She decided to take Josh’s advice and talk to Jed. There was something about the way in which he said it that left her with hope.
Hope or no hope, the day that followed was an excruciating one. Instead of feeling liberated by the revelation of her dual identity, she felt as if she was walking on eggshells. Vern and Josh said she was in the clear, but she suspected that there was some lingering resentment. Natalie and Raul still didn’t know and Megan didn’t even want to ponder what their reaction might be.
Coming out had made her self-conscious. She felt as if the whole world was watching…and they knew exactly what to look for. Her bottom felt 10 times larger than normal. Her every movement seemed like a dead giveaway. By the time her lunch break rolled around, Megan was beyond frazzled.
“Won’t this summer ever end?” she asked herself as she sat down to a milkshake and a sandwich at the fast food place. It seemed like centuries would pass before she started school again even though that day was only a matter of weeks away. So much had changed…. and she had a feeling that so much more change was yet to come.
Megan was stirred from her ruminations by the sight of a panicked, anxious teenage girl with her hand between her denim-clad legs asking one of the cashiers for help.
“Excuse me,” she said. “But your bathroom is locked and I really need to go.”
“Yeah…about that…. it’s out of order,” came the reply. “Sorry.”
The girl let out an annoyed groan and walked over hurriedly to her boyfriend, who was munching unsuspectedly on a burger.
“Come on, Rob,” she said, tugging insistently on his arm. “Let’s go.”
He struggled to swallow his food fast enough to issue a reply.
“I’m not finished eating yet,” he said as she tugged at his arm again.
“Well I have to pee.”
“Did you try the bathroom here?”
“The fucking door is locked…. now come on!”
He looked upon her desperation with disgust.
“Forget it, Sandy. I’m not gonna waste the rest of my lunch just because you drank too many Cokes and forgot to pee earlier.”
“Rob!” the girl exclaimed. People had begun to stare and she was losing her battle of wills against both her boyfriend and her body.
“Here,” he said at last, handing her a pair of car keys. “Go find yourself a place to pee.”
“It’s too late,” she bemoaned, sitting dejectedly beside him.
“You’re a bad girl, you know that,” he teased. “You belong back in diapers.”
Back in diapers, Megan thought. Like me. And while Rob probably issued his statement as a joke, she really wished there was a guy who wanted her back in diapers. Ron would put up with it…. but only as a prelude to sex. She wanted to distinguish the two. Maybe that meant having two guys: one a lover, the other a caregiver. But what guy would put up with that.
“I’m so…” she began, acutely aware that she was talking out loud. Forget the summer ending; this one day was taking forever.
Conundrum of confusion aside, Megan found the strength to return to work. She had been making good money this summer…and hadn’t really spent much of it. Granted, her parents would want her to use some of it to pay for college, but they were still footing a large portion of the bill. That left her with a tidy surplus of untouched revenue. Sure, there were expenses here and there: gas in the car, lunches, and the cost of a movie now and then. And yet, none of it seemed to add up to much. It was true what they say, she thought: money cannot buy happiness.
“Megan,” Josh said, pulling her aside shortly after her shift recommenced.
“What?” she replied, hoping that whatever he had to say had absolutely nothing to do with her diapers.
“Go on home. You don’t seem well.”
“I’m fine,” she argued.
“You ran a barcode scan on your hand three times.”
“I guess I was distracted.”
“Distracted is not what we need around here.”
“Look, I’m sorry, OK? Things have been…”
“…rough, I know,” Josh interrupted. “Which is why you should take some time now to readjust. I can put you on the 5-7 if you still want the hours.”
“I think I just might go to sleep if that’s OK.”
“Fine by me.”
“Hey Josh?”
“Yes?”
“What did you mean last night when you said I should talk to Jed?”
“I still can’t tell you,” he replied. “But he can. Go check in the office if you want his home number.”
Megan nodded. She would call and inquire once she got home. That would come later, however. What she needed first was a change and a nice, long nap.
If Jed was surprised by her call, he did little to show it.
“It’s Megan from Bledsoe’s,” she said.
“I thought I didn’t come in until later.”
“You don’t,” Megan assured him. “It’s just…. can I talk to you about something? It has nothing to do with work.”
