Dante felt a little guilty. It wasn’t her fault that he wasn’t actually a baby. A normal baby would have found this entertaining as all hell. A very small part of him that he was fighting was enjoying the attention, even if he did know where Dante was. He decided to humor her a little bit.
“There he is!” she squealed as she uncovered Dante’s eyes. Dante made his eyes widen in surprise and a big stupid grin spread across his face as he giggled and clapped his hands. Grandma’s face lit up, and she covered her eyes again. “Wheeeeeere’s Dante?”
Dante rolled his eyes, while his grandmother’s She was getting more of a kick out of this than he was. This must have been what it was like for Lysa when she faked baby to get something from the Judy’s. This time though, it wasn’t to manipulate someone as much to make them happy. This process repeated itself for lightning rounds of “patty cake”, “got your nose”, and “bouncy bouncy” as he was bounced up and down on Grandma’s knee. It’s a good thing he was already dead, because Dante’s overriding thought was “Somebody kill me.”
Dante’s grandfather took Dante off of Grandma’s knee when she was done. “Oh come on Molly, he might be a baby again, but he’s not a baby baby. He’s too old for most of this stuff.” Grandpa paused for a moment. “But you know what he’s not too old for?” He flashed Dante that inherited smile of his. “A piggy back ride!”
Dante was almost immediately slung over his grandfather’s back, his hands hanging on for dear life, while his legs were supported. Grandpa took off running and Dante bounced along for the ride. The wind whipped through Dante’s hair as Grandpa dashed through the field at incredible speed. For an old, dead guy who died of lung cancer, Grandpa had the stamina and speed of an Olympic athlete. Heaven must have a heck of a health plan and Grandpa had cashed in on the gym membership.
Now THIS was fun! Other families pointed, smiled, then quickly became blurs in the distance as Grandpa long distance sprinted past. Dante couldn’t help but shriek with delight. This was the closest thing he had had to a thrill ride or roller coaster since he had died. This was a rush!
Much too soon, the ride stopped, and Dante was back at the picnic blanket with Grandma. Grandpa was panting heavily, though maybe a little too heavily to be real.
“Strained yourself, didn’t you?” Grandma smiled.
“Jest a little,” Grandpa panted. “I’m too old to be a good piggy.” he said, Dante still on his back. “Buuuut…I’m a terrific horsie!” Grandpa dropped to all fours and started trotting around the picnic blanket.
“Hahahah!” Dante laughed. This was hilarious. This was great. The weird part was, Dante didn’t feel like this was causing him to him to regress. He was enjoying this, but it was because of pure nostalgia. They were treating him like a baby, sure, but for some reason, it felt like they were treating him like a baby person, not just some dumb pet.
“Careful now!” Grandma warned, as Grandpa bucked and Dante rolled right off of Grandpa’s back, tumbling to the blanket covered ground.
“He might be a baby again, Molly,” Grandpa said. “but he’s still all boy.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Grandma agreed
They started talking about bringing a push cart on his next visit, something to really get momentum. Dante started to zone out. He felt like something was off. He felt plugged up, like something was blocking his own personal feng shui. Like he was a clogged up pipe. All it would take would be one final blow. On instinct, Dante decided to blow. He imagined himself blowing air through his entire body, and moving all of the negative energy out. His cheeks puffed out like he was holding his breath.
Grandma and Grandpa stopped their conversation to look at Dante, on all fours with his cheeks puffed out. “Awww, look at that, Frank,” Grandma said, ” just like when Bobby was that age.”
“You know what that means,” Grandpa chuckled and shook his head.
“I know. I’ll get the diaper bag.”
There. All done. All cleared. Dante felt great now. His Grandma had already spread out a changing mat behind him and pushed Dante back onto it.
“Hey what gives?” Dante yelped in surprise. Then Dante felt the mess spread in the back of his diaper as he was laid down and the smell his nose. Oh. Oh. She had already laid aside a fresh diaper and a tub of wipes.
