Re: Alvin Ever After: Alvin in the Fourth
“Oh good lord not again! I already told you the name is Gil! I am not your dead fath…”
“How do you know I’m Alvin if you’re not my dad?” I asked, having already guessed what he was going to say.
He groaned and started to walk away from me so I gave chase once I picked up my bag and my board.
“You owe me some explanations!” I shouted.
“I don’t owe you shit.” He shouted back, “And stop following me!”
Then I had a thought, “Where’d you have a gun?”
He stopped walking, turned and said, “It’s a water gun!” and then that SOB sprayed me in the face with it.
“OH MY GOD! NO YOU DIDN’T JUST!” I yelled and was shot in the face again.
“WHAT THE HECK MAN!”
He laughed, stuffed the squirt gun in the front of his folded down wetsuit, picked up his tanks and continued walked away from me yet again.
“HEY! I wasn’t done talking to you!”
“Don’t much care!”
When he shot me in the face, I had dropped the bag to wipe the water from my eyes. Therefore, I had to reach down and grab it again. It was then that I noticed it had these strange, fancy twine ropes for handles. I then I realized that the bag wasn’t just a normal paper bag, but was a shopping bag from Abercrombie & Fitch and had this, half-naked Adonis on it.
“What the?” I gasped, “Where did mom get something like this?”
I then rushed to follow the man who was now on the other side of the street and moving at a leisurely strolling pace.
“At least tell me why you helped me?”
He didn’t answer.
“Got a name?”
“Not going to tell you again!”
“Come on tell me something.”
He stopped turned around and said, “I have four words for you. Shut – Up – Go – Away!”
I did shut up, but I did not go away; however what I did do was stop in my tracks as I began to break down.
He must have sensed this because he looked over his left shoulder at me.
“OH NO! NO CRYING!” he shouted at me so loud and so forcefully that my body actually convulsed from fear. It also did nothing to help me keep my emotions in check.
“OH FOR THE LOVE OF…” he swore at the sky, “I… John is…” he paused as he realized what he was about to say and corrected himself, “…was my baby brother. Happy now? Now go finish your competition and then go back to Maine. There is nothing for you here anymore but pain and bad memories.”
He then turned and walked away. I hesitated for only a moment before I realized I had more questions now that I knew who this man was. Why didn’t I ever know John had a brother? Why had my father never spoke of him? Why hadn’t mom either?
“Wait! You said you slept with my mom!”
He didn’t stop!
“WAIT!”
He didn’t.
“PLEASE!”
He kept going.
I wiped my runny nose on my bare arm and followed him all the way to what I took to be his home. We walked around it and down some stone steps where were set into the side of a rather steep hill. To my surprise, there was the ocean again. I’d actually got turned around and thought we’d been moving away from it and yet we’d only been walking parallel to it the whole time. We ended up on a sloping driveway, which went under an overhead deck and to a doublewide, wood garage door, which opened as we approached. I found that surprising, as I did not see him press any buttons to make it open.
He walked in, set his scuba tanks beside a very beautiful Plymouth Prowler. He then walked into a small area I knew to be for changing after being out in the water. I knew this because there were playful signs on it that said stuff like…
NO SHOES
NO SHIRT
NO PANTS
NO PROBLEM!!
Have Board
Will Surf
Heaven Seems A Little Closer
When Your House Is Near The Ocean
And my favorite…
NUDE BEACH
SWIMSUITS OPTONAL
PEEKING, STARING
AND GAWKING ENCOURAGED
I stood there waiting and soon he reemerged back in street clothes.
“That was quick I commented.”
“Are you still here? Take a hint and go the fuck away!”
“Not until you give me some answers!”
“Oh hell! I need a drink!”
He walked over to a cabinet that had NAPA in big red and white letters on the front. I expected it to have motor oil and such in it, but as it turned out, it was one of those mini fridges that hang on the wall like a regular cabinet. He pulled out a bottle, popped the lid and chugged the whole stinking thing in one go. Then he tossed it over my head and into a 55-gallon drum. The glass exploded inside the drum when it collided with the metal. It was very loud.
Completely ignoring me, he walked out of the garage and I followed him back up the drive, to the steps we’d come down, and back around to the front of the house.
Well, you know what happened from there. I know I began this account at the end, sorry about that. Now you know how I ended up at Gil’s and who the hell he really is… or do you?
I came out of the bathroom, after having changed into a fresh GoodNite, and found Gil sitting out back smoking a huge, smelly, cigar and drinking a freshly filled glass of booze.
“So, UNCLE-DAD!” I said and he turned his head toward me.
The look he gave me can best be described as the look someone gives when looking at the bottom of his or her shoe immediately after stepping in a pile of dog crap.
“Damn! I was hoping you were another of my drunken delusions.” Gil said right before gulping down the entire contents of his glass in one long swig.
I was about to open my mouth when there was a knock at the front door.
“Do me a favor kid, and get that.” Gil said, followed by a loud belch, “And if it is (he used a vile slur) again slam the door in its face!”
“Anything for you UNCLE-DAD!”
I turned and stepped back in the house and none too soon. Had I been a split second slower the empty glass he threw would have nailed me instead of sailing past my head and over the side railing. As it was, I heard the ice pummeling the wooden railing and I’d turned in time to see the glass falling toward the sand below.
“HEY!” I objected but then whoever was at the door knocked harder and louder.
“GET THE DAMN DOOR!” Gil shouted.
“ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! SHEESH! UNCLE-DAD’S ARE SURE GROUCHY!”
When I opened the door, I guess somehow I was expecting it to be Gil’s transvestite friend, returning. However, that isn’t who was on the other side of the door.
“MOM?!” I exclaimed, “How’d you know I was here?”
“I called her!” Gil said from behind me.
“Hello Donato.” Mom said and I think that was the first time since John died that I’d heard Mom sound like her old self.
“Hello Mel!” Gil said and that was another first. He actually sounded sober and friendly, “It’s been too long. And you look amazing”
