Chapter 16 – [December 23, 2001]
Christmas breaks for BCS students were an interesting phenomenon. Because it was a private school with uniforms and tuition and a fancy building overlooking the Puget Sound, a great many students and their families had plenty of disposable income to go on vacation to parts of the world not socked in by Seattle’s winter rain, rain, fog, mist, sleet, drizzle, rain, rain, and more rain. On the other hand, because the school was a Christian institution, a great many students also attended out of ideological designs (and therefore often at great personal sacrifice to their families’ finances). The photographs from these middle and lower class household holidays were a stark contrast to the images of Crete, Fiji, and Hawaii that students like Georgia Yates came home with.
Although Jordan’s father was the CEO of a company, Hope Seattle was a non-profit serving homeless people and the family income was modest to say the least. The best vacations her family ever took at Christmas were road trip journeys to visit her mother’s sister in southern Oregon. Although Sally was a CPA with a master’s degree, she hadn’t worked since Mindi had been born and with Ted having filed for divorce, the family of four was now living off of her meager savings and handouts from her parents.
Christmas this year would definitely not be featuring a trip to sandy beaches. However, that didn’t keep Jordan from trying to have a little fun. Free from homework and in the glow of her NPR ‘victory’, she had gone along with Alex’s plan for a date (of sorts) on the Sunday before her Christmas Eve birthday.
This year, Georgia and her family had traveled to southern Spain for Christmas but she ended up being the only one of the girls from her birthday party to be out of town. Because Alex’s dad was still in treatment, she was home from any travels. Cindy and Riley were each from lower-middle class homes with relatively conservative Christian parents and their extended families had lived in Seattle for generations, so they were in town for the holidays as well.
The four ‘friends’ all had their parents drop them off that Sunday after church downtown on 6th Avenue in the shopping district up the hill from Pikes Street Market. The day was drizzly but not terribly cold and each of the girls was wearing a ski jacket and all but Jordan sported cute girly umbrellas with matching rain boots.
Jordan felt an odd combination of anxiety and peace as she walked and talked with the group on the rainy sidewalks. Even though Alex had worked magic to build some semblance of trust between Cindy, Riley, Jordan, the girl who towered over the others by several inches still felt like more than just a physical outlier. It was awkward to not know what had happened at the party – to not have the shared memory of the stories told or movies watched. Alex and the other two kept bringing up ‘inside jokes’ about random items that only had meaning to those that were there. Jordan simply had remained silent. Yet she also felt hopeful and happy to be included in the group.
At least I’m not at home fighting with my siblings or being drug around by Dad and that floozy! she thought.
When the girls walked by Barnes and Noble, Alex piped up to ask Jordan about her story, hoping to include her a little more in the conversation.
“So Jordan, are you gonna be the one to read your story on the radio?”
“Yeah! Are you gonna read it? I hope you don’t burp or fart or something – that’d be embarrassing!” Chimed in Riley. She and Cindy laughed.
Slightly annoyed but trying to take her new ‘friends’ relatively gentle razzing in stride, Jordan replied, “Well I’m not sure actually. Mr. Johns said it would be recorded sometime after Christmas and I’d have a choice as to whether I’d like to be the one to read it or not. I’m not sure. And to be honest,” she smiled, trying to show she was game for a joke, “I am a little worried about making a fool of myself.”
All four then laughed, Alex nervously.
“So what’s it about anyways? Seems like a big secret or somethin’.” Asked Cindy with a little edge of snootiness to her voice.
Doing her best not to take offense, Jordan said, “Well, it’s kind of a science fiction story – about Mars.”
Cindy and Riley looked at each other – trying not to look surprised.
“Oh?” Alex said, trying to hold the conversation together.
“Oh you’re probably not that interested in all the details…” Jordan said fearing the conversation was crashing.
“No really – tell us Jordan – I’m curious.” Cindy said, her surprise now steeled.