Dante hid his face in his hands… He had already accepted the Judy’s as basically nanny robots. But his grandparents seemed like actual people. Not only had he pooped himself without realizing it- again- but now actual people were going to wipe his ass for him.
He grit his teeth, as Grandma opened the diaper and used the front of it to wipe the bulk of the poop off of him. He felt a lump form in his throat as his gag reflex kicked in- a mixture of the smell and his own humiliation. “Wheeeeere’s Dante?!” was all his Grandma said, his face behind his hands, as she dragged cold baby wipes across his backside.
“Heh,” his grandfather smirked, looking over Grandma’s shoulder, “must take after his mother’s side of the family.” HUH?! Was his grandfather laughing at the size of his penis?! Now that’s just plain messed up! Dante uncovered his face just long enough to give Grandpa a complete and total death stare.
“Oh Frank, hush.” Grandma shook her head as she finished wiping Dante. “Bobby was the same way at this age. Most babies are. You’re so bad!” Grandpa just shook his head and smiled.
“Now hold on, Molly,” Grandpa interrupted as Grandma was about to unfold the new diaper and slide it under Dante, “don’t wrap him back up just yet. Why not let him crawl around and be a little jaybird for a while?”
“But Frank,” Grandma asked, still keeping an eye on Dante’s privates, (she had already raised one baby boy, an unguarded penis could be a dangerous thing) “what if he has an accident?”
“Nothing we can’t clean up.” Grandpa said. “We’re outside anyhow. ‘S not like there’s any furniture around for him to ruin. Besides,” he added motioning to the balled up diaper that Dante had just made a deposit in. “I think the worst of it has passed.”
Grandma thought a moment. “Well all right,” she finally said, pulling Dante up into a sitting position and yanking his shirt off of him. “Besides, he’s probably kept in diapers 24/7 in the nursery. Kids need a little personal time every now and then.”
“And,” she added as Dante rolled over, “he does have the cutest little tushie.” She gave it a playful smack on his but. Dante braced himself. Nothing happened: He didn’t fall down. He didn’t go limp. He just kept crawling. Interesting. So anyone could pick him up and tote him around, but only Judy’s could spank him.
Dante should have felt embarrassed, but after pooping in front of his grandparents, and being on the receiving end of a size joke, being naked in front of them didn’t rank that high. That and after two solid weeks of padding between his thighs, and nothing but indoor/outdoor carpeting and padded playpens to craw on, being naked and rolling around in the grass was too much of a highlight.
It was positively electrifying. Every blade of grass tickled his bare skin. Sweat trickled down his skin as he crawled through the blades and dug his fingers and toes into the sod. He felt alive. All the while, Grandma and Grandpa followed close behind him, talking about nothing in particular, and laughing as Dante experienced the simple joy of being naked in a field. This must have gone on for what was at least an hour.
“Let’s walk with Grandma!” she said as she hoisted him up by the armpits. Rather than picking him all the way up, though, she supported him under the arms and let his feet brush the earth. She was helping him walk! The soles of his feet came alive as he trod upon the earth. All the while, his grandmother encouraged him.
“That’s it, take another step big boy.” she said as he clumsily put one foot in front of the other, only her support keeping him from falling. “That’s a big boy! Walkin’ for Gramma!” Grandpa, started walking backwards, coaxing Dante closer with each step, only to take a step back as Dante grew closer.
“That’s right, feller!” Grandpa coaxed, “Come an’ get me! Come an’ tackle yer ol’ Grampa!”
They were definitely no Judy’s. Real parents encouraged their kids to grow up and become more independent. The Judy’s did everything they could to remind you that you were still a baby to them. Right then, Dante knew he loved his grandparents, and regretted them dying when he was so young so that he never got to know them. At least now he had a chance to get to know them, even if they would never actually meet the real him.
