s shaky and unsteady tone made it obvious that what her daughter was telling her was difficult to talk about, and embarrassing. It was not lost on Shirley how important this moment was. She chose her words carefully.

“Julie, listen. First of all, I want you to know that I am really happy that you feel comfortable talking to me about this. I want you to know, that I am your Mother and I will love you no matter what. Ok?”

Julia managed to nod.

“So let me get this straight, you have been having dreams about being put back into diapers?”

“Yeah.”

“Now tell me, when you have these dreams, do you feel like you have to pee or something?”

“No, it’s not like that.”

“Ok, well what did you mean when you said that when you wake up there is a part of you that wants it to really happen?”

Julia looked at the ground, and her mother could tell that this was really hard for her to talk about. So she put her arm around Julia and gave her a little hug. It must have worked, because Julia started talking again.

“Well, I mean, that, well, I guess I really want to be put in diapers again. I mean that is what I was talking about when I brought up the whole trying things policy. I have been thinking about what it would be like for so long, and I have always wanted to try it. But I have always been too afraid to say anything. I always figured that it would go away, but it never has. So I think maybe I shouldn’t fight it. Maybe I should try it, so I can stop wondering”

“So let me make sure I understand this sweetie. The reason you were asking me about the trying policy, is because you were wondering what it would be like to wear diapers again?” Shirley asked kindly.

“Yeah.” Julia said as she looked up from the floor at her mother for approval.

“And you were hoping that we would go ahead and put you back in diapers so you can find out?”

“Well, yeah exactly.”

“Well sweetie, let me be honest with you. I am kind of relieved. I was really worried that you wanted to try something like smoking or drinking, and I was a bit upset, because you are a bit young for that I think. But I certainly wasn’t expecting this. I have to say that I am not sure what to say. I mean, I certainly don’t see anything wrong with what you are talking about. But I have never really heard of anything like this. Did you by any chance hear about this from a friend of something?”

“Mother, I have never told anybody about this stuff in my entire life, and no I have never ever heard of anybody like me. That is one of the reasons I was so scared to talk about it. I am worried that there is something weird about me.”

Shirley knew that this too was also an important moment, and again she chose her words very carefully.

“Julie, listen to me carefully.” Julia looked up into her Mother’s eyes. “Everybody in the world is different in their own way. People have all sorts of strange desires. I don’t know how much you know about these types of things, but I can assure you that there are people who like things that you would think are weird. I mean, some guys like to dress up in ladies underwear and bras. Some people are attracted to members of the same sex. Some people like to take off all their clothes and walk around naked in front of everyone. Heck,” Shirley said with a sarcastic tilt of the head and a stare of utter disbelief, “some people actually like lima beans. Point being we are all different sweetie. And there is nothing wrong with being different as long as what you do doesn’t hurt yourself, or make trouble for anybody around you.”

“So does that mean that I am weird?” Julia asked.

“Honey, weird is not the word to use. These feelings that you have are certainly different. So you could say that you are unique, but I don’t think you are weird. Like I said everybody is different Julie, and some people like things that other people wouldn’t like. That doesn’t make them weird. I personally think that it makes them normal. I think anybody who doesn’t have something a little different about them is weird.”

Julia let out a tiny laugh at the last thing her Mother said. Then she looked at her Mother again and said,

“Well, I guess I see what you mean Mother. So you don’t think I am weird?”

Shirley put her hands on each side of Julie’s face and looked her square in the eye, and said with a smile, “No sweetie, I don’t think you are weird.”

Julia smiled at her Mother and leaned over and gave her a big hug. While they were hugging each other Julia said, “Thanks Mother.”

Shirley hugged her child tight. ‘Well that didn’t go so bad now did it’ she thought to herself. She felt a little feeling of pride at knowing she had done a good job at being Mother.

Julia let go and then stood up. It was obvious that the conversation was pretty much over, and now nobody really knew what to say. There was a long silent pause that Julia finally broke.

“So now what?” Julia asked in a semi-confused tone.

If Shirley had felt like she had been doing a good job at being Mother a second ago, she now felt like it was back to the drawing board. Her time for patting herself on the back was over. She thought to herself, ‘that’s a good question, what now’?

“I guess I don’t know Julie, what do you think?”

“Well, I mean, are you going to do it?” Julia asked.

“Do what?”

“Are you going to let me use the trying policy?”

Despite having listened to all her daughter had said, Shirley had not really given any serious thought to the idea until now. She had been so relieved that this whole issue was not about drinking or drugs that she hadn’t really given much thought to what was being asked. Her daughter was asking to be put back in diapers, that much was clear. And although she didn’t say so, Shirley had to admit that it was a strange idea. Shirley thought to herself. How on earth would that work? ‘Well, Julia is still pretty young, and she was definitely on the small side. There had to be diapers that would fit her. Plus, it could have been a lot worse. And there was something else. Her daughter had come to her, and told her something that was obviously very difficult to talk about. That in itself was worth some kind of reward wasn’t it? Maybe I should I go ahead and do it?’ Her thoughts were interrupted by Julie.

“Mother?”

Julie’s voice brought her back to reality.

“Yes?” Shirley said thinking her daughter wanted to ask her something else.

“Are you going to let me try it? I mean isn’t this kind of like what the trying policy was for?”

Shirley started to think about it again, and for the first time she remembered that part of the trying policy was what both parents had to be involved. She had not even thought of what Ted might have to say about this. Shirley decided she would have to talk it over with him.

“Well Julie, I guess I have to say that I don’t know. I will say that I agree with you though. I do think the trying policy could cover this. But you have to understand that I never really thought that you would want to try something like this, so I am not sure how to handle it. And you also should remember that the trying policy means both me and your dad will have to talk about it.”

Julia was kind of hoping her mother had forgotten about the part where her father was involved. It had been hard enough to talk about it with Mother. She didn’t think she could do it with her dad.

“Mother it was hard enough to talk to you about this, I don’t know if I can tell dad.” Julia said disappointedly.

“That’s OK; I’ll talk to him about it.” Shirley said.

“Well, I guess that would work. Do you think he will be ok with it, or will he think I am a freak?”

Shirley thought about her husband’s possible reaction. She had to keep herself from laughing at the thought of what he might say.

“Julia honey, your dad is a very understanding man, I am certain he won’t think you are a freak.”

“Do you think he will let me try it?” Julia asked.

Shirley took a look at her daughter and saw there a girl who was scared at the thought of her father rejecting her. Shirley thought again about putting her daughter back in diapers. She thought to herself, ‘well, I guess this could have been a lot worse. Heck I though it was about drugs!’ She made up her mind.

“I’ll do my best to convince him.” Shirley said with a wink.

Julia felt better immediately.