Erin’s eyes fluttered open as she slipped into consciousness, and the first thing that she noticed was that she was close enough to the edge of the bed that she was in danger of falling off. Instinctively, she rolled back the other way, noticing that something felt wrong in the process.
Her heart was still beating quickly, and she felt clammy over most of her body. A few seconds more of consciousness allowed her to come to the conclusion that she was sweating.
Sweat couldn’t explain all of the dampness she felt, though; the obvious conclusion was that her diaper was wet again. She certainly felt very wet down there, anyway, which was itself unusual, as her diaper usually did a decent job of keeping most of the wet feeling away from her.
She could feel that her tummy was hurting a little bit as well. She’d need to visit a toilet soon before she added a mess to her pants for the second time in less than twenty-four hours.
Her train of thought was interrupted by her cousin, who had apparently noticed she was now awake. “Erin? Are you okay?” she heard.
“I… don’t know,” admitted Erin.
A bedside lamp flickered on, not illuminating the room as much as the main ceiling light would have, but still bright enough that Erin felt a slight pain in her eyes until they adjusted to the now-brighter room. “You were moving all over and whimpering. You were having another nightmare?”
Now that the light was on, Erin didn’t need to speak; Hailey could clearly see her nod. Hailey walked over to her bed and began to pull the covers off, apparently intending to sit her up and sit down next to her. Erin helped the process by sitting up on her own as her covers were pulled down, and Hailey paused with a surprised look on her face just as Erin caught a glance of the reason.
“Erin… your diaper leaked.”
Indeed, Erin could now clearly see why she’d felt wetter than usual. Although she’d seen worse before she’d started wearing the diapers to bed, her pajama pants, sheets, and blanket were all coated with her pee.
She didn’t know what to say. The nightmare was bad enough; this pushed her over the breaking point, and her eyes began to water slightly, and although she tried her best to hold back, she soon felt a few tears rolling down her cheek. She didn’t want to have to worry about this right now; but she didn’t know what she did want to do.
She felt herself being pulled into a standing position and immediately squeezed into a really tight hug with her cousin. Not knowing what else to do, she put her arms around Hailey’s back and leaned her head on the girl’s shoulder, continuing to softly cry. The hug was about the best thing anybody could have done for her right now.
They stayed in this position, not speaking, for several minutes. Hailey was rubbing Erin’s back slightly as she hugged her, and Erin was trying to ignore her thoughts and just focus on how nice it felt to have Hailey there for her. Inevitably, though, she couldn’t stop worrying. With as tight as Hailey was holding her, her wet pajamas had to be getting Hailey wet as well, and it bothered her, but at the same time, she really didn’t want Hailey to let go right now.
Hailey finally broke the silence. “I’m guessing this nightmare was worse than usual?”
“Yes.”
“Want to talk about it?”
Erin’s gut gurgled, and she realized that it was time to go to the toilet now. Temporarily putting her cousin’s question aside, she stepped back slightly. “Hailey, I have to go to the bathroom, but, um…”
Luckily for Erin, Hailey’s intuition served her well. “You really don’t want to be alone right now after your bad dream?”
Erin nodded.
“Of course I believe you, but how do you have to go again already with how wet you are right now?” The voice wasn’t teasing at all; it was simply a statement of fact.
Erin saw where she was coming from; she certainly didn’t have to pee, but the pressure on her backside was very strong. “It’s not pee that I have to do.”
“Oh, okay,” said Hailey. “We may as well clean you up while you’re in there; it’s not too long before we’d be waking up anyway, so you won’t be going back to sleep. Let me grab some clothes for you.”
“Hurry,” Erin whimpered, but Hailey was already hurrying. Not twenty seconds later, she had a shirt, some pants, and some panties for Erin, as well as the container of wipes. Erin found herself being led to the bathroom as she focused on keeping her diaper clean, as dry was already a lost cause. Hailey shut the bathroom door behind Erin as she turned on the lights; Erin stood in front of the toilet and completely removed her soaked pajama pants and diaper, setting them on the floor in front of her. She immediately sat down on the toilet, cringing at the damp feeling between her body and the seat, as she felt her body begin to relax.
Hailey took a seat on the edge of the tub and seemed to be making a point to not look at Erin while she was going. For this Erin was slightly thankful; certainly, Hailey had seen her undressed before, but they didn’t make a point of watching each other use the toilet, so it still felt awkward to have someone else in the room with her. Right now, though, she’d rather have the situation be slightly awkward than to not have Hailey there at all. Erin knew Hailey would do anything within her power to help her, and that thought was the sole thing keeping Erin from bursting into sobs over her depression at the futility of her control over her body and her inability to escape from her past.
