Epilogue – [August, 2002]
In the end, Tyler Johns kept his word to Jordan and her Dad given that Friday afternoon in Capitol Hill. When Ted and his lawyer refused to rescind their case against Adrian Johns’ friend Anne Rodgers for the way she had unscrupulously divulged private medical details about Jordan to her niece Nicole, Jordan’s classmate, Tyler Johns brought Ted’s then completed state of divorce back up to the board of Hope Seattle. That time, they had agreed with him. Since he was unable to make amends in his marriage and since he had caused the rift by an affair in the first place, it was impossible to keep him on as the CEO of the Christian organization. With TJ Yates having switched sides and putting his political power behind the conservative move, Ted didn’t have a chance.
But for one of the first times in his life, the (now single) father of three felt as though he had done the honorable thing and was in a ‘good place’ both emotionally and spiritually. He knew he had made a series of grave errors but he also knew that he was on the road to integrity. Over the weeks and months that followed all the ‘fireworks’, he increasingly became a dutiful caretaker of his teenage girl and felt proud of himself for having stuck to what was right.
The damages given Jordan for easily wining their civil lawsuit would provide some balm for the sting of the pink-slip as well. $82,000 was awarded all told (calculated out based on $32,000 in estimated expenses for the remainder of junior high and high school in a new private or home school environment, $25,000 for counseling and therapy, and the remainder for her pain and suffering through the incident). It wasn’t a windfall or anything, but it would be enough to help the two survive until Ted found new work. To add a little whipped cream on the top of her ‘vindication’ sundae, Nicole’s auntie Anne had been summarily fired from her job at the hospital as soon as the judgment against her came down.
Jordan, for her part, felt extremely proud of her Dad for sticking up for her and following through on ‘what was right’ — and she even grew a little respect back for Mr. Johns in an odd way. He finally grew a pair, she laughed to herself after her Dad had come home in such a surprisingly jovial mood to share with her the news about the board’s vote. Because Ted hadn’t freaked out, she hadn’t mirrored his emotions as she probably would’ve been tempted to do otherwise. She somehow knew despite the bad news, she would be completely taken care of. Her Daddy was finally looking out for her.
Later during that fall, the tall diaper-wearing girl with the bedwetting problem would discover that both Amber and Nicole ended up with a rather punishment of their own at school. Of course, legally speaking they had done nothing wrong. Morally — their actions had been infringing on evil, and certainly against the code of conduct at BCS. Because BCS was a private Christian School, it regularly made disciplinary bids on its students for behavior in their private home lives when it intersected with the lives of other students. This was a common sticking point of debate among the student body and parents, but the school’s policy was that if they were all about upholding ‘Christian values’ they needed to uphold them whenever they were made aware of situations on and off campus. Amber and Nicole’s breach of decency had been reprehensible in the eyes of the school administration.
For punishment, the two would be mandated to become ‘special helpers’ in the preschool room every single afternoon for their entire 9th grade year. They weren’t ‘teacher’s aids’ either. Rather, the preschool teacher had had a system in previous years whereby kids in her room rotated daily as the teacher’s start student for the day. This ‘very important’ kid would get to lead the line, pass out drinks and papers, come up front for demonstrations, and get the first pick of toys. Needless to say, the two were not thrilled with their juvenile assignment. But because of it, they each were forced to forfeit the opportunity to take an afternoon elective class as well as varsity sports for the year. This was perhaps the most painful part! Instead, all year long, they would play with little kids toys and be forced to take naps after lunch. Each of the powers that be (as well as Jordan) thought it a just (and appropriately humiliating) penalty for their behavior.
———
Jordan’s bedwetting held serve more or less in the months following her parent’s culminating divorce hearing and her Dad only became more accomplished at taking care of her diapering. As she had done back during the winter months, the teenager would return to the habit of regressing into infantile-like states of childish and silent wonder while being prepared for bed. She would coo and giggle, smile and sigh, look around the room wide eyed, and always act fully relaxed; safe and secure under her Dad’s attention. The feelings in her heart that had once come up from her Mom’s treatment very similarly returned with this new endeavor — but two or three fold in intensity.
Although everything had indeed changed for the young girl in a strange and difficult world, everything had changed.
She never had another daytime accidental wetting (to her Dad’s knowledge). And truthfully, what had happened in the car on the way home from camp was during an incredibly stressful moment (and during sleep to boot). Jordan’s secret about ‘liking’ diapers was something she simply couldn’t come to grips with exposing to her Dad that summer. Everything was just too perfect.
And besides, she reasoned, everyone’s got a few skeletons in their closet here or there. I’m no different than anyone else. The thirteen year old author resolved simply to let things roll — and maybe, perhaps, it’ll go away on it’s own in time and resolve itself? Who knows?
Jordan couldn’t help however, once her new supply arrived, but secretly wear and wet diapers around the apartment when she was alone felt sure she could get away with it.
———
Jordan’s Mom had been notably distant after the trial. When she went ‘home’ to 22nd to get her things one evening, Sally had shockingly already packed up her room; putting clothes into boxes and suitcases; rolling up her Harry Potter posters and folding up her rug. She had hardly said a word in their interactions that evening and when Jordan moved to give her a hug goodbye, Sally returned it with a very firm and very brief ‘grab and release’ style embrace. The body language was rigid and cool. Sally’s anger for Ted had clearly bled over to her teenage daughter and she hand’t even realized it until those tense moments back at her ‘old’ house. When Jordan had asked her when their first weekend visit would take place, Sally told her that she and her dad would figure it out between the two of them and he’d let her know. As of the middle of August, the first visit hadn’t yet occurred (although Mindi and Jen had come to visit she and her Dad in the new apartment more than once).