Suddenly Dante felt something wrong. Floodgates were about to open. He was about to pee! Reflexively, he reached down and grabbed his penis, pointing it away from his grandfather. A stream of urine gushed out, just barely missing Dante’s grandfather.
This was weird. He felt the surge of relief come upon him as he emptied his bladder on the grass, but not the accompanying feeling of warmth or wetness around his crotch. He was doing an open air whiz, and it was wonderful!
“Ha ha ha!” Grandpa laughed as he moved out of the way to avoid a golden shower. “So you and Julie managed to potty train him, huh?! Looks like the ol’ boy still has some moves left!” Dante felt a surge of pride well up inside him. Grandma giggled behind Dante as he finished his wee.
Then he remembered! This is what going potty was like! You had to stand in front of the potty, use your hand to aim your pee-pee towards the water, and then go tinkle! It was all so simple! How had he forgotten how to do that? “What next?” he wondered as his stream slowed to a drip.
Then the bridge to a Good Charlotte song came to his mind. “Shake it once, that’s fine. Shake it twice, that’s okay. Shake it three times, you’re playing with yourself.” Dante took his penis and shook it twice before letting it drop.
“Bwahahahaha!” Grandpa about fell over as he saw this. “I’m tellin’ you Molly, the kid’s a natural!”
Dante grinned from ear to ear in victory. He had remembered how to potty! Timing, aim, and bladder control were still an issue, but it was a step in the right direction. Wait till he told Lysa about this!
“Okay, I think that’s enough close calls for one day” Grandma laughed, as she picked Dante up and carried him back over to the blanket. She laid him down on the blanket, and unfolded the diaper she had set aside earlier and slid it under Dante’s bottom as she lifted his legs.
“Still,” she went on as she re-diapered her eighteen-year-old grandson. “Maybe we can stop by the preschool next month and pick up some Pull-Ups or a practice potty.”
“You think we could find any training pants small enough for him?” Grandpa asked as Grandma finished fastening the tapes “Or a seat that won’t swallow him?”
“Oh, I doubt we could REALLY potty-train him again.” Grandma said, reaching for the baby t-shirt. “But I bet if we timed it right, we could teach him to go whenever we sat him on a potty.” Dante let this run through his mind, as he was re-dressed.
Him. Sitting on a potty. Maybe even with a pair of blue Pull-Ups around his ankles, their learning designs not yet faded. His hands up in the air in victory as his urine splashed against the plastic bowl instead of into padding between his legs. To dream the impossible dream.
“Time for a little lunch,” Grandma said. Grandpa walked over and picked up the picnic basket, getting out sandwiches and some bottled waters. Grandma sat on the blanket, and spread her legs into a “V”. She sat Dante in between her legs and held him gently. Grandpa rummaged through the diaper bag and brought out a jar of baby food, a baby spoon, and two bottles; one juice, and one milk.
Dante’s stomach growled loudly and both of his grandparents smiled. “I think he’s all empty ,” Grandma said, dipping the spoon into the mush, “so it’s about time we fill him back up.” Still sitting in her lap, Grandma offered spoonfuls of the mouth exploding baby mush to Dante. Dante gratefully accepted every spoonful. Grandma was right there to catch all of the spill-out and didn’t miss a drop. She was an old pro at this, after all.
While he ate, Dante’s grandfather chomped into a baloney sandwich. Every now and then he would stop long enough to lean over and hold another sandwich to Grandma’s lips and let her take a bite. Grandpa was feeding Grandma, and Grandma was feeding Dante. None of this wasn’t an act of babying, an act of establishing dependence and dominance. This was all an act of love. This was one of the few moments that Dante could remember since coming to Limbo, that Dante felt good, instead of just not bad.
A thought occurred to Dante: Maybe his grandparents could be his anchors. They didn’t make him feel especially like an adult, but they definitely didn’t make him feel much like a baby. Not the way the Judy’s did anyhow. But could he last and keep his sanity if he only got to see them once a month?
