Chapter 49 – [Thursday, June 27, 2002]
Everything up until Jordan got into her Dad’s rental car had been very tense. Packing her bags, hugging her friends and expressing mutual sorrow over her departure (that is, other than Alex and her ‘friends’ Amber and Nicole), and picking up the remainder of her supplies, each had had their own unique levels of drama. In particular, the realization that she only had 20 diapers left in her entire supply after having so many destroyed brought a swell of panic over Jordan’s adult sized body.
But once she had hugged her dad and crawled inside the new-smelling rental vehicle, many of those cares passed away and she simply collapsed back into emotional exhaustion.
———
It wasn’t until they neared Olympia that Jordan finally awakened. It was nearly 1 in the afternoon.
“Jordan? Jordan?” she could hear a voice calling her name through the fog of delirium. “Jordan, wake up.”
Her eyes cracked open and she realized they were stopped at a rest area just outside the city. “Mmmmm. Uhhhh.” She said as she rubbed her eyes and propped herself up on her elbows. “Where are we? How long have I been sale—”
It was then that she realized her nighttime habit had made its way into her Dad’s car. Ted had noticed as well (and was part of the reason for his stop).
Jordan put her face in her hands and started to cry.
“Oh….honey…” Ted reached over and patted his daughter’s shoulder, somehow knowing that this was just the culmination of a long series of horrible events. “I’m so so so sorry dear…I’m so so sorry…It’s gonna be ok sweetie…it’s gonna be ok…” He continued to rub her upper back and shoulder as she wept quietly. “Daddy loves you sweetie. Daddy loves. It’s gonna be ok…”
After a while, she calmed. And looked over at him with a pathetic face as if to say, what do I do now?
He couldn’t help but crack a slight smile—“I guess it’s a good thing it’s just a rental huh?” Her face nudged into a smile to match and both were laughing within seconds.
“So how ’bout you go get cleaned up and changed in there and then we can go find something to eat?” he said motioning to the rest area bathroom.
She couldn’t help but think about the ‘ick’ factor of such a gross place to do a clothing swap but she also felt pretty gross and shameful in her present state. The teenage girl nodded and got at it.
In short order they were back on the road again and headed to a burger joint Ted knew about downtown.
“So…um…Jordan?” he said nervously.
“Yeah?”
“Well…I wanna talk a little bit more about what happened at camp if that’s alright. Ok?”
“Um…ok…like, what?” she asked, not fully knowing but having a good hunch as to where he was headed with his line of questioning.
“Well. When I said it’s a big deal that those people were spreading things about you from your medical file in the hospital, I mean. It’s a VERY big deal. Like…it’s against the law…”
Jordan’s eyes widened slightly as she looked over at her Dad who continued to drive.
“And obviously your classmates…who were they?…Amber and Nicole?” He glanced over to witness her nod of affirmation. “Obviously they don’t work at the hospital — so they had to have heard the information from someone who does. And my guess is that they heard it from someone that potentially knows you…and certainly knows one of them…You know what I mean?”
Jordan nodded, thinking back on her experience in the ER.
Ted spoke carefully and deliberately. “And whoever that person was…well…they have a great deal of the responsibility for this… You know? I mean…Amber and Nicole definitely did something quite wrong and ultimately I think they’ll be punished for it; but the person that started it all broke the law. And it’s not ok… I don’t want to make that person’s life miserable or anything…but this whole experience caused you a lot of pain and it’s not fair. We have laws to protect people from pain like this…you know?”
Jordan nodded again. Feeling anxiety rise in her body. Not sure what he was moving toward.
“So—I’m hoping you’re alright with this…but I wanna do a little investigating. I want the person who did this to have to apologize and make it right…ok?”
She felt afraid of what that might mean, but wanted the same outcome as well. She nodded.
“So — I wanna ask you something… Do you remember anyone from the hospital or the doctor’s office like that? Someone that possibly knows you — someone who maybe even knows both you and one of those girls?” He looked over at her briefly as he continued to drive down the highway. “Think hard Jordan.”
Ted himself felt nervous about his questioning. He wasn’t sure if he should butt in before Sally had a chance to opine herself — but his anger at the injustice of the situation drove him to it.
