Pa’s huntin’ dog Whiskey had seen him fall and bein’ the good dog that she is had ran over to keep him safe from gettin’ attacked or trampled by one of our pigs. She stood beside Doc Wilson and barked but all her barkin’ did was get the pigs to runnin’ scared even more.
Most people think pigs are gentle animals but the exact opposite is true. They bite hard enough to a pair of leather shoes and if you get your hand to close to them when they’re eatin’ they’ll chomp it right off without givin’ you any warning. Given the chance they can run faster then a grown man and I’ve even seen one run right through a sold wood fence without gettin’ hardly a scratch or get slowed down none.
Connie, who had been inside washin’ clothes, had heard Whiskey barkin’ as well as the pigs squealing and everyone shouting so she went to see what the heck was goin’ on. That is when she seen Doc Wilson lying on the ground with Whiskey sitting beside his head and ran out to make sure the Doc was ok.
When pa and I had returned I didn’t see Doc Wilson layin’ on the ground beside his car with Connie and Meggin kneelin’ beside him but I guess pa could see from his side of the truck ‘cause he threw open his door and jumped out of the passenger side even before we had come to a stop.
“Pa!” I screamed as I panicked and jumped on the break peddle with both feet causin’ the truck to skidded to a stop. I threw the shifter into park just as three of the pigs ran in front of me closely followed by Kristen.
Between the excitement of drivin’ pa’s truck and realizin’ that somethin’ was wrong here at home, any awareness of the condition inside of my diaper had been pushed out of my head. However, when I opened the truck door and started to slide off the phone books a confused and remarkable sensation began to take hold of me as my poop smeared backside slid inside my diaper. It felt like I was movin’ but my diaper and pants were stayin’ in place. When my feet hit the gravel driveway I wanted to run to see what was goin’ on but I had a bit of a situation myself that caused me to hesitate. When I had slid off the phone books and out of the truck the sensation I had felt was the poo as it was squeeze out of the back of my diaper like toothpaste from a tube. With my undershirt and button up shirt tucked into my pants my poo was contained but I could feel it against my back and what was worse, I could smell it now too; that meant everyone else could too. It felt unusually heavy and bulky like I’d been holdin’ it in all day. The smell, well that is difficult to describe; it was like no smell that had ever come out of me before or since. It made me gag and I waved my hand in front of my nose in an attempt to get some breathable air into my lungs.
As I took a couple steps toward the house uncertainty grew with every step; I convinced myself that whatever was goin’ on, it didn’t need me involved. I just wanted to sneak into the house and get changed but that didn’t happen. My stink was overwhelmin’ me and I wondered how somethin’ so horrible could come out of me.
I froze in mid stride when I heard someone shout, “Half-Pint, look out!” The next thing I knew I was bein’ dragged across the gravel with my arms clamped around one of the pigs neck and its ear was slapping me in the face.
“I got this one!” I bellowed but in fact I wasn’t even slowin’ the dang pig in the least bit.
“Go Little-Pants, go!” Someone cheered.
When I lost my grip I went tumblin’ head over heals before comin’ to a stop flat on my back inside the pig pin lookin’ up at the sky while laughin’ the whole time.
Benjamin was the first to get to me, “Holy buckets! Are you ok?” He asked soundin’ amazed, ammused and scared all at the same time.
I was still laughin’ when I said, “Now that is what I call fun!”
At the time I had no idea what pig it was that I’d latched onto but Christopher later told me that I’d been blindsided by the biggest pig we got. She’d drug me quite a ways before I lost my grip on her but I must’a scared her enough ’cause she had run right back into the pig pin. After that, all the pigs followed her in with a bit of persuasion by pa with his cattle prod. Benjamin and Kristen had helped me to my feet and the three of went over the fence on the far side of the pin ‘cause the pigs were comin’ in from the other end.
By the time all the pigs were back in the pin everyone, Meggin included, were covered in mud, dirt and grass stains. Christopher was the only one that got hurt. He had a fat lip where one of the pigs had head butted him and Vincent-Lee had ripped up the knees of his pants.
To say that I was dirty would be like sayin’ that Mexico has a lot of Mexicans. I was covered head to toe, top to bottom and everywhere else with pig filth! And I sure didn’t smell like a field of daisies that’s for sure but I was just glad that pig pucky helped to mask my own retched stench. I laughed even more when I realized that my left pants pocket was full of gravel and grass.
“Now how do you suppose that happened?” Benjamin said trusting his hand into my pocket and pulling out a fist full of pebbles.
I don’t think I stopped laughin’ until the lot of us realized that Doc Wilson had been hurt. He’d hit his head good and Pa and Christopher had to carry him into the house where they laid him on the couch. After a while he woke up but he said he had a whopper of a headache and after restin’ up a bit was laughin’ about the whole thing.
I on the other hand wasn’t allowed into the house as I was told to stand beside the front porch along with Kristen who’d slide on her belly through a pile of poo. Benjamin and Vincent-Lee took turns hosin’ us down while the two of us stripped down, me to my birthday suit and Kristen to her pink underwear.
I allowed Kristen to go up and take a bath first while I hung my clothes on the wash line and allowed Benjamin and Vincent-Lee to use them as water cannon targets. They both took great delight in repeatedly shootin’ me over and over again as I hung up my dirty clothes.
“Two points if you get him in the head!” Benjamin sang and Vincent-Lee squirted me in the face.
“Guys! The clothes not me!” I griped.
“Five points if you get him you know where!” Vincent-Lee cheered and Benjamin shot me right where it counts.
“GUYS STOOOP!” I whined but I didn’t mean it. Heck, I think that even if it was twenty below and ten feet of snow was on the ground, playin’ with the garden hose and squirtin’ each other would still be fun. Yeah of course it was cold but heck, that is what hot chocolate, fireplaces and warm bathes are for right?
Shiverin’ and teeth chatterin’ I left them to their water games and streaked into the house. Connie was comin’ out of the livin’ room and I quickly asked, “Is Doc Wilson ok?”
“It’s just a goose,” she said dismissively.