Chapter Sixteen
Erin’s eyelids fluttered open, treating her to a digital display of 8:46. She hadn’t planned on waking up this early; after all, she’d been up until nearly one in the morning. Besides, it was Sunday, and she should be able to sleep in on weekends. A quick glance across the room revealed a Hailey-sized lump under the covers of the other bed, her regular breathing indicating that she’d had the sense to stay asleep.
Erin soon realized that her full bladder had awakened her, and she was elated. If she had to pee now, that meant that she hadn’t peed at night; a quick feel of her diaper confirmed this. Well, after her accident last night, she supposed her luck owed her a break this morning.
Judging by the pressure she felt, though, it wouldn’t remain dry for much longer. She quietly climbed out of bed and went to the bathroom to relieve herself. She didn’t feel like taking a shower quite yet, and she doubted she’d be able to fall asleep again, so she put her diaper back on under her pajamas and headed downstairs to see if her aunt and uncle were awake yet.
She found Aunt Sue sitting at the kitchen table, sipping a cup of coffee while reading the Sunday paper. “Good morning, Erin.”
“Good morning. Is Uncle Martin awake yet?” asked Erin as she made her way over to the cupboard to find some breakfast.
“No, he’s still in bed. How did you sleep last night? Were you, uh…”
“Wet?” finished Erin. Her aunt seemed to be more embarrassed about asking the question than Erin was about answering, and Erin didn’t understand why. Erin was the one with the wetting problem, so if anyone should be embarrassed, it would be her. But there was really nothing to be embarrassed about. Yes, Erin would rather not wake up wet most mornings, but everyone in the house already knew that she did, so there really wasn’t anything to hide. “No, I was dry this morning.”
“That’s good to hear. And how was your day yesterday?”
Sue’s tone indicated to Erin that it was two questions in one. Her aunt genuinely wanted to know if she’d had fun at the amusement park, but she was also obviously curious if the diapers she’d been wearing all day were necessary. I guess she hasn’t had a chance to talk to Uncle Martin since we got back. Well, good news first, I suppose.
“I had a great time yesterday. I never knew how much fun it could be to be scared out of your mind! But I suppose you want to know if I needed the diapers?”
Sue apparently hadn’t expected Erin to be so blunt. “Well…” she stammered.
“I stayed dry all day at the park yesterday…”
“That’s good to hear,” interrupted Sue.
“…but we got stuck in traffic on the way home, and I needed to poop…” Erin lowered her voice, not out of embarrassment, but out of shame. “I ended up having to do that in my diaper in the car.”
She deserved to be ashamed. She had completely failed to be responsible about going to the bathroom on time. She should have recognized before they left that she needed to defecate, and failing that, she should have asked to stop when she first knew for certain what the feeling in her abdomen was.
“Oh, you poor thing!” Sue stood up and pulled Erin into a hug, making Erin nearly drop the cereal box she was holding. “Don’t worry about it, accidents happen. I’m sure there was nothing you could have done.”
That was not what I wanted to hear. If Erin could blame herself, then she could at least believe that she’d be able to avoid having such an accident in the future. But the idea that there was nothing she could have done was scary. She’d already accepted that her bedwetting was out of her control, but she liked to think that she could at least control her toileting during the day.
Of course, she wasn’t even certain that she would have tried to have a bowel movement at the amusement park even if she had realized her need to go. It would have been rude to make her cousin and uncle wait on her, so she doubted she would have pressed the issue unless it truly was an emergency. But at least there was a miniscule hope that there was something she could have done.
There was no reason to bring this up to her aunt, though. Sue had been trying to console her with the best of intentions, so the best thing she could do was pretend she was comforted by it. She held the hug for a reasonable amount of time, and finally broke free.
May as well give Hailey some credit with her parents, though. I owe her that much. “It’s okay, though; Hailey helped me get cleaned up last night. I didn’t even ask her to, she volunteered.”
“That was very nice of her,” replied Sue. Erin’s last line had been unnecessary; Sue found it hard to believe that Erin would ever ask for help like that, with as meek as Erin normally was. “Did you thank her?”
“Yeah, I did.”
“Well, Erin, I think the best thing we can do is put this little accident in the past. I don’t want you worrying about it anymore, alright?”
“Alright.” Silence fell over the table as Erin began to eat her cereal.
Erin doubted that she would forget about this accident anytime soon, but if her aunt thought it would make Erin feel better to pretend it never happened, then pretend Erin would. And, as much as she wished the accident hadn’t happened, she would never want to forget that Hailey had helped her get cleaned up. It would be unfair to forget that, even if Erin had returned the favor.
I really didn’t return the favor, though. Hailey had cleaned up Erin’s messy diaper, which was an order of magnitude more unpleasant than the wet diaper that Erin had changed.
Does Hailey ever mess her diaper? Erin had never actually thought about it. She’d been introduced to the diapers for her bedwetting problem, so it hadn’t occurred to her that they were used for anything other than peeing. In fact, she’d only worn them at the park because she’d recently wet her pants at the theater. She had accepted that wetting herself at the amusement park was a real possibility, but she hadn’t even considered that she might poop herself.
In retrospect, it seemed really obvious that diapers weren’t just for peeing. But she’d never seen Hailey in a messy diaper. Hailey had mentioned that she’d soiled herself a few times when she was younger, but did she still do it? I guess there’s really no way to find out but to ask.
Erin still didn’t really understand why Hailey enjoyed using diapers. It didn’t bother her that Hailey liked it; after all, who was she to stop Hailey from having fun? But it still seemed odd. Erin could certainly tolerate a wet diaper, but she didn’t have much choice in the matter, and all in all she’d prefer to be dry. What was the appeal to losing control of yourself like that?
But she’s not losing control, Erin realized. Hailey was using her diaper, but she was in complete control of her bladder the whole time.
In a way, she envied Hailey. Every time Erin used her diaper was a time when she didn’t want to do it, but every time Hailey used her diaper, she did want to do it.
Maybe that’s part of it. Maybe it’s actually enjoyable if you can control when it happens. That was an odd thought, though. She couldn’t control the times that actually were accidents, but what would happen if she intentionally wet her diaper at some point?
That was a ridiculous thought, and yet Erin couldn’t completely dismiss it. She couldn’t believe she would even consider such a thing.
Well, I should probably ask Hailey about it before I ever try it. Hailey knew more about this peculiar vice than Erin did, even though Erin would have been willing to wager that she’d wet herself many times more than Hailey had.
“Earth to Erin! Come in, Erin!”
A startled Erin looked up to see her aunt across the table.
“You were just sitting there staring at your half-eaten cereal. Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I was just… thinking.” Erin inadvertently blushed. She had no intention of telling her Aunt what she’d been thinking about.
Odd that I’m not embarrassed about having accidents, but I am embarrassed by my thoughts. It wasn’t really that odd, though; her accidents were public knowledge in this household, but her mind was hers alone.
“Well, don’t think too hard, I don’t want you to starve,” joked Sue. “But I was serious; you don’t need to be worrying about little things. You’re eleven years old and it’s summer vacation, you should be having fun.”
Aunt Sue must have believed the blush meant I was still thinking about my accident last night. Erin saw no reason to correct her.
“I’ll try not to worry, but it’s hard not to when I can’t trust my own body,” replied Erin.
Sue detected the finality in Erin’s statement. She could tell that Erin was still concerned, but she didn’t really know what to do about it. “Well, I can see that you don’t want to talk about it now, but if you ever do need someone to talk to, I’m here for you.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” replied Erin. The offer was nice, but her young mind held many secrets that she wasn’t comfortable sharing.