Chapter 26: It’s Her
A little over a week passed and I was finally being released from the hospital. The next couple of days I expected to be difficult since the injuries I sustained were going to require some time in physical therapy, but with friends by my side things might just seem a little easier. The time I was bed-ridden helped me process a number of problems still evident in my life.
“You ready to go sweetie?” I asked little Lea who stood close by. Things were also going to be interesting for her since the upcoming month I scheduled lessons for speech therapy. Not saying that Lea couldn’t talk; I just knew in order for her to be able to lead a more normal and healthy life that she would need to be on the same level as the children around her.
She nodded excitedly as I lifted her off the ground and placed her on my lap. The wincing pain from my shoulder came back but I attempted not to say anything as she was raised into the air.
“Are you alright, Marsh?” Amber asked, noting my struggle.
I smiled back at her once Lea was firmly placed in front of me.
“Just perfect.” I replied with a wink.
Her hand landed on my bandaged shoulder for a moment before continuing to push my wheelchair out the lobby. Lea really seemed to enjoy the warm air flowing past her as the two of us rolled down the parking lot and near the front of my car. Though the pains were deep, just knowing that I had my little girl with me almost made them non-existent. Lea was quickly lifted off of my lap and placed into her seat.
“There you are sweetie!” Amber said in a babyish tone as Lea happily received her pacifier. After getting safely buckled into the car, Amber turned to help me out. Even with the help of a steel cane and a warm hearted girlfriend, managing to sit on my seat was no easy task. The fumble lasted another minute or two before I finally got my entire body on the passenger’s side.
“Now that wasn’t so hard, right?” Amber joked.
“Yeah, no biggie…” I replied, chuckling.
The seatbelt made a hard click as Amber skipped to her side and turned on the engine. With the entire luggage deposited safely in the trunk and little Lea quietly enjoying her pacifier in the back, we left once and for all. The drive to Toby’s hospital was a short one, and all of us were especially excited to see him again.
When we arrived at the doors, the giant lug could clearly be seen being forced into his chair by a number of nurses. It seemed to be causing a scene so Amber rushed over there, leaving me to wonder just what she might do to fix everything. In mere moments, the group of people dispersed and the two of them walked happily to the car. Toby held strongly against the pronounced limp occurring from his injured leg. It was just like him to still maintain the “tough guy” look even after getting so terribly hurt like that. The cast on his right leg and arm were in view for all to see and a small number of bandages also covered some areas of his face and neck, yet he still marched on with his powerful presence.
Amber and Toby seemed to be conversing lightly while continuing to move closer to the car. I opened my side door and carefully placed the cane out. Applying most of my weight on the cane, I managed to stand on my own. The two were close enough to see just what I was doing when I started B-lining straight to Toby. Call it empathy, admiration, or love; I struggled as fast as I could over to him for an emotional hug. Amber caught me at the very end of it as I wrapped my good arm around the giant.
“I’m sorry man…” I managed to mutter out from our embrace.
“Don’t be bro; I’m just glad everything’s alright…” He said back.
I felt almost like crying then; what he did to try to save little Lea against those men… I was so grateful. He hardly knew her, yet he fought tooth and nail to defend her with his own life. Toby was such an amazing friend.
“Come on; let’s get you settled into the car.” I replied, smiling widely.
“Right; like you’re any better condition than me!” He retorted, laughing.
We all limped over to the car with Amber carefully guarding us from behind.
After the annoying, yet satisfying walk back, the door re-opened and Toby sat down. With a squeal of excitement, Lea saw the hulking man once more. I thought about how she would’ve felt seeing him again after, well… everything that happened; yet it was almost as if nothing had ever changed. If anything, she kept a look of sheer awe and admiration in her eyes as she stared back at him.
“Tow-wee!” She exclaimed. We all had to laugh at the sound of her cute lisp. Not even Toby himself could prevent his smile from little Lea’s words.
“Hi there, little girl!” He replied in childish voice that caused Lea to only giggle more.
Once everyone had settled into their seats, Amber turned the car on and rushed back onto the road. Toby’s newly-found comfort towards Lea was apparent as I looked into the rear-view mirror and saw him playfully comparing their hand sizes. It was really good to see them put the difficult past behind them and continue building their own bond. As much as I enjoyed playing with my daughter, I knew she would have to grow and expand her social circle sooner or later. The remainder of the ride home I couldn’t help but smile at the two of them.
A number of hard turns later, we all arrived on the street to my house. Amber carefully backed into the driveway as Toby jokingly commented on its “minuscule” size compared to some of the other houses. We all opened our doors to the new setting.
Amber insisted I use the wheelchair once more, but I assured her that only the cane was needed. To be honest, using my cane wasn’t very productive since moving from one place to another required much more energy and time. Nevertheless, I saw it as a pride thing so I kept at it as we all headed inside. Toby managed to somehow carry two bags of luggage with his working arm while Amber took care of the rest. I shot him a coy smile since he never did give up on showing off his strength. He only chuckled back as I took a key from my pocket.
“You don’t ever give up with that, do you?” I said to Toby, who was lazily leaning on an entrance’s pillar.
“Not even for a moment, Marsh.” He replied, laughing.
The key took a second to enter, but finally jimmied in and we all filed through the doorway; Toby, then Amber with Lea by her hand. I closed the door as the newly reunited group examined my comforting abode.
