Louise waited patiently for her errant husband. The private investigator she had hired had managed to get photos of Roland and his mistress in bed together at her apartment, so she knew that she had him dead-to-rights. The investigator had also discovered who Roland’s former mistresses had been and had provided photos of the buxom young ladies. From the photos that the investigator had provided, Louise realized that Roland had a infantile infatuation with women’s breasts.

As far as Louise was concerned, Roland had all the emotional maturity of a two year old; he was lazy, selfish, self-centered, and had a taste for expensive toys and junk food. At least when he ate junk food, he suffered for it. He had an ulcer that became quite painful when he indulged himself in pizza or greasy cheeseburgers. Whenever he ate red meat, he’d lie around for hours moaning in pain, demanding that Louise do something to help him alleviate the pain brought on by his behavior. His sports car was only one example of the hideously priced adult toys he favored; he had begged and pleaded for Louise to buy it for him even though it was ridiculously expensive and ill-suited for a married man’s public use. After several months of childish whining, she had bought it for him just to shut him up. He never picked up after himself around the house, forcing Louise to pay the maid extra for all the additional work that was heaped on her.

The woman who had done Louise’s laundry had quit rather than wash Roland’s dirty underwear. He never wiped himself thoroughly after using the toilet and his “undies” always had yellow strains on the front and brown smears on the bottom. Louise had only induced her laundry woman to return to work for her by promising that she’d wash her husband’s dirty underwear herself so that the laundry woman wasn’t forced to endure his offensive underwear. As a matter of fact, it was his underwear that tipped Louise off to his unfaithfulness. After she started washing his underwear, she noticed that he often went through two pairs of underwear a day. Curious, she began watching him closely and noticed that he’d often pack a spare pair of underwear in his briefcase. On several occasions when she saw him take a spare pair of briefs to work, she casually asked him if he had a meeting with a buyer. In every instance, his answer was “no”. Since his general level of cleanliness was below the social norm, she began to suspect he had ulterior motives for changing his underwear while he was at work. When she closely examined the underwear that he had worn on those days, he often had a small, almost undetectable stain of ejaculate on the fly of the cleaner pair of his briefs. It was all too suspicious for Louise to leave alone. On two widely separated occasions over the past two years she thought she detected the scent of a woman’s perfume on his clothes, but the smell was so faint that she could have been mistaken. When she had asked him about the perfume, he had said that he had brushed up against a woman in a crowded elevator.

She suspected him of stepping out on her, but he had always managed to talk his way out of divorce because she only had suspicions rather than real proof. Frankly, he didn’t bathe or clean himself often enough for her to suspect that another woman would be attracted to him so she had let her suspicions go without rancor. A friend of hers told her that she had seen him driving down the street in his fancy sports car in the company of a young woman. Her friend had been curious and followed the car and spotted Roland going into an apartment complex at noon. When Louise heard this, her suspicions were confirmed. She had immediately hired a private investigator to follow her husband and see what he was doing outside of their home. Within a week, the private investigator had provided Louise with everything she needed to prove that her husband was a liar. Not only was he a philanderer, but his so-called “low sperm count” which he’d told her had prevented her from having the baby that he’d promised her when they got married was caused by a vasectomy he had had a year before they met. Apparently, he was shrewd enough to ensure that he wouldn’t have any women suing him for child support.