Chapter Twenty-Eight
Hailey slowly dug around her dresser drawers, occasionally taking a handful of clothes out and temporarily setting them at her feet as she dug deeper. The pile of clothes on the floor never remained very large; she was careful to put what was out back in a drawer before pulling out any more. After a few minutes of searching, she turned around to face Erin’s bed, holding a one-piece swimsuit in each hand.
From her seat on the bed, Erin surveyed what her cousin was holding. The swimsuit in Hailey’s left hand was turquoise, and she could tell that it was slightly worn. The girls hadn’t managed to go swimming since Erin had arrived, but it looked like that suit had gotten a good deal of use during the previous summer.
Why hadn’t they gone swimming? There had certainly been more than enough days with favorable weather, and summer was almost over; today was the last day of the girls’ summer vacation. Erin hadn’t had a swimsuit for most of the summer — she’d deliberately forgotten to pack her old one when she gathered her clothes from her late father’s house — but that obviously wasn’t a problem, as Aunt Sue had taken her to buy a suit earlier in the morning when Hailey had suggested going to the pool this afternoon.
Did they just think she wouldn’t want to go swimming? She’d certainly had some negative experiences with the kiddie pool that her stepmother had made her sit in, but she was smart enough to know there was a difference between sitting in a few inches of water all afternoon and actually swimming in a real pool. Besides, they didn’t know about that. She hadn’t revealed those experiences to anybody in her new family, and her old family was in no position to talk about it right now.
She snapped back to attention as she realized her mind had been wandering. Hailey was still holding the swimsuits, and Erin turned her focus to the suit in Hailey’s right hand. It faded from red near the shoulders to a deep purple at the bottom, and it looked brand new.
“My mom saw this suit at the store,” Hailey explained, “and thought I’d like it — and she was right. I really like these colors. But it turned out to be a bit big on me, so she offered to return it; I convinced her to let me hold onto it, since I liked it so much, and I’d grow into it. That was last year, so I want to see if it fits me yet this year.”
Erin nodded. “And the other suit’s your old one?”
“Yeah,” said Hailey. “I don’t know if I’ve actually grown all that much since last year, so I might still have to wear it. But I should fit well enough into at least one of the suits.”
“Well, are you going to try it on?” asked Erin.
Hailey nodded and began to strip down, instinctively turning her back to Erin. She didn’t particularly care if Erin could see her nude — indeed, it wouldn’t be the first time — but there was still no reason to show off more than she had to. Soon enough, she had her newer swimsuit pulled on.
“It still looks a little big,” offered Erin, an apologetic tone in her voice.
Hailey sighed. It was indeed a bit big; she could feel it hanging a little loose underneath her. She’d really hoped she’d grown; after all, she’d made so much progress with how old her parents were treating her. Her physical growth just didn’t seem to be keeping up.
Not wanting to worry herself too much about it in Erin’s presence, she opted to make a joke instead. “Well, maybe if I wore my pants under it, it would be just about right.”
Erin smiled. “That’s probably true. You should try putting on some shorts or something under it… I’m curious to see how silly that would look.”
“No harm in trying, I guess,” admitted Hailey. She began to turn towards the dresser when the diaper pail in her now-open closet caught her eye. “Or, maybe…”
What she saw brought to her attention a need to urinate. It certainly wasn’t an emergency — at least not physically. But recently, her desire to have accidents when she needed to use the toilet had been coming stronger and more frequently, and this was certainly one of the stronger cravings to wet herself she’d had.
Although the physical pressure wasn’t anywhere near strong enough to force the release of her bladder, her craving for an accident was becoming strong enough that she felt herself start to relax before catching herself. No urine came out, but she should get a diaper on soon; she didn’t want to wait much longer.
Erin watched as Hailey instead opted to pull something from a pack of diapers. “You’re going to wear that under your swimsuit?”
“Just in this room,” said Hailey.
“You’re going to just waste a diaper like that?”
“Well,” admitted Hailey, “I wasn’t exactly going to waste it. I have to pee.” She turned again and began to pull off her swimsuit.
“And you’re going to… oh.”
Hailey pulled up the protective garment and began to put her swimsuit back on. “Yeah. Is there something wrong with that?”
Erin was overcome with an overwhelming feeling that what Hailey was doing was wrong. She knew it was irrational, but she really didn’t like the idea of her cousin peeing in her swimsuit, not after all the times she herself was forced to do it. The idea was extremely unpleasant to her; she was as surprised that Hailey would consider it as she would be if Hailey had suggested stealing toys from children. There was just an innate wrongness to it, and she didn’t see how the girl could be treating it so casually.
At the same time, though, Erin realized that she had no right to tell her cousin what she could and couldn’t do. She wasn’t the boss of Hailey, and if Hailey wanted to wet a diaper under her swimsuit, there was no good reason not to let her do so. She didn’t really want to tell Hailey she couldn’t have her accident, but she really didn’t want Hailey to do it, either.
“I’m not worried about my mom coming in,” continued Hailey, apparently thinking this was the reason Erin had seemed doubtful. “She’ll knock first, and she’s expecting us to be changing anyway. So if she does knock, I’ll just tell her not to come in as we’re undressed, and quickly take off the diaper. She’ll believe it.”
At that moment, Hailey took a glance at Erin. To most people, the neutral expression she was wearing would have looked innocent enough, but Hailey had spent enough time with her cousin to pick up on the subtle body language hints indicating something wasn’t quite right. “You’re worried about this for some other reason, aren’t you?”
