The October sun rays were shining through the colored tree crowns above the large churchyard behind the local church. Several leaves had dropped from the trees and they were lying on the paths and graves.

Joan Morin was standing and looking at the gravestone in front of her. She was wearing a plain dark dress beneath her overcoat. Tears appeared in her eyes just like many times before. She had to cry every time she came to this grave but she came regularly though. Her husband Mark had died three years ago on the same day their daughter Alice was born. He was hurrying to the hospital and collided with a truck.

Alice was standing next to her mother; she was wearing a yellow jacket and denim pants. The bulge on her behind revealed that she wasn’t potty trained yet. Alice was watching Joan and she wasn’t able to understand why her mom came to the grave and cried that often. She knew about her dad, but she still believed he’d come back:

“Mom, don’t cry. Daddy comes back one day.“ She tried to help her mommy. Joan stroked her head and tried to stop crying: “Of course, sweetheart, he comes.” The young mother realized she even envied Alice her naive belief. She wished Mark would come back but she knew it was not possible.

Alice pulled Joan away: “Mom, let’s go to the park. It’s beautiful and I wanna play there.” Joan nodded and they headed towards the nearby town park. The park was a beautiful place indeed. There were many trees there and the October time had turned them into a wide variety of colors from green-up to brown. However, Joan still didn’t see the colors and she considered autumn the saddest time of the year. In a week Alice would turn three, but the dark shadow of Mark’s death didn’t allow Joan to have pleasure and celebrate the birthday.

Joan and Alice stopped near the playground in the middle of the park. Alice turned to her mother: “Mommy, can I play in the sandbox?” Joan smiled at her daughter: “Of course, sweetheart. However, let me check your diaper first.” She reached to Alice’s crotch and felt the wet garment; however, it wasn’t too wet yet. The small girl seemed to be impatient and she ran off towards the sandbox to join two girls playing there. Joan sat down on the bench and watched her daughter. Alice played in the sandbox for a short while only. Ten minutes later she ran to the nearby bushes; Joan watched her closely and was ready to run after her if necessary. However, Alice didn’t run away and she collected the colored leaves instead.

All of sudden Alice stopped and kept looking at a place among the bushes. She even seemed to be listening closely. Joan stood up and was about to pull Alice away from the bushes when the little girl ran back to her:

“Mommy, mommy, I saw a dwarf. He was very nice and talked to me. He even asked me about you.”

Joan stared at Alice: “What are you telling me? Dwarves don’t exist.” Alice stared back: “They exist, mommy. You should see him. He was clothed in the wonderful leaves and he told me he was a good spirit of autumn.”

Joan kept listening to Alice and smiled at her again. She knew that Alice had a great fantasy and liked the fairy tales. However, the words ‘good spirit of autumn’ surprised her a little. Alice wouldn’t be able to invent that term. She decided to ask her father: “Sweetheart, let’s go home now. Grandpa is awaiting us already.”

Their small house was in a walking distance even for Alice. It was a nice small house where Joan had lived with Mark before the accident. There was only a living room, two bedrooms and Alice’s nursery there. They didn’t want to have a large and expensive house and Joan appreciated it after Mark’s death. Joan also didn’t want to move after the accident and she convinced her father Ryan to live with them. He was divorced and his former wife lived far away.

They walked home and Ryan was awaiting them indeed. He came back from work half an hour ago. He was earning the living for all three. Joan wasn’t comfortable with it and she wished she could help him. She tried to find a homework, but wasn’t successful so far.

Alice ran to Ryan as soon as they arrived and she hugged him: “Grandpa, I saw a dwarf. Wait, I draw him for you.” Ryan lifted her on his arms and felt the soaked diaper: “Let’s change you before.” He carried Alice to the bathroom and put her on the changing table. He unzipped her pants and removed the wet diaper. While he was changing Alice, she kept talking. As soon as he finished, she headed to her room.

Joan put a lot of effort to equip Alice’s room. Alice shouldn’t share the sad feelings of her mom and the room matched it very well. The walls were painted in bright colors and there were several pictures hanging on them. Alice still slept in a crib. Her clothing and toys were in the cabinets and she had a small table and chair available there. She sat down at the table and started painting.

Joan and Ryan entered the living room and sat down on a large sofa at the wall. Joan asked Ryan: “How’s been your day, dad?” He smiled at her: “It’s been a good day today. What about you? Did you cry again at the grave?” Joan sighed. At the same moment, Alice appeared and she was holding a sheet of paper in her hand. Ryan and Joan stared in surprise at the picture; there was a dwarf in the picture indeed and Alice had managed to draw him very truly.

Joan asked her father to take care of Alice while she’d make the dinner. Ryan sat the little girl on his lap and asked her about the dwarf. He really didn’t believe in dwarves, but it could be a good way to spend the time until dinner. To his surprise, Alice gave him a very detailed description and she told him about his words:

“Grandpa, he asked me about mom; why does she cry? I didn’t tell him anything, but he was talking about a sad time and he told he was the good spirit of autumn. He wanted that autumn wouldn’t be a sad time.”

Ryan listened to her and was taken aback by the ‘good spirit of autumn’. These words definitely didn’t belong to the vocabulary of a three years old child. Where did she hear it? Ryan decided to ask Joan as soon as Alice would fall asleep. He continued talking with Alice, but he didn’t learn anything more. The little girl kept talking about the beautiful park.

Meanwhile, Joan finished the dinner and they ate in the kitchen. They sat down at the kitchen table and Alice was put into her high chair. She was still excited and both Ryan and Joan had to convince her to eat something. After the dinner, Joan lifted her from the high chair and expected her to go play, but Alice stayed with her and kept talking to her while Joan was doing the dishes:

“Mommy, the dwarf told me he didn’t want anybody to be sad. You are sad, but I’m not. If you were as little as I am, you wouldn’t be sad.” Joan stared at her in an utter surprise: “Alice, I can’t belittle anymore. How is it possible?” Alice shrugged: “Mommy, I ask the dwarf.”

Suddenly she stopped speaking, bent her legs and a grunt escaped her lips. A familiar smell spread across the kitchen: “Alice, let’s get cleaned and go to bed.” Joan led Alice to the bathroom, undressed her, put her into the bathtub, removed the dirty diaper and cleaned her daughter thoroughly. She sometimes wished Alice would get potty-trained, but she also liked taking care of her. It helped her divert her thoughts from Mark.

As soon as Alice fell asleep, Joan entered the living room. The TV was switched off and Ryan was sitting on the sofa with a book in his hands. Joan sat down and turned to him: “Daddy, what do you think of the dwarf? I know that dwarves don’t exist, but Alice was talking about him just like she had seen him indeed.”

Ryan put away the book he was reading and shrugged: “I don’t know, Joan. The picture was truly as well. To be honest, I’m not sure what to think of it. Maybe you should go to the park again and watch her closely. Take a camera with you. What if you see something?” Joan nodded.

Before going to bed Joan checked on Alice again. The little girl was sleeping soundly and there was no trace of worries on her face. Joan watched her for several minutes and then went to bed as well. She wasn’t able to get rid of the words: ‘if you were as little as I am, you wouldn’t be sad’. It was an odd image, but Alice made her point there. She really hadn’t a reason to be sad; she couldn’t understand it yet. An hour later, Joan finally dozed off.