Once the girls had left, Heather went to her purse and pulled out her cell phone feeling peeved the school had failed to mention what Ella would be exposed to in their care. She was young and impressionable! She scrolled through her contacts until she found Mrs. Hernandez and hit Send.
“Hello, yes, I’m sorry for disturbing you at home, but I was hoping we could talk. This is Heather Graceland, Isabella Marsh’s foster mom-”
“Oh, hi, how are you? I’m assuming you’re calling about the note I sent her home with today.”
“I’m calling about- wait, what note?”
“Oh, I sent it pinned to the bag with her soiled clothes.”
Great, thought Heather as she pinched her eyes shut and rubbed at the bridge of her nose. She didn’t tell me she brought home dirty clothes and now her backpack probably smells like pee.
“She had a bit of an episode this morning and I’m a little concerned.”
“What kind of episode? What happened?”
“Well it started when she had an accident in front of a few kids. She was understandably pretty upset, especially when a few of them laughed and made some inappropriate comments-”
“Was it Kaylee who laughed at her?” said Heather, cutting her off. “She’s actually the reason I called.”
“Kaylee Shepherd? What? No, quite the opposite from what their paraeducator told me. Jasmine said Kaylee sat with Ella while we had her lying in the changing room to rest. I heard she really calmed Ella down. The trouble had come after. Ella had fallen asleep, so we let her nap in there for a bit, and she seemed to have some kind of fit in her sleep.”
“Yeah, we’ve been trying to get to the bottom of that for a while now. My oldest shares a room with her, and says it’s been an ongoing concern in the months since we’ve had her.”
“Okay, so you are aware? Good, okay I just wanted to check and make sure she wasn’t having some kind of seizure.”
“No, nothing like that, we’ve had her checked. The doctor says it’s all psychological. It’s stemming from stress. We’re not entirely positive as to what, but we believe she sustained some kind of trauma in her past.”
“Oh, I see, and does that have anything to do with the toilet anxiety?”
“It’s not the toilet, but the bathroom as a whole, and yes, it does all seem to come together.”
“Is Ella being seen regularly by mental health specialists? If not, we do have resources to get her in touch with certain services.”
“Yes, I can barely keep track of them all! She has psychologists, psychiatrists, case workers, therapists. No one can really seem to get to the bottom of it. I keep pushing her forward so she has a better chance of catching up with other kids her age, but she still seems off from what a nearly 11 year old should be. I mean, I honestly can’t believe they’ve let these problems go on for so long! I never would have allowed Danielle to run around in pull ups at her age just because she was scared. At some point she’s just going to have to grow out of this. The doctors kept saying give it time, and i’ve given her plenty! I think it’s time I give her that final push. No more pull-ups, no more buckets. Sooner or later she’s going to figure out nothing’s going to hurt her. I think she’s ready.”
“I do have a suggestion, if I may?”
Heather narrowed her eyes, clutching the phone a little bit tighter. The silence hung thick in the air before Mrs. Hernandez spoke back up without a reply.
“If what I witnessed today is a result of exposing her to the bathroom; she’s not ready. That reaction wasn’t the result of a typical child being scared or anxious. From what i’ve witnessed first hand, and from what you’ve shared with me from the few times we’ve spoken, this is trauma. There is no quick fix, unfortunately. Making her face her fears when she is not ready may only serve to cause her more harm in the long run. While a typical person or child may get over their fears after being exposed to something that frightens them, a person with trauma may not. Something in Ella’s subconscious is telling her that whenever she goes in the bathroom her very life is in danger. ”
“What am I supposed to do? Keep her in diapers?” said Heather, sounding indignant at the very thought.
“Would that really be so bad?”
“Absolutely not! I will not have my nearly eleven year old with a perfectly functioning bladder and bowels, running around in diapers!”
“It’s only a thought. Limiting her exposure to triggering situations could lead to less flashbacks and improve her quality of life. Symptoms aren’t appearing only in the restroom. Jasmine said even after only spending a single afternoon with her she could tell Ella is very anxious. She jumps at loud and sudden noises, and is hyper vigilant of her surroundings. She spends more time checking her surroundings than doing schoolwork, and any admonishment has her quick to tears. It’s common in children who have a history of abuse or neglect.”
“We don’t know if she’s been abused.” said Heather although she knew very well all signs seemed to point that way. Raising Ella seemed to come with one challenge after another. One week Ella would be scared of Heather’s mere shadow, the next Heather never got a moment to herself with Ella clinging to her like a baby possum.
On her clingy days, Ella would camp out on the couch, in the office, with her sketchbook and drawing supplies, while Heather worked on the laptop. Once Heather got off, Ella would follow her to the living room where they’d put on a movie and cuddle on the couch together. A week or two later, when Ella’s attention meter seemed to have been filled, she’d be off, either doing her own thing, or go with Danielle to soccer practice and play in the jungle gym.
Then the cycle would repeat itself and Ella would be attached at Heather’s hip as if she had never been shown an ounce of love in her life.
The therapist had also said that was a sign of trauma. She was cycling through stages of isolation, mistrusting anyone who got too close, then went looking for a “rescuer.” Heather had been confused at first. Ella had already been “rescued”, but the therapist explained what Ella was searching for was a relationship that made her feel safe. Heather tried her best, but the only one who seemed welcome during all her stages was Ribbit.
“She hates being wet.” Heather went on. “ She’s expressed to me before that she wants to use the toilet and be like normal kids her own age.”
“Well, one reason for that is she wears pull-ups, which are made to make kids feel uncomfortable so they take an interest in potty training. Another reason could be she is expressing interest because she knows that’s what you want.”
“We’ve worked so hard to get her to where she is though! I can’t just throw that away.”
“I’m not asking you too. I’m asking you to sit her down and ask her what she wants. You mentioned something about a bucket?”
“A camping toilet, yeah.”
“Maybe she’s perfectly fine with that arrangement. Maybe you just need to take one step back, not a full leap. We can always put a camping toilet in the changing room for her if need be. Just talk to her.”
“I’ll think about it.” Heather said. She had almost hung up before even discussing what she had called about in the first place. “What I wanted to talk to you about was Kaylee.”
“Oh? What about Kaylee?”
“Ella came home and dropped the F-bomb. She certainly didn’t learn it from us. I really don’t want Ella exposed to that sort of language. I hear she has some kind of thing.”
“I’m sorry, I can’t discuss private information involving the other students. We can certainly impress on Ella that whatever she may hear should not be repeated.”
“I really don’t want her around it at all. She seems like she might be a bad influence. I called to see about separating them.”
There was a long pause, and Heather wondered if her phone dropped the call.
“Is that what Ella wants? They seemed to be getting along well today.”
“No, and she’s not very happy with me, but I feel it-”
“Mrs. Graceland,” Mrs. Hernandez said, interrupting her. “While I can not go into the specifics of Kaylee’s condition, our school promises to be a safe space where kids with all disabilities can come to learn in a place where they feel accepted, understood and are taught with patience and respect. We also make it a point to teach students to accept the differences of others. We do not discriminate against our students. If Ella were to say she feels Kaylee is too much of a distraction to her learning, then I would consider moving their desks, but we will not forcefully keep them apart against their will due to a student having a certain kind of disability. We are happy to teach Ella, as we do all students, not to repeat what is overheard in her company, but as this is out of Kaylee’s control, I do not feel punishing her by taking away her friend is an appropriate course of action, do you?”
