It was with great trepidation that Megan set foot in Bledsoe’s once again. She noticed that there was a sign in the window indicating that the store was temporarily closed. Vern practically NEVER closed the store…. unless it was serious.
“I’m not going to get upset,” she told herself. “I’m not going to cry. I’m going to explain everything and hope for the best.”
As she walked to the back of the store, she passed Dario. He said nothing to her and she felt stung by his silence. The coterie that awaited her inside the office was enough to make her hopes vanish in a puff of dense frustration. Vern sat behind the cluttered, battered, paper-littered desk, his familiar scowl imprinted firmly upon his tired-looking face. Josh and Jed stood to either side of him. Megan didn’t know which one scared her more: the six-foot plus ex-Marine or the fastidious one-time theater student who was now giving her the evil eye.
“Have a seat,” Vern said.
Megan nodded and pulled up a cheap metal folding chair. It was all she could do to keep from collapsing. She saw the closed circuit TV in the corner and winced. It was all there.
“We’ve already spoken to Dario about this,” said Josh. “We’d like to hear your side of it.”
“I…” Megan began. She felt clammy. It seemed like it was a hundred degrees in the room. She couldn’t do this. “May I please have some water?”
Vern nodded and motioned for Jed to fetch her a bottle of water.
“Relax,” Josh urged in a conciliatory tone. His advice was of little help to her then.
Megan took the cold water and pressed it up against her forehead before drinking. She was so nervous that she ended up spilling some of it, but it helped nonetheless. After taking a deep breath, Megan made what she hoped would be the most difficult confession she would ever have to make.
“I wear diapers,” she revealed. “It started almost right after I came back. Josh, do you remember I was out of it for a few days?”
“Yes,” Josh replied. “I was wondering what that was all about.”
“Well,” she swallowed hard. “I was having some problems with wetting the bed. Purely stress-related. And….um…I took some medication for it and that made me very tired. So then….”
“I think I know where this is going,” Vern interrupted. “But why hide something like that? You had a legitimate reason.”
“Not exactly. I needed them for bedwetting, but when it came time for during the day, I kinda chose to.”
“Chose to!”
Megan recoiled. She saw that Vern’s face was red. That meant he was going to yell. She’d been yelled at by him before, but those times were different. He was criticizing the way she did her job then. If he yelled at her now, he’d be criticizing her. Megan didn’t think she could take it. After the acceptance of her family and Kylie and Ron, to be denounced now would destroy her. Fortunately, Josh was there to save her.
“Why don’t you let me handle this,” he asked.
“Make it quick,” he grumbled. “Come on, Jed, might as well re-open the store.”
Even after he left them, Megan still felt no better. She had her head in her hands. She couldn’t look Josh in the eye. He was supposedly a friend…. and she hadn’t told him. After all this time, she hadn’t told him anything.
“Is this…” he began. “I mean, is it…come on, Meg, help me out here.”
“Well…there were real accidents. But…that isn’t really why I did it. I was having problems,” she explained. “With stress and with bedwetting and with guys and with my family and with everything. And it was just easier, you know, to pretend to be little and not worry sometimes. And if that makes me a freak, I’m sorry, but…but…”
“Megan,” he said, staring into her eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I wanted to!” she exclaimed as the tears finally came. “I WANTED TO! But I couldn’t. I didn’t think you’d understand.”
“I still don’t,” Josh remarked as he handed her a tissue. “But I do know that keeping a secret like that had to have been tough.”
Megan blew her nose and forced herself back into calmness. She was determined not to embarrass herself any further.
“It was impossible,” she remarked. “It was fun at times, too. Knowing that you didn’t know. But sometimes I wondered if you did. It was like leading two different lives. I guess I just got sick of it after awhile, which was why I told Dario. What happened…what you saw on the tape was completely not his fault. If you want to blame someone, blame me.”
Josh cleared his throat. “I…I know how invasive this line of questioning must sound, but I have to ask. Are you and Dario sleeping together?”
“No!” Megan replied. “Him babying me was a one-time thing. And I feel really, really stupid because of it.”
Josh bit his lip. “This is very difficult,” he told her. “On the one hand, I’d just as well look the other way and pretend this whole thing never happened. On the other hand, I feel that there are issues here that need to be addressed.”
