The conversation with Ted had left Sally deeply rattled. He walked out at about 8:30pm and she had stayed up most the night fretting, crying, praying, reading, and talking to her mother on the phone. It had been horrible but also cathartic.
She began to see how her life had been shaped by fear – and how her fears had taken hold of her the day before. Fears for her daughters’ well being; fears for her husband’s fidelity; fears for her own health and relationships; fears for her salvation, fears for their finances; fears for her professional life; fears for her physical safety; the list went on and on and on. She thought about the way that she reacted to people and situations out of those fears and tore them down and damaged them. It concerned her greatly and she felt convicted to change.
I want to react out of compassion and love, not fear. I want to be confident and strong and kind – not terrified. My kids and husband need that from me…
In addition, her commitment to be the best mother her kids deserved – the best mother she could be – was steeled. It doesn’t matter what Ted does or doesn’t do, what Ted can or can’t do, how Ted does or doesn’t pull through, I AM GOING TO BE THERE for them. I WILL be what I can be, she had sworn to herself.
One of the things that stuck out to her was Jordan’s puberty process and how much stress she seemed to be carrying around about it. Maybe I’m pushing her to be independent a little too quickly; she is only twelve years old. Maybe I need to listen to her a little more and let her have a say; maybe that’s even a way for her to demonstrate some independence, she had thought.
