Of course, you know, that the bathroom was packed, mostly with other boys flapping their gums, while others stood around doing the pee-pee dance, as they waited for a toilet or urinal to become available. There were still three kids ahead of me when the bell rang, but by then I was in extreme distress. I was so glad when all but the three boys ahead of me vacated the bathroom in a hurry to get to their classrooms before final bell. Four of us manned a urinal and let loose our bladder contents, like golden laser beams firing against the white porcelain. The boy furthest from me let loose a fart loud enough to wake the dead and all four of us started laughing.
“Ahhhh that felt good!” he moaned and laughed.
One of the others shot back with, “Yeah and by the sound of it, you might need to wipe yourself now!”
The boy who farted laughed, as he belted out loudly, “Who wipes!”
The boy closest to me piped in with, “Man Larry, you stole that from the movie Madagascar!”
“No, they stole it from me!” Larry laughed back.
Almost in unison, the three of them zipped back up and flushed. I expected the three of them to haul butt for their classes, but instead the boy who had farted, the one they had called Larry, stopped behind me while I was still peeing.
“What’s your name kid?” he asked.
“Alvin, Alvin Holloway.” I answered.
“I’m Larry, this here is Fish, and that is BB.” Larry said.
I finally finished peeing and zipped up before turning around.
“So, you new here or something?” the boy named Fish asked me.
I nodded, “Just moved here yesterday.”
“Yesterday? Whoa, so where from?” Larry asked.
They seemed fairly nice so I didn’t mind the third degree and continued to answer their questions.
“California,” I answered.
“Is that why you talk so weird?” BB asked, trying to imitate me.
I suddenly got the feeling, that maybe they weren’t the friendly sort I’d thought them to be.
“Listen, I better get to class.” I said, trying to squeeze past Larry who was partially blocking my escape route.
“Wait a sec’,” Larry said, putting a hand against my chest, “You didn’t flush.”
“Oh yeah, sorry.” I said turning my back on them, so that I could give the flush button on the wall a push.
However, the second I pressed the button all three of them rushed on me and shoved me forward into the urinal. Before I could react, they zoomed out of the bathroom. When I regained my balance, I looked down and saw that the lower part of my shirt and the front of my pants were completely soaked.
“Son of a bitch!” I cussed aloud.
“HEY!” someone shouted behind me.
Momentarily forgetting about my pants and shirt being wet, I spun around to see, that it was my good friend, the Hall-Nazi from this morning.
“Cussing is an automatic Red Ca…” she started to say, but stopped short when it dawned on her, that we’d already had a run-in with each other earlier in the day. “Oh hey, I remember you!” she said and then she noticed my obvious wet spot.
“You wee yourself?” she asked.
Trying to cover the front of my pants with my hands, which was a feeble task at best, I snapped back, “No I did not piss myself!” and because we were in the bathroom, my voice echoed off the tiled walls and sounded louder, then I’d meant for it too. “Some mother fu…” I started to say, but the girl cut me off with, “Hey-Hey! No cussing or I’ll have no choice, but to Red Card you.”
Was I just imaging it, or was that girl actually trying to be nice to me? Anyway, I was too mad and too worked up to care. If my good friend Gary from back in California had been around right then, he probably would have chewed me out for cussing. Gosh, I miss Gary!
“Some GUYS,” I said with strong emphasis on the word GUYS, “shoved me into the urinal!”
But then something occurred to me, “Hold on a second! You’re a girl! You can’t come into the boy’s bathroom!”
“Never mind that,” she said with a snap of her fingers, “let me guess, you didn’t even see who they were, right?”
“I can do you one better than that; they told me their names, Larry…” I started to say, but then she finished for me.
“Fish and BB?” she knowingly asked.
“Yeah, that’s right!” I agreed.
“Well, you’ve just had the pleasure of meeting the worst we have here at Boyd’s.” she said and then she smiled, stepped toward me and stuck out her hand. “Names Hillary Thennings; but most everyone just calls me Stacks.”
I sort of held out my hands and shrugged, “I’ve not even washed my hands yet.”
“Don’t matter! Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had a little pee on my hands.” She said, eagerly taking hold of my right hand and shaking it vigorously. “I’ve got two younger brothers at home.” She announced as if I needed to know that about her.
“I’m guessing you’ve had a fairly horrible first day?” she said, releasing my hand and stepping back to get another full view of my wet clothes.
“You can say that again!” I said, sounding practically defeated.