The starkness of her Mom’s sudden withdrawal was painful but somehow not surprising. The way she had spoken to her in the hallway of the courthouse and on the phone at camp were just predictors of what was to come. But in all reality, if Jordan was honest with herself, she knew that she had felt similar tension between she and her mother before. In fact, a similar dynamic had been present for much of her life.
Until the 9/11 attacks and the onset of her bedwetting, Jordan couldn’t even really remember a time where her Mom had been overtly compassionate or gentle. In the time before her sisters came along, Sally had worked full time and after that, Jordan felt pressure and expectation to be the ‘big-sister-mom’, even though she was still at a relatively early age.
The narrative memory that filled the thirteen year old’s head involved phrases from her mom that sounded like a repeating record, “Go get this Jordan, go get that. Help your sisters get ready for the day. Change your sister’s diaper. Get your sister’s food. Help me pick up. Why can’t you be more tidy? You need to take responsibility for yourself. You need to get your own self ready. You need to fix your own hair! I don’t have time to look at that Jordan. You’re old enough to take care of yourself!!” The commands and distancing comments felt all consuming for a little kid under ten; who, obviously, didn’t feel ready to grow up or become an adult. It wasn’t that she didn’t want any responsibilities; just to have KID ones instead of grownup ones.
Thus, her Mom’s shift back to a state of more chilly distance didn’t feel entirely new. It was the blackout of words that felt different. But in spirit it felt the same; and of course the pain was all too familiar.
The more remarkable shift in Jordan’s life was how her Dad had come to ‘show up’ in such a new and profound way over late spring and summer. Ted had never been particularly ‘cold’ or indifferent to Jordan’s needs per se, but his dedication to his career had kept his natural cup of empathy poured out on others instead of in the home. Thus, she never really experienced his care and concern much more than she had experienced her Mom’s. But somehow the young teenager knew her Dad still had it in him somewhere to the the kind of tender-hearted protector she so longed for. She just wasn’t quite self-aware enough to know that she wanted it per se or let alone how to access ‘that man’ in her Dad and ask for it. But almost magically, he had appeared out of thin air in her time of greatest need.
It was like falling off a precipice but being caught softly in a feather bed — held up by the strongest of arms. The feeling of having been fully beheld — fully understood — completely on the front burner of someone’s mind — was absolutely remarkable. She hand’t been more grateful for anything in her entire life.
————
The phone rang in the warm summer evening air inside the Ted & Jordan Reynolds’ Capitol Hill apartment. The sun was still shining brightly although it was far past dinnertime. Father and teenage daughter sat happily on their small metal patio deck outside, reading and relaxing in silence, listening to street sounds and soaking in the yellow rays. The two had developed a habit of spending Monday dinners together out on the deck; the electronic device inside the apartment was an unwanted disturbance.
“Ahhhgh, I was just getting comfortable!” Jordan exclaimed, slapping her book down gently on her lap.
“Tell me about it…” her Dad replied a little groggily, obviously having been on the verge of drifting off into a snooze. “…Just let it ring…”
“Nah, I’ll get it Dad, it’s ok.”
She made her way inside and answered the phone on what seemed like the eighth ring — just before it seemed as thought it should’ve stopped. “Daaad! It’s for you. SOUNDS IMPORTANT.” She hollered pleasantly if not mockingly from inside the house, knowing he’d have to get up as well.
“Alright, coming…” he said, muttering pleasantly as he got up.
Ted made his way into the kitchen and grabbed the phone. “This is Ted.” He said.
The conversation from there was rapid and increased with intensity each second. But the energy exuded by Jordan’s Dad wasn’t that of anxiety or anger — it was excitement…joy. The caller on the other end hadn’t identified himself to Jordan, so she had little idea what the call was about (other than its urgency) but she couldn’t help but listen carefully as her father became more and more animated as it when on.
“So does she need to change anything? I mean. Is it done? Is is ready?” He asked before pausing.
Jordan’s mind at that point churned, is he talking to someone about my book?
“Yeah, sure, we can meet her tomorrow. Absolutely. What time? Where? Ok. Yeah for sure. Thank-you!”
He hung up. Glowing. Shaking a little. Obviously in shock.
Jordan couldn’t help but feel a transfer of some of his excitement. “Daddy, who was it? What’s going on?” She smiled, unable to contain herself, willing the words she was hoping for to come out of his mouth.
“Jordan, that was the Scholastic Corporation — probably the biggest children’s and teen’s book publishing company in the world. They wanna publish your bo—”
“WHAT!!?! DADDY!! DADDY! REALLY!?!” She didn’t even let it get out of his mouth before she had jumped into his arms, legs and hands wrapped around his frame. The two hugged and jumped and laughed and cried and danced. The moment was pure delight. Heaven on earth.
Ted hand’t been able to finish what he was trying to say because of each of their levels of exuberance. He finally blurted out, “Jordan they say they think it can be made into a whole series! It sounds like they want you to write BOOKS for them!! They want you to go on a book tour THIS FALL!”
The thirteen year old couldn’t help but jump in the air as her joy bubbled in her chest. She laughed and cried and stomped her feet and screamed and fell on the couch and kicked her feet until she felt tired with delight. Ted watched with pride and his own happiness.
It had truly been months or even years since Jordan had felt so free, loved, wanted, and open to the possibilities before her. Those moments were perhaps the most pleasure-filled so far in her young life. It was like a movie. Perfect.
I really did it! I really did it. I did it! I did it! I did it! I did it! She thought, laying down finally, flopping on the living room sofa. Glowing in her success and accomplishment.
But how am I gonna do a book tour with diapers?