“Trick-or-Treat, Trick-or-Treat!” the little pink flower ghost said in an almost cartoon like voice.
“Oh, come on now! It’s not Halloween! It’s the middle of March for crying out loud!” I said, trying not to laugh too much.
“Well, some people do their Christmas shopping early. I’m getting a head start on Trick-or-Treating this year!” the ghost said, still using that cartoon voice.
I wasn’t even trying anymore not to laugh at the mini-specter, but in a way, it was fairly amusing. “Will you get real? I hope you don’t expect me to fall for that because it won’t work.”
“Awe, come on Max!” the ghost said, and for the first time, I thought I could recognize the voice coming from under the sheet.
“Hey, who’s under there?” I asked while trying to reach for the sheet, but the ghost pulled away before I could reach around the storm door.
“So, let me get this straight…” The ghost said, and I was starting to get a clue as to who it was under the sheet, “You’re refusing to give me candy, which means, you want me to do a trick on you?”
“I’m not refusing anything. I’m just saying; you need to come back in October.” I said.
The ghost yanked the sheet off its head, revealing that it was none other than Damien. “Awe, come on Max; ain’t ya got no candy in there at all?”
“Oh my goodness!” I faked an expression of surprise. “I had no idea that was you under there.”
Damien shrugged his shoulders, “Yeah, yeah but I’m still not seeing any candy. So, how about it?”
Though Damien still had the sheet draped over most of himself, I could see his neck and the upper part of his chest and noticed that they appeared to be bare.
I dropped all pretense of humor and asked seriously, “Dang Damien, where’s your coat?”
“Don’t try to change the subject!” he said, stomping his foot, “I want candy and I’m not leaving without some!”
I finally gave in, stepped to the side and said, “Alright, you win! Come on in and I’ll see what I can find.”
As he was coming in, I closed the door and accidentally caught the hem of his sheet. Since Damien was moving kind of quickly, the sheet pulled off of him before he knew it was happening. He spun around with wide shocked eyes. Standing there before me was Damien wearing absolutely no clothes, save for his socks and shoes. He was butt-naked and from the look of it, he was cold, if you get what I mean.
“Where are your clothes?” I asked but before he could answer I asked another question, “And what are you doing running around naked when it is still winter?”
When he didn’t respond, I said, “Fine, I’m calling your grandparents.”
“NO!” he screamed in desperation, and I could see the signs of a full on temper tantrum coming on.
“Why not!” I asked.
With his arms rigidly straight to his side and his little fists balled up like little sledge hammers, he asked through thin irritated lips, “You promise you won’t get mad?”
“I’m not promising you anything.” I was getting upset now.
I picked up the phone, but before I could dial the number, Damien tried to make a break for the front door… without his sheet.
I let the phone drop to the counter with a bang, it then fell to the floor and banged again as I chased after him and caught him just as he was opening the door.
“Stop!” he squealed, “No Max! Let me go!”
“Damien, settle down this instant!” I shouted, and I remember thinking how much I sounded like my own dad right then.
“No!” he shouted, “Let me go!” and tried to kick me.
When I tried to set him down on the sofa to get him calmed down, the little brat bit my shoulder… HARD!
“OUCH, you little monster!” I shouted angrily, except I hadn’t called him a monster. “If you make my neck hurt, I swear I’ll beat your ass until it bleeds.
“I’m not going back there!” Damien shouted, and I noticed that he was crying now, “I hate them!”
“No you don’t!” I said, trying to sound calm so that he might calm down too.
“I HATE ‘EM! I HATE ‘EM! I HATE ‘EM!” He screamed so loud that I had to cover my own ears.
He nearly got away from me again, but I managed to grab a fist full of his hair. He screamed in agony as I yanked him back onto the sofa, flipped him over so that he was lying on his stomach and then I sat on him.
“Ah Max, you are crushing me!” he howled.
“You know what? I don’t much care! You bit me and I’m not about to let you do it again.” I said, while flicking the back of his head several times.
“I can’t breathe!” he screamed.
“If you can scream then you can breathe.” I said.
“Get off you asshole!” Damien screamed and cussed this time. His little arms and legs were flailing about in a mad attempt to escape.
Oh, now I was mad, “Uh, excuse me? What did I tell you about cussing the last time?”
“You do it! I heard you in the hospital!” he said.
He managed to get one arm twisted around and hit me in the calf.
“Stop hitting!” I said.
“Go to hell!” he spat, and even though I knew he was seriously upset about something, I wasn’t going to put up with his dirty mouth or risk the chance that he might cause me to hurt myself again.
Pressing down on the small of his back with one hand, I was able to stand up and get a good grip on him. I hoisted him up, which was something I wasn’t supposed to be doing yet, and carried him to my room where I promptly shut him in the closet. I then put my desk chair under the knob so that he couldn’t get out.
“LET ME OUT OF HERE!” he screamed and kicked the door and made it sound as though, he was knocking down the entire house but he couldn’t get out.
“Not until you tell me what’s going on and why you were outside without any clothes.” I said.
“It smells like stinky feet in here!” he cried out almost inaudibly.
“Yeah, well I hope you choke on the stink!” I shouted through the door at him.
Damien pounded and kicked but it was hopeless for him. I had him trapped for as long as I wished him to be.
“I’m going to give you to the count of three. If you don’t start telling me what I want to know, I’m calling your grandparents.” I said calmly.
“NO!” he said.
“No what?” I asked.
“NO!” he shouted again.
“Alright, I’m done messing with you.” I said and walked out of the room. I could still hear him in my closet screaming bloody murder while trying to kick his way through the door.
When I got back to the phone, it was making that horrid sound that phones make when you leave them off the hook for too long. So I hung it up for a couple of seconds to let it reset before making the call.
