“Everything,” Ella said before letting her head fall onto her mom’s shoulder. Her joints ached. Her skin burned. There were open sores in her mouth and throat that refused to heal.

Ella didn’t have to find a clock to know what time it was. It was a little after 10:00 pm on a Tuesday night. Chemo was on Tuesdays and Thursdays and by 10:00pm, six hours after treatment, she would lose the fight to her gurgling stomach.

“I know, sweetie, I know.” She felt her mother’s arm tighten around her. “I just wish I could make it all better.” Her voice was choked with sobs. “No eight year old should have to go through this. I’d do anything to make it all better.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Ella awoke from her dream feeling dazed and confused. This was not where she had fallen asleep, she was sure of it. Instead of being pretzeled under the desk, she was stretched out on the black leather sofa in the office, covered by the sheet that had once hidden her from view. She tried to sit up, but a weight on her chest kept her pinned down. She reached a hand up and stroked the furry lump that seemed more than content to suffocate her in the name of its comfort.

“He hasn’t left your side all evening.” a voice said startling her. The cat had blocked her view of the other occupant on the opposite end of the couch by her feet. “C’mon, Ribbit, let her sit up. You can mooch off her body heat later.”
The pressure was suddenly lifted off her chest followed by an indignant, “mrow!” Ella sat up and scooched as far away from the couches occupant as possible. The red haired man merely smiled. She eyed him suspiciously.
She didn’t have much experience in dealing with men, apart from Batman (A.k.a. Pedro from janitorial) and her soccer coach. Since her mom had stopped liking her soccer coach, Ella had decided she hadn’t liked him either. She couldn’t even remember his name now. Pedro was alright though, sometimes he snuck her a piece of candy when Rose wasn’t looking from the nurses station.

Once when Ella had been really sick, Pedro had come in her room and “accidentally” dropped a few jolly ranchers in her bed. Rose had caught him and chased him out with one of her shoes while yelling, “Get your nasty man germs outta here!” while hopping on one foot. They had both been laughing, so Ella knew he wasn’t really in trouble. Ella had been laughing too, until she had spotted them kiss outside her room a few minutes later. She quickly realized that had not been something they had meant her to see when Rose waggled her shoe at her. She had quickly pretended to be asleep after that.

“Was I surprised to find a little sleeping girl under my desk tonight.” Said Charlie. Ella studied his face, but he didn’t seem mad. “Reminds me of Danielle when she was little, used to fall asleep in the strangest of places.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes with Ella curled up in the sheet as she hugged her knees unsure of whether she should stay or make a break for it. She thought back to the dream she was having and a stab of guilt pierced her heart. Had she really been so ready to throw away her own mother in favor of the first woman who had picked her up and hugged her?

She didn’t want you. You were broken. No one wanted you. That’s why you sat alone in the hospital for so long.

She tried to shake the thoughts out of her head. She felt sick enough without the added stress.

“So, um, there’s dinner downstairs if you’re hungry. I can reheat it if you’d like, we figured you’d rather sleep.” said Charlie. Ella shook her head. The last thing she felt like doing was eating. “Danielle said something about you wanting to be alone for a while.” Ella shrugged.

“I heard you had a rough day at the doctors.”

Ella shrugged again. She had been through worse. It was just different. Usually the projectiles came from the other end.

“I know it’s only been a day, but are you settling in okay? I mean, I know going to the doctor first thing wasn’t exactly the greatest welcome home celebration but…”

She gave the so-so motion with her hand. She didn’t want to seem ungrateful. She was finally in a real home with a mom, a dad, and a sister, but it had not been the dream she had expected. She wanted to bring it up, but she didn’t know how. Fortunately for Ella, Charlie had seemed to read her mind.

“Is it the fighting?” Ella widened her eyes and nodded. She was not used to being around this much conflict.

“Those two…” he said letting out an exasperated sigh. “They’re best buddies one minute and at each other’s throats the next. It’s just extra bad right now with the, uh, change.”

You’re the change. It’s your fault.

“Danielle’s heading into her teen years along with the attitude that comes with it and she wants her independence. As for Heather, she still sees Danielle as her baby. She’s having a hard time letting go. We tried for years to have more children, but…” He trailed off for a second trying to find the right words. “It just wasn’t meant to be.”

But why her though, Ella wondered. Of all the kids they could’ve taken in, she was like the broken doll on the bottom of a clearance bin. Before she could ascertain why she was in the situation she was the “Thump Thump Thump” of heavy footfalls came down the hall.

Ella grimaced. The approaching footsteps was like the sound of hammers being struck into the ground to her over stimulated senses. She wanted to dive back under the desk.

Heather stuck her head in and beamed. “You’re up.” Ella sat up straight and let her feet dangle. They were still a good couple of feet from reaching the ground. She stared at her toes as Heather moved closer and squeezed in between her and Charlie. “How are you feeling? Any better?” Before she could respond a cool hand pressed against her forehead. Heather let out a disapproving moan. “Poor baby. Still running a fever.” If Heather was still harboring any ill will about being bitten, she didn’t show it, Ella relaxed, feeling the tension drain out of her as Heather wrapped an arm around her and held her close. At first, her instinct was to get the hell out of there, but she was too tired to fight.