When Dante had finished his mush, his Grandma picked up the milk filled bottle and offered it to Dante’s lips. Ohnononononono! He was enjoying this moment too much to want to trip out on angel milk.
“It’s too warm for milk anyways,” Grandpa said when Dante violently shook his head “No!”. Grandma put the bottle down, and instead offered him a bottle of apple juice instead. Dante greedily grabbed the bottle, and washed down his meal, allowing himself a satisfied sigh as Grandma rubbed his tummy.
Two weeks of supernaturally enforced conditioning can’t be counteracted with just a few hours of genuine parental love, however. So within a few minutes of finishing. “Looks like Dante’s about ready to check out on us.” Grandpa observed
“Oh let him sleep,” he heard Grandma say as he drifted off to sleep, a relaxed smile on his face.
Dante was moving when he woke up. He was being cradled in Grandma’s arms as they walked back towards the narrow path back to Limbo.
“Days like this make me wish we had had more when we could,” he heard his grandmother say.
“Yep,” his grandfather agreed. “So, how do you think he died so young? And not baptized?”
“Hush now”, he heard Grandma say, “he’s woke up. We’ll just have to ask Bobby when he gets here someday, God willing.”
The Judy in the nursery scrubs was already waiting with an empty stroller when Dante and his grandparents approached.
“Here you go,” Grandma said as she handed Dante back to his captor. “I think he’s a little wet. We can change him here before you go if you’d like. The Judy placed him back in the stroller and checked his diaper.
“Don’t worry about it,” the Judy said to Grandma as Grandpa loaded the diaper bag back on the stroller. “Like you said, he’s only a little wet, and these things can take a lot of punishment.” She patted the front of Dante’s diaper. “I’ll just change him when we get back to the nursery.”
“Did you have a good time with your grandparents?” the Judy cooed. Dante nodded “yes”; for their sakes, not for hers.
“Bye Dante, see you next month!” his Grandma said as they both waved goodbye and walked back towards the shining city in the distance.
“Bye Grandma! Bye Grandpa! I love you!” Dante shouted out, even though he knew, it would only come across as baby babble. “Love you too, Dante!” Grandpa’s voice came echoing back. Was this what Midori went through for real?
The two elderly people who picked up Lysa came back with her soon after. “We’re not late, are we?” the old man carrying Lysa on his hip asked.
“Nope,” the Judy said, “you’re just in time.” Lysa’s grandfather placed Lysa back in the stroller and buckled her up himself. Her grandmother gave her a quick peck on the cheek. Lysa for her part, seemed very nervous. “Bye bye, Lysa. We love you.”
“Love you too,” Lysa mumbled, as the old folks walked back towards Heaven. Then the Judy ruined everything.
“Wave bye bye to Mommy and Daddy, Lysa!” she said. Mommy? Daddy?! Something was not right, here. Dante knew it. He didn’t want to, but felt compelled.
“Lysa, what’s going on?” Dante asked as the stroller turned around and started heading back to Limbo.
“What do you m-m-mean?” Lysa stuttered, her eyes darting around. She started chewing on her lips.
“The Judy called those two old people your mom and dad.” Dante told her.
“Yeah, and…?” Lysa took a big gulp.
“You told me that your dad killed your baby sister and your mom. Then you killed him, and then yourself. If that’s true, what is your dad doing in Heaven? Why are your parents so old? From your story, they couldn’t have been more than in their 40’s when they died; probably younger. Why are they so old? And why isn’t Caroline with us visiting your parents with you?”
Lysa looked away. In a tone that Dante could barely hear, she said “Because of the rules. They never knew about her when any of us were alive.”
“Your mother and father never knew about the existence of your baby sister? Of Caroline?” Dante couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Then it all clicked.
“Yeah,” Lysa said, still looking away. “I’m not really Caroline’s sister. I’m her mother.”