I woke up at the feeling of Angela moving me. I looked out the window and we were back at the house. I went to the back of the car and grabbed my diaper bag, and brought it into the house. I sat on the couch and waited for the others to come in. While they were putting things away I was lost in thought. At this funeral, my daddy’s funeral, it would be the last time I would see him. I didn’t even know how big it would be, all I could think of who would go was Angela, Adam and I. When they were done putting things away Teresa went home and Angela helped me pick out an outfit. I was wearing one of Angela’s old dresses, it was just plain black and it went to my knees. I grabbed a pair of black panty-hoze and my black mary-janes. When everything was laid out on my bed Angela told me to get into the shower while she made breakfast. I didn’t even want to wash, I didn’t feel like doing anything, so I just sat on the shower floor and let the water run over me. I know I wasn’t clean but I didn’t care. When I was done I went back to my room and saw a pull-up and my spice-mice shirt at the end of my bed, along with a pair of slippers. I put them on and went down to breakfast. After that I went upstairs got dressed, Angela did my hair, Angela got ready and Adam came home and got ready. During this time nothing much happened, I didn’t say one word until we go to the funeral, I think my mouth forgot how to work.
When we got to Janisse Bros. Funeral Home I lost it. I started hyperventalating, I wet my pull-up and didn’t want to get out of the back seat.
“Lacey, Honey, Come on, your daddy is just through these doors.” Angela said in a calming voice.
“That is not my daddy, it is a dead man, I want my daddy back! I want him now!” I screamed.
“Screaming is no way to deal with this problem Lacey, don’t you want to see him one more time?” She tried to persuade me. It took almost half an hour to get me out of the car, by this time Adam was already inside the building. Angela brought along my diaper bag and led me to the bathrooms. She waited while I got changed and then I went into a little room. I felt sick to my stomache. The room had a funky smell. I saw a coffin at the other end of the room, and suprisingly, more than just Adam walking around. It looked like every single teacher from the school showed up, same with the Children’s Aid’s workers, along with Bill and Teresa. Basically I spent the public viewing time making small talk with aquantances and hanging my head so I could feel some what alone. After 4 hours of me sitting there only to get up to use the bathroom everyone left except for Angela, Adam and I.
“Lacey darlin, are you going to go up to the coffin?” Angela asked me in a soft voice.
“No I don’t wanna, don’t like dead people.” I responded.
“Well Lacey, this is the last time you get to see your daddy, just go say a prayer, but I just want you to know even if you are to scared to go up there, no matter what, he will always watch over you.”
“Mhm.” I mumbled. I was thinking hard. I decided to go up in the end and just kneeled at the casket for half-hour praying for my father, I knew he was up in heaven with all the angels and God. I knew he was going to be alright. When I got up to leave I noticed that my pull-up was wet. I didn’t care though. I took my fathers hand and held it. It was cold, and rigid, but it was still his hand. I felt a connection with him, one that I know will last for the rest of my life.
After a short mass we drove to the cemetary and had his service. It went pretty quickly and before I knew it I was alredy on my way back to my new home. By this time my pull-up was cold and was starting to itch.
“Sweetie, do you want to go out for dinner, go through a drive-thru or do you want me to cook something at home?” Adam asked me.
“I don’t want to eat anything.” I said in a lonely, sad voice.
“You have to eat something. Tell ya what. How about I get a big tub of ice cream, your choice, and you can have that for dinner.” He offered.
“Sure.” Was my response. We stopped at a convience store and I got a tub of Rocky Road Icecream. We then went home, Angela changed me into a diaper and a nightgown, I got a bowl of ice-cream and lay on the couch. I only finished about half of it when I cried myself to sleep, and didn’t wake up until the morning.