Jordan’s mind raced and very quickly landed on the crazy nurse lady from the front desk. She couldn’t remember her name but she remembered how odd she had behaved — and how Nicole’s picture had been on her desk. “Well actually, yeah…I do remember someone like that…”
Ted’s energy from her reply was palpable. “Really?! Do you remember their name? Who was it? What happened?” He asked a series of about 10 questions rapidly right in a row.
“Dad! Calm down! Let me talk…”
“Ok!”
He pulled into the parking lot of the burger joint and they got out of the car.
She glared at him slightly but also with a teenage playfulness that neither of them had seen in their relationship before. “There was this weird secretary type lady at the front desk at the ER. That day when I went in after I had the infection thing…the UT…whatever… Anyways she was like, super strange and I remembered seeing her from around school or something for some reason and Mom remembered seeing her from church. At one point, she popped her head in my room when mom was…like…um…well….ch…changing me…and well…it was just super weird…Like the lady was trying to spy on us or something…”
Jordan looked over at her Dad to make sure he was still engaged. Enraptured might’ve best described his demeanor.
“So yeah, its crazy because she wasn’t like a nurse or anything. She was just a secretary or whatever… and then one time Mom called on the machine for them to send someone to help and the lady yelled over it some stuff about my…” Jordan’s voice dropped to a whisper as they stood in line at the counter of the restaurant, “…diapers…it was really embarrassing and awkward…”
“Ok…so…what else…?”
“Well the worst part was that as we were leaving, I saw a picture on the lady’s desk…it was of she and Nicole!!! I’m pretty sure they’re like aunt and niece or something Dad.”
“Oh…hmmm…”
“Yeah, and I was actually really scared about this happening back then — I even talked with Mrs. Miller about it and she said like you said that there were laws and that it’d never happen…so I just didn’t think about it…but, yeah…Dad I’m sure she was the one…she had to be…they knew too much…to many rumors were going around about the ER that only me and mom knew…”
“Yeah it sounds pretty convincing to me too Jordan…pretty convincing…”
The two spend the rest of the afternoon together, eating lunch and then driving on up to Ballard. By the time they arrived on 22nd Avenue, it was late in the afternoon.
——————
Sally had been stressed all day at work thinking about Jordan.
Should I have let her come home? Am I being unreasonable? It really does make sense how this would be a big deal to her but I just don’t want to reinforce that behavior anymore — if I let her think I’m on her side in even something like this, she might think I’ll let her go back to the ‘old way’. But…if I push too hard too fast…I know I’ll push her away…maybe that’s already happening… Ted better not have gone there; it sounded like he wasn’t even listening to me when we talked.
Sally pushed back from her desk and spent time praying, asking for the strength to make it through the rest of the day, through her divorce, through whatever might approach in the coming moments. The final divorce hearing was scheduled for the following week on Tuesday, and she had a great deal of apprehension about that coming event. Emma Smart had visited her house over the summer a couple more times since the one in mid-May and they had been cordial. Sally wanted to do her very best to put on a good face, particularly after having had it pointed out that the ‘courtroom antics’ weren’t going to help her.
In truth, she had no inkling what the report would determine when the time came. Emma had told her that because Jordan was old enough, she’d be invited to come home from camp for the hearing to offer her opinion to the court as to what she’d prefer in terms of custody. As far as Sally was aware, Jordan didn’t know about this little hiccup in her summer plans and figured it better that way. She herself would rather have Jordan not come at all, but Emma Smart said that the Judge would find it odd if she didn’t…especially given the allegations.
It was 4:34 in the afternoon and Sally began packing up her things in her purse to leave the office. Summer weekdays were always slower than the spring and winter and she knew the younger girls would be happy to see her picking them up from daycare as early as possible. At one point in June at church, Sally had run into Jo Miller who had offered to look after the girls during the summer for free as a gesture of friendship. Sally had quickly turned it down opting rather for the industrial style paid daycare downtown. Sally’s narrow reorientation to faith had caused her to become afraid of anyone who had a different perspective on life than she. Convinced that her ‘liberal’ ways were being punished by God with the dissolution of her marriage and all of the problems with CPS, Sally was fully committed to reorienting her life more conservatively. Fear dominated everything in fact.
The phone on her desk rang.
“This is Sally Reynolds, good afternoon.” Her voice was professional and pleasant.
“Hi mom, it’s me.”
“Jordan? I thought they wouldn’t let you use the phone during the day. Is something…um…more…wrong?”