Heather and Charlie talked amongst themselves as Ella slowly nursed a cold calorie shake she had been ordered to drink. She didn’t feel like pressing her luck with Heather anymore… She had been given a lot of “suggestions” the past two days, but her fluid intake Heather had pointed out before, was not one of them. When that was gone, the empty can had quickly been replaced with a bottle of water. Ella frowned at the bottle before unscrewing the lid and downing enough to make Heather return to her conversation. When she was no longer being watched, she set the half full bottle aside, closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around her fluid filled tummy while occasionally shifting this way and that in order to get comfortable. She could hear the water gurgling and sloshing about as she moved.
After about thirty minutes or so, Ella couldn’t really tell, Charlie got up and left the two of them alone. They sat in silence for a moment before Heather asked if she wanted to go to bed or stay up and watch a movie with them. Ella mimed that she wanted to go to bed. She wanted this day to be over with. “We’ll get you settled in a bit.” Said Heather. Ella watched as her fingers clicked over the keys on her cellphone. “Finish your water while we wait for Danielle to finish.”

Ella inwardly groaned as she took the last few gulps of water down “like a champ” as Heather had put it. She could hear distant water running somewhere in another part of the house awakening her bladder. She tried coyly snaking her hand between her legs. She couldn’t remember peeing in the pull up earlier, but it felt damp. She couldn’t risk leaking on the couch here, and what if peeing into it made noise? She couldn’t remember if it did or not. The thought of Heather hearing her pee made her skin crawl. She was so used to doing literally EVERYTHING in front of someone. She had never had privacy before. She’s changed in front of people. She peed into cups held by other people when her hands were too unsteady to hold it without dropping it. Hell, she had even had a full conversation ( Well Rose talked, Ella listened and nodded along) while having diarrhea in a hollow bucket without blinking an eye. And not the quiet kind either! The machine gun kind! Pedro, who had been mopping in the hall at the time, yelled about having “Vietnam flashbacks” from the other side of the curtain. Whatever that meant.

Now though Ella seemed hyper aware of her actions and surroundings. Now that she was out in the real world, she had a sinking suspicion this was far from normal. That she was far from normal. She tried to think back to before she had been sick. Did she know anyone in diapers Not past the age of three. Why else would the doctor try to force her to use the toilet so much? She wanted to be normal damn it!

She gave a not so subtle squirm. The running water was really getting to her now. She decided she’d hold it until she was alone in the bedroom. She’d just pee in the pull up, clean up any leaks and change herself then. At least that was what she had planned, but Heather seemed to have zero’d in on her current state.

“Do you need to go potty?” Ella inwardly cringed. Baby talk made her agitated. It wasn’t that she was being treated younger. She didn’t mind that. She was even kind of a sucker for it in the right circumstances. Did she want a lollipop after getting a shot? Damn straight she did. A sticker? Why the hell not? A bedtime story after a really long day to soothe her to sleep? Yes please!
What she despised was being talked to like she was… slow. Just because she didn’t talk didn’t mean she didn’t understand. She found it insulting so she pretended not to have heard her.

“Or are you wet?” Heather went on. Ella chose to stare ahead, grimacing as she felt Heather pull away the sheet and check for herself. “A little damp.” Ella squirmed again, moving away. “Potty, definitely.” She stood up and offered a hand to Ella.

“It’s full!” Danielle yelled from down the hallway.
“Ok, thanks!” Heather yelled back. “Be there a minute! Just need to do something first!” Ella wrapped herself back in the sheet and allowed herself to get guided out to the hallway. The bathroom was to the right and she was getting ready to dig her heels in, but Heather guided her to the left and back into the bedroom. Once they were there Heather closed the door behind them. Ella shifted from foot to foot, no longer able to hide the effect of the copious amounts of fluids she had drank. She was ready to pee in the pull up whether Heather saw or not. She seemed to have read her mind. “I know you need to go, but hold on just a minute longer. I need to know if this will work.” Ella crossed her legs and shuffled from foot to foot as Heather bent down behind the bed.

“Ta-da!” Heather set the white bucket and seat down in the center of the room. “What you’re used to is a bit out of our price for something temporary. Until we can get to the bottom of all this, hopefully this will work for the time being?” Ella nodded her approval. She looked from it back to Heather pleading. Heather took a few steps back and sat on Danielle’s bed. “Go on, show me you can use it.”

Ella lunged forward, her previous anxieties about being thought of as slow now unimportant in her current state. She struggled with the pull up, but Heather reached forward and ripped it off in one swift motion. She threw herself down on the seat just in time. The feeling of relief was pure bliss. She didn’t have to let it out in small spurts, or worry about accidents or leaks. She could sit here and pee as much as she needed and it felt heavenly.

“Were you able to go?” Heather asked. She sounded worried. Ella realised what was missing as a horrible thought crossed her mind. What if she was missing the bucket and peeing on the floor? She looked down between her legs to investigate the lack of sound, but was relieved to see her stream merely hitting the inside of the bucket and quietly flowing down. She re-adjusted herself and spread her legs a little more so it drummed noisily against the bottom of the bucket until she was finished.

“We are one step in the right direction!” Heather cheered. Elle wiped herself before standing back up. Suddenly she was met with a ferocious hug. “You did it! Good job! We will work our way up from here and hopefully we can get you enrolled back in school in the fall!” Ella watched Heather pick up the bucket and move it back behind the head board. Ella then noticed her bed was now closer to the door by several feet to make room. “It’ll be here for you whenever you need it. You don’t need to wait for anyone, or ask anyone. We’ll keep it here behind your bed so you can have some privacy. In a few days when things have settled down and you’ve gotten more used to your surroundings we’ll try for the bathroom again, okay?”

Ella doubted a few days would make much of a difference, but she just nodded along.

“Now, you know what will make you feel even better?” Heather asked with a smile. “A bath!”

And that was how Isabella Marsh became known to the neighbors as the infamous Chicken Pox Streaker of Cedar Circle. It was about to be a long summer.