“Nice digs, Marsh!” Toby exclaimed.
“Yeah, well this is where Amber and I’ve been since…” I faded out immediately after realizing where my words were heading.
There was a moment of silence.
“I-I heard about what happened; I’m sorry about your home, man.” Toby said softly.
I smiled at his compassion.
“It’s not that big of a deal.” I shrugged, trying to raise the mood up a bit.
Thinking quickly, I turned to my kitchen and revealed a bottle of unopened Grey goose. Amber chuckled along at my enthusiasm.
“If there’s a time for it, I say it’s now; to make a toast for amazing friends… and family.” I announced warmly.
“Definitely; what do you say Toby?” Amber added as she took a wine glass hanging nearby.
“I say break out the Shampaggen Marsh!” He cheered.
With the help of Amber, I popped open the cork and poured a generous amount into all our glasses. Before even motioning the toast, I took notice of little Lea standing awkwardly away from the three of us. I set my drink down and walked toward her.
“Is something wrong honey?”
She continued to contort her face as she slowly began to sway.
“Diapey!” She whined softly.
Her sudden intuition of yet another word surprised me for a moment.
“Oh okay… let’s get you changed then!” I chirped. In a way, this whole potty-training issue was also something I wanted to get to the bottom of. That day Amber explained to me about the whole phase of temporary or not-so-temporary regression really made me think. The simple fact that children were supposed to be trained already during their early childhood did not necessarily mean it was wrong to wait later for a proper time. If Lea could learn the skills needed to “be normal” on her time, I really think it would have a better outcome toward the end. I didn’t want her to be swayed toward something that she truly didn’t want to take part of. This theory of mine would also show me once and for all if her regression really was only temporary or not, which was what I truly wanted get answer for.
There had already been enough negative impacts in her life, and adding the need to act or seem like everyone else was just too much in my opinion. Like I told Amber that day, if little Lea truly felt comfort or security behind certain infantile tendencies and there wasn’t any damage from it; then why not allow it?
I slowly approached the table.
“Hey, do you know where you put Lea’s diaper bag? I still haven’t bought any of her supplies to put into her room yet.” I asked Amber.
“I think it’s… yup, right over there.” She replied pointing to a yellow and white leather bag planted obviously on the black couch.
I motioned Lea to follow me as the two of us made our way into the living room. With a pat on the seating, the little girl bounced onto a spot right next to me. With my working arm, I pulled out the canister of powder and the baby wipes. Lea stifled a giggled as she continued watching me struggle to get her things out.
“You think this is funny?” I stuck my tongue out playfully. Her giggles only grew with each stare that I managed to pass to her. Finally, I pulled out the scented diaper and paused to look at her. She was grinning ear to ear as I stayed looking at her questioningly for that second. The moment passed and I launched my hand over to start tickling her wiggling stomach.
“Daddy!” She exclaimed with a squealing laughter.
“This is what you get for laughing!” I replied with a chuckle. After another minute of merciless tickling, I felt myself tire. Little Lea had rested her head on the cushioning of the couch as I finally decided to proceed with the changing. I could hear small giggles escaping her as I yanked off each of the side’s tapes.
“Sowee daddy…” Lea muttered suddenly. I looked back up to her, astonished.
“W-what are you sorry for sweetheart?” My eyes couldn’t leave her curious gaze as I waited whatever she might’ve had in store to say next. Instead, just a simple shrugs was her response. I smiled back at her and returned to finish cleaning her up. With both tapes secured, I lifted her back up with my good arm. The main problem with the injury to my shoulder was that I couldn’t hold a lot of pressure against it, making it virtually useless. I struggled to pick her up with both my arms, but managed to keep her balanced against my chest. I heard little Lea’s soft breaths as I released a deep sigh.
“You don’t have to be sorry for anything Lea, understand?” I softly told her.
I felt her head nod just under my chin.
“Good.” I left things at that as I continued to rock her. The pain of overusing my bad arm was there, yet I was able to easily ignore it. It was thanks to the little girl laid calmly against my torso, donning just her simple t-shirt and a dry diaper.
When I look back at everything that happened, everything we went through, everything that was sacrificed… I get upset. Things weren’t ever supposed to happen like they did. Unfortunately, what could only be done is move on from the hard moments of life and focus on the brighter future. For me, a happier future is allowing my child- someone who has shown me so much- to grow and advance further than ever thought possible. I wonder where I would’ve been had Lea or Amber never entered my life. Such emptiness and shallow success would’ve consumed me entirely and nothing would’ve been for reason. This child, although decades younger than I; her ability to teach invaluable lessons could not be denied. She allowed me to see past the physical differences or impairments and focus on what a person exuded on the inside.
I must’ve lost millions fighting against those that only stopped me from furthering my relationship with her, yet I feel now like this was quite possibly the greatest achievement I had ever done. To help build a healthy, safe, and happy life along side this little girl… is truly a blessing. She brings me so much joy; from the simplest stare, to her loudest laugh, her love makes all my anger and frustrations just… vanish. For anything and everything she may ever want to take part in her life, I will be along side, supporting with all my might. She is what love is in a family, and her very being is what motivates me to better myself with each day’s passing. It’s her.
Her name is Lea.