I sat quietly in the backseat staring out the passenger side window while Grandmother drove use back home. At one point she had tried to strike up a conversation with me, but I wasn’t in the mood to talk. The past few days had been unreal. For the better part of six whole days I was happy again; now that my best friend and my girlfriend had gone I again felt lost in the blackness of pain. I felt transfixed by the gloom of a gray world that once again finds itself caught between post-winter melting and pre-spring promises. It had been my first real winter and I must say I much more prefer a sandy Christmas.
After staring out the window for a good long time it suddenly dawned on me that we were not going home the same way we had come.
“Are we going home?” I asked, speaking for the first time since getting into the car.
“I want to stop and see your mother.” She said.
“Do you think they will let me see her this time?” I asked even though I already knew they wouldn’t and I was right.
I sat in a waiting room watching the morning news while Grandmother went in to see her daughter. The news ended and unbelievably they hadn’t once talked about the accident. It’s amazing that after only a week and a half the dock tragedy had become old news.
While I sat there several people came and went but for the most part I was alone. I was staring off into the abyss of my own sorrow when these two emo looking teens came into the waiting room. The shorter of the two had his right arm in a sling and was wearing a blue hospital gown and hospital footie-slippers. Apparently he was a patient. The taller of the two was in full emo uniform, black torn jeans, heavy metal t-shirt, heavily gelled hair that hung over one eye, and dull-black combat boots.
I will also add here that there was something about the taller guy that was oddly familiar and it wasn’t until they left that I realized why. He looked almost exactly like a picture I’d seen of one of the ILD.com members. I wish I had made that connection before he left so I would have thought to have looked to see if I could tell if he was wearing a diaper then or not.
They sat directly diagonal from me on the opposite side of the room with their backs to me. I thought nothing of them and they probably wouldn’t have warranted remembering had they not sat down and commenced to make out. They were all over each other.
We were the only three in the waiting room while this was going on and I wondered if they knew I was there at all.
They stopped trying to devour one-another’s face long enough to check their surroundings before the taller guy dove down into the shorter ones lap. From my vantage point it was perfectly clear that he was giving his injured friend a blowjob. The one still sitting up kept looking around and even made eye contact with me twice. Both times he smiled and winked at me.
For some reason I couldn’t keep my eyes off the two of them either. It wasn’t long before the guy getting sucked off blew his load into the other’s mouth. I knew this had happened because he’d thrown his head back and groaned. They were just finishing up when I saw a lady walking toward the waiting room. I loudly cleared my throat.
They suddenly sat up straight and acted innocent. The lady did come in, picked up a magazine and sat several seats away from me. The two emo guys looked back to me and both gave me a silent nod of thanks for the warning. I smiled and blushed back.
A minute later they got up and left but not before the taller guy, the one who had been doing the sucking gave me a wave and a wink and then mouthed, “Thank you!”
I nodded back and gave him the universal sign of a single thumb up and mouthed, “Anytime” which earned me a wide smile.
I wasn’t interested in what was on the television but sat staring at it and thinking about those two. That is when I realized who that taller teen reminded me of. I actually got up and walked out of the waiting room for a moment to see if they were still around but I couldn’t see them at all.
I went back to my same seat, leaned my head back and stared at the ceiling tiles. I wasn’t really thinking about anything when the strangest thought popped into my head. I don’t know where it came from or why it was suddenly in my head but none the less, there it was. Like I said, the thought was strange; it had occurred to me that when someone tries to kill themselves they always leave a note. I believe it is known as a suicide note. But Mom didn’t leave one, at least not one that I knew about. Perhaps one of my grandparents found the note and either hid it or threw it away so that I wouldn’t see it. Then again, maybe Mom never cared enough to write a letter or even a short note for me. I forced myself not to think about it anymore.
A young man, 18 or 19 maybe, walked into the waiting area with a small child who was frantically trying to free herself from the confines of a thick yellow sweater.
“Willie help me!” came the sweetest sounding little girls voice from somewhere within the sweater.
Her head finally emerged from the confines of the knitted apparel. She had the biggest, roundest cheeks I’d ever seen on a little girl. I’d say she was no more than five. As her head came free from the sweater long curly brown locks of hair fell about her shoulders. Her smiling green eyes landed on me and she raced over, put both hands on my knees and pulled herself up onto my lap.
“Lucie!” the young man charged after her and pulled her from my lap.
“Sorry about that.” He told me.
“That’s ok.” I said.
He sat her on the floor in front of a small children’s play table and pulled a coloring book out of a canvas shoulder bag. He gave her a small box of crayons and she started coloring right away.
“Want to color with me?” she asked after a few minutes.
“Huh?” I grunted while looking to the young man who was lost in some sports news wrap-up show on the television.
I slid out of my seat and sat myself across from the little girl.
“What’s your name?” she asked.
“Alvin.”
“My Daddy gots a booboo in his head.” She told me while coloring a dog green.
For a small child she was doing quite well with staying inside the lines.
“My mommy is here too.” I told her as I picked up a blue crayon and started coloring a balloon that the dog was holding.
“I gots this many dollies.” She held up seven fingers.
