Back in the car and headed home Daddy Phil told us the funniest joke. Let me see if I can remember how it went;
“Deep in the back woods of Tennessee, a hillbilly’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, “Here. You hold this high so I can see what I am doing.”
Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.
“Whoa there!” said the doctor, “Don’t be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there’s another one coming.”
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl.
“Hold that lantern up, don’t set it down there’s another one!” said the doctor.
Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby.
“No, don’t be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there’s yet another one coming!” cried the doctor.
The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment and asked the doctor, “You reckon it might be the light that’s attractin’ ’em?”
Jacquelyn and I got it right away and laughed like crazy, but Jacquelyn had to explain it to Joey before he got the joke.
Daddy Phil told a bunch more jokes. However, that was the only one I remember, probably because it was the funniest.
“So did you have fun?” Grandmother asked as we arrived back home.
“No, we had a great time!” Joey squealed with delight.
“Best ever!” I agreed as I took my surf board from Daddy Phil so I could carry it up to my room.
Jacquelyn and Mommy Beth came in behind us carrying our wet towels and chatting among themselves. I never actually confirmed it, but I think Mommy Beth liked having another girl around for a while.
Joey and I started to head up the stairs as Grandmother called after me, “Alvin, your grandfather needs to see you in his study as soon as you put your surf board in your room.”
I stopped and looked back.
“We both need a change first.” I said as if it were nothing out of the ordinary for me to say.
“I will see to them.” Mommy Beth offered.
And to that, Grandmother informed her, “I think I will give you a hand my dear.”
After a quick change by Grandmother while Mommy Beth tended to her son, she ushered me out of my bedroom and to Grandfathers study. We reached the door but that is all the farther she went.
“I will see you downstairs for dinner.” She said and walked back toward the steps.
All the excitement from the day seemed to evaporate, leaving me feeling nervous. Only one other time had I been summoned to my grandfather’s study and that was when I had gotten into some trouble about three and a half months into the school year. My friends and I had decided that we wanted the day off from school. Playing hooky was something I had become quite good at back in California, but Maine is a totally different world all together. Not even an hour had passed when the local Truant Officer found us and drug us all back to school. All of us got 2 days in school suspension and I don’t know about the others, but after getting chewed out by the Vice Principal, I got chewed out by Grandmother, then both of my parents, and finally Grandfather, who told me that if I did something like that again he’d have me shipped off to an all-boys boarding school in Europe.
With my heart pounding and my ears ringing I raised my hand to the door knob and turned it. The door silently opened and I looked in to see, that aside from the fire in the fire place and some music quietly playing, it didn’t seem like there was anyone inside.
“Grandfather?” I called into the dimly lit study.
At first there was no response, just the gentle crackling of the fire and the pleasant playing of what I took to be some kind of soft jazz.
“Grandfather?” I called louder.
“Ah good,” Grandfather said when he heard me, “Come in boy; come in. What-What!” it sounded like he might have said something else after that, but I wasn’t sure.
While still standing outside of the door, with only my head inside his study I asked, “Grandmother said you wanted to see me?”
He made a sound, which I took to be him clearing his throat. “I did? Oh yes right! I did!”
My eyes tracked the direction of his voice to a large, high-backed brown leather chair sitting to the left of a small orange glowing fire.
“Well don’t stand there half in and half out.” He said as his hand and arm came into view beckoning me to enter. “Come in, come in.”
Don’t ask me why, but for some odd reason I was feeling very uncomfortable, like I was trying to sneak up on a sleeping lion.
I crept into his study, almost on tip-toe as I slowly advanced toward the fireplace.
“Come join me here.” He said pointing with a smoldering cigar at an identical chair to the right of the fireplace.
When I lowered my freshly diapered bottom into the chair, both my diaper and the shiny leather sang out a mingled chorus of crinkles and squeaks.
I looked up at him and that is when I noticed Grandfather was talking on the phone. Without looking at me he offered me the phone.
“Would you like to talk to your mother?” He asked.
Now you might think that I would have pounced on that phone like a hungry leopard would a wounded gazelle, but I didn’t. Instead, I hesitated while considering the small bit of electronics wrapped in a handsome black plastic covering.
“Come on boy. She doesn’t have a lot of time. What-What!” Grandfather said while jiggling the phone at me.
He then stood up and placed the phone to my ear.
Mechanically I said, “Hello?” and then took hold of the phone for myself.
“Oh sweetheart! It is so wonderful to hear your voice again!” came my mother’s voice, “I have missed you so very much.”
I didn’t know what else to say, so I said the only thing that came to mind. “Grandmother said that the hospital won’t let me come see you because I might spread germs.”
Mom was quiet for a moment and then she started to weep, but only for a brief moment.
“Alvin,” she started to say with a dejected voice, “Your father loved you so very much. He told me the night before…”
Mom’s voice trailed off. I felt an uneasy comfort in knowing that like me, she was still finding it difficult to draw reference to that horrible day.
She sniffled, coughed and then started again, “He told me that some of his happiest memories were of the two of you surfing in the dawn of morning.”
I was crying as I listened to her and was glad that, after giving me the phone, Grandfather had returned to his chair and wasn’t looking toward me. Still, I turned away from him, in case he turned back around again.
