Chapter 45 [June 22, 2002]
Camp White Pines was picturesque from a 7th (or 8th) grader’s perspective. Overlooking the Columbia River just outside the boundaries of Mt. Rainier National Park, the camp was organized in four sets of concentric circles, each of which had a 90 degree notch cleared out to allow for the amazing view of the river gorge.
The most outer ring was a 2 mile loop and encircled the multiple trailhead areas, a rock climbing wall, horsemanship arena, worship center, and each of the other loops. The second largest ring contained a grouping of administrative buildings (including the infirmary), a gymnasium, indoor pool, service buildings, staff housing, and the mess hall. Two half circles of 10 cabins each (boys on one side and girls on the other) made up the second inner most loop. The smallest ring in the center was not much more than a dusty gravel road that encircled a large grassy field. The campfire/amphitheater was at the edge of the field at the center of each of the notches of the four rings overlooking the river.
Jordan’s first week and a half or so at camp had mirrored the seeming perfection of its environment. She, Alex, their girlfriends, Joey, and a couple of his friends had all been lucky enough to get assigned the same ‘classes’ over that period. They all enjoyed wake boarding, mountain biking, and t-shirt screen printing together as a pack. The group of friends had almost been inseparable outside of those times as well: eating together in the mess hall, sitting together at campfire programs, and playing together in the all-camp big events. For the tallest girl in camp, almost everything had been ideal.
Beyond that, the thirteen year old also had found herself outside what had become nearly unbearable pressures of stress and drama at home. Her parent’s divorce, sibling jealousy, and what she perceived as some kind of personality split in the last month by her mom were all like distant memories in the rear-view mirror. Jordan felt as though she was simply free ‘to be a kid’ again at the wonderland of camp. The added bonus of having no babysitting responsibilities or pressure to do chores only added to her bliss.
Kari, Jordan’s counselor, was a dream. She listened carefully to Jordan and the other ‘dragonfly’ girls in long conversations. She played enthusiastically with them in all their activities and games (rather than sitting out and watching from the sideline like a boring adult). And she offered relatively little judgment or oversight on their day to day activities (it was one of the first solid periods in Jordan’s life where she didn’t have someone nagging her about showers, deodorant, teeth brushing, or the propriety of non-school outfits). Kari was without a doubt ‘cool’.
Yet everything hadn’t been peaches and cream for the tallest girl in camp. Her year-long nightly visitor hadn’t abandoned her simply by changing sleeping venue and increasing her daily quotient of fun. (In fact, Jordan had awoken wet 10 out of the first 15 nights.) It hadn’t been easy keeping everything a secret either. But perhaps the worst part of camp thus far was that by some fluke, Amber and Nicole had been assigned to the Dragonfly cabin along with Jordan and her pack of friends as well.
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As planned, when Jo dropped Alex and Jordan off for registration and check in, Jordan had had a private conversation with the camp nurse. This wasn’t an unusual thing per se for any camper as the woman dressed in a white doctor’s overcoat had to talk with any kid who even had something as minor as a prescription medication! Even Alex had to stop by her booth for a visit. During Jordan’s first interaction with the nurse, she had rifled through her portable file cabinet to find the girl’s application and scanned it; quickly spotting “enuresis” penciled in.
“Jordan I need to ask you a couple quick questions ok? I hope you don’t feel embarrassed but it’s important. You need to know that this is completely private and no one can hear us where we’re sitting. Alright?” The two had sat opposite of each other at a table enclosed by temporary office cubicles in the camp gymnasium. The next people in line were sitting in a small semicircle of chairs angled away from the nurse’s cubicle.
Jordan had nodded in agreement.
“Sometimes by enuresis, people mean nighttime accidents; other times it means accidents during the day. Which do you have trouble with? Or is it both?…”
She had looked up expectant of Jordan’s response, pencil in hand to make notes.
Daytime accidents? What the hell? Why would I be showing up at camp if I peed in my pants all the time? I’ve never heard of a kid my age doing that! Jordan thought, not realizing she was taking quite a long time to respond. Do teenagers really have those kinds of problems as well? What strange world.
“Jordan honey,” the nurse sensed awkwardness in the teen’s delay and jumped in again, “it’s fine either way. There will actually be quite a few kids up here this summer with both kinds of issues. You’re not the only one. I just need to have accurate information here at the beginning so I know how to help you as the summer goes on.” She had leaned in and kindly added, “I understand how this needs to be kept quiet and I promise I’ll keep it hush hush.”
The woman’s second sentence had jarred Jordan out of her processing and she had finally sputtered, “Oh yeah, for sure. Um…no…it only happens at night…”
“Ok thanks.” She had scribbled some notes on her pad before asking, “Now, how often does it usually take place?”
