Heather stood in the hallway feeling dumbfounded. That was not how she thought the conversation would play out. Instead of the school apologizing and having Ella moved safely away before she picked up on any new lingo, Heather had been the one to swallow her pride and apologize. Mrs. Hernandez had come to the defense of her student, and she had come swinging. Now she wondered if maybe she had jumped to conclusions about Kaylee after being told a second time how she had been there for Ella.
The phone call had also given her a lot to think about. Maybe she had been pushing Ella too hard too fast. What was the point of making Ella sit on the toilet if she was too scared for anything to even come out. Was she really just setting her up for failure?
Heather’s head throbbed just thinking about it. No matter what she did she seemed to make the wrong move. She felt like an armature chess player going up against a computer who would always win. She had gone to all the professionals, she followed the doctors orders to a ‘T’ and yet, here she was back at square one. Did she let Ella slide backwards or did she make her keep moving forward?
She cleared the table while lost in thought. Mrs. Hernandez’s words seemed to sting. “Is that really what Ella wants, or is Ella only saying it because she knows that’s what you want?” She had a sinking suspicion that was the case.
Heather spotted Ella’s backpack in the corner. She picked it up and opened it, relieved to find her soiled clothes sealed tightly in a bag trapping the odor with it. She spotted the note and pried it off.
Ella is showing an unprecedented level of anxiety when faced with using the restroom to the point she is physically unable to urinate. As a result, Ella had an accident on herself and the floor. While we welcome students in need of varying levels of personal care, we strive to limit students exposure to harmful bodily fluids. Due to Ella’s current mental state, we do not feel it is in her best interest to pursue her on file instructions of care without a doctor’s written consent.
Until such time where more suitable arrangements can be made, please send Ella in more appropriate attire. Enclosed are a few garments to hold you over until more can be obtained. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to call me.
Ella sat at her desk feeling confused. Heather had gone through the previous night acting as if nothing had happened. She had expected to be punished. Instead they watched movies until 9:30 pm where Heather sent her off to bed with a kiss to the forehead. This morning had been even more strange. Heather had come to wake her up later than usual. Instead of being dragged off to the bathroom half conscious against her will, she had been told to use her bucket.
Ella had wasted no time in this, eagerly bunching up her nightshirt as she sat on the seat behind her bed.
“Ella,” Danielle groaned from underneath her blankets. “Keep it down, you’re making me have to pee. Some of us have to get up and walk to the other end of the house.”
Like any good sister, Ella’s response had been to position herself in a way that made her stream as loud as possible.
Once she had finished, Heather had told her to lie back down on the bed. Without an explanation, Heather had then put her in a diaper before sending her off to school. Now she sat at her desk wondering what the hell just happened as she religiously swiped her hand behind her back to check if it was poking out.
Kaylee snickered and put her book away. “You’re just making it obvious.” Ella pulled her note book out of her backpack and began writing a response.
I think it’s because I’m in trouble.
Kaylee frowned as she read the note. “No one puts a kid in a diaper because they’re in trouble. Mrs. Hernandez probably told your mom to after what happened yesterday. You were freaking out and I saw Jasmine putting some in your backpack.”
Ella realized that made a lot more sense than what she thought it was for. So I’m not in trouble for… earlier?
“Nah, happens all the time. There’s a rumor that you can’t graduate until you stain the carpet at least once. It’s like tradition or something. You just got it out of the way on your first day.”
Ella considered this before asking, So have you?
Kaylee seemed to lose her composure for a moment. “Don’t trust a fart on Taco Tuesday.”
Ella scrunched up her face in disgust before laughing. “Fuck!” Kaylee blurted out.
I got in trouble for saying that last night.
“Why’d you say that of all things? You don’t even talk much.”
Ella shrugged before writing, Heather kept making me talk. My throat was hurting and it was the easiest thing I could think of to say. Then she made me tell her where I heard it from and now she thinks you’re a bad influence. Ella thought this would make Kaylee laugh, but instead she seemed to deflate and Ella could tell Kaylee seemed hurt.
“Guess you shouldn’t talk to me then.” said Kaylee before giving her the cold shoulder.
Ella tried getting her attention, but Kaylee seemed to be looking everywhere but at her. What had she done? When all her written attempts had failed, she moved on to audible ones. When those had failed as well, Ella slumped down on her desk and rested her head in her arms.
“Good morning, class!” Mrs. Hernandez called out making Ella jump.
Kaylee let out a few barks before slapping herself in the face with one hand and swiping everything off her desk with the other. She let out an annoyed sigh as she watched pencils and paper scatter across the floor. She got up and began hurriedly collecting her things, but just when she grabbed the last elusive pencil, Kaylee would let out a yell and throw them. On the third attempt, while she was crawling under a desk, she had suddenly sprung up and hit her head with a loud thwack.
That seemed to have been her breaking point. She collapsed to the floor, clutching her head as she rocked back and forth. Ella had tried to help her, but Kaylee had moaned at her to stop and turned away from her. Ella stood helplessly by as Jasmine helped Kaylee to her feet and led her onto the table in the changing room to lie down before leaving to get some ice.
Still quietly wondering what she had done wrong, Ella picked up the scattered pencils and paper before sitting back down and setting them in a pile on Kaylee’s side. She could hear her writhing on the table and yelling an assortment of words and curses. She seemed to quiet down when Jasmine returned with ice. Ella had wanted to see if she was ok, but Jasmine had shut the door behind her.
Mrs. Hernandez had gone on with the morning announcements, picking up where she left off as if nothing had happened. When she had finished and excused the class to begin working on their assignments, Ella was forced to open her English packet on her own and start as Jasmine was still preoccupied. When Jasmine had finally emerged, Kaylee hadn’t followed.
“I see you started already, good job.” Jasmine said, taking a seat across from Ella.
Is she okay? Ella mouthed.
“She’s just having a rough morning. She wants to lie down until her head feels better. She’ll be okay.”
I made her mad at me. Ella wrote in her notebook. I said Heather called her a bad influence and now she won’t talk to me.
“So that’s what got her all wound up.” Jasmine said, more to herself. “Sometimes people say and do some not very nice things to Kaylee because of something they don’t understand. She gets punished for things that aren’t her fault and it can be very frustrating for her. Nobody likes feeling unwanted.”
Ella dug through her backpack until she pulled out her sketchbook and flipped to the picture she had been working on this morning. “Friend.” Ella said, showing Jasmine the picture.
“Oh, Ella! Did you draw that?” Jasmine asked looking at the sketch of Kaylee in awe. Ella nodded and reached for her sketchbook, but Jasmine had picked it up and had begun flipping through the pages. “These are, wow! Where did you learn to draw like this?”
Instead of responding Ella made another grab for the book. If Jasmine kept going she would find her other drawings. Ella could see the moment Jasmine had gone too far. The look of awe was gone and in its place grew a worried frown.
She flipped through the back pages silently. Some were of herself, trapped by black vines holding her in place while words she associated with herself surrounded her. Worthless. Burden. Broken. Sick. Disgusting. Slow.
Another page had the words from her repetitive nightmares written over and over again, “Let mommy make it all better.” The final page held her most recent drawing in the back section. A sketch she had stayed up late drawing last night after waking with a fragment of memory previously lost to her. It was a doorway, and in that doorway leaned a blacked out figure. All except the face. With long stringy black hair and a pointed nose, he leaned in with tear filled and blood shot eyes. A face she hadn’t recalled being in her nightmare until last night. Her old soccer coach.
“Ella, who is this?” Jasmine asked, turning the page around.
Ella mumbled something that Jasmine had barely caught.
“The monster.”
