Chapter 39 – [April 22, 2002]
Jordan awoke cold and wet. In the night, she had kicked off her covers unconsciously and had slept a good deal of a night with her bare wet diaper exposed. By the time the morning sun broke over the horizon, the wetness between her legs and under her butt was icy, firm, and uncomfortable. Momentarily forgetting her previous conversation with Sally about taking care of her own diaper needs for a time, she lay in bed for a while, waiting for her Mom to come rouse her and offer some snuggle time. It never happened. As the memory of their talk returned to her, old feelings of isolation did as well.
I guess things are back to how they were before then? Except at least Mom and Dad aren’t fighting and screaming in front of us all the time. Maybe I should’ve known the way mom was acting wouldn’t last forever.
The young teen put her hand down firmly on her soggy diaper and thought about Joey. Ever since he had invited her to go on the ‘date’ at his track meet the previous week, she had been experiencing new and exciting feelings of attraction – and particularly odd sensations of warmth and sensitivity in her diaper area (especially when she had one on). She didn’t realize that the kind of experimentation she had been doing after these stirrings was quite normal for all teenagers, male and female. But especially since her mom hadn’t really brought the topic of up in their awkward conversation over the weekend, Jordan felt particularly guilty about touching herself in those ways. Never the less, with all the newfound thoughts of attraction to Joey as well as thinking back about their date, that Monday morning the tall teenager couldn’t help herself.
A short while later, she was up, showered, dressed, and off to school.
Amber and Nicole had been back to their usual tricks more and more since school began after spring break. The heat only intensified for Jordan as she and Joey became an item. During PE that morning, Amber ‘accidentally’ spilled her water bottle on Jordan’s duffle back next to her lower locker when she ‘tripped’ walking by. Almost all the contents poured out before Jordan could get it off. The seemingly wicked girl had offered a quick and surprised apology before running off out of the locker room – leaving the tall teenager to enter class late with large random splotches of wetness on her shirt and gym shorts.
Half way through class, Jordan’s teacher called her out of the game of softball they had been playing together and told her she had to go to the office. Thinking she was in trouble, her face immediately showed anger and injustice.
“Why? What’d I do?” She complained. “Nothing Jordan, I just got a message from the office that you need to go down there right now. Sorry.”
“Fine.” She griped as she turned to go back to the locker room.
“Jordan? The office?”
“OH? I can’t even get back into my school uniform?” She asked confused. “They said you were supposed to go right away.” He said, shrugging his shoulders and pointing toward the exit that led to the hallway.
The nearly six foot thirteen year old turned on her heels and marched past her class and PE teachers toward the office and something about which the consequences she wouldn’t come to learn for a long time.
Once in the BCS school office, Jordan was ushered into the vice-principle’s office where she was told that a lady was there ‘to talk with her about her parent’s divorce’. Jordan consented with an immediate sense of foreboding. A woman whom she would later learn to know as Emma Smart walked in the door and introduced herself with a warm smile. She was young (20-something) and had dark hair, dark rimmed glasses, and a professional pant-suit. As it turned out, Emma was a social worker from the local branch of the Department of Social and Health Services, within which CPS operated.
“Hi Jordan, my name’s Emma. Do you mind if I sit down?”
Jordan shook her head and looked over at the vice principal, who stayed in the room.
“So how’s your day going? Sorry to have had to pull you out of class like this.”
“Um…it’s ok…just started really. This is kinda weird though. Why am I here?” the teenager replied with a little more defensiveness than she intended.
“Well, I wanna talk with you a little bit about your parents and what’s been happening at home. Is that ok?”
Confused, Jordan replied, “…well, Um…I guess…but why?” and she glanced back at the vice principal who gave her no sign of reassurance.
What is going on here? This is SO strange. She thought.
“I understand your parents have been split up for a little while…Do you get along with both of them pretty well Jordan?”
“Um…yeah…my Mom more than my Dad probably.”
“Oh? Why do you say that?” she asked prying for information.
Reluctantly, but feeling the pressure of the principal looking over her shoulder, Jordan went on to talk a little about the dynamic that had developed between she and her Dad in the couple of years before her parents separated. She talked about his work schedule; how he had been away so many evenings and in many ways seemed like he didn’t even know her. She talked about how her Mom had been very empathetic and kind to her during this season of life even though it had been very stressful.