“I had this many,” she put down one finger, “but now I got this many.” The seventh finger rose again.
“How many dollies you gots?” she asked.
I chuckled, “I don’t have any dollies.”
“You want to play with one of my dollies?” she asked and before I could say no she was up and pulling at the canvas bag.
“Willie I need my dolly!” she whined.
Willie’s attention was pulled away from the TV for a moment while he reached into the bag and pulled out a naked Barbie doll.
Lucie handed the doll to me and said, “You can play with it but you can’t keep it.”
“Thank you.” I said as I pretended to hug it.
“How come she doesn’t have any clothes on?” I asked.
Lucie shrugged and went back to coloring.
I held the doll to my chest with one hand like I was holding a baby and Lucie smiled her approval. We continued coloring until my grandmother came back to get me.
When Grandmother came out she was smiling but when she saw me with the doll she almost broke out laughing. I narrowed my eyes at her warningly which only seemed to make her want to laugh all the more. As it was she had to cover her mouth with a lacy hanky to hide her smile.
I handed the doll back to Lucie and said, “I have to go now.”
“Okay!” Lucie said while still coloring.
Grandmother had made her way over to where I was sitting with Lucie and said, “The doctor said your mother will be able to coming home tomorrow.”
She seemed upset that I hadn’t got excited over that bit of news.
“Thank you for letting me color with you.” I told Lucie.
She waved with those big round cheeks of hers, “Bye Alwin.”
“Goodbye Lucie,” I said as I pulled on my coat and walked out with Grandmother.
Once we were home I went to my room where Grandmother had followed me in, changed me and then left me alone for the rest of the day.
However, before she walked out she said, “I think I enjoyed it better when the house was filled with your friend’s laughter.”
I nodded my agreement.
And sounding as though her mind had drifted off to some long ago period, she added, “It has been far too long since this house has been filled with the laughter of children.”
I hadn’t even gone down to eat lunch and no one bothered to come get me either; so when I thought it must be about dinner time I was more than a little ravenous. I was starting to think about heading downstairs when I heard a sound behind me. I had been sitting on the floor reading a surfing magazine and spun around on my diapered butt to see who or what had made the noise. Standing there framed by the open doorway was Grandfather.
“I see your friends have gone home.” He said in a low, dry tone.
I didn’t respond; not even a nod.
And then as if Mom had only been away on vacation he added, “Your mother shall be returning tomorrow.”
Again I did not respond.
After a moment of silence he asked, “I take it you are still mad at me?”
I didn’t even blink.
For a full minute he didn’t say anything else. He stood there looking at me as though he were trying to decide his next words.
“Micah is back as well.” He said.
I finally spoke, “Good!”
That single word came out almost like I had spit it at him.
“And you and I have some unfinished business.” He said still in that low, dry tone.
My eyes narrowed as though focusing two laser beams onto his forehead. It was only then that I remembered about the vase incident.
The thought crossed my mind like a line from a movie, “What more can you take from me?” and had I actually said it, I probably would have had to pick my teeth up off the floor. No, I didn’t say it; instead jumped up, and stood motionless while saying nothing.
“I am not mad that you broke the vase, but that you tried to hide it.” He said and when I didn’t seem to react he added, “Your punishment starts now.”
Through clenched teeth I asked, “What punishment?”
“You are not allowed to use the weight room for the remainder of the summer. That includes the Lap Pool.”
Completely ignoring what he had just said I asked, “When do I get my surfboard back?”
He seemed to hesitate for half a second, as though he hadn’t expected me to ask that.
Abandoning his low, dry tone, his voice raised a couple octaves as he answered “You don’t.”
His words felt like a knife had been thrust into my gut.
Now I lost my cool. I leapt to my feet and screamed at the top of my lungs, “YOU CANNOT DO THAT! IT IS MINE! MY FRIEND MADE IT ESPECIALLY FOR ME!”
“Young man, you had best get control of that temper.” Grandfather said in his same cold tone.
I didn’t lower my volume at all. “IF YOU DON’T GIVE IT BACK…”
Grandfather’s voice returned to the previous Low, dry controlled tone, “You will do what boy?”
Suddenly something occurred to me. It was like a cool breeze had blown across the back of my neck. A chill ran down my spine causing me to tremble.
“I’m not Henry.” The words came out of me nearly inaudibly.
“What?”
“I am not Henry!” I said at an almost normal level.
Like had happened a few nights before Grandfather seemed to stagger and sway.
“Excuse me?” he asked his voice cracking.
But I didn’t say another word. I stood there unresponsive still staring into his dull eyes until he looked away. That is when I knew I had got to him.
Nothing else was said. Grandfather turned and walked back out of my room and wasn’t seen the rest of the night. However, that wasn’t the end of it.
Feeling high as a kite for having stood up to my grandfather I made my way downstairs to the dining room, but found that it was dark and the table hadn’t been set. I didn’t really know the exact time so I decided that I’d go to the kitchen and see Micah. Maybe if I gave her my puppy dog eyes, she would make me something to eat. Sure enough Micah was there and boy was she happy to see me.
