Anita nodded and went over to her Geo. She got in the driver’s seat of her car and started the engine up as Howard entered the passenger side of the car and strapped himself in. A few minutes into the trip she asked, “Would you like to go get a hamburger and then go to Walmart to pick up some underwear?”
“Sounds good to me,” he agreed. Then he put his hand on her leg and began, “Honey, I’m sorry about what happened in the bedroom.” He blushed furiously and said, “I mean IÖ”
“That’s okay, Darling,” Anita interrupted him. She patted his leg and said, “I know it’s not your fault. But Sweetheart, there is one favor I’d like to ask you.”
“What is it Honey?”, he asked sincerely.
“Try not to put your hands on me while we’re in public,” she said.
“What??”, he exclaimed in surprise, “Why not?”
“Because it’s unseemly for a son to be copping a feel of his mother’s leg. That’s why!”, she replied.
“ButÖBut you’re not my mother, you’re my wife!”, he argued.
“That’s not how everyone else will see it,” she countered.
“Oh, I guess you’re right. I mean everyone will just assumeÖ.”, he started to say.
“Exactly!”, Anita finished, “And incest is a felony in this state. I’d rather not try to explain what’s happened to you, okay?”
“But what if they think you’re not my mother?”, he queried.
“Then I’m contributing to the delinquency of a minor and have probably committed statutory rape. One way or the other, Howard, I’ll be seen as breaking the law. You don’t want me to be arrested right before my promotion, do you Howard? Let’s just drop it and change the subject, okay?”, she said grimly.
“Where are we going?”, Howard asked.
“How about Burger King?”, she asked, “There’s one right up the road.”
“Okay with me. You know how much I like beef,” he said agreeably as he pinched the end off a fresh cigar and prepared to light it.
“Oh no you don’t!”, Anita said as she took the cigar from his hand, “There’s a law about minors purchasing tobacco products, remember?”
“But AnitaÖ”, he whined in protest.
“Absolutely NOT!”, Anita said firmly, “Besides, you reek of cigar smoke. What have you been doing? Sitting in the bathroom and smoking cigars all day? I didn’t smell any cigars in the hall when I came in. You need to air out a little before we go shopping. At least the smoke isn’t in your clothes. The smell seems to be coming from your hair. Roll your window down all the way and let the wind blow some of the smell out of your hair.”
“Can’t I just chew on it without lighting it?”, he asked as he rolled down the window.
“And have the other drivers in passing cars see you with a cigar in your mouth? Howard, you’ve got to realize that you no longer look like a man. You look like you’re sixteen at most. If we’re going to get through this period without getting in trouble with the law, you’ve got to start acting the part. And that means NO MORE CIGARS IN PUBLIC! Am I making myself clear?”, Anita said determinedly.
“Yes, Dear”, Howard grumbled.