“Oh, damn the issues, Josh. Am I fired?”
“No, I don’t think so.”
“Is Dario?”
“No.”
Megan breathed a sigh of relief.
“You aren’t off the hook yet,” Josh told her. “Why don’t you go outside, take a minute to compose yourself and come back in? I’ll see if I can explain this to Vern.”
“Josh,” she said. “I really do feel bad about not telling you. Look, there’s something else too. While you were on vacation, there was…”
“A robbery,” he remarked. “I know.”
“How?”
“Vern told me. Would you please give me a minute?”
Megan nodded and humbly withdrew. She still had her job but she couldn’t even begin to count the number of people she’d hurt. Maybe it would be better if she just quit.
She spotted Dario outside smoking and approached him. While he didn’t move away, he did not extend the warmest of greetings.
“You aren’t getting fired,” she told him. “Neither am I. That’s great, right?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m really sorry. I should have known this would happen.”
“Forget it.”
“Are you still mad?”
“No,” he answered. “But if it’s just the same, I’d rather not be talking to you.”
“Oh. I understand.”
After that exchange, the last thing she wanted to do was go back inside. She wanted to run. She wanted to plunge herself into a cave and never come out. In the end her common sense won out and she reentered the store.
“Frankly, I’m disgusted and annoyed,” Vern remarked. “Don’t let me catch you doing that again.”
“Doing….”
“He means the little exhibition act you put on for Dario,” Josh explained. “We all don’t have a problem with you wearing diapers, but if a customer complains then it is a problem.”
“I don’t like it,” said Vern. “But I’m not going to do anything about it, ‘less the goddamn ACLU jump down my throat. That and you’re still a valuable worker. No more surprises.”
Megan felt unburdened. She had just been granted a reprieve. Her guilt, however, still ate at her.
“Josh…,” she began.
“I’ve had a very long day,” he confessed. “And I’d like to get out of here now. So if you have anything to say to me, either join me for coffee or tell me tomorrow.”
“Coffee,” Megan replied. She felt as if she had a lot of explaining to do.
Over a cup of French roast on a quiet bench, Megan let herself go. She let Josh have the whole story, everything that had happened over the past few months. She couldn’t stop herself even if she wanted to. Josh bore it all with weary fascination. He was tired and it showed, but he tried to show that he cared.
“And I’m stuck,” Megan finally concluded. “On the one hand, I want to do normal things. I want a boyfriend and I want to go places and see things and all that. Yet, at the same time, I want to run away from it all. And I talked to someone about this and she said the whole thing was about balance. But Josh, I…I don’t know if I can balance it any more.”
“Of course you can,” he told her. “We are all contradictory beings. Life is balance. But I digress: what you need is something to hold on to in this…this.” He paused and yawned. “Sea of confusion. Yes, that’s it. And for that, I think you should talk to Jed.”
Megan made a confused face. “Why Jed?”
“I’m not at liberty to say.”
“Josh….”
“Why do I sense I am going to have a similar heart-to-heart with Natalie the next night? And then with Dario the night after that?”
“Because you have no life?” she joked.
“Sometimes,” he answered. “I think you are right. I work and what little pleasure I allow myself so often turns tragic.”
“Geez, Josh.”
“I’m tired.”
“So am I. But thanks for listening.”
“Thanks for telling.”
When Megan finally did arrive home, she was emotionally and physically drained.
“What happened?” Nancy asked.
“I can’t, Mom,” she said. “I…I can’t go through explaining it all right now. Will you help put me to sleep?”
“Of course,” she replied. “But you owe me an explanation in the morning.”
Megan yawned in response. She was already slipping into slumber. Nancy helped her undress, changed her diaper and tucked her into bed.
“Sometimes I wonder about that girl,” Drew said to his wife.
Meanwhile, Megan had worries of her own. In fact, she had too many worries to count. She knew she needed help, but from whom. She decided to
A.Go back to Helen and hope she had more words of wisdom.
B.Take Josh’s advice and talk to Jed. There was something about the way in which he said it that left her with hope.
C.Come clean entirely. Confess to Sabrina and Des. Tell Ted while she was at it. Maybe if everyone knew there would be nothing left for her to run from.