“Micah you are crushing me!” I struggled for breath as she tried to hug me to death.
“Ooooooh Micah missed Al-bin sooooooooo much!” She said and still hugging the stuffing out of me she began to shake me back and forth like a rag doll.
“Micah I can’t breathe!” I wheezed.
Finally she released me from her bear hug.
“Hey, how come you haven’t made dinner yet?” I panted.
She gave me a funny look.
“What?” I asked.
Without saying anything she went over to the oven, opened the door and pulled out a plate covered with aluminum foil.
“I missed dinner?” I asked with amazement.
“Al-bin, it is after seben.” She said.
“What?” I asked while looking at the clock on the wall and then running my hands through my hair I exclaimed loudly, “Wow!”
I was disappointed when Micah uncovered the dish. With her return I somehow had been expecting something exotic, but what she had for me was ordinary meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and brussel-sprouts. Oh because I was so hungry I still ate everything, except for those vial sprouts and it was delicious. While I ate I told Micah about everything I’d done with my friends while she had been away.
As soon as I finished eating I started to take my plate to the sink but Micah, thinking I was leaving snapped at me.
“Al-Bin!?”
I jumped at least a foot in the air and dropped the plate. Thank goodness it didn’t break, but it sure was loud.
“Micah you scared the shit out of me!” I said and no sooner was the words out of my mouth then I quickly covered my mouth with my hands as I stood there like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car.
She stood with hands on her hips looking at me the same way my mother looks at me right before she is about to go off on me.
I lowered my hands from my mouth only long enough to say, “Oh Micah, I am so very sorry! I didn’t mean to say that.”
“Al-bin got dirty mouth! Maybe Micah shouldn’t give Al-bin Lamingtons.”
I had no idea what Lamingtons were, but after what I had just let slip out of my mouth, I wouldn’t have been surprised if it were Austrian for a swift boot to the backside!
“Please don’t be mad at me!” I pleaded.
Micah stepped toward me raising both hands and I flinched, thinking she was going to brain me, but instead she hugged me again, only this time she lifted me off my feet while smothering me.
“Al-bin is mostly good boy.” She said.
When she released me, and as my feet hit the cold tiles, I gasped in a desperate breath and nearly collapsed to the floor.
Micah thrust both hands into my armpits and hoisted me into the air. For a fear filled second, I worried that she was going to toss me out of her kitchen for cussing but then she literally dropped me on the counter. I felt the diaper squish under my weight and knew that I was in need of another change. Sitting on the counter like that made me feel as if I was a child half my age.
She stuck her head into the refrigerator and pulled out a silver tray of…
“Uh, Micah what is that?” I asked while eyeing the cube shaped brown and white things on the tray that she was holding under my nose.
“Lamingtons!” she said as if I should know what a Lamington was.
“Those are called… Lamingtons?” I asked just to be sure I understood her.
She explained that they are delicious moist cake, coated with chocolate, then tossed in dried coconut. Of course I Englished it up, because the way she said it wasn’t as easy to understand with her heavy Austrian accent.
I started to reach out for one but she swatted my hand away; and not gently either. Dang it hurt! She went back to the refrigerator and pulled out a small red bottle. With two fingers Micah held the bottle in front of my face so I could read the label. I knew the bottle instantly. John used to use Tabasco Sauce on his eggs in the morning.
“Stick out tongue.” she ordered.
Instinctively I slammed my hands over my mouth and shook my head from side to side.
With one strong hand she pulled my hands away from my face and forced them into my lap. Holding the bottle in front of my face she also brought up a single Lamington so that they were both right in front of my nose.
“Stick out tongue.” She repeated.
I tried to shake my head again.
She brought her face to within inches of my own. Her eyebrows were close together and her eyes squinted.
“Stick out tongue!” she said in such a way that I feared what might happen if I didn’t obey.
Reluctantly my lips parted but only enough for the tip of my tongue to come out.
“More.” She said.
I reluctantly obeyed.
Again she held the bottle of Tabasco Sauce and the Lamington in front of my now extended tongue.
Still looking like she wanted to chop off my head she asked, “Al-bin want hot on tongue or sweet Lamington on tongue?”
I pointed to the Lamington.
“Then Al-bin never say naughty words again?” she asked while shaking her head.
With my tongue hanging out of my head I answered, “Ah pomuth.”
She smiled and put the Lamington on my tongue. Boy was I relieved when she returned the bottle of Tabasco Sauce to the refrigerator.
All in all, I ate three Lamingtons and boy were they yummy. I also suggested that the same sort of thing would be good with a white cake covered in pineapples and coconut. She promised to try to make me something like that soon.
It was really weird going to bed that first night without Joey beside me. The bed felt empty and bigger than ever. It took forever for me to be able to fall asleep. I tried counting sheep and when that didn’t work I tried counting dolphins. After a while I gave up on sleep and went to the bathroom to splash my face with warm water. When I returned to bed and was back under the , I realized I had left the bathroom light on. I almost got back up to turn it off but then my eyes landed on the bare spot on the wall where my surfboard was supposed to be. It was while I was focusing on that blank wall that I finally fell asleep.