Chapter 17 – [December 31, 2001]
Sally had received the divorce papers by courier on the day after Christmas, a Wednesday. Ted was moving forward with the divorce with great haste. He had procured a lawyer (from church of course) and seemed to be well organized and protected (no surprise). She had spent the holiday with the kids at home, opening simple gifts and trying to find a way to make Jordan feel as though she had both a birthday and Christmas at the same time.
Ted felt sad about missing Christmas with his girls but in all honesty it wasn’t the first time. Back in 1998, before Jen had come along and while Mindi was just a toddler, he had gotten stuck in the Chicago airport on his way back home from a business trip. It wasn’t exactly his fault but Sally hadn’t thought of it that way – at all.
He and Melissa had had a great time together over Christmas – eating dinner in the restaurant on top of the Space Needle, doing stupid tourist attractions like the floating duck tour busses and Pikes Place Market, and exchanging gifts (including an engagement ring for Melissa). He felt some guilt for the way his previous marriage had unraveled, but he soothed it by telling himself that it had been a bad pairing.
We weren’t matched; we had different dreams; Melissa and I are headed down the same path – she wants to serve the poor as bad as I do. Sally is too much of a homebody and nurturer to let me stretch my wings like God made me to do.
He had only seen the two younger girls since their weekend visit before Jordan went on Christmas vacation. The story Melissa told about what had happened in their bedroom was that Jordan had cussed her out and tried to hit her when she had just nicely tried to help with the diaper. Melissa had told Ted that she thought it was borderline abusive that Sally was making Jordan wear them anyways and that she wouldn’t allow something like that in her home – obviously she was an unfit mother. Ted had misgivings in the back of his mind but went along with the story.
As much as Ted really wanted the freedom to pursue his life’s calling, he also really wanted to prove a point to Sally: that he was stronger than her and that he had been “right”. He wanted to be vindicated in front of the church community. Getting custody of the kids would be a major inconvenience but it would teach Sally a lesson. However, it was not really what he wanted per se and he knew it wouldn’t end up being in their best interests even if he got a nanny or something. The lawyer had pushed for this line of action and encouraged Ted to provide any potential details that could suggest Sally was not a capable parent. Honestly not thinking of any but also honestly not wanting to pursue the lawyer’s game, Ted had resisted.
For Christmas, Jordan had really really wanted the new Apple iPod, which had just been released the previous fall. They weren’t cheap nor were they readily available that Christmas season but she figured she could guilt her dad into ‘going big’ since he had been such a jerk. To her surprise, she received a card, signed only with his name (no other personalization) and a crumpled $20 bill. Even though gifts weren’t her primary form of feeling affection, she had felt deeply hurt by his lack of sensitivity. The other girls had received the same lack of thoughtfulness or generosity.
Jordan’s mom on the other hand, did her best to give generous Christmas gifts although she was afraid of not having enough money for essentials since she had yet to land a new CPA job. She had been applying and looking for child care for the two youngest girls to no avail and so she didn’t want to spend a ton of money they might need to survive in the future. Practical won the day: new clothing items for everyone as well as some new pajamas for Jordan (the abundant washing was beginning to take its toll). The younger girls each received small toys as well. Jordan had been thankful but disappointed.
“I know it’s not like it has been in the past girls, but we’ve gotta be smart right now. I’ll make up for it I promise.” Sally had said.
Despite being a week later than the actual day of her birth, Jordan’s party took place on a Monday night – New Years Eve – deep into Christmas break. She had decided to take her mom’s advice and invite her newfound friends Cindy and Riley, as well as Alex; Georgia was still on her family’s fabulous vacation in Spain so she was left out. The plan was to begin at Jordan’s house for cake and ice cream in the evening before heading out to go ‘skating in fancy dresses’ together. The other girls’ moms were supposed to pick them up shortly after midnight.
The decision for no sleepover seemed curious to Cindy and Riley (but of course not to Alex) – although they knew their newfound friend didn’t have a very big house anyways. Riley’s family was having a huge party and they had told Jordan that they had to leave a little early to get to it anyways.
Jordan had still been wetting her bed nightly and getting the twice-daily treatment from her mom she had begun to expect and even rely upon as a kind of coping mechanism. The Monday morning of her party, she had awoken for the second time in her life bleeding – but this time it had been completely contained to her soft purple diaper. The third menstrual cycle of her fresh womanhood, it was all still a new experience for the girl (her second one had begun the previous month in between history class and leaving the house).