The reply irritated Jordan and reminded her how their conversation the previous night had gone. She waited a moment, thinking about how to reply.
“Jordan?”
“Mom I’m at home.” She finally said, the realization dawning on her that her Mom hadn’t a clue that her Dad had come to pick her up.
“What?! How did…why…I thought I told…Jor—…TED! You put your Dad on the line right now! Is he there? Is he with you?! Lemme talk to him!” She barked, immediately angry.
The two yelled at one another over the phone lines for what seemed like 10 minutes. Jordan hardly could handle it. She roamed around the the house (which seemed a little foreign to her even though nothing had physically changed) as the two made their heated exchange. She poked her head in her own bedroom as if it were a stranger’s room and looked around. Nothing seemed disturbed. The same was true for her sister’s room. By the time she made it back to the living room, it appeared that the call was winding down.
“Fine! When you can talk to me with some respect Sally, you’re welcome to come by and pick Jordan up. But until then, forget it. She’ll stay with me.”
She heard a pause with obviously a lot of yelling on the other end.
“Whatever Sally, I’m her Dad. We’re not divorced yet and we don’t have a custody plan. I have every right to parent her and take care of her as I see fit. Even if you disagree.”
Again another pause with more screams of beratement.
“Oh that’s mature — ad hominem attacks now eh? I’m gonna let you go now Sally, this obviously isn’t getting anywhere. Give me a call when you cool off alright?” He held out the phone and clicked it off as if it were a stinky shoe.
Ted looked over at Jordan. “Sorry sweetie. We didn’t exactly see eye to eye about you coming home last night. But you were just so upset that I couldn’t help just getting in the car driving. I guess you’re staying at my house tonight.”
A look of shock, relief, and what was almost happiness flashed across the young teen’s face. “Oh? Your house? Really?…hmmm…ok…”
“You probably have everything you need I suppose huh? Since you were just at camp… But if you want anything else, grab it now…”
Jordan scrambled into her room and snagged a sweater and a pair of shoes she had missed at camp and also a couple books. Quickly she was headed out the front door with her Dad. It was an odd sensation to be going over to his place happily after all the months of frozen silence and complete rudeness. But the truth was that it felt good to have him looking out for her and to think that he had her best interests in mind.
——————
The young author would end up staying with Ted over the whole weekend. Every time Sally would eventually call over that period, she set in on Ted with a line of insults and demands for Jordan to return home. From her perspective, he had kidnapped her daughter and was holding her against her will. Terrified that Jordan might be ‘turned’ to Ted’s side, Sally called and called and called.
Ted had responded to each of her attacks with curt boundary markers. Essentially, he had communicated with her, ‘until you start speaking with some respect and decorum, I’m not going to interact with you. Jordan’s gonna hang out with me until that time comes.’ Sally would interpret this all the more as ‘hostage keeping’ and in the intermittent moments of communication that took place in each call, she would inform her estranged husband that the lawyer and social worker would be instructed about his actions.
Jordan, completely antithetically (given the overall tenor of her year and relationship with Ted) had been somewhat relieved to be under father’s care. For one of the first times she could remember, he had come to her rescue, protecting her from real threats and pain in life. She couldn’t help but still feel a little hesitant — but at the same time, the sense of care and concern he provided was enchanting.
————
On that first Thursday evening when they got back to his apartment in Capitol Hill, she had dumped her stuff in the living room next to the somewhat weathered used couch that would become her bed for the night. It was only a one bedroom place and so Jordan would be without private accommodations. The instant all her gear was in the unit, Ted hadn’t been able to help himself but to have asked her to come over and take a look at his desktop computer in the bedroom.
“Jordan, I have a surprise for you…come check it out…” he had said, motioning for her to take a look.
She had followed dutifully if not a little confused having no idea what his somewhat giddy demeanor was all about.
“Look at this.” He had said as he clicked quickly several times. A document appeared that she had quickly recognized. It was her story, but in a slightly different format and clearly changed in some ways.
“That’s…my…DAD!!! What did you…” She had initially felt a flurry of anger, thinking her original file had been tampered with or changed — also fear that her hard work had been dumped down the toilet.
Why the hell did I trust him with it? She had begun to chide herself as she took a step back.”