When the woman asked about how Jordan coped with her stress, Jordan had become quiet and less willing to answer. It was a sensitive subject for the girl without a doubt, Emma could clearly see it. No matter how many ways she asked followup questions about it, the girl grew ever more unwilling to budge with specifics. Finally after what seemed like a dozen prods, Jordan relented that perhaps writing was one thing that helped her calm down and cope with life. The seventh-grader glanced up almost feverishly at the vice principal as she explained, a bead of sweat haven formed on her brow.
“What happens if you don’t write? Like – if you weren’t able to write for a couple months, what would happen?” Emma asked.
Yet again, Jordan locked down, unwilling to share anything more — let alone the secret that the social worker was getting at.
After about a half-hour of probing and additional small talk, the Emma Stone came to the belief that it was the other party in the room to whom Jordan was the most uncomfortable revealing details of her life. The social asked the vice principal if just the two of them could go on a walk around the school ball field together – he and Jordan agreed.
It was during this change of scenery that Emma eventually was able to get Jordan to talk about part of what had been reported to the agency: that she was a chronic bed-wetter. And after more conversation and some additional coaxing, Jordan finally hinted at her diapers as the ‘treatment’ for the bedwetting problem. But curiously to the social worker, didn’t indicate any sense of distress about this (except perhaps for what could be considered a normal desire for a teenage girl, to keep it secret). But beyond these acknowledgments, Jordan was unwilling to elaborate on her nightly routine with her mother, no matter how much Emma poked and prodded around the subject. Jordan didn’t know why exactly she was being asked all these questions and the more personal they became, the more unwilling she grew to be transparent. Despite the fact that she had come somewhat to grips with her enjoyment of diapers and her mom’s nightly routine with her – it was still something she felt ashamed about and it certainly wasn’t something she was going to talk about or admit to a perfect stranger. In Jordan’s mind, sharing any addition detail was the equivalent of sharing her whole secret; namely the fact that she liked diapers.
Near the end of their walk, Emma admitted that someone under whose care Jordan had once been, was concerned for her well being in that regard. This suggestion was a confusing one to the tall teenager who towered over the social worker.
Someone who has taken care of me is concerned? What the hell? It couldn’t possibly be Dad could it? A doctor or nurse? Why would someone not talk with Mom if they were concerned? It couldn’t be Mom could it? Did she set this meeting up? The whole line of thought struck her as super weird and she didn’t want to talk about it with this woman who had just shown up out of nowhere.
Little did Jordan know, but Emma also spent time interviewing her sister Mindi that day – who turned out to be far more eloquent and open about the events in the Reynolds’ household since Ted and Sally’s separation. Although she hadn’t personally witnessed a ton, she had seen enough to corroborate some of the essential details of Melissa’s initial report: “that Mommy and Jordan go in the bathroom alone together almost every night for Jordan to get her diaper on.” This, of course, had been entirely benign in actuality, but for the social worker, in the context of a report of suspected abuse, sounded like corroborating evidence – particularly coupled with Jordan’s silence.
“So why did you get taken out of PE today? What the heck? Did you tell on Amber and Nicole or something for what they did to you in the locker room?” Alex asked Jordan as they sat on a concrete wall overlooking the playground eating their lunches.
“No. No. No. It was so weird. This lady showed up. Some kind of counselor or something. And she asked me all these questions about what’s been happening at home and how I’ve been… coping…”
“Hmm. What the heck? Why you?” “I dunno. But I wonder if it has something to do with…my…problem… Because she kept asking questions sort of about that. But of course I didn’t want to talk about it in front of the vice principal so we went outside…but still…it was super weird. I have no idea what it was all about.”
“Yeah…that’s odd Jordan.” She took another bite of her sandwich and looked out toward the field.
“So do you have another meet this year or was that the last one last week?” Jordan asked, hoping to change the subject.
“Oh, track? Yeah that was the last one. Pretty awesome you got there to watch JOEY before the season ended though eh?” She smiled and nudged Jordan with her elbow and bumped into her.