“Oh dear Jordie, looks like you’re more than wet again this morning.” Sally said having pulled the covers back and Jordan’s pajama pants down, “Let’s get you in the bath.”
Well I guess that’s one nice thing about wearing a diaper to bed, she had thought. Then reconsidering she thought further, well, maybe it’s not the only good thing about wearing them…
The (now) teenager’s mind immediately went to the pure white dress she and her friends had picked out for her to wear that night and fears of stains and leaks. But as it turned out, her concerns proved to be unfounded with her mom’s expert care and advice.
When the girls arrived Monday night, Jordan looked adorable in her white birthday dress with the pink bow. It was cold outside and the thin white hairs on her arms and legs stood up on end when her guests bustled in the door, dressed to kill themselves, and offered hugs and smiles and compliments.
“YOU LOOK SOOOO CUTE!” Cindy and Alex cried in unison said.
“Omygosh!” Riley exclaimed and winked, “you’re gonna knock ’em dead girl!”
The four plus Jordan’s sisters (who also wanted to dress up fancy) and mom had a great time eating cake and twirling around dancing in their pretty clothes in the living room before. Jordan had been nervous about her friends wandering into her bedroom and finding her diapers in the closet but she and her mom had agreed to move the supply to the master bedroom (along with the plastic sheet off of Jordan’s bed). The room still smelled slightly like stale pee, but of course Mindi was sharing it at that point and so Jordan had plausible deniability.
Mindi had been a little angry when she was told that she would be taking the fall if the girls asked about the odor because, as she pointed out, “Jordan is wet more often than I am anyways mom! And she’s the one who wears a real diaper too!!”
The complaint was silenced immediately followed by a promise on Mindi’s part to follow through with the ruse. As far as Jordan could tell, none of her guests were suspicious of her little secret in the least (at least the two who didn’t already know).
At the skating rink, the girls stayed together in a tight pod laughing, dancing, singing, and playing the whole time they were there. For one of the first times in her life, Jordan felt accepted and included into a group of friends. It was delightful.
That is…until Amber and Nicole arrived. They had heard about Jordan’s plans through Alex who had told the basketball team (not in a way to get attention or to brag but simply to get out of a different party invitation). The two decided to use their knowledge to try to crash Jordan’s fun and cause a little havoc.
Skating out on the floor near the four seventh graders, the two older girls announced mockingly, “Hi party girls – having fun? You look real cute Jordan….like my cousin in kindergarten does when she had her party last summer!!!”
“Yeah – what’s up with that little girl dress Jordan? Did your mom pick it out for you to wear to church when you were like 10?”
Jordan felt her face flush and she was immediately hot.
“Leave us alone.” Shouted back Alex in defense.
“Oh so the girlfriend comes to defense now. How romantic!” Amber replied sneering.
Jordan didn’t understand the innuendo, but just as she was about to respond, she slipped and fell, splaying out on the floor, flashing pretty much everyone nearby, and losing the contents of her purse which included her menstrual supplies for the evening.
Not missing a single detail, Nicole yelled uncontrollably, “OH MY! Looks like Jordan’s riding the cotton pony!”
Jordan’ scrambled on her knees to put her things back in her purse.
“NO WAY!? She’s not old enough to be hangin’ out with Aunt FLO” Chimed in Amber laughing.
Slipping then on the wheels of her skates as she tried to get up, Jordan fell to her knees again. At this point, she began crying in embarrassment and Alex grabbed her arm helping her up while simultaneously glaring at her basketball teammates Amber and Nicole.
“Come’on Twiggs!! We were only playin’ with ya! Of course you’re a big kid now! I won’t tell anyone about your pull-ups!” Amber yelled as Alex drug Jordan toward the bathroom, Cindy and Riley following suit.
Jordan was in tears yet she couldn’t help but flinch when she heard the word, pull-up.
Once in the bathroom, Alex sat Jordan down in a stall (with her dress on) where she proceeded to cry for a long time. The three girls jumped into a rapid pep-talk of kind words, compliments, encouragement, and pick-me-ups. As her spirits began to lift, Jordan and Alex were left alone.
“So you still hate getting your period then huh?” Alex eventually asked once the two were alone again. She was half joking and half curious.