There was momentarily silence. Megan began to wonder if the call had been lost. Her phone did that sometimes.
“Okay,” said Jed. “I think I might know what this is about. Is there a shopping center around here? I’m new to the area.”
“Sure,” Megan replied. She gave him directions to the mall and picked a time for them to meet. Not once during their conversation did he give her a hint of what he might say. Creepy, Megan thought.
“Date?” Carrie asked. Upon coming home from work and taking a nap, Megan usually threw on whatever was comfortable (which, very often, was just a t-shirt that barely covered her diaper). This time, however, she was home early and had dressed up once again.
“Nope,” Megan replied. “Just going to talk to someone.”
“About what?”
“Dunno.”
“But you’re going anyway?”
“He’s was in the Marines,” Megan explained.
“That’s cool. Do you think you can give me a ride somewhere later?”
“I’ll see.”
“Thanks. You’re….”
“…The best,” Megan said sardonically. “Don’t I know it.”
She met Jed in the mall’s food court. He offered to buy her something to drink, but she politely declined. Lately, she couldn’t stop thinking about ice cream. Ice cream had been her decline. It just wasn’t fair, damnit.
Jed was, even in a casual setting, somewhat distant. He spoke little and did not partake in small talk. When he did open his mouth, Megan found herself almost afraid of what he might have to say.
“I’ll bet you want to know why I got you in trouble,” he told her.
“Excuse me?”
“I said I’ll bet you want to know why I got you in trouble. I was the one who saw the tapes first. I could have said nothing and no one would have found out.”
“Oh…well…. I guess you didn’t know what it was and you got kinda freaked out by it. So I’m not mad or anything.”
“But I did know.”
“What?!”
“I knew exactly what you and Dario were doing.”
“Then why…”
He disregarded her question. “I was married for awhile,” he told her. “Got married young, when I was about your age. We had a daughter.”
“I’m not sure I want to hear this,” Megan said, rising to leave. Jed grabbed ahold of her arm and urged her to sit down. His grip was powerful and firm.
“My wife and my daughter are both dead,” he explained. “My daughter was only three. They died in a car accident when I was overseas.”
“Oh my God. I’m sorry.”
Jed shrugged. “I was a mess for awhile, but I got over it. Except you don’t really get over something like that. Not really. I found that out when I was on R&R. My friend Sid found us these girls. None of us had been laid in a while. I’m sorry if my frankness bothers you, but I’m just telling it like it is.”
Megan nodded. She still didn’t want to hear it, but as long as she was hearing it she might as well hear all of it.
“Anyway,” Jed continued. “Me and this girl are alone and we get to undressing and it’s just like always…. except then there’s something wrong.”
“Couldn’t get it up?” she asked him.
He gave her a blank stare. “It was more than that. I wanted her, only I didn’t want her. I wanted to hold her and touch her hair. I wanted to protect her. She laughed at me. I almost punched her in the mouth.”
“Wow.”
“When I saw that security tape, that was the first time I’d seen anyone else doing something like that.”
“I don’t understand,” Megan interjected. “If you knew what it was, then why did you tell Josh and Vern?”
“To see what their reaction would be. You were my guinea pig.”
“I was your guinea pig?” Megan echoed. “You bastard!”
“I apologize for whatever embarrassment I’ve caused you. But think about it: people would’ve found out sooner or later.”
“Yeah, well I would have preferred later. I can’t believe Josh thought talking to you would help!”
“Josh?”
“I sort of explained it to him. I guess…I don’t know, I guess you must have told him about your daughter dying and I told him about my need for security and he tried to hook us up or something. Ugh, I don’t know which one of you to be more angry at right now!”
Jed shrugged. “Don’t look at me,” he said. “But I will tell you this: sometimes people redirect their own desires through others.”
“Just what the hell is that supposed to mean?”
Jed shrugged once more. Megan decided she’d had enough agitation for one day.
“This is just fucking…. ugh!” she muttered to herself as she entered the parking lot. Her one consolation was that things couldn’t possibly get any worse.
“There she is!” Deanna shouted. “Get her.”
Megan looked around. There were Vasco sisters approaching from either side and they looked fiercely determined. She
A.)Ran. If she was lucky, she could make it to her car.
B.)Called for help.