“…Uh…” Jordan’s mind rapidly flashed to shame and processed the options of lying, exaggerating, minimizing, or simply telling the truth. She quickly opted for the latter, “…well…most nights…but it seems like it’s been less and less over the last month or so…”
“Mmmm hmmm. I see. Ok. Now I see on your intake form here that you wear some…protection… at night? We usually keep everyone’s stuff in the infirmary because a summer’s worth of ‘supplies’ are too much to store in your cabins. Did you bring enough…pads…for the summer?”
“…Um…ye…yeah…” she had stuttered, motioning behind her where two suitcases and a duffel bag, sat.
“Ok well it looks like you’ve followed the instructions pretty well, so this should be easier with you than it is with some of the others. At the next station, you’ll drop off all your luggage, and the staff member there will put your cabin number on your bags. What you need to do is put this red ribbon on the suitcase that has your supplies in it; that’ll tell the staff to take it to me in the infirmary where I’ll keep it safe for the summer instead of to your cabin. You know where the infirmary is right? It’s on the third ring which is just the next ring out from where your cabin will be and it’s on the same side of camp as the girls’s cabins which is lucky for you…short walk.” She had smiled and looked up for Jordan’s attention; the young teen’s eyes were glued in fear and anticipation.
“Your counselor has a small cabinet in her quarters in the cabin where she’ll keep a smaller few-day supply on hand for you and you can ask her to get one for you each night when you go shower and get ready for bed. All the counselors have had campers with this…problem…before and so she’ll know how to look out for you and keep it secret.”
The middle-aged woman who looked authoritative slid the red cord across the table toward her. Jordan’s heart beat a little faster. She wasn’t surprised by the plan per se — but the thought of her counselor being so intimately involved in it all was more frightening than she had initially anticipated. Kari would be yet another person she would have to learn to trust with her secret. More afraid now, she felt that the more people let in on it, the more likely for it to become generally known.
The nurse had gone on to talk about how she would do a checkup evaluation with Jordan in a couple weeks to see how she was doing and instructed her to talk with her counselor if she had any problems or concerns. A period of silence had hung in the room and Jordan began to realize that the nurse had asked her a question which she had missed entirely, caught in the thoughts in her head.
“Did you hear me Jordan? Do you understand everything? Any questions or concerns?” The nurse had asked.
“No. I think I got it. Thanks for your help.” She tried to smile and got up to leave.
“Oh wait, we have some other questions first.”
Jordan’s spirit dropped, What now!?
But it was only the remainder of the normal health interview that every camper received at the beginning of the summer — nothing Jordan had to be concerned about. Hopefully the rest of the summer will be smooth sailing Jordan had thought as she walked to the luggage drop-off.
————
And it had been smooth more or less. Kari, besides being fun, interested in her campers’ lives, energetic, and entertaining, turned out to be more than empathetic about Jordan’s situation than the young teen had given her credit for. Kari had gone WAY out of the way to keep the girl’s secret a secret and had pulled her aside in private to strategize the first night about how to deal with diapers. As Jordan had anticipated, talking with her counselor about her bedwetting and diapers was very uncomfortable — but it was also liberating in an odd way. Her confidence seemed to grow a little bit by the fact that Kari, this seemingly cool college girl, hadn’t batted an eyelash about her babyish problem.
Of course, it remained a completely hidden secret that she actually liked wearing diapers and apparently liked being cared for sort of like a baby. But never-the-less, a new confidant on any level was welcome company for the girl who seemed to have so few strong pillars in her life, particularly over the past several months.
The Dragonfly cabin was not unlike the others in camp, except it’s themed paint job featured the colorful insects of its namesake. The counselor’s quarters were located in the front portion of the long rectangle shaped unit adjacent to the pair of showers and toilet rooms. A small landing/hallway separated them and led to the back and larger part of the cabin. Thus, when a person walked in the front door of the unit, he or she would pass by the showers on the left, take a hard turn in a narrow hall past the counselor’s room to the right, and then almost immediately turn left again before going through a door that opened into the long hallway that hugged the far wall of the cabin. This received each of the campers’ sleeping cubbies and terminated in another (emergency-exit) door. Jordan and Alex’s space was the first room on the left and had a small window in nestled behind its bunk bed frame.
Each evening over those first couple of weeks, Jordan had waited until the rest of the girls in ‘dragonfly’ had showered to take her turn. Part of the plan that she and Kari had put into place was that the counselor would feign ‘rushing’ Jordan to bed as the last girl each evening, shutting the light off as she entered the long hallway into which each sleeping cubby emptied. That way no one would be able to see anything suspicious by accident. Furthermore, Kari had suggested that each night, Jordan take her bathroom supplies to the shower in a plastic grocery bag instead of her fancy flowery zippered bag so that it’s crinkle would mask that produced by her attire. Jordan had thought the idea was genius.