“Jordan wait! Listen. This is just a copy….relax…the original is still here, unchanged. I have a friend who’s a copy editor. Do you ever remember meeting George? From college?” He hadn’t waited for an answer, “Well anyways, he read your book and he absolutely loved it Jordan! I can’t tell you. He thinks it’s amazing.”
Jordan had been stunned. “W…wh….what?”
“Jordan he thinks it could easily be published…like, for real published! So last week he worked through it, made a few changes to the structure, suggested some edits for you to work on, and he wants you to give it back to him as soon as possible so he can pass it to some of his friends in the industry….” Ted had smiled broadly and proudly. “Jordan! I can’t tell you how proud I am. I read it too and I’m in awe of your talent. It’s incredible work.”
Jordan had felt an odd sense of almost embarrassment to receive the kind of love and attention her dad was offering her. She felt unworthy of it…somehow as if he wouldn’t be telling her these things if he really knew the full truth about who she is as a person. The attention and kindness was incredibly wonderful — just strange.
“Th…thanks…D…ad…Daddy…” She had smiled almost shyly, not knowing what else to say.
Ted had stood up from the computer and offered his daughter a big hug and a kiss on the top of the back of her head.
Jordan had spent much of the evening processing the possibilities of what her dad had said. Could I really be published? I mean, I know I wanted this to be really good and I know I wanted to do my best — but I’m not sure I ever expected that it would actually be read far and wide by people… That’s insane! It’s one thing to win a contest, it’s another thing to have people actually PAY to read your stuff. How crazy would that be?! I wonder if that George guy even knows what he’s talking about?
Her heart glowed at the attention and its flower of trust for her Dad opened a bit more.
A little later that night, Ted delicately brought up the (dreaded, for him) subject of bedtime.
“So…um…Jordie?”
“Yeah?”
“It’s about time for bed ok…?” He said, hoping she’d volunteer additional information regarding her nighttime routine. He knew she had done a little bit of her own care here and there, but was unaware of just how much — and certainly wasn’t in on the fact that Sally had backed out of the nighttime habit completely before school was out. Ted didn’t particularly want to be involved in the process with this thirteen year old daughter (if not only because of all the courtroom drama he was witnessing involving his wife), but he also knew he needed to find out what her status was if she was going to be staying at his house.
“Alright.” She said pleasantly, not volunteering any of the information he was looking for. She continued reading the book within which her nose had been buried.
A silence ensue for a moment — unnoticed by the young teenager.
“So…um…are you taking care of your own…um…d…diapers…now a days…or….do you still…um…like…need some help?” He paused for a second, “I mean…I know we talked a little about camp and stuff but I wasn’t sure if you were doing it yourself now or what…and I just…like…was the nurse helping you with that up there? Has your mom still been helping you and stuff?” He felt completely awkward speaking so frankly but also determined to be a responsible father in the matter.
Immediately Jordan’s heart began to beat very fast. Her cheeks flushed with a little embarrassment (at the thought of her Dad helping her as her Mom had), but also with excitement for the apparent opportunity on her doorstep for a reestablishment of a form of what she had so recently lost. At the same moment, her mind went to all the dreams she had had involving her Dad — where she was some kind of small helpless infant being cared for by him. These thoughts and memories brought up intense shame.
I can’t believe what a freak I am!! Oh my gosh. He’s gonna think I’m the craziest person in the world if I tell him I want his help…What should I say though? She thought to herself in the few seconds that hung after his question. It seemed like an eternity passed as she looked like a deer caught in the headlights.
I supposed I could lie to him and tell him I NEED his help. But he’ll inevitably find out the truth and that’ll no doubt end badly. But if I tell him that I don’t need it, I most likely won’t ever see this opportunity again! In that case I’ll probably always wish I had and that’ll be like the worst thing to live with regret!
Her mind continued to spin, seconds passing by extremely slowly. If I tell him the entire full truth, he might think that I’m a total weirdo though, he might kick me out or not help me with my book or make me go live back at Mom’s house. He might agree with her or freak out or become like she’s become…some kind of crazy religious nut!
The young teen was frozen in indecision and Ted could see it. She didn’t say a word but rather looked up into his face wide-eyed in fear.
His cheeks flushed “I’m sorry honey, I shouldn’t have asked…I embarrassed you…I just…um…I was just trying to…” Ted tried to recover, reading her incorrectly.