Erin’s body at least had the decency to make her bowel movement quick, although she continued to sit on the toilet, realizing that her rear wasn’t the only thing she needed to wipe; her legs needed to be cleaned off as well where the wet fabric had been pressing against them, and the wipes Hailey had brought into the room, probably for that purpose, were out of her reach.
“Hailey?”
Hailey finally looked back at her cousin, now that the most awkward part of watching someone on the toilet had passed. “Yes, Erin?”
“Can you hand me the wipes?”
Hailey reached for them, and hesitated before handing them to her. “You’ve had a really bad morning so far. Would you like me to help you out?”
Erin was taken aback at the offer; and at the same time, she realized that she really did want Hailey’s help, even though she was perfectly capable of doing it on her own. “You’re sure you want to?” Erin squeaked.
“Of course I want to, as long as you’re comfortable with it.”
Erin nodded and stood, holding her night shirt out of the way as Hailey kneeled in front of her. The wipes were cold, but Hailey was gentle as she slowly but carefully began to clean Erin off.
“Hailey, you wanted to know about my dream?”
“If you’re ready to tell me, I’m ready to listen,” Hailey replied, tossing a wipe in the toilet and grabbing another one.
“Well, the reason this one was worse than all the others… it was because I was dreaming of when my father died.”
Hailey paused the wiping and looked up at Erin; Erin detected a mix of shock and pity in her face. “You were actually there when your dad died?”
“I was there, and that’s what I was dreaming of.” Erin’s voice was quivering; it felt really odd to be finally voicing one of the things she’d held closest to her, but if there was anybody in the world she could trust, it was Hailey. And somehow, just admitting the subject of her nightmare to Hailey helped her feel better about it, although she wasn’t quite certain why that should be the case.
“That’s horrible!” exclaimed Hailey, finishing up the cleanup. “Would you feel better if you told me more about it?”
Erin thought for a moment. Hailey deserved to know, and Erin finally felt ready to give Hailey the whole truth. The problem was that the whole truth would take a very long time to explain.
She chose her words carefully. “Hailey… I’m willing to tell you, but I want to make certain that you want to hear it first. There’s a lot of stuff I’ll tell you that’s not very nice to hear.”
Hailey nodded solemnly. “I know this is important to you. I’m not going to think any less of you, no matter what you did or what happened to you in the past. I’m willing to hear as much as you’re willing to tell me.”
“I think I’m ready to tell you everything,” admitted Erin, who was now staring into Hailey’s eyes. “But it’s going to take a long time to tell you, more time than we have before we have to go to school. Do you think we could go somewhere private after school, like the concrete tubes in the woods?”
“Of course, Erin. We’ll go there after school as soon as we drop our stuff off at home.” She leaned forward and hugged Erin, who was still naked from the waist down, although now thoroughly clean.
Erin felt much better already. She was still shaken by her nightmare, but Hailey was going to help her make everything better. “Thank you.”
They broke off the hug. “I should probably take a shower,” Erin admitted. “I think I’ll be okay to be alone for as long as it takes to do that.” She wouldn’t have minded having Hailey stay in the room while she took a shower, but she also knew that Hailey probably needed to go change out of her own pajamas, which, as Erin had predicted, had gained a small damp patch from the girls’ earlier embrace.
“Okay, if you’re sure you’ll be okay,” responded Hailey. “Your clean clothes are on the floor, and I’ll be waiting in the bedroom for you.”
They gave each other one last smile before Hailey shuffled out of the room, shutting the door behind her. Erin turned on the shower, stripped off the remainder of her pajamas, and climbed in once the water reached a comfortable temperature.
She was no longer physically agitated by her nightmare; she suspected that Hailey’s unconditional caring had eased her fear much more quickly than it would have naturally happened. Still, the fall from her fear and heightened senses left her a bit wobbly in the knees, to the point where she spent most of her shower with one hand on the wall, bracing herself just in case.
Erin was proud of herself, though, for finally deciding to share the darker parts of her history with Hailey. She hadn’t shared yet, of course, and there was still time to chicken out before this afternoon, but somehow, she knew she would be able to tell her cousin. In fact, although it seemed strange to her, she was actually looking forward to telling Hailey. Hailey wouldn’t be able to change what had happened, of course, but she’d know exactly the best thing to say to make her feel better about it, and the thought filled Erin’s heart with warmth. It was about the only thing she could eagerly anticipate, now that she thought about it.
School was not going to be fun today, after all.