“Well, it’s set in the future. And it’s about a father and son who have a super close relationship with one another – they’re astronaut partners. They travel to Mars to explore; the first humans ever. What they discover is a this weird alien species that live in caves under the surface – and eventually they come to find that they’ve been marooned there by their own civilization…”
The girls actually looked genuinely impressed.
Sensing this Jordan asked, “Do you wanna hear the conclusion or wait to hear what happens on the radio?”
“Wait.” Said Alex, both seriously not wanting the story wrecked but also wanting to take advantage of the ‘out’.
“Yeah me too – but that sounds really good Jordan. I’m like super impressed. I had no idea you were that creative.” Said Riley, almost apologetically.
“Well it took me a long, long time. I started it this summer in my spare time and Mr. Johns helped me edit it before the deadline. I’m pretty proud of it – but kind of scared and embarrassed of it too – like people will judge me or ‘know’ me better once they read it.” Jordan turned a little red.
“Oh I think they’re gonna like it Jordan! Seriously. I mean, you won the contest for the State – that means a TON!” Alex said.
“Yeah!!” each of the others added.
Jordan couldn’t help but smile, “Thanks guys.”
The conversation had continued as they made their way through the bookstore and near the magazine rack of Barnes and Noble. The three girls gravitated toward teen-fashion magazines and the latest teenage ‘heartthrob’ (Daniel Radcliffe of Harry Potter in this edition) while Jordan found her way to the teen fiction. Her disinterest in most things adolescent (at least from the others’ perspective) couldn’t have been more obvious.
The tall and simply dressed girl couldn’t see them scheming with one another next to the racks, but when they approached her sitting in a leather armchair reading a book, they looked as though they were going to drop a bombshell in her lap.
“JORDAN!” Alex announced in hushed excitement.
She looked up, initially worried but then feeling a rush of familiar anticipation. Uh, oh, she’s got one of those glints in her eye again. What am I in for now?
Jordan quirked a smile and raised her eyebrow, silently responding “What?”
“Wanna go over to Nordstrom?”
“What?” That was not at all what she had been expecting.
“C’mon! We wanna go give you a makeover.” Alex smiled brightly as did the others.
“What?” The bewildered girl said again, not understanding that kind of positive attention.
As had been highlighted with her school clothes shopping in the late summer, the activity wasn’t her favorite (primarily because of the way it reminded her of her height, hips, chest, and everything else that was becoming adult-woman-like).
“I don’t know guys – I just – I’m not sure if I can do that toda—”
“Oh knock it off Jordan! It’s your birthday tomorrow and we all know how your Dad stood you up for school clothes shopping. We wanna go with you and pick out a cute new style for your party on New Years Eve!” Riley said.
Jeez, Alex sure has been blabbing lot about me. Jordan thought as she looked at her friend with one eyebrow raised.
Alex, sensing the feelings of slightly breeched trust, “Jordan, I told them just now about what had happened. I know you don’t like this kind of stuff but maybe you’ll have fun with your girlfriends? They’re good at this and you’ll look SOOO cute!”
The way she had said that last phrase led the tall teenager to feel warm and wanted. MY girlfriends? Wow. I’ve never had that before.
“Ok. I guess.” The hazel eyed brunette smiled.
The experience had been surreal.
Alex had served as the go-between in and out of the dressing room while Riley and Cindy picked out clothes in the store and shuffled them to the nervous girl inside. Jordan was pretty embarrassed about being in just a bra (luckily she had decided to wear it that day – it still was an inner-debate for her as to whether or not she wanted to don it from day to day) and panties in front of her friends. This was especially the case because of her fears about odor.
Although her mom had been carefully bathing her daily, the girl with the secret feared the smell of old urine would still somehow be noticeable and her bedwetting would become known to the other two friends (and then to the whole school). Furthermore, she had been battling ongoing bouts of diaper rash and although it would’ve been mostly covered up, she didn’t know how much might’ve crept into sight onto her thigh or rear end.
For most of the session, therefore, Jordan tried to remain in a new set of clothes until the next batch arrived. When she was switching, she tried to keep her back to the wall and legs as tightly together as possible. A cold sweat developed on her brow.