Jordan looked at her as though she was an alien.
“I just still haven’t gotten mine…I mean, look at my chest, my Mom had to put stuff in my bra to get it to fill out this dress….It just seems like you should be happy, there a quite a few girls like me in our class who are still waiting…and that ain’t fun either ya know…”
Still nothing.
“…Look I’m sorry I keep talking about it. The truth is I’m just jealous. I’m sorry. Really. It’s your night and this shouldn’t have happened and it’s not about me…”
“It’s ok Alex….They’re just so mean…”, Jordan said as her chin began to quiver again.
They both cried some more.
“Thanks for standing up for me in there,” Jordan smiled snotty nosed and red eyed, “I’m happy we’re friends. This has been a good birthday. Really….blood, bullies, and all. By the way, what’re you gonna do for yours next month?”
Speaking about Alex’s birthday and not female reproductive cycles, Jordan knew her friend also was turning thirteen. She had been planning a sleepover at her house; a kind of ‘last hurrah’ before her dad was to come home from treatment. It was something she had never been allowed to do (by his command – to keep his drinking secret). But with him gone, her mom had said she could do it this once.
“Well…I’m actually gonna have a sleepover Jordan…Dad’s still gone and so Mom says I can have one for the first time ever. I know you’ll probably not want to come – for the same reason we’re not doing a sleepover tonight right? But – maybe you’ll consider it anyways…?” Alex carefully asked.
Almost without hesitation, Jordan replied, “Alex I made a promise to you – and yes, that’s the reason tonight isn’t a sleepover – and yes I’m still scared of people finding out. But you’re my friend and I plan on keeping my promise come hell or high water.”
Alex smiled. “Thanks Jordan, you’re the bravest person I know.”
The two hugged tightly.
Back at the Reynolds’ household on 22nd in Ballard, it was a relatively quiet scene for a birthday party. Both Cindy and Riley’s parents had picked them up for their second party and Alex, Jordan, Mindi, and her Mom were playing a board game at the breakfast nook table with the small kitchen TV blaring New Years Eve festivities. Jen was fast asleep in her own room.
Alex hadn’t yet called her mom for a ride and the four appeared to be going strong toward midnight. Jordan felt quite happy about how her party had gone, bumps in the road and all. On impulse built from this emotion, Jordan blurted out “Why don’t you stay over tonight Alex?”
Both Sally and Alex immediately became slack jaw in shock and gazed at Jordan, each saying nothing. “Really Alex, why not? Stay over. It’s so late and we don’t have school tomorrow anyways,” Jordan said as though it were nothing.
“Are you sure honey?” Sally finally asked with a knowing look, Alex remaining silent still.
“Yeah – I’m sure. What’d’ya say Alex? We can probably find some clothes for you to wear tomorrow, even though I’ve got a few inches on you.” The three chuckled as the attention turned to Alex.
“Ok yeah for sure, I’d like to stay if you’re alright with it…” She said.
“Great!” Said Jordan, “Gin Rummy, by the way.” The girl with the ‘secret’ laid down her cards for the win.
When bedtime came, Sally found some pajamas of hers that would fit Alex and handed them over. The two girls crossed paths as Jordan, carrying her pajamas, headed to the master bedroom herself for her diaper while Alex walked in the direction of Jordan’s bedroom and the guest bathroom with her borrowed pajamas.
Why is she going to her mom’s room? Alex thought with confusion showing on her face. It was the first of several awkward moments before the lights went out.
A few minutes later, Jordan was lying on the floor at the foot of her mom’s bed, with just her legs and a touch of her her rear end in view had the tightly sealed door been ajar. The birthday girls’ legs were splayed open with a purple diaper just about fully taped between them. The pungent smell of Desitin was in the air. Just as Sally got to her knees from the nightly task, both of them heard Alex’s voice outside the door.
“Mrs. Reynolds?” she said. “Mrs. Reynolds!?!?” she said then knocking impatiently. “MRS. REYNOLDS!?!” she said one more time before knocking a little harder while opening the door and popping her head inside.
It had been so fast – and so unusual – neither Jordan nor Sally had time to react. Alex eyes went to Jordan’s birthday dress lying on the bed, then to the bag of purple adult diapers open in the middle of the floor, and then to her friends legs on the floor sticking out from the end of the bed – the faintest glimpse of a purple diaper on her rear visible. The babyish odor of diaper rash cream was immediately strong.