“Yeah for sure.” Jordan smiled. “Hey, so are you excited about camp? You’re still going right?”
“Yep! Paid in full. 10 weeks. You too right? I hope we get in the same cabin this year.”
“Of course. 10 weeks! I can’t wait! It’s gonna be awesome. Do you know if Joey is going?” Jordan asked.
“I’m pretty sure he is.” Alex smiled. “You really like him huh?”
All of a sudden Jordan acted a more demurely. “Well…I guess so…” she offered a smile.
“Oh yeah right, I saw how you giggled at all his stupid jock jokes at the deli last weekend. If Georgia or I were to have made half of those kinds of comments, you’d have rolled your eyes right out of the room. Admit it, you’re all hot and bothered by him!” Alex laughed and smacked Jordan playfully on her shoulder.
“Hot and bothered?” Jordan raised an eyebrow confused.
“Hot and bothered…like all flustered and warm when…someone…turns you on…you know?” Alex explained a little haltingly.
“Oh. Yeah. Well. I guess so.” She smiled awkwardly.
“Jordan! It’s a figure of speech! Jeez – try to spare me the details girl!” Alex laughed again and smacked Jordan a little harder.
“Oh. Well. Quit using all these crazy street, hip terms for everything.” She laughed again and then changed her tone. “I’m kinda worried about camp a little actually though. My mom is working now full time and that’s good but I don’t think my Dad has been helping with the bills at all. And the money for camp is due right away. Back after Christmas, my Dad said he would take care of it, but I know he hasn’t yet and I’m just worried it’s not gonna work out.”
“Hmm. Yeah. Bummer Jordan.” Alex looked at her friend before quickly replying, “I’m sure it’ll work out though. Things like these always do.” As if a simple proclamation like that would make everything ok.
Jordan felt bad as she thought about camp later that day. It was just over a month away from when it was supposed to start (June 9 was to be the kickoff) and there were dozens of details to figure out before that time, payment being the highest priority. Alex’s rather trite reply didn’t help Jordan’s stress level either. As a seventh grader herself, Alex wasn’t capable of deep levels of empathetic thought and Jordan herself wasn’t capable of putting herself in her friends shoes; that is, beyond the knowledge that money had never ever been an issue for her friend. It was all Jordan could do to not feel Jealous of the girl who seemed to have a life where everything had seemingly come together for her good – and who always had enough cash to finance her fun.
“Yeah, I guess so.” Jordan said reluctantly.
“So…have you started a new story or anything yet?” Alex asked, trying to change the subject.
“Well. Yeah. Actually. I have.” Jordan replied somewhat more cautiously than she had initially expected or even intended. Her book project wasn’t something she had been keeping a secret although her writing was also something that she hadn’t yet discussed mid-project.
“Oh. Well. What’s it about?” Alex asked trying to push the conversation along – not actually terribly interested in all the details of Jordan’s next piece of work.
“Um…I…well…it’s…” Jordan uttered and stammered.
“What? You don’t wanna tell me or something? What’s wrong?” Alex frowned.
“No. It’s just that…I…well…I just usually don’t share much…about my projects when I’m in the middle of them…it sort of like…takes some of the ‘zing’ out of getting everything done. I feel like it’d be harder to finish if I told everyone about it before I got done…”
“Oh…ok…hmmm…” Alex said still frowning. An awkward silence ensued.
Jordan finally spoke up. “I guess I could tell you a little.”
Alex smiled.
“This one is actually gonna be a book – maybe even a series. And it’s about a boy named Frankie George who has a super power: he can disappear. Except rather than being able to control it at the drop of a hat like wolverine or storm from the X-Men, it sort of happens automatically for him when he’s feeling particularly courageous and self-confident. Fear is the antidote. Right now in the story, he hasn’t figured any of this out – and he hasn’t actually yet realized that he disappears yet (neither has his parents). For all he can tell and understand, He’s still perfectly visible. It’s other people that can’t see him…and so far, it’s only the reader that are observing the slow discovery of how his ‘power’ works. Pretty quick though, he’s gonna disappear during a math test because he’s super good at math – he’s gonna finish his test early, return to his seat, and then all of a sudden; POOF! He won’t realize it at first, but his class will; but they’ll first think he’s just snuck out of the room quickly and very soon after they notice, they’ll start a search which will cause Frankie to feel afraid which will make him reappear. I’m gonna set up another scene like that in his house as well. Over time, Frankie will learn to control it though and he’s gonna become a crime fighter as a teenager.”