Alex couldn’t help but notice. When they were alone during one of the other girls’ trips to the clothing racks, she asked, “Jordan are you alright? You seem all tense.”
“…Oh…um…u…yeah…I’m ok…” the girl now clad in a tightly fitting pair of jeans and stylish fitted t-shirt smiled nervously.
“What’s wrong?” her friend asked genuinely concerned, “Come on? Is this really not fun for you?”
“…no Alex…it is…I really…it’s thoughtful…I just…Its just…I’m not used to you know….changing like this…”
Alex laughed nervously and looked sheepish. “Oh. Sorry! I figured it was ok. Um…” now feeling awkward herself she said, “…I can go out and just pick things out if you want…”
“…no no, that’s not what I meant…I…I don’t know…” She didn’t want to elaborate with her friend about the real reason for her embarrassment, and the concern in her eyes sort of reminded her of her mom’s care of late back home. “…it’s ok Alex…I’m just a little on edge after everything that’s been happening…”
She hadn’t shared with her friend anymore about the bedwetting (let alone diapers) since that night on the phone at the sleep clinic at the hospital and she hadn’t even told her about the terrible weekend with her Dad and Melissa or her fears that her parents were divorcing. But as Jordan recalled all the stress and drama in her head, thoughts of her mom’s gentle touch each evening and morning unexpectedly crept in. She thought about the helpless way in which she laid still under her Mom’s care – and of course the sensations of her (HER!) diapers against her skin. Suddenly a modicum of peace washed over the maturing girl.
Maybe the stress of home is just adding up, She thought, Alex and Cindy and Riley are just trying to help me like mom helps me. They just wanna be my friend have a good time today. She decided to let them help her out and loosen up a bit.
Feeling her hand taken into her friends hands, she heard Alex say, “Ok Jordie. As long as you’re sure.”
More confident now Jordan said, “Yep – now let’s find something cute for New Years Eve!”
In the end, the beautiful long-legged girl ended up with an outfit more suited to spring time but yet extremely party-like. It was a short (on 5’8″ Jordan) white cotton dress with a rather full skirt and a lace overlay. A bright pink bow wrapped high around her waist and tied in the back. The other girls weren’t as thrilled with the bodice as Jordan, which wrapped closely near her neck and armpits. She, however, didn’t feel as ready as they to put off the air of “sexy” and all the clothes they had picked out with plunging necklines or open backs were way too far ‘off’. Furthermore, picking this particular dress enabled her to avoid going through the whole other embarrassing chore of choosing an new bra in front of her new friends as her current white ones would work adequately under it. New flat pink shoes that were “SOOO CUTE” as Riley had exclaimed, rounded out the birthday party look.
After a visit to the cosmetics table for a makeup-makeover, the group was ready for checkout and perhaps Jordan’s biggest surprise of the Sunday afternoon. Alex had been given her mother’s credit card for the afternoon and confidently paid for everything as Jordan’s birthday gift. The others were flabbergasted and Jordan was embarrassed in gratitude. She had added up the total in her head and it was going to be well over $200 – her plan had been to put all the items back on the rack and to go home to beg for her mom to return for the purchase.
“Alex!! You can’t do that – it’s too much! My Mom told me to just pick stuff out and we’d come back later to buy it together…” Jordan had hissed.
“Jordie, you got screwed by your Dad, you’ve been having a super tough year;” she leaned in and lowered her voice, “you had to go hospital and get poked and prodded; Amber and Nicole have been relentless. It’s the least I can do and my mom wont’ care at all. I do this all the time.” She smiled and flipped her hair.
“Thank-you Alex,” Jordan said with her eyes tearing up, “you’re my best friend.”
She smiled and said, “Happy Birthday sweet pea.”
The term of endearment took Jordan back to November and her night at the sleep lab. She appreciated it this time much more than she had the last.
If Alex only knew that I’m still getting diapered like Jen every night… What would she say? I was so embarrassed when I told her back then. How can I possibly tell her the truth now? Jordan thought.