This must have been the surprise. Our small plastic Christmas tree sat in one corner of the room, but while there hadn’t been many presents here earlier, the number had clearly doubled now. Each new present marked ‘Too Rachey, From Santa.”

“Dex, you shouldn’t…” I was back in control now. Rachey was back in her booster seat in the back and Rachel was driving again. “We just bought a house, we just moved, I don’t even have a new job yet. You really shouldn’t have done this for me.” I stood in front of the man I loved as a woman, albeit a woman in a slightly still warm diaper and a Frozen/Game of Thrones mash-up shirt who had been acting little since she got home. The man who carried his pizza intact on a grown-up plate and mine on a little girls plate. It was almost absurd to be talking about money like this, but here I was. He took a deep breath and squared his shoulders, steadying himself.

“I didn’t get them for you, Santa did.” He was quiet and a little crestfallen, if this was his surprise than this wasn’t how he expected me to take it.

“I appreciate it, I really do, but we can’t afford it. You don’t need to buy me anything. You don’t need to buy Big Rachel or Little Rachey anything. It’s just enough that I have you this Christmas.” I hoped that took the blow out of it, but looking at his solemn face, I knew it didn’t.

“At least, at least take a look at whats in your stocking.” His eyes were still locked to the floor and I felt worse about myself than I had all evening. I don’t know how he pulled this off, but he did. He bought tons of things for my little, kept them hidden, and built up a surprise and my first reaction isn’t ‘thank-you’ or ‘tank-yous’ but reminding him how broke we are. Now I felt like shit, worse than I had all night. Those mocha eyes that had been so full of love were now so sad. The least I could do, was check out the stocking.

So I crossed the room to the mantle above the television where our stockings hung. Inside were mixed odds and ends, some for me, Big Rachel, others for Little Rachey, and some that really could have gone either way. By the time I sorted out the candy, character socks, and cute hair bows and arrived at the bottom of the box, I felt the crinkle of wrapping paper. Odd, I thought. I pulled the tiny wrapped box from the stocking. It was small and relatively square, wrapped in Frozen themed paper. So small, the faces of Anna, Elsa, Kristoff, and Olaf folded in on each other again and again, only glimpses and segments of any one face to be seen.

I worked the end of a piece of tape free and peeled the strip off. I neatly unfolded the wrapping paper as best I could. I grew up sort of middle class, but in a family that came out of the working poor and the ethos of ‘Save Everything’, including the wrapping paper to use again next year, was as ingrained in me by that upbringing as my worrying about money and reckless spending. The paper unfurled like an ice blue, Disney branded, lotus flower to reveal a small black jewelry box.

My breath caught in my throat and with shaking hands, and a nervous trickle into my thick, thirsty diaper, I opened the tiny box. Inside, still in the plastic wrapping, was a raspberry lemonade Ring Pop.

“You’re right,” Dex said, “we don’t have a lot right now. But what little we do, I want to share with you.” He rose from the couch where he had previously slouched defeated. I took the candy and worked it over in my hands, unsure if this is what I thought it was. “I wanted to do something really special for this. I wanted to get you the perfect ring, Rach.” He took my hands, with the Ring Pop, in his. “I couldn’t afford the ring you really deserve, I’d been saving up but then the move came and we had to get the house and I couldn’t anymore. So I wanted to get a ring that would at least still make you smile.” Dex let go of both my hands, still holding onto my right. He opened the Ring Pop package and went down to his knee.