Heather sat staring at her laptop screen. She had been staring at it for the last few minutes unsure of how to even begin to respond to the email. It was from Rose checking in on how Ella was settling in, not from her work email, but from her personal one.

Hi, Rose

It’s been good. We are slowly making progress. I can’t believe it’s already been a month!

We’ve gotten her set up with Kaiser and it’s been going much smoother than in the beginning. My insurance was a nightmare and had us running all over town trying to see this specialist and that specialist. Now she has a team of doctors in one place and they are much more accommodating to her specific needs. She’s been going to speech therapy twice a week and we run through our vocal exercises every day. It’s slow going. It’s almost like she has to physically strain to get any kind of noise or words out. They’ve checked her throat for any kind of damage but haven’t found anything.

The neurologist says he’s concerned she may have suffered some kind of TBI incident, so we are waiting on an MRI. The CT scan came back negative, but after a series of tests the doctor says she is showing lower cognitive functioning in the left hemisphere. We are working on basic addition, but she is struggling to understand. She seems to be at a first grade level. He seems confident enough that if there was an injury, it didn’t cause any permanent damage. It is simply a matter of her relearning.

Besides the speech therapist and neurologist, she has also been seeing a child psychologist once a week, and a psychiatrist every other. She’s been on an anti-anxiety medication, and it seems to be helping. She no longer bites and claws, but the panic attacks have yet to fully subside. The doctor wants to give it more time until she adjusts the dosage. Danielle says she is still having nightmares and thrashing in the night, but Ella still refuses to tell us what they’re about. She insists she doesn’t know, but I have a feeling she isn’t being completely honest about it. The psychologist says she is very sensitive, especially to what is going on around her. She picks up on any tension in the house like a magnet.

Getting her to use the restroom has still been a battle, but we’ve made some progress here and there with a lot of coaxing and a little bribery. She mostly still uses the bucket though. Her daytime accidents have been reduced to only once or twice a week, and mostly when we have been out and about. She did have one major blowout at home, and that was when Danielle had had friends over in her room. It hadn’t crossed my mind to move the bucket into a different part of the house, and Ella isn’t very forthcoming about when she needs something. I don’t think she had meant to do it on purpose. I think she had tried to wait until they left, but they never did. I found her crying in the laundry room huddled in the corner. I ended up having to hose her down in the backyard.

Hygiene has been more of a hurdle than anything so far. I knew you told me her issue wasn’t limited to just the toilet, but it hadn’t really clicked until the first time I tried to get her to take a bath. She took off streaking out the front door. She made quite the first impression on the neighbors. “”Hello, Mr. Bryant, but have you by any chance seen a naked girl run past here?” wasn’t how I had planned to share the good news of our families latest addition. I wish I could say that was the only time that happened. Our next door neighbor thinks we adopted an exhibitionist and I’m starting to think she’s right.
There’s conversations I never thought I’d have to have with a ten year old. Things like, “I know it’s hot honey, put please keep your clothes on in public.” and “No, you can’t pee in the grass; you need to wait until we get home or use your pull up if it’s an emergency.” She’s usually good about making it home in time, unless it was a rough day. She seems to be more prone to accidents under stress. She’s doing well, but they’re still a little too frequent for me to be comfortable letting her leave the house without them. Despite one of the doctors concerns, we’ve decided to keep her in pull ups for the time being. She hates using them, so I know when she’s wet, it truly was an accident.

Except for two times, Heather thought. The first was when Heather and the girls had had many errands to run that day, but they were only at their second stop when Ella had begun doing the dance. They still had to go to the grocery store, the bank, and the Verizon store. They were thirty minute drive from home and Heather couldn’t justify turning back around. It was still her first couple weeks home and Ella was having a rough start. She was still dead set again setting foot inside a restroom, and Heather knew she’d never make it all day. While she had packed spare clothes and pull ups, changing her was going to be another story. The car was too full, and the parking lot was out; she was still trying to break her habit of public nudity and didn’t want to send mixed messages. The answer came when she saw the dressing rooms.

“Danielle, you can go look at the books if you want while we finish up.” Heather suggested. Her eldest daughter wasted no time making a beeline as far away from them as possible.
“There’s something I saw that I thought would look cute on you.” Heather said. She picked up a child sized shirt off the rack without bothering to look at it and guided her into a stall before locking the door behind them.

“Pants off.” Heather said. Ella looked at the shirt in her hand in confusion, before Heather hung it up and unzipped the bag. Ella shook her head when she saw what was inside.

I didn’t! Ella mouthed silently before dropping her pants to reveal the dry pull up underneath.

“You need to though.” Heather said, dropping her voice to a whisper. It wasn’t a question. “I’m giving you a pass just this once. I know you can’t hold it until we get back home, and I don’t know if we’ll have another opportunity to change you until then. You can either be miserable all day, or you can get it over with now.” Ella looked down at her feet, something Heather noticed she did when she was embarrassed, and continued her dance.

I don’t have to go.

