That next morning was a Friday, and Julia woke up to her alarm clock telling her to get up and start getting ready for school. It was pretty early, and Julia’s thoughts were focused on the speech she had to give that day in English class. The topic was Edgar Allen Poe, and Julia felt ready. She still got pretty nervous talking in front of people, but at least she knew her subject well. She crawled out of bed and headed downstairs to get some breakfast.
mother and Father were in the kitchen. Father looked like he was about to leave for work, briefcase in one hand, and a bagel in the other. He saw Julia come in.
“Morning kid-o. What’s shaking?”
“Morning Father. I have that speech today. In English class.”
“The one on Poe?” Ted asked
“Yeah.”
“Well, good luck honey. I am sure you will do fine. I have to run to work. Tell me about it when I get home tonight OK?”
With that Ted came over and kissed his daughter on the forehead. Then he went up to his wife and kissed her goodbye. On his way out the door, he turned back to Shirley and said,
“Oh, do me a favor and call me at work. I really want to know how this turns out.” And he closed the door behind him.
For a split second Julia wondered what he was talking about. But she put it out of her mind as she started pouring the milk on her cereal. As she sat down and put a large spoonful in her mouth, her mother spoke.
“So I talked to your Father,” Shirley said quickly.
Julia immediately knew that her mother was talking about their conversation of yesterday. Julia had kind of put it out of her mind. She was scared about her father saying ‘no way’ and thinking she was weird. The butterflies came back to her stomach and her pulse quickened. Julia tried to say something, but with a mouthful of cereal all that came out was “weawy?” She quickly chewed and swallowed.
“Really?”
Shirley came over to the counter where Julia was eating her cereal and pulled up a stool next to her daughter.
“Yeah, really,” Shirley said.
Julia’s mind was racing. What had he said? Did he think she was crazy? She looked at her mother and nervously asked,
“And?”
“Well, to tell you the truth he was a bit surprised and confused at first. It took him a minute to understand that I was serious. But once he knew I was, he listened.”
“Does he think I am crazy?” Julia asked timidly.
Shirley let out a little laugh. “No honey, he doesn’t think you are crazy. It did take him a minute to believe me, but once he did, no he certainly never said you were crazy.”
Julia let out a sigh of relief. At least her Father didn’t think she was nuts. But there were still some important things left unanswered,
“OK, but what did he say Mother? I mean, what did he say about the trying policy thing?”
Shirley cocked her head to the side and said slowly,
“Truthfully honey he didn’t like the idea all that much at first.” Julia’s started to frown, “but, I was able to bring him around to it eventually.”
Julia wasn’t sure she had heard her mother correctly. Did she say what she thought she had said?
“So he is OK with it?” Julia asked.
“Well, Julia, like I said, I was able to bring him around. We talked for a while about what the trying policy was all about. And honestly, neither of us had ever thought about you asking to try anything like this. But the more we thought about it, the more we agreed that it would be OK. We both agreed that since you came to us, we should go ahead and let you try it. I mean that was what the whole thing was all about.”
“So, you guys are going let me try wearing diapers again?”
Shirley paused and looked at her daughter,
“Well honey, that’s going to be up to you.”
Julia was a bit confused. How was it up to her?
“What do you mean it is up to me mother? I mean I already told you I wanted to.”
“Oh, yes I know that sweetie. But well, it is one thing to say you want to try wearing diapers, and another thing to start doing it. And moreover, if you remember, the trying policy says that your Father and I get to decide how it will work.”
Julia nodded her head. Her parents had always made it clear that if she wanted to try something, it was going to be on their terms. She looked at her mother and said,
“Yeah, I remember that part.”
“Well good,” Shirley said. “You see, it did take a bit of effort on my part to get your Father to agree to it. But he came up with an idea that he liked, and I decided it was a good one and went along with it.”
“Father came up with the idea?” Julia asked in disbelief. “What is it?”
“Well, keep in mind that I agreed with it, Julia. The idea is this. If you want to see what it is like to go back to wearing diapers, we’ll let you do it. But we both agreed that in order for you to find out what it is really like you are going to have to make a commitment. So if you want to wear diapers again, you have to do it on our terms. Just like the trying policy says.”