Each morning, Jordan would use that very plastic bag to tightly seal off her wet diaper with a knot — this she would do while still in her sleeping bag. And amazements of amazements, Kari had suggested that when the whole cabin would clear out for their daily classes, she’d just reach in Jordan’s bag, grab the plastic sack, and dispose of it for her.
“You’ll do that for me?” Jordan had asked mystified and grateful.
“Sure girl. I want you to have an amazing time at camp — not be all stressed out about someone finding out about your secret. I’ll take care of it. No worries. Just make sure you get it all sealed up in the bag. I don’t wanna stick my hand in there and find anything gross.” She had made a joking ‘ick’ face and gave the seventh grader who towered over her a hug.
Jordan had almost cried right there and hugged her counselor back.
As far as she was concerned, the plan had worked too. Everyone seemed oblivious to what was happening each night. Everyone except Alex that is.
—————
On the second Friday night they had been at camp, almost 2 weeks in, Jordan had snuck (as had become usual) into her small sleeping cubby with her purple Molicare diaper quietly crinkling under her volleyball shorts and pajama pants. As she had crawled into bed on the lower bunk, Alex leaned over the rail. With her head upside down and dark brown pony tail dangling in the moonlight, she had smiled and asked Jordan in hushed whispers if she was having fun so far.
“Yeah…? Aren’t you?” Jordan had replied.
“Of course!! It’s amazing here!” She had paused. “So…are you worried someone’s gonna find out?”
“What? About what?” The girl in the diaper asked.
“You know…I couldn’t really tell just so you know…I tried to see just now and it was hard to tell. Your butt just looks maybe a little bigger…maybe even better in a way…” she has whispered.
“Alex! Shut up! Someone’s gonna hear you!” Jordan had hissed feeling annoyed and embarrassed. Many of the thoughts from her car ride had resurfaced in that comment and the realization that her friend had been purposely watching her butt with such an interest. Alex’s demeanor was happy, nonchalant, and perhaps curious. “And what the hell? I don’t wanna hear about how my butt looks right now.”
A short silence had ensued and Alex had raised her head back out of sight. But then, her bare feet had dangled over the edge of the bed and almost instantly she appeared on the floor in front of Jordan’s face, apparently having leapt from the top with catlike dexterity.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to make you you uncomfortable. I’m just…curious…I guess…” She paused for a moment, the inky silence of the cabin swallowing both of them for a few moments. “…I’ve just…I guess…I’ve never like…even…seen you in one…”
The comment didn’t help Jordan’s suspicions that her best friend might somehow be trying to hit on her in or something. “Alex”, she whispered, “just stop ok? I don’t wanna talk about it with you alright?”
“I just…I…I’m…” Alex had stuttered quietly, sitting next to the bottom bunk on the floor. She quit talking and just remained still.
“Plus that’s not even true, you saw me the night of my party.” Jordan had blurted out finally after another long silence.
“But I didn’t.” Alex had immediately said as if she had planned the response. “I only saw your legs and knew what your Mom was doing; but I didn’t actually see anything.”
Jordan had initiated the silence again then. “Well. I don’t know why or even what you’re asking me for. It’s weird Alex. It’s just my night time underwear….Can we just drop it please?”
It had then been Alex’s turn to join Jordan in the embarrassment. She waited a few moments and then quietly climbed the ladder back to her place on top of the bunk bed. Almost more than any other conversation she had had about her diapers, Jordan had thought that this one might’ve taken the cake for awkwardness.
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A little bit later, as the tall girl laid in bed looking up at the moon through the window above her head, she couldn’t help but wonder if Alex might be one of those people she had seen online. I guess that would mean, one of those people like me…nah; that’d never happen.
Only a few weeks prior during a particularly poignant bout of loneliness and anxiety about her situation, Jordan had made the off-handed query in her mind if there might be other people in the world like her…folks who wore diapers regularly and somehow, incredibly, liked them as well. That relatively innocuous question had led her to a website that featured pictures and stories and what seemed to be a whole community of people in her category. Since then, before heading up to camp, Jordan had scoured the web for other sites related to “ABDL” as she had learned people called the apparent desires she shared with them. Very few ‘hits’ had come up other than the original ‘diaper disposal’ site and none of them seemed to be quite as high of quality.
But the discovery caused her to wonder if indeed she might actually know people who shared her odd set of inclinations. Dr. Yepp and Emma Smart said that bedwetting is really common for kids and the camp nurse up here said lots of kids wear diapers just like me; could any of them actually like them? And does Alex? Is that why she’s acting so weird? I wonder what she’d say if she saw those pictures on that site?