“You have thirty seconds to decide if that’s your final answer.” Heather said before she started her countdown. It only took fifteen seconds for Ella to begin waving her arms to stop the countdown. “Oh, what’s that?” Heather whispered, a sly smile on her face at a quick victory. “You do have to go?”

Ella slowly nodded and looked away. Heather knew she should be thankful Ella wasn’t as brazen with what came out of her body as she was with her body itself, but she couldn’t help wish Ella would just come out and admit what she needed to do and when. She wondered if that would be asking too much too soon. Beggars can’t be choosers.

I’m sorry.

“Are you sorry that you lied, or sorry that you have to pee?”

Both.
,
“You don’t need to be sorry that you have to pee, that’s normal and healthy. Everyone pees. What matters is time and place. That’s why I want you to tell me so I can find you the right time and place. Trust me, everyone tries to time it so they won’t have to go when they’re out and about, but our bodies don’t always work that way. I know you went before you left and that’s what matters. It’s okay you have to go again, it means you’re doing what I asked of you and drinking water.”

Ella nodded her head, but continued moving in place. But you said not to.

“I know I said not to use it on purpose, but right now just this once, it’s okay.”

Why?

“Because it’s more convenient for both of us if you do.”

But…

“Ella,” Heather said, gripping her shoulders. “Now or never.” Ella grimaced, before burying her head against Heather’s stomach as if to hide. “There you go, that’s it.” Heather whispered encouragingly as she made sure Ella’s waist was far enough away from her. Ella may have a change of clothes, but she did not.

It only took a few more seconds of coaxing until Heather could hear Ella’s breath hitch followed by a faint hisssss. She gave her back a few reassuring rubs to keep her from crying and waited for her to finish. When all had gone quiet and Ella still hadn’t moved, Heather looked down to survey the damage. Other than a few droplets coasting down her legs, it had held up.

“That wasn’t so bad. Don’t you feel better?”

When she had offered the trash bag, and Ella had still made no move to clean herself, Heather took the initiative and pulled off the sodden garment. The ripping noise seemed to have awakened her out of her trance and brought her back to reality. Instead of handing her the wet wipe, Heather finished wiping her down front and back. When she had grabbed a new pull up and looked back up, she was dismayed to see a new trickle running down her leg.

“Ella!” Heather whispered, while wiping her leg again. “Did you not finish all the way?” Ella shrugged. Heather hurriedly stuffed the used pull up and wipes into the bag. “What about now?” She shrugged again. “Please don’t be a UTI.” Heather mumbled. “Squat.” She ordered before pressing the half full bag of dirty accessories underneath her. “See if you can get anymore pee to come out, push a little if you need to.” Heather inwardly groaned when she heard a few seconds of trickling liquid fall onto the wet wipes in the bag. “Just one thing after another with you, isn’t it? Poor kid.”

Another trip to the doctor and another round of medication forced them to confront the bath problem. When Heather had tried to take them to the pool only for Ella to refuse to get anywhere near the water, Heather thought for sure she knew what the problem was. Ella wasn’t afraid of restrooms. She was afraid of water! She was almost positive… until the very next day she walked in the backyard to find Ella and Danielle having a grand time running through the sprinklers and spraying each other with the garden hose. She stood there beaming up at Heather, water dripping from her clothes and hair. Heather sighed in defeat before returning into the house to fetch a bottle of body wash and a loofah. “Garden hose baths and a bucket for a toilet. She just wants CPS called on me.”

She looked fondly at the framed picture of her two girls. One butt naked covered head to toe in bubbles while the other chased her with the garden hose. She smiled at the memory.

The second time Heather had given her permission had been a few days ago at the movies. With thirty minutes left, her squirming and shuffling about was beginning to annoy the other patrons seated around her. When Heather had locked eyes with a mom who had flashed her a dirty look, she leaned close to Ella’s ear and whispered, “Just go in the pull-up.” With eyes still fixed to the screen, Ella uncrossed her legs and leaned back in her chair, a look of relief and contentment spreading across her face.

I’ve got Ella enrolled in a special sort of school for kids with special needs. It’s a small class size and they offer more one on one attention. She starts tomorrow, I’m nervous for her. I hear there’s another girl her age there named Kaylee with some kind of neurological disorder. They didn’t say what, but I hope they get along. I tried to get her enrolled in regular public school, but their program couldn’t meet the attention she would need, or understand her non verbal cues.

You know, now that I’ve got you here, I was hoping you could send me any information on her past, or even how I could get ahold of the police report of how they found her? I’m a little unsure of the exact details, but I thought you had said something about her being found in the bathroom. It got me thinking, what if she had been left in the bathtub? I thought maybe she was afraid of water, but then I found her playing in the garden hose. Now I’m not sure anymore. Just a theory I wanted to dig a little further on. Anything helps!

P.s. Was she always prone to streaking? I swear every time I turn around she’s naked.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Ella sat upright in her booster seat, jiggling her legs with excitement and nerves. It had been years since she had gone to school. She smoothed her skirt down, hoping it concealed the pull-up well enough underneath. She had wanted to go without them, but Heather wouldn’t let her.
“Let’s see how you do first.” she said. “This isn’t like a regular school where I needed you 100% independent and out of diapers. There’s people here who can help you if you’re too scared to go alone or have an accident.”