“I… I’d really rather you didn’t do this,” admitted Erin. “But it’s not my business to stop you.”
Hailey was surprised. It was rare for Erin to take a stand against something she was doing, so whatever Erin’s reason was, it must have been very significant. She’d already managed to get her larger swimsuit on over her diaper, and as she’d expected, it fit, though it was slightly tighter than she would have cared for. But she’d managed to hold back; the garment was still dry.
Hailey was frustrated. She really wanted to just relax right now, and let the warm fluid she was holding back wash around the area covered by her diaper, and she’d been on the cusp of release when she realized Erin didn’t want her to proceed. She couldn’t really blame Erin, but the weak pressure she was feeling only served to make her more irritated that she couldn’t let go. She certainly felt guilty for being annoyed at her cousin’s reluctance, but she was unhappy nonetheless.
She couldn’t let Erin know she was unsatisfied either, though. “No, you don’t want me to. Don’t lie for my sake… if you don’t want me to use the diaper, I won’t.”
“It’s not that I don’t want you to use the diaper,” admitted Erin. She owed Hailey at least a little explanation, even if she wasn’t ready to share everything. “It’s just, with the swimsuit… I don’t feel right about you having an accident in a swimsuit.”
“Why’s that?” asked Hailey, beginning to take her suit back off. “Did you… you had an accident in a swimsuit before, didn’t you?”
Erin’s face turned red and her head dropped, allowing her to stare intently at her lap.
It was obvious to Hailey that she’d guessed correctly; at the same time, it was obvious Erin didn’t want to talk about it. “Okay, my swimsuit’s off. Is that better?”
Erin looked back up to see that Hailey was wearing nothing but a diaper on her legs. Apparently her sense of modesty had kicked in, though; her cousin had put her shirt back on to cover her top.
“Thank you,” said Erin. “Don’t let me hold you back, you can wet like that, I don’t mind.”
Hailey knew she meant what she’d just said; apparently it was just the swimsuit that bothered her cousin, and she was perfectly alright with Hailey wetting the diaper now that the suit was off. She relaxed, and felt the all-too-familiar warmth and twinge of guilty pleasure that usually came. Her release was all the sweeter for the time she’d been made to wait. Once the initial rush of excitement passed, though, her guilty pleasure changed to a feeling of outright guilt. She’d had no right to be mad at Erin earlier; just because she hadn’t been able to have an accident the way she’d wanted to didn’t mean the wet diaper she was wearing now felt any less pleasant.
Hailey didn’t feel right leaving it on, though; it only served to remind her of the wrong she’d committed. She almost immediately pulled the wet diaper off, used a wipe, and put on her smaller swimsuit.
“All done?” asked Erin, a legitimate smile on her face from seeing her cousin put the garment in the pail.
“Yes,” said Hailey. Trying to change the subject to one a little less awkward, she asked, “Are you excited to go back to school tomorrow?”
Hailey herself wasn’t certain. She enjoyed learning, and her schedule consisted mostly of honors classes, so at least most of her day wouldn’t be too boring. She didn’t particularly care for the school as an institution, though, nor the vast majority of students in it. The school itself, while in a reasonably new building, felt well-worn, and the rigid devotion to equal-length classes equally spaced throughout the day didn’t seem the best way to learn. After all, some subjects were bound to take more time to cover than others, and it bothered Hailey that they were all forced to have the same number of total hours to cover their material per quarter. She understood why they were set up that way — after all, she couldn’t really conceive a better way to allow a few hundred students to all take different classes at the same time — but it still seemed like a poor system.
Apparently, though, she’d asked the right question to Erin; she saw her cousin’s face light up. “Yeah… I mean, I haven’t been to your school before, so I know it’ll be difficult at first. And if my last school was any indication, I’m probably going to get some hassling for being new, but… but I’ll deal with that when I get to it.”
Hailey nodded. She didn’t seem as convinced that Erin’s skin would be thick enough, though, so she added, “Well, remember that whatever they say, they probably don’t really mean it. It’s the initiation ritual for the masses of people our age, and while I don’t quite understand the need for it, it’s something we’ll just have to deal with.”
“Yeah,” agreed Erin. “But I think I’ll be okay.”
“At least my mom managed to arrange it so we’ll have most of the same classes,” said Hailey. “There’ll be one or two times a day we’re apart, but my mom was probably right when she explained to the office that it would probably be better if you were with me most of the time.”
“It makes sense,” said Erin, pulling on her own new swimsuit. “I trust you, and you know the school and the social situation, so it’ll definitely help.”
“Yep. Just do what I do, and after a few weeks, you’ll be pretty much ignored by almost every other student,” chuckled Hailey. “I don’t know if that’s your goal, but I know I don’t have the motivation to put forth the effort to get superficial positive attention from people I couldn’t care less about. And if I can’t get positive, I figure that no attention is better than negative attention.”
“That’s fine. Maybe I’ll change my mind when I get there, but I really don’t see myself actively looking for friends beyond you.”
“That’s the spirit,” said Hailey. “Strive for invisibility!” She leapt towards Erin, who quickly dodged, allowing Hailey to land on the bed. “See,” giggled Hailey, “I bet I would have got you if you were more visible!”
Erin joined in on the laughing. “Next time I’ll wear bright orange and reflective tape or something. Are you ready to go to the pool?”
“Of course I am,” said Hailey. They opened the bedroom door, proudly modeling their swimsuits to the crowd of zero in the upstairs hallway, and went off in search of Hailey’s mother.