Julia started thinking. She had never given any thought as to how she was going to try doing this. In her mind, she just wanted to know what it would be like to wear a diaper again. But her mother was making this sound like something more involved.
“What do you mean on your terms?” Julia asked.
“Well, I mean that as long as you agree to follow the rules your Father and I came up with, we will let you do it.”
Julia looked a bit confused. “Well what exactly are the rules you and Father came up with?” she asked.
Shirley pulled her stool closer to Julia s. She sat up and looked at Julia.
“Well, the rules are like this. First of all, if you want to do this you are going to have to commit to it for at least one week.”
“Commit to it for a week?” a genuinely confused Julia asked. “What do you mean?”
“I mean,” Shirley answered, “if you want to try wearing diapers, you’re going to have to wear them for at least one whole week. No breaks, no backing out mid-week, no changing your mind. And just so we are clear here, I am talking about 24 hours a day for seven straight days.”
Shirley could tell that her daughter was a bit surprised at this. So she added,
“In case you are wondering why, I’ll tell you. First of all, you said you were curious about what it is like to wear diapers. Well, we want you to understand what wearing diapers is really like, and anything less than a week won’t let you do that. Second of all, I looked into what kinds of diapers I could get for you, and they don’t sell them in small quantities. It’s not like I can just run to the grocery store and pick up a pack of Huggies for teenagers. It turns out that the least I can buy is about a week’s worth. And if I am going to buy you diapers, I am certainly not going to throw them away, and I can’t give them away, so you’ll just have to wear them.”
Julia didn’t know what to think. A week sounded like an awful long time. And mother sounded like she was saying that she would have to wear a diaper at all times.
“Well, like what about when I go to school and stuff? Would I have to wear a diaper to school?” Julia asked meekly.
“Twenty-four hours a day Julia. That means you will be in diapers when you go to bed at night, diapers at breakfast, diapers at school, diapers at dinner, diapers all the time. Wearing diapers is not a part-time thing honey. I mean you are either potty trained or you are not. And if you want to do this, then for at least one week we are all going to pretend that you aren’t. Plus I’m not interested in having to remember when I need to be checking your diapers and when you are not even wearing them. It’s just a lot easier for me if I know that you are wearing them all the time.”
Julia started thinking about what it would be like to have to wear diapers all the time. It was a new thought for her. In her dreams, her parents just put her in a diaper. She certainly never thought of herself going to school in them. Would people be able to tell? And what did her mother mean about pretending she wasn’t potty trained?
“Mother, what if people can tell? I mean, what do I say to people at school and stuff?”
“Well, first of all, I really doubt that anybody will be able to tell. But if they do see that you’re wearing diapers, well it’s up to you what you want to tell them. You could always say something like you had a really bad bladder infection that you are just getting over.”
Julia thought about it. Her mother might be right. She had enough baggy jeans and pants and it would be hard for anyone to tell that she was wearing a diaper. But a whole week still sounded like a long time. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. But then again, it was probably now or never. Julia quickly made up her mind.
“Well mother, I mean, I never really thought about wearing it for a whole week, but if that is the only way I will get to try it, I’ll do it.” said a determined Julia.
“Well good, but there are still a few more rules I need to go over,” Shirley added
“How many more?” Julia asked reluctantly.
“Well, just two, but I would think they are pretty obvious. First, if you’re wearing diapers obviously you will have to use them. And I mean for everything, no toilets allowed. Like I said, we are all going to pretend that you’re not potty trained. The only time you will even be allowed to go into a bathroom will be to brush your teeth. Of course, you can also take a shower, but only when we say so. Second, you won’t be allowed to change yourself, either me or your Father will take care of that. And you will also have to get used to us regularly checking your diaper to see if you need to be changed.”
Julia stared at her mother in disbelief. Her mother must have seen this.
“Julia sweetie, don’t look so shocked. I mean if you want to try wearing diapers again, you need to see what it is really like. People who wear diapers use them, and if you want to wear diapers, you’re going to have to use them too.”
Julia didn’t know what to say. All this was certainly a lot more than she had ever bargained for. It was bad enough that she would have to wear them for a week. But she had never really thought of using them. Julia tried to think of the last time she wet her pants to see if she could even remember what that was like. But she couldn’t remember. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.