Ella scowled. She wasn’t in diapers. And she could go to the restroom now. Sort of. Sometimes. With help… When there was no other option.

“Lets go over your vocals one more time.” Heather said from behind the wheel. “Ahhh.”

“Ahhh,” Ella repeated quietly.

“A little louder.”

“Ahhh!”

“I-”

“Iiiii”

“Keep holding it.”

“iiiii”

“As long as you can.”

“Iiii.” Ella chanted until she couldn’t anymore.

They followed through various notes until they pulled up in front of the school. Ella held Heather’s hand as they walked inside, her heart now hammering with excitement. They walked towards the front office until they came to a locked door. Heather pressed the intercom button and announced Ella was here for school.

A lightly brown skinned woman with black hair and glasses opened the door to greet them.

“You must be Isabella!” the woman said smiling down at her. “Hi sweetie, are you ready for your first day?”

Ella nodded shyly and clung tighter to Heather. The woman, who introduced herself as Mrs. Hernandez, exchanged details, but Ella wasn’t listening. She was focused on what was behind her new teacher. A young man in his early twenties was pushing a teenager in a wheelchair down the hall and into an elevator. The teenagers’ face seemed a bit different. She knew what it was, but couldn’t quite remember what it was called. She had met a girl who looked like that before. She thought it might be called Drowned Syndrome, but had a feeling it wasn’t quite right.

She was always so happy, Ella remembered from her time in the hospital. Her name was Dawn. She was fifteen, and made it a point to tell everyone they were pretty, even Ella with her bald head, and complexion so pale she looked mostly dead already. She hadn’t realized how much she had liked Dawn until she learned she had died from complications from the flu that had made them all sick that December.

“You ready?” Mrs. Hernandez asked before offering her hand. Ella nodded before turning back to Heather.

“You’ll do fine. “ Heather said. She knelt down and gave Ella a hug. “You have fun. I love you.”

Ella quietly croaked, “I love you too,” that sounded more like “I rum eww.”

She took Mrs. Hernandez’s outstretched hand as they walked inside, up a flight of stairs and went inside a door to the left. The room looked a bit different from any classroom that Ella had been in before. Instead of twenty to thirty desks, there were only eight. Two sets of three desks, and one of two. Ella was led to a set of three and set next to a girl who appeared to be around her age, but much larger.

“This is Kaylee. Kaylee, this is Ella. You two are going to be partners. Your aide, Jasmine, should be here any minute. I’ll take your backpack, how about you take a seat and get to know one another, while I get everyone situated.”

Ella nodded and took a seat next to the brunette girl, who appeared to be reading a book. She looked up briefly and Ella gave her a shy smile, but Ella’s smile quickly fell into a look of shock and hurt when Kaylee glanced her over before telling her to “Fuck off.”

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

“Hello?” Heather said into her cell phone as she pulled into the driveway in front of her house.
“Hi, this is Dr. Patton, Ella’s neurologist. I was giving you a call to go over the results of Ella’s MRI.”

“Yes, thank you for calling!” Heather said, sounding eager. She had been waiting to hear back with mixed feelings of apprehension and curiosity.

“So I did notice a small spot on Ella’s scan that does indicate some sort of minor brain damage in the past. The good news is that I compared it to an earlier scan and it does appear to be healing.”

“Brain damage? What? When?..How? If she had already had an MRI before wouldn’t they have noticed?”

“It is minor, but it might explain why she’d fallen behind, or regressed in some of her milestones. I’m going to give my best educated guess and say this happened maybe two to four years ago. It doesn’t seem related to her radiation treatment. I’m not 100% certain on the cause, but it could have been caused by either oxygen deprivation, or a fall. She could have easily fallen during treatment and hit her head on something. That’s my best speculation. The good news is that she can recover from this, it’s just going to take time. The best course of action would be to continue with the speech therapy and specialized learning until she catches back up.”

Heather sat stunned for a moment as his words played over in her mind. Oxygen deprivation… She thought of her earlier theory. There was something there, she was almost certain of it…

“When you say oxygen deprivation, is it possible that maybe she almost drowned?”

“Uh, yes, that is a possibility actually. Why do you ask? Is there an event that comes to mind?”

“Well, when her biological mom committed suicide and Ella was found alone in the bathroom, I’m wondering if at the time Ella had been taking a bath. Maybe she had expected her mom to come back and get her, but had fallen asleep when she hadn’t and went under for a bit.”

“Oh wow, I didn’t know, that’s tough. It’s definitely a possibility, but I think it’s more likely she hit her head. The simplest answer is usually the correct one. Either way, give her time and you should begin to see improvement. “

“Okay, thank you for calling.” Heather said before hanging up. Simplest answer my ass, she thought. The pieces to the puzzle were almost there, and she was going to get to the bottom of it.