Alex’s eyes widened as she heard her friend speak so maturely and eloquently. “Jordan you’re amazing. Did I ever tell you that? Super weird and unique and odd…and completely amazing! You’re remarkable. I can’t even tell you. Holy cow. This is insane. Kids are gonna love it.” She smiled
“Thanks Alex. I hope I’ll be able to finish it before high school.” Jordan offered a pensive smirk.
The bell rang and the two friends hugged and parted ways for their afternoon classes. Jordan felt grateful to have such a loyal companion – even if she did sometimes didn’t act precisely how she wished at times.
[Tuesday, April 23]
“Jo how can they just show up at school like that and talk to my children without my knowledge? How is that even legal?”
From the moment Mindi had announced that she liked “teacher Emma” that Monday evening, Sally was on edge. She knew something didn’t sound right with the new person on campus who, for reasons that mystified Mindi, asked her all kinds of questions about ‘Jordie and her nighttime underpants and stuff.’ She had announced that she really liked the woman, who played with her in a special room and promised to come visit her again. When the social worker had called Sally later in the evening to inform her of the interviews, Sally’s assumptions about what had taken place were verified. Emma Smart wanted to sit down with Sally as well.
“I’m sorry Sal. It sounds like this could get a little ugly before it gets better.” Jo Said. “If it was CPS or the state – and they suspect one parent of some kind of abuse, they can get in touch with your kids without the permission of either parent. It’s for the kids’ own protection. In a situation where a child was actually being abused, it wouldn’t make sense for CPS to come and get approval from the perpetrator who could then impact the kids’ willingness to talk about what had taken place.”
Sally nodded. “I just feel so violated. And like it’s so unjustified. I can’t imagine how they think I did anything wrong. Ted is such a bastard.” Thus far, she had naturally assumed that Ted was the one responsible for the investigation, despite his seeming penitence and shame in the courtroom.
“Well all you can do is be honest and clear when asked. If you try to cover up what you’ve done…or your motives Sally, they might be even more suspicious.” Jo said.
“But what is it gonna say then if I’ve quickly stopped the behavior that they’re coming to investigate me for in the first place? Doesn’t that imply I feel guilty about it? I wonder if stopping the nighttime routine was a bad thing… I feel so confused Jo. I don’t know what I should do.”
“I’m sorry Sal. Maybe it was a bad strategy. I don’t know. I’m really trying to do my best but I don’t always know the future either.”
The two were sitting outside on Sally’s back patio that joined with the alley. All the kids were asleep and it was dark outside. The mother of 3 twisted her cup in her hand very very rapidly, demonstrating the anxiety she felt inside. “I’m sorry Jo, I’m not meaning to be accusatory or judgmental. I know you’re trying to help and you’ve been such a great friend to me. I just feel so overwhelmed. I don’t know what I’ll do if they try to take the girls away. I’m not sure I can handle it.” She felt hot tears flow down her face.
“Take a breath Sal. You’re gonna be ok sweetie.” She reached for Sally’s hand to comfort her but the mother pulled away.
“Quit telling me that Jo! This is serious! This is real! They’re accusing me of sexual abuse or something! They’ve interviewed my children behind my back. People are talking about me. Deep breathing isn’t just gonna make this all go away!” Sally barked defensively and with an edge to her voice.
Jo steeled her nerves before responding, knowing that it was her friend’s stress and fear speaking – not Sally herself. “I’m not going to join you in being frantic Sally. I understand you’re afraid. I understand you’re stressed. You have every right to be. I’m trying to be a calm and supportive friend in this. I’m not trying to minimize your situation or telling you you shouldn’t feel what you feel.”
Sally began to cry, “I’m sorry…I…just…I…”
“I know Sally. It’s ok….”
Sally continued to cry. The two friends didn’t say another word.