“Gosh mother, I don’t know. That is not exactly what I had in mind.”
“Well, I imagine it is not. But honey, this is really what the trying policy is about. Truthfully, we always thought you would want to try something like smoking. I mean, some people think it is glamorous to smoke cigarettes and stuff, and we always figured that if you asked we would let you smoke a few because it would show you how yucky smoking is. So when we talked about this last night, we decided that if you want to try going back to diapers we would let you if you agreed to these rules. You want to know what it is like to wear diapers again, and there is only one way to find out and that is to really try it. Putting you in diapers for a day or something won’t work. So we came up with this.”
“Well, I am not so sure this is something I would want to do Mother.”
“And that Julia, is why I said it was up to you,” Shirley said as if making her closing argument to the jury. “Take a minute to think about it. But understand that it is now or never and these rules are not flexible.”
“I don’t know mother. I mean, I really want to see what it is like and all. But what you are talking about doesn’t sound like something I want to try.”
Shirley had expected this. Reality is almost always disappointing compared with the ideas and dreams in our heads.
“Well Julia, I would certainly understand if you said no. I mean, this is certainly not something I would ever want to do. But then again, I never had dreams about being put back into diapers! And if this is something that you have been wondering about for such a long time, maybe it would be best to see what it is really like. Otherwise, you might always wonder.”
Julia didn’t want to say it, but she was thinking the same thing. I mean, here was her chance. Her parents were offering to put her in diapers, which was something she had been wanting for longer than she could remember. And while the rules they had made were pretty bad, this was certainly the only chance she would get. Julia tried to think about what it would be like. She could probably handle the 24-hour-a-day part. But a whole week seemed like a really long time. What if somebody did notice? She would never live it down at school. The very thought terrified Julia. And then using them part… Julia decided to not even think about that. ‘We’ll cross that bridge when we get there’ Julia thought.
Shirley sat and watched as her little girl’s mind tossed and turned. It was obvious that Julia was thinking about it. Maybe she should help her along.
“So, what do you think Julia? Are we putting you in diapers or not?”
“Gosh mother, I don’t know. I mean, I want to and all, but.”
“Well, Julia, let me ask you something. Are you having a hard time making up your mind?”
“Yeah.”
“I think you really want to say yes, but you are a little scared.”
Julia looked at her mother in shock. Maybe her mother could read her mind.
“Well, yeah, maybe a little scared.”
“Honey listen, I really think you should do it.”
“Really?” stammered a very surprised Julia.
“Yes really. I mean, you obviously really want to, but you are a little scared. But you were scared to even talk to me about it and once you did it got easier didn’t it?”
“Well, yeah a little bit.”
“Well, I think this is kind of the same thing. It is hard to make a commitment, but once you do, it will get easier. Plus, I know you really want to see what it is like. If you don’t do it now, you will always wonder. I would much rather you figure it out now than spend the rest of your life wondering what could have happened if you had taken the chance.”
Julia bit down on her teeth and scrunched up her nose. Shirley recognized that as the face her daughter made when she was building up her courage. Julia thought about the whole thing. It was kind of crazy, and certainly not how she would have wanted to do it, but it was also her only chance. The thought of having to use her diapers sent a chill down her spine, but she quickly pushed the thought out of her mind when she realized that she would never get another chance like the one before her. ‘Now or never huh?’ Julia thought to herself. ‘I have been dreaming of this for so long. But I just don’t know about the rules.’ Then somewhere deep in Julia’s consciousness, a question popped up, ‘if you say no now, will you ever forgive yourself?’ Julia shook her head. ‘What the heck, why not’ she said to herself. Julia took in a deep breath.
“OK, I’ll do it.” She said quickly.
“Are you sure?” Shirley asked. “Make sure you are, because if you say yes, I’ll go buy the diapers while you are at school. And your week will start as soon as you get home.”
“Yeah, I’m sure Mother. Like you said, it is now or never and I don’t like the sound of never.”
“OK then. And honey, I am really glad you said yes.” ?” Shirley said as she touched Julia’s shoulder. “Now hurry up and finish getting ready for school or you will be late. I’ll drive you and go shopping after I drop you off.”