The look on Sally’s face as she turned to stand from between her daughter’s legs sticking out from the end of the bed was one of shock.
The look on Jordan’s face (although hidden to Alex by the bed) was one of horror. She quickly scooted backward and grabbed the nearest bits of fabric (which happened to be her pajama top) and tried to cover herself; cowering on the floor.
Jordan’s gawking teenage friend at the door couldn’t believe what she had just seen – or thought she had seen. She hadn’t forgotten the conversation the two had had the night Jordan was in the hospital but she honestly thought the diaper she had been forced to wear was a one time embarrassing scenario, not a nightly occurrence.
She wears a diaper every night? And her mom puts them on her? What the hell? Alex had thought completely confused.
Each of these thoughts, reactions, and feelings processed almost instantaneously in real time and Alex was the first to react.
“Oh…er…um…I’m so sorry….” She said closing the door tightly. “I just wanted to let you know that the Pajama Pants are too big for me!!!” She yelled now with the door closed trying not to make the situation more awkward than it already was.
“O…Ok Alex just give us a minute in here…”
Sally replied thinking, OH dear, this isn’t good; this isn’t how Jordan had envisioned it going I’m sure…
Although she had come to grips with Alex knowing about her diapers, she didn’t want her friend to SEE her wearing ONLY a diaper!
Jordan thought dejected, this isn’t how I had planned it.
Sally turned and looked at Jordan with pity. Shock still on the teenage girl’s face.
“I’m sorry sweetie; that wasn’t so good huh? Alex is your best friend though…she’s gonna understand. You wouldn’t have asked her to stay if you didn’t believe that. Let’s get your pj’s on so you can get to bed.”
After Jordan was covered (other than the outline and soft crinkle of her diaper), Sally put the bag of diapers away and opened the door – Jordan was now standing in the middle of the room where the bag had been.
“Ok Alex, sorry about that, what did you need?” Sally asked.
“Oh – Um…no, I’m sorry…” she looked at Jordan, “I just…these pajamas you gave me are a little big, do you have a smaller set?”
Visibly frazzled, Sally grabbed them. “Yeah.” She found a pair of cotton shorts and a t-shirt. “This’ll have to do for tonight then. Let me go make you a bed in Jordan and Mindi’s room.”
The two girls followed her across the house, Jordan quietly crinkling and bringing up the caboose. As they passed Mindi still at the table, Sally gave her a death look that communicated “PAJAMAS! PULL-UP! NOW!” without saying a word. She jumped into the caravan behind her big sister.
The process of making Alex’s bed on the floor in the bedroom was quick, tense, wordless, and full of unmistakable diaper crinkling. Jordan was far more embarrassed than she thought she would’ve been and couldn’t manage to say a word – finally slipping into bed and rolling over.
An hour or so later once Mindi was asleep, Alex broke the ice somehow knowing her friend was still awake.
“I’m really sorry Jordan….”
Silence.
“I didn’t mean to barge in on you like that; I just figured…I don’t know what I figured honestly…”
Silence.
“I…I thought you only wore like a straight up diaper-diaper that one time in the hospital? You said your mom was making you wear those GoodNite things from TV…”
Still silence although Alex could hear a couple sniffs of Jordan’s quiet crying.
“Why does she put it on you? Can’t you do it yourself? Does she do it like – every night?..”
Still only the sound of sniffles.
“…I’m sorry Jordan…you don’t wanna talk…I get it…I just…I’m…I’m just sorry. You’re my best friend and I’m sorry. I don’t judge you ok? I just wanna understand. I don’t want you to feel alone…so if you don’t’ wanna talk that’s fine…but if you wanna tell me about it…I’ll always be here for you…”
Jordan was awake but didn’t know how to respond.
“…and I don’t care what you wear Jordie…and I don’t care if you wet the bed or if you have accidents or whatever. I don’t care…I love you Jordan and I care about you….”
After another pregnant pause, the girl in the purple adult diaper finally spoke.
“Thank-you Alex. You’re the best friend I could ever hope for or dream of having. I wanna tell you more about this – but not tonight ok? Let’s go to sleep.”
Disappointed yet happy, Alex said, “Ok Jordie, ok.” She got up and gave her friend a hug and then snuggled down for what remained of the night in her own bed.