I had soiled myself in front of my greatest enemy, all while she patted my head and whispered to me, “That’s right. Let’s get it out. Get it alllllll out.”
I was still peeing myself when Raine started peeling back her fluffy cotton bathrobe. My bowels were still cramping when she undid the nursing bra she was wearing. “Mommy can’t wait to change your diaper,” she said. “It’s such a special bonding time. But first, there’s a much more intimate thing we get to do.” My panicked wails only caused her milk to come in and start dripping out.
The straps were loosened and I was lifted out of the crib. I was still peeing myself. Still shitting myself. How was the diaper still holding it all?! I couldn’t see it, but I imagined the diaper expanding beneath me and sagging like an overfilled water balloon.