“No dad…” Jordan began, “It’s ok…thanks…I…um…I dunno…I…uh…appreciate it….” She looked at him, embarrassed and yet not knowing fully what to say even still. “Well, lately…um…I’ve been like…um…doing it on my own…and it works…ok….”
A slight sense of relief came over his face which Jordan noticed. I need to just risk it. I need to at least tell him part of the truth…How should I say it? Will he hate me? Should I just drop it?…No. I’ve gotta be bold…I’m gonna regret it if I don’t….
“…Um…but…” she continued, “…um…I…um…well…I kinda….well…Mom always did it better than I could…” she fibbed, unable to blurt out the full truth initially, “…and…even though I can do it…it’s never as good…and also…well…um…I um…kinda…like…having…” she looked up at her dad and raised her eyebrows as if she was asking him for permission, “…help…?”
A degree of shock then crossed Ted’s countenance. “Wait…now…what?”
She couldn’t repeat it. Tears started trickling down her cheeks and her hands rose up to meet her face for what seemed like the tenth time that week. The rough chokes of sobs were almost instant as her shame overtook her. Even though he hadn’t yet indicated judgment or a decision against her suggestion, Jordan’s sensitivity around the subject immediately cut her to the heart and forced her to assume a threat even when it wasn’t necessarily real.
He hates me, she thought, he thinks I’m a freak. Why did I say it? Why did I tell the truth? Why did I risk it? Why did I have to push the envelope? Why couldn’t I have just asked for him to order me new diapers? Why? Jordan. Why do you always have to do this? She shamed herself.
Ah shit. Thought ted. She obviously was terrified of telling me this. I wonder if her mom freaked out after she told her about it too? Crap. I don’t know if I can handle this! So…she…‘LIKES’…having someone put those things on her?
Ted mind couldn’t help but think about the specific parts of the body diapers cover and if what he thought she was saying had something to do with sexuality. Oh my God…is it sexual for her somehow? Ah fuck! I can’t do this…I can’t be involved in something like that…with my own daughter!! What the hell is happening here!
He reached out and put his hand on her back and gently patted it with sympathy. She cried even harder in shame and humiliation.
Eventually Ted spoke again.
“Jordan sweetie, I wasn’t trying to judge you or embarrass you by how I reacted….obviously this is something that is kind of scary for you to talk about…maybe it’s kind of a secret too right?…” He spoke extemporaneously, not really knowing what he would say next but hoping that his heart of empathy for his child would lead the way. “…And I want you to know that I think telling me what you did…asking me for what you did is very brave…ok? I respect you and trust you more because you had the courage to do that with me.”
She nodded slightly but continued to cry, softer now and with less intensity.
“All I was trying to do when I responded the way I did was to try to understand better…It sounded almost like you were saying that you…sort of…um…like…having your Mom put you in your…diapers at night…and that maybe you’d kind of like me to help you too…is that right?”
She nodded again after a pause, the crying even softer.
“Ok…that’s what I wanted to make sure I understood…” He waited before he spoke again, “I’m not sure what to tell you on this Jordie…it’s a pretty new and strange idea…I mean. I know it didn’t go well that time when you stayed at my place and Melissa tried to help you. But it seemed like at that time you really needed the help.” He talked very carefully and deliberately as he tried to explain his point of view. “But this feels a little different to me…you know?….I um…It seems like…well…I’m not sure a lot of Dad’s would be comfortable—well, I mean…if you were three or even six years old it wouldn’t be an issue…but…you’re thirteen Jordie for God’s sake! And you want me to like…I mean, you know what parts diapers cover up right?…” He paused not expecting an answer. “I mean, is this something that…um…” He paused again, incredibly uncomfortable but determined to get to the bottom of the issue.
He thought about the allegations against Sally, the ongoing court case, and all the associated possibilities because of what she had been doing with Jordan. He felt terrified. “I just need to be blunt with you dear, I’m sorry but…is this something that…um…like, turns you on…sexually?”
She looked up at him with a little shock in her face, but without judgment or a sense of abandonment. “Daddy NO! No. No. No. It has nothing to do with that…” She shook her head violently as if the idea hadn’t ever crossed her mind. She denied it vehemently, embarrassed at the very suggestion. “…No, no, no….I just…it just…um…I can’t explain really…It just makes me feel…like…” she froze, unable to find the word.
His mind raced, trying to think of what it meant to her if it wasn’t a turn on. “Cared for?”
Another tear, this time completely solitary. Fell down her cheek. Her chin quivered. She looked down and nodded slightly.
Ted couldn’t help but cry himself. He wrapped his arms around his little girl on the couch and hugged her tightly. “Oh Jordan, you’re a sweet, brave, wonderful young woman.” They cried and hugged for a long time before Jordan seemed to calm. After a while of silence, Ted spoke again. “Jordan I want you to know that if you need a little help getting ready for bed, I’ll take care of it for you…ok?”
The flood of emotions they both felt in that moment were powerful. Jordan — loved, wanted, seen, understood (to a degree), and well cared for. Ted — responsible, stepping up to the plate, doing the hard things even though they were difficult, being there for his children when they needed them, being ‘Daddy’.
——————
Shortly after their little cry session together, Ted took leadership again and announced that it indeed was getting late. “So, we really do need to get to bed. Do you wanna take a shower or do anything else before I…we…um…get your…uh…diaper…on?”
He felt quite awkward speaking so frankly but attempted to continue the theme of powering through his fears.
“Um, lemme just go to the bathroom and stuff…I’ll shower in the morning.” She got up and disappeared into the bathroom through the solitary apartment bedroom. In the meantime, he picked up the large heavy plastic-wrapped package of adult diapers. ‘MOLICARE Adult Incontinence Briefs’ it read, ‘Super Plus Absorbency’, ‘Size Small/Medium’. The container was deceptively heavy. Ted noticed the open bag on top of his girls’ suitcase and traded it for the sealed package he had picked up. Inside were several purple diapers folded up. He pulled one out and tossed the bag back on the floor. It’s plastic was soft and it appeared to be folded in thirds. As he pulled the garment open carefully and curiously, Jordan walked back into the living room and stopped in her tracks.
He looked up and mirrored her apparent embarrassment. “Oh! I was just…getting ready for you…um…I hadn’t really seen these big of ones before…you don’t use ones like your sister huh?”
She remained in silence for a minute, absorbing the reality of what was about to happen — how open her Dad was behaving — and how apparently unjudgmental he seemed to be. “No, they don’t make baby ones for kids as big as me dad.” She tried to smile even though she felt nervous. She wanted her Dad to help her with the task, but she was terrified of it at the same time.
“Well. How about you get over here so you can get to bed ok?” She obeyed as he continued, “So how does your Mom usually do this? Do you just lay down on the floor like Jen used to?” Of course it hadn’t been terribly long since Jen was out of her nighttime diapers and ever since she had been doing overnight visits at what had been Ted & Melissa’s apartment, he had done a fair deal of diapering — so he wasn’t profoundly out of practice.
“Um, yeah…pretty much…” she said standing next to him as he sat on the couch. She paused for a couple seconds; unsure of what she was waiting for.
“So do you want help with those too or do you do that yourself?” He said, feeling surprisingly incrementally comfortable with the process, motioning toward her jean shorts.
“Oh. Um. Yeah. I can do that.” She said, almost as though jolted out of deep thought. She quickly stripped them off along with her panties and in almost the same maneuver, sat on the floor and began to lay back on the aging carpet.
Ted rapidly went into action. His nerves at being around his thirteen year old daughter naked had finally caught up with him and he rushed through the process more quickly than she usually would’ve preferred. But it was ok for a start. Wordlessly now, he slid the diaper toward her and she lifted up knowingly. Rapidly, and not entirely tightly enough, he secured the four tapes and then smiled at her, indicating the process was complete. She offered a small smile in return, still not fully knowing what to think — but grateful for his willingness.
As it turned out, getting diapered by her Dad that first time (for real) wasn’t as surreal as it had been in her dreams. But for Jordan, the experience didn’t need to be like the dreams. After seeing how obviously stressed and uncomfortable he was with the whole conversation — and respecting his willingness to bring it up in the first place — her faith in his genuine interest in her life had only grown. Having been shown through his reasoning process with so much transparency only increased her trust in him. In the end, the tall girl with the amazing gift of writing started to feel a little bit ‘at home’ once again in the world. Laying on the floor with her dad pulling on her nighttime pajama pants, her sense of acceptance and security only swelled. Somehow, Jordan knew that this was only a taste of other future sacrifices her Dad would make for her as they presented themselves in the future.
A purple diaper and a pat